The Keys to Jericho (43 page)

Suddenly restless, she props her hands on the wall, leaning against it, so there is more space between us, and looks up to the sky. I peer up, but don’t see anything, but I do feel alarm slinking into my body. I’ve been all over her since Thursday night. Maybe she wanted me to keep a distance from her by only having a one-night stand—what I knew I couldn’t do.

“Jared, I…” She sighs, possibly reassessing what she wanted to say.

“What?” I impatiently ask, feeling like she’s trying to deliver an
It’s Me, Not You
speech.

Her eyes close as she asks, “What are the feelings you have for me?”

That’s not what I had expected her to say, but I remain on guard. “You want me to describe what I feel for you?”

Slowly opening her eyes, Kat cautiously nods. “I want to hear your take. Maybe compare notes.”

I unwillingly laugh; thinking about Dash’s fucking questions this morning. “Notes?”

“Just, please. Give me something.”

I scratch my jaw and peer over her head to the ocean. “Uh, I like you. We’re friends.” When I look back to Kat, her lips twitch, but I can’t tell if she wants to smile or frown because her eyes confirm nothing. “I like spending time with you.”

She nods, and asks, “But how do I make you
feel
?”

I roll my eyes. “You sound like my damned shrink.”

Her gaze studies me. “Do you still see one?”

Taking on a sour expression, I shake my head. “Uh, no. I stopped going a few years ago.”

She asks, “Why?”

I shrug, reaching for a fry. “What’s the point? All I did was rehash old shit.”

Kat’s lips pull to the side as she considers that, while watching the passing people behind me. “Oh. Okay.” She looks up to me. “What else do you feel? About me?” What’s this? A fucking pop quiz?

I sigh, searching the sand behind her for an answer. “Uh, you make me laugh, which is not an easy feat.”

“So, laughing. You’re happy then?”

Looking into her brown eyes, I clarify, “When I laugh?” This is harder than certifying to be a civil engineer.

“Yeah, or any other time when you’re with me?”

Actually thinking about that, I smile because I just can’t stop it. “Yeah. I’m happy when I’m with you.”

“And when you’re not with me?”

Blinking at her as I try to come up with an answer, I ultimately say, “I… I’m not.”

She again nods, and seems to be somewhat satisfied, so I turn it around on her. “What about you? Are you happy?” I don’t want to go to deep into it, because I know she wants me to wear a big hat that says
boyfriend
across it.

“Sometimes.”

Taken back by her answer, I ask, “Why only
sometimes
?”

She crosses her arms and shrugs, looking down to the weathered, brown boardwalk planks. “Because
sometimes
I’m only with you, but it’s not enough.”

I scoff, “You’d get tired of me.” I can’t believe she hasn’t already.

She whips her head up. “Would you get tired of
me
?”

I sigh, which turns into a laugh. “No. I’ve never been with you enough to be tired of you.”

Doubtful, she shakes her head. “I’m with you most of the day now.”

I deliberately smirk. “I know.”

Her smile sparkles more than the ocean behind her. “Jared, that’s… That is so sweet.”

Laughing, I tease, “I
am
bee crack, remember?”

“You are.”

“Okay. What else do you
feel
? You
do
like me?” This question makes me feel like I’m in middle school again. Fucking Calder.

Kat’s grin only spreads. “Yes. I like you so much that I don’t want anyone else. You’re the only one I’ve ever wanted.” Her smile abruptly takes a dive and her voice shakes. “So, when you leave…”

Shaking my head, I fold my arms over my chest, mirroring her. “Don’t do that. We’ll still see each other.”

“As what? Friends on the street, passing each other occasionally, asking how life is going and promising we’ll get together sometime soon, but don’t?”

“No.”

“Your new job will be even more demanding and stressful. You won’t have time to come back to Annapolis so much.” Her eyes sparkle more, but it’s not a good thing.

“I’ll
make
time.” Kat fucking underestimates me.

“Why would you? We’re not in a relationship, long-distance
or
same-town.”

“Kat…” I sigh, glancing to people standing near us, carrying on their own drama.

She grimly laughs. “What? Your arguments aren’t working for you anymore? You want to be with me, but not
with
me.”

Through my teeth, I say, “We’re not spending any more time arguing about this. I want to spend time with you, even
not
talking works for me. Just no arguing.”

“We’ve spent enough time
not
talking since high school.”

Frustrated, I inhale the salty air and French fries, mixing with Kat’s perfume. “What else do you want to say to me then?”

She anxiously licks her lips. “It’s not just us talking. I want you to have an open mind. To see things in front of your face that
won’t
be there before you even realize it. I want you to feel.” The only thing I
feel
is a dissertation coming on about me being a robot.

