The Language Inside (7 page)

but the next minute

Mom’s mammogram

changed everything

the next minute

she’d gone back to the U.S.

for biopsies and MRIs

the next minute

she’d scheduled surgery

for September in Boston

the next minute

I was saying good-bye to

my school

our Kamakura home

our neighborhood

our cat Shoga

my new friends

my old friends

Madoka

and nearly the next minute

I was starting tenth grade

in a country I’d lived in only as a baby

in a state I’d never lived in

in my father’s mother’s town

without my father

without any friends

who speak Japanese

or know anything about Japan

except sushi, manga, anime

tsunami and radiation

and my mother

getting poked and sliced

and rearranged

Dad’s now based

at the firm’s New York branch

joining us here in Massachusetts

for appointments and procedures

then rushing back to work in Manhattan

while we remain in YiaYia’s town

where we came to live

in time for Mom’s first surgery

which then revealed

the whole breast had to go

this week my mother went down to visit my father

a getaway before the full mastectomy

her trip is only five days

but already it feels like weeks

I miss her

I miss Dad

I miss Madoka

I miss Japan

my heart is torn in two—

half here with Mom

and all she’s going through

half there in Japan

with Madoka

and her relatives

all coping

with so much gone

Saturday afternoon in YiaYia’s kitchen

Toby and I paint clay beads with tiny brushes

YiaYia wants us to decorate a bead each for Mom

for some necklace idea she has in mind

she’s even figured out how to put the bead

on a wire stretched between two cup handles

so we can turn it and paint all sides

just go ahead, try something

YiaYia urges

there are plenty of beads
she says

she bought extras

so we can make mistakes

I’m trying to think of

some simple kanji character

suitable for a single bead

that’s clearly way too small

for the four-character proverb

I’d thought I’d try

finally I settle on the characters

               for
genki

               meaning health or energy

and even though they are easy

grade-school kanji

it takes me three tries to get the
ki
right

on the curve of the bead

and I’m glad that YiaYia

bought extras

Toby sees mine and tries the kanji

               for
katsu

               victory

but on that small bead

the strokes are too hard

so he gives up and changes

to the character

               for
chikara

               strength