The Killing Times (An FBI Romance Thriller (book 1)) (54 page)

He was going to kiss that
woman, as soon as he got there. Well, right after he kissed his wife.

“
Thank you for calling! If she leaves, stall her. I’m on my way!” Ethan caught a pair of keys from a tech, and he raced to the door.

This was his second chance and he wasn’t going to blow it.

Elizabeth was on the couch in her office, and it was hideously uncomfortable, but it let her get horizontal, and that’s all she really wanted. If she could hide for an hour, she could regain her focus and balance and be back on her feet.

The morning spent with the Bishops was grueling. She had to wait until the weeping slowed, and then she explained what had happened, and then the tears began again
. It was evident why law enforcement did that miserable job in pairs. One person couldn’t do it alone. Not with a family of four.

She stared at
the ceiling and couldn’t sleep. It had been a crushing morning, and she was overwhelmed. Elizabeth gave up, and sat on the couch, elbows on her knees as she contemplated her next step. It would take all her skills and abilities to stay one step ahead of the killer. There was always the possibility he left some trace on the note or patrol car.

Maybe they’d get lucky.

Her life now depended on it.

Blackhawk ran across the parking lot, charged up the steps and into the building. He rushed to Martha’s desk and stopped. “Where is she?” he asked, praying he didn’t miss her.

Martha pointed to the door and watched him rush it.

The minute he flung it open, he saw her, and his heart started beating again. Elizabeth Blackhawk sat on the couch, leaning forward as she stared at her wedding ring.

Blackhawk wanted to howl in pain.
Just seeing it off her finger was a horrible sign and again dread gripped him.

He
’d been horrible to her that morning.

There was a good possibility that his temper may have cos
t him her heart. What made it worse is he spewed cold, vicious things in anger. Words couldn’t be taken back once they were set free into the universe. He’d stooped to a very low level by fighting dirty.

He closed the door and dropped to his knees before her, taking her face in his hands
. His breath caught in his throat as he stared deep her eyes. They didn’t sparkle and they weren’t full of life, and in fact they looked cold and empty.

“Hello Ethan. C
an I help you with something?”

He knew for sure this one woman might be able to make him cry, beg, and
promise anything at that point just to have her back.

“You left the house
, and I didn’t know where you were.” Blackhawk wanted to weep now that he found her. He knew his own eyes had to have so much emptiness too, because his soul felt hollow. It was almost crushable, as if it were made of fine paper and ready to collapse in on itself. He almost didn’t think he could remember how to make his lungs work anymore.

“You told me you couldn’t be near me and didn’t want
me around you. This was my other option since you were at our home.” It was said without emotion. It wasn’t cold or angry, but stated matter-of-factly. It was truth as she saw it. “I didn’t have anywhere else to go to stay out of your way.”

He had come into her life and
was welcomed with open arms from the first day, and yet he had been so mean. It hurt him immensely that she had to retreat alone to her office, and not her own sanctuary. 

“You went out looking for the patrol car alone?”
He saw the reaction in her eyes. There was the brief flash of anger, and then the emotion was gone again as the emptiness returned. It was as if she was preparing for another fight, then deciding to just give up. That crushed him.

H
is Elizabeth didn’t give up.

“It’s my job, Ethan. I couldn’t take a deputy, and you just told me that you didn’t want to be near me. What were my other options?
Who was left, Doc? I’m supposed to make a sixty year old man stop what he’s doing and babysit me on the job?”

Just her words
cut him. He pushed her away and luckily, she didn’t get gunned down out there.

“Besides, I had something to take care of
anyway. I haven’t been here that long,” she added, unable to look him in the face.

A million things flooded his mind
as to what she had to take care of that morning. Find an attorney, file for divorce, ask for an annulment or run away and never return. He waited for the angry barbs to be hurled at him, for her to call him names and to insult him, yet nothing came. She put up no fight and that scared him. His wife was fiery and tough. She didn’t back down, and he desperately wanted to know where she was, but knew after what he did there was no way to ask.

As if she knew what he was thinking, she answered. “I had to make a visit to the Bishops, and tell them their daughter was dead.”
Elizabeth pulled away from him and walked to her window to stare outside. “Someone had to tell them, and I couldn’t chance that the rumor would find them before their daughter’s boss showed up. I had to go break their hearts into a million pieces and change their lives forever.”

“I’m so sorry, Lyzee.”

“Again this is my job. I can’t stop doing it because I’m scared, or having an argument with my husband. When you lose focus, you die.”

He forgot she would
insist on making the visit personally. He would have gone with her, so she didn’t have to do it alone. Once more his anger damaged a little piece of them. It made him cold to the one woman he swore he wouldn’t hurt. He thought back to his wedding vows where he promised to keep her safe and protect her. He failed by his own anger. He wanted to go back to that moment when he said the words and stop.

He didn’t want this chasm between them.

Ethan didn't know how to fix it and make it right.

“I don’t know if I want to do this anymore, Ethan,” she said, her voice wavering
as the pain filled her. “I just don’t have the desire anymore.”