Irritated at her apparent riddle, I scowl. “Feel what?”

“Everything, Jared.” She pats my chest. “Feel with your heart and not so much with your head.” She glances down. “Both of them.”

“What do you want me to
feel
then?” I repeat, struggling with her to give me a specific answer. “See? I
can’t
live up to your expectations.”

Kat swiftly nods. “Yes, you can. You do.” She reaches down, weaving our fingers together, holding our hands on either side of her hips. “Feel with your heart.
Only
your heart. Nothing else.”

When I blankly stare at Kat, she patiently waits, but I still don’t know what she wants me to do.

Tilting her head, she whispers, “Like this.” Tentatively, she kisses me, and I instinctively kiss her back, since I’m like a fucking robot. Her lips are slow and gentle—too gentle—yet I remain steady. I’m trying to understand what she means; however, both of my heads can’t stay out of it.

As we idly kiss, Kat lets go of my left hand to touch my cheek, distracting my unruly thoughts. When she lightly trails her fingertips into my extended weekend’s beard, down to our joined mouths, and tracing the edge of my lips, I incorporate the tips of her fingers into our kiss, feeling her smile.

When she pulls away only shortly after we began, probably since we’re in public, we lean our foreheads together. Without thinking, I tell her, “You’re the only one I’ve ever kissed.”

Sensing the confusion coming off of her like smoke, she asks, “What? You’ve had girlfriends.”

I slightly roll my forehead over hers. “I didn’t kiss them on my own free will. They always had to kiss me first, and even then, I was never into it. Ever. I always cut them short. I hated kissing with a passion, and avoided it at all costs.”

“Why is it different with me then?”

I shrug. “Because.”

“There has to be a reason, Jared.”

Exasperated from her pushing me so much, I straighten and nearly snap, “Because I like kissing you. I’ve always wanted to kiss you. Only you. Shit. After I met you, I refused to let anyone kiss me. I literally pushed them away.” Her eyes widen in shock or horror. Not sure which.

“Jared…” Her eyes drop to my chest. I wish I knew what was going through her head, but then again, it’s probably better that I don’t.

When she looks up, she wipes at a tear.

Not intending to make her cry, I try to lighten the mood by ruefully smirking. “Obsessed.”

Kat takes a deep breath and says, “I have a confession, too.” The anxiety builds as I wait for her to tell me something bad. Glancing at the ground, I close my eyes. “My kisses actually mean something when I kiss you. I’ve never done that with anyone else.”

Looking up at her, I warily ask, “And what’s that?”

“You tell me. I want you to feel it.” She lifts her lips to mine, and I take them, kissing her, hungrier this time, not just for sex, but I guess, for more of Kat overall.

Blindly taking her hand back, I squeeze her fingers between mine, as we try to keep our kiss short, but every time we stop, we start again.

Suddenly, someone from behind, clears their throat, and I immediately freeze.

“What?” Kat asks.

Whispering, “Fuck,” I slowly turn around to see Rio standing there with his arms crossed, but with no discernible expression on his face.

Throwing my head back, feeling a weird cocktail of what I’ll call, relieved anxiety, I growl up to the sky, “Damn it, Duquesne.”

His only reply is, “Wow, Jared Beckett.”

CHAPTER 20

I look past Rio, and then up and down the boardwalk. “What are you doing here? I told you we’d meet you back there.”

He cordially smiles at Kat and says to me, “It’s been an hour, Jare.”
Shit
. I knew they’d come looking for us.

Propping my hands on my hips, I suspiciously probe, “Where are the other two?”

He nods back to the way we came. “Sitting on a bench at the pizza place.”

Kat gathers her sunglasses and food. “I’m going to meet up with them.”

I edgily sigh as I turn my hat around, yanking on the bill. Rio maddeningly stares at me, and when Kat disappears into the crowd, I snap, “I kissed her. So what?”

Rio dubiously laughs. “That was
not
a casual kiss.”

“How in the hell do you know if I wasn’t licking the ketchup from her mouth?”

He shakes his head. “Why are you
still
trying to hide it?”

“I’m not hiding anything. You were fucking spying on me.”

His hands go into his pockets. “I wasn’t, but would you have rather had Dash or Lib find you and Kat doing that?”

I grumble to the nearby lamppost, “Fuck, no.” Looking over at him, he contritely smiles, and I roll my eyes. “Don’t go making a bigger deal out of this than it is.”

His know-it-all smirk appears. “And maybe
you
should. It could be beneficial to your psyche.”

“There you go throwing the psychobabble shit at me.” I squeeze past him and several people, hoping to get some distance, but he catches up to me in seconds.

“That’s not what I’m doing.”

