The Last Broken Promise (22 page)

They broke the churning surface of the sea just as Jess was convinced they were both truly dying. The long journey to the top seemed to take eons. But even drowning, Finn tried to protect the girl by anchoring her to his taut body with one iron-strong arm. As soon as she’d gained her breath, Jess realized her brothers were in the water beside them. Others lined the rails of both ships yelling encouragement. They were alive, praise God, she thought. But they were still at significant, dangerous risk. As were all her brothers. The two crafts were mere spans apart. A massive wave, and they were experiencing more than a few of those, would easily crush them all between the two floating hulks.

“Give her to me,” ordered Dylan. His words were pointed towards McLeod.

The man in question jerked his head about to sling water out of his inky hair and clear his eyes. He shook his head. He strengthened his grip on the girl.

“Finn, this is no time to be stubborn,” Griffin shouted treading water in the rough seas next to his eldest brother.

“I’ll get her to my ship,” McLeod said in a deep, commanding voice that brooked no argument.

“Connor?” Dylan called to his blonde brother.

The man dressed in Indian rawhide nodded and began swimming behind them all. Finn knew what he was planning. Jess’s brother meant to shove him under the water just long enough for the other men to snatch her to safety. Didn’t they realize the only truly safe place for Jess was in his arms?

Finn pivoted in the water to face Connor. Jess was still cradled in Finn’s embrace. Her head rested with perfect security in the place where his throat met his wide shoulders.

Finn frowned. “Back off, Connor. I don’t want to hurt you. I promised Jess, I wouldn’t.”

Now it was the big blonde man’s turn to scowl. “Is that why you weren’t defending yourself before?”

Finn nodded. His steady amber eyes never left the other man’s drenched face. He watched as all the brothers processed what he just admitted. They began a low, steady stream of horrendous curses.

“Let him take her,” Dylan said at length. “It looks as if we’ll all be sailing with the idiot soon.”

He tilted his head towards Griffin’s ship. It was obviously taking on water at a rapid speed. Already the sounds of wood grinding against water-soaked wood split the air. Cargo shifted. It caused the expiring craft to groan in its death throes. It was only a matter of time before the entire hull split apart.

Seeing the end approaching for the damaged ship, they all began swimming. The St. Johns went to their vessel to help evacuate it. Finn and Jess swam steadily towards his ship. There were many preparations to be made for adding new passengers.

As they neared the side, Saul tossed a heavy rope down to his master. Finn skillfully made a loop in it. He settled Jess in the circle. The sailors hauled her up in makeshift seat. Once she was safely on deck, they threw the rope back down for Finn. He wrapped it around his wrist and let them hoist him up.

What he saw when his feet touched the rocking deck was Jess shivering and sodden. Her pale hair streamed down her back like that of a mermaid. The soaked fabric of her gown clung to her body. Finn hated the way the rough crew gawked at his woman.

“Get her a blanket!” he barked out. “Tell Cook to make hot tea.”

“But sir…” Saul sputtered. “The storm? A fire?”

“Just do it,” Finn spat out.

He strode over to the girl. He enfolded her in his dripping arms. He chafed at the rumpled material covering her shaking frame. He bent to whisper into her hair. “It’s all right, love. We’re safe. You’ll be warm soon.”

Jess straightened to her full height. Her eyes glared up at him. “You were going to commit suicide,” she accused.

He shook his head, scattering random icy drops of water on them both. “Yes, and I’d do it again. I had to save you.”

Her eyes softened. Only a man who truly cared for a woman would be willing to exchange his life for hers. But that didn’t change the fact that what he’d tried to do was a sin.

“I understand. You’re a noble and honorable man. But don’t ever do such a thing again. I have the hope of Heaven, Finn. Death will not be an end for me. It will be the beginning of an eternal, joyful adventure. But for you it would mean hellfire and endless damnation.”

She didn’t like to think about him ending his life. Especially when he, most likely, didn’t truly understand the consequences of his reckless actions.

His face was a careful study in neutrality. She thought he’d not comprehended what she’d just said. So she tried to explain once more.

“None can be saved except through Christ Jesus. Being honorable and noble will not get anyone into Heaven. No one can be good enough, perfect enough, to claim salvation on their own merit. It can be gained through Christ’s sacrifice alone.”

“For all have fallen short…”

He interrupted her, “For
all
have
sinned
, and come short of the glory of God. Romans 3:23, I believe.”

Jess stood completely still. Her body’s shivering ceased. She was stunned by his words and by his knowledge of the Bible. “How do you know scripture?”

“How do I know that verse?” he asked. He tucked her more firmly against his body. The wind