He looked at her and didn’t know what to say
. This was his fear. That she’d walk away and prove he wasn’t the marrying type, and that he wasn’t worthy of a family.

Or love.

In that moment his worst fear was realized; he was just like his father. Hadn’t he just proved that with his behavior?

“After we find this killer, I think I’m done.”

His carefully guarded heart broke into a million pieces. Now he knew how she must have felt when he said those words to her earlier. Maybe there was still a chance and with time, he could repair what he damaged. He reminded himself, he said the words, built the wall, and he earned this.

He prayed for one last
chance and for one more miracle to get his wife back, and to have her love him once again.

~ Chapter Sixteen ~

Thursday Morning

“If this
is really what you want, Lyzee, I’ll sign the papers and set you free.” It took everything in him to string that sentence together and spit it out.

It was all lies.

He would crawl on glass at that moment to have her look at him like she used to or give up anything to have her love him once more. He might retreat, but he’d always love her and try to find a way to earn her forgiveness. Even if it took the rest of his life.

Elizabeth was caught off guard and confused. “Ethan, what are you talking about?”
She faced him, looking concerned. “What papers?”

“
The divorce papers. You don’t want to do this anymore with me.”

Her eyes changed and
they were filled with love again. “Are you insane? Because we had a fight you think I’m going to leave you?” She didn’t want him to hurt like this.

“Yes
.” Isn’t that what always happened? In his life, people left. That’s how it had always had been. First there was his father, his mother, other women and now the love of his life.

“Don’t be
insane! I didn’t marry you because I thought it would be easy. I married you because I love you. I meant
this
, as in my job. I don’t want to get shot at anymore, have to hold my hand over a wound to save a life, or wonder which of us isn’t coming home at night. I just want some peace.”

“You still love me, and want to be married to me?”

She looked at him like he had grown antenna and a third eye. “Did you hit your head while I was gone? Of course I do! Why wouldn’t I?”

“Because I said I didn’t want to be near you.”
The flash of hurt was there, and then she hid it again but not before he saw it.

“Ethan, you were mad, I understand.”

He rushed to her, unable to stop himself. The stress of the last few hours apart broke, and he needed to feel her against his body. Ethan clung to her, afraid she would escape again. Then he felt the body armor, and he loved her even more, if that was possible. In the midst of an angry fight, she didn’t go out without it to spite him. “When I couldn’t find you, I was terrified. I went looking for you, I found your old Kevlar with the bullet holes.”

“Yeah, it’s a reminder to suit up. That’s why I keep it. That and to show the deputies what can happen. They don’t always like to wear theirs.”

“Then you left without the FBI vest, and I heard the phone call with Tony. I was scared shitless. I thought you were going to die and leave me.”

She stroked his cheek with her hand
, offering reassurance.

“Martha called
me and I rushed down here as fast as I could, and you were sitting here with your ring off, and I thought we were done.”

“I caught the ring on the corner of the desk earlier,
Ethan. I was checking to make sure the stones didn’t get damaged. I love my ring and don’t want to break it on day three.”

He made a sound somewhere between a strangled laugh and a cry, and
then dropped his forehead to hers.

“You did hurt me, Ethan, but that’s not enough to make me walk away.
I’m not a quitter.”

“I’m sorry, Lyzee. Go ahead
. Call me names if you want or punch me. Do whatever will make you feel better.”

Just the pain in his voice ate at her heart
. Elizabeth forced him to look into her eyes. “I won’t ever call you names. I’m not the flight attendant, Ethan, and I won’t hurt you like that. You’re my husband, not someone I get to kick around when I’m in a mood. I don’t fight dirty when it comes to our marriage.”

She knew every weakness in his armor, and ye
t she didn’t use it against him. Not even when he hurt her. No, she wasn’t like the others, and he was damn lucky.

“If you ever say those words to me again, I will take you up on the punching offer though
.” Elizabeth smiled and continued, “Just you coming for me and saying sorry is more than enough. We’re going to fight and argue, but I took vows and I meant them.”

“I did too.”

Elizabeth brought her lips to his in a slow luxurious kiss. She could feel how badly he needed to feel the connection to her in that moment. Elizabeth wanted to reassure him and give Ethan peace.

Then
like a bolt of lightning, it struck.

Blackhawk
wasn’t in Kevlar.

“Are you insane?”
Elizabeth hissed, pulling away like his lips burned hers.

“What?”
Ethan looked alarmed, as she caught him off guard.

Elizabeth tapped him
on his chest. “Where the hell is your vest? Are you out of your mind?”

The spitfire with the temper was back, and he thanked God for that. “I was a
little busy looking for my wife to suit up.”

“Newsflash Cowboy
. Everyone in this town knows we’re married by now. How do you think the killer would hurt me most? Killing me won’t hurt me, it’d hurt you. Now killing you, that would destroy me.”

“I’m aware
. Tony and I had this exact conversation, as I was planning on running out and tearing Salem apart looking for you. I just needed to get to you.”

Elizabeth went to her closet
to pull out a vest. She reached for the one with the double plating, just to be safe. “We take them off to shower and at home. That’s it.”

“How about sex?” he asked, strapping in and grinning.