“Then what? Are you taking notes so you know what to tell Dash and your girlfriend?”

He sighs as he keeps up. “I’m not going to tell them. I wouldn’t do that.”

I regard him in mock horror. “Now
Rio Duquesne is
keeping a secret!”

“It’s not mine, but I don’t think it should be yours, either.”

“You think I should blab to everyone that I kissed her?”

“Not blab, but don’t hide your relationship.”

“No relationship, Duquesne. We’re just friends.”

“
Just friends
don’t kiss like
that
, Jare.”

I stop walking, but so does he, causing people to bump into us. “It was only a kiss.”

“I could tell that was
not
your first kiss with her.”

Stepping to the wall again, I sneer, “You don’t know shit.” That’s the truth.

He leans his arm onto the wall. “Kat is good for you. You’re good for her. Why not be good together?”

I impatiently pace next to him in a short space along the wall. “Fucking hell. You’re more annoying than Dash.”

Rio laughs as he observes me. I know he’s wearing his invisible psych hat. “Jared, come on. It’s me. I know you more than
you
think you do.”

I shoot him a glare. “You don’t.”

“You’re fighting a battle in your head, but your heart is the real combat zone.”

Halting my marching, I snap, “Jesus Christ, Duquesne. I think your working with pussy all day is turning you into one.” A man next to us frowns and I roll my eyes.

“No. I’m not blind, but
you
seem to be. Kat affects you, and you have no idea what to do about it.”

“I kissed her. I felt like doing it, so I
do
know.”

He shakes his head. “What’s going to happen August 1
st
when you start moving into your apartment in Philadelphia? That’s less than a month away now.”

“I do it? Not sure I needed a plan.”

“You’ll be able to get settled in before you start work. This is your dream job, Jare. You’ll need the time to get ready for it. Much larger city than Baltimore. Your skills and concentration will be used more.”

I shrug. “So? I won’t be building the fucking city by myself.”

“It’ll be a whole new experience for you in Philly. You’ll meet new people. Make new friends. You’ll be dating in no time.”

“Dating? I’ve never been into that shit.”

“Why not? You’re starting a new life up there. You can look ahead. It’s a fresh start.”

My scowl accumulates. “What the hell is with you?”

Rio tilts his head. “I’m just pointing out that your life is about to change in a few weeks. What about Kat? Are you going to help her finish her driving hours before you go?”

“Yeah. I promised her I would. I want to see it through, and for her to be able to drive to work.”

He nods. “She starts working next month, doesn’t she?”

“Yeah. What about it?”

“She also has to take a driving course.”

“I know.”

“How is she going to get a license before you leave?”

“It’ll all work out. She should get her probationary license right before school starts.”

“Will you see her much after you leave Annapolis?”

“On the weekends.” Shit. Like my sister and Finn.

“You’ll come back to Annapolis just to visit her? Philly is farther than Baltimore. Why would you do that?”

“I come back anyway to go fishing with Dash, since you’re always…busy.”

“
You
think I’m always busy. You just don’t seem to bother with me anymore.”

“Like I said, you have
other
things to do.”

He shakes his head, and with the wind blowing, his hair is everywhere. “I’m here for you, Jare. I’ve never left.
You
have, though.”

“Because you’re not
allowed
to do shit with me.”

“That’s
not
true.”

I turn my head, muttering, “Whatever.”

“Yes, it’s true that I do spend a lot of my time with Lib, but I always am open to spending time with you, too. I’ve told you that.”

“You’ll just bring her along, and I’ll have to pass.”

“I wouldn’t do that.”

Looking back to him, I shout, “You did it for dinner!”

“That was once! I do think you should get to know her better. You’re both important people in my life.”

I laugh, shaking my head. “Right.”

“What’s going to happen when you come back to visit Kat, but you find
she
has started dating more since she has her license?”
What the fuck?

I actually don’t know what to say to that, feeling enraged by the thought of Kat seeing other men when she said she wouldn’t. However, I did ask her not to see anyone else while I’m in town. She didn’t promise anything for when I leave.

Fuck me.

He asks, “Is her ex around? Does she talk to him?”

“No. He’s gone.” Fuck. I think he is. I hate thinking about Kat being married before. It makes my skin crawl. I don’t know why it should when marriage is a sham anyway.

Becoming more irritated, I ask, “Why in the hell are you bringing up this shit?
Him
?”

“Because you and Kat are together now.”

“We’re not together in
that way
. We talk.” I sigh and he stares at me, waiting for me to say more. I roll my eyes. “And I fucking kissed her. Lay off.” He nods, but not in agreement so much.

“You don’t want her in your life?”

“She
is
in my life.”

“But not when you leave.”

“I’m not moving to fucking Mars.”

“You lived in Baltimore and that’s not as far as Philly, but you didn’t keep in touch with her. Hell, you were often in the same city as her, but you still haven’t spoken over the years.”

“Yeah, I fucking know that. I thought she moved.” I irritably heave a sigh, digging my hand into my hair, lifting my hat. “It’ll be different this time.”

“Why don’t you make sure she stays in your life? Stake your claim before someone else does.”

I sputter a laugh. “My
claim
? We’re not… I don’t…” I shake my head, hoping he doesn’t see that he’s rattling the truth. “Just stop, Rio.”

“What, Jare? Stop making you think about what’s going to happen when Kat moves on without you?” I push off the wall, determined to ignore him, but I can’t. “You know that she’ll get married again, and this time, she’ll have another man’s kids.”

Pushing past people, I say, “Shut the fuck up, Duquesne.”

He’s relentless. “What? She’s supposed to have
yours
?”

I growl, “I said shut up.”

“So, you’re not even going to date her?”

“I told you I don’t do that shit.”

“What about having a long-distance relationship with her?” When I don’t answer he asks, “What’s preventing Kat from moving on then? She’s
not
yours. Even if you think she is, if you’re not willing to commit to her in some way, you’ll lose her. Kat told me how you met in high school, and how you lost each other, but I don’t know your side of it.”

Stopping, I get in his face. “That’s right. You know nothing. Kat was free then to do whatever the fuck she wanted, just as she is now.”
Fuck
. No, she’s not. It’ll… It will demolish any heart I do have.

“But
you’re
not free.”

I glower at him. “Whatever the hell that means.”

He self-righteously grins. “You don’t want any other woman, Jare.”

Turning, I start walking again. “However, I
am
in the market for new friends.”

“You won’t find any better friends than you have right now. I promise you that.”

Reaching the bench where Dash and Liberty are sitting, I see Kat standing next to it, gazing out at the ocean with her arms wrapped around herself. Even behind her sunglasses, she looks deep in thought. I wish I knew what to say or do for her that’s within my abilities. I’m not smooth like Dash, or even damn Rio, and I’d most likely fuck up, since her expectations of me are so damn high.

Dash and Liberty gawk at me. I doubt Kat told them what we were doing, but it still unnerves me the way they’re eyeballing my every move.

I grouchily ask, “What’s with you, Calder?”

“I should ask you that. You look guilty. Did you really set fire to something?”

Liberty stands and goes up to Rio, pawing him. “Kat and I are going to sit on the beach, find her a man.”

Dash says, “Come on, Kat. Didn’t we make a pact in college that if we didn’t find our soulmates, we’d marry each other? You might as well give in to fate now.” He grins and I look to the ocean to estimate how far I need to drag him to it. Too many witnesses, unfortunately.

She softly laughs. “I’m sorry, Dash. I can’t marry a Pisces. They’re too complicated.”

“Well, shit.” He glances at me and his grin widens, and I know whatever he says next will royally piss me off.

Looking back to Kat, he nods to me. “You could always marry Jericho.”

Son of a stripping bitch.

Without looking in my direction, Kat half smiles and half frowns at Dash. “He’d have to exchange an eternal vow with me. He’s not into that.” Eternal. Right. Like she did?

“Aww. He’s an Aries. You just have to kick his stubborn ass into gear.”

I shove him. “How about I kick
your
stupid ass off a pier?”

Liberty says, “You want a man who would do anything for you, Kat, even take a bullet for you. One that would be happy and willing to exchange vows with you.”

I sneer, “AKA: taking a bullet.”

The bitch shakes her head. “Obviously, you won’t find a man here.”

Shooting up a surprised eyebrow, I dart my gaze to Rio. “Wow. Sorry, Duquesne.”

Liberty huffs, “He’s not single.”

I nod. “He’s tethered. Sorry, Libby.” I roll my eyes with a smile and an innocent shrug. “Forgot.”

“Jare…”

Dash says, “Oh! I made reservations for dinner at the all-you-can-eat buffet across the street. It’s very casual and an outdoor table, so no need to change out of T-shirts and shorts.”

The wench says, “Let’s go, Kat.” She pulls on Kat’s arm. “You’re more than welcome to join us, Jerry. Maybe you can help weed out the wrong men, being one yourself.”

Rio sighs. “Lib…”

I clench my teeth and Dash says, “Jericho’s coming with us. I think he needs a breather.”

Glancing at Kat, I wordlessly plead with her to not break her promise to me, but without raising her sunglasses, she turns away, heading for the beach.

Dash claps his hands. “Let’s play some pool, gentlemen. There’s a bar down the boardwalk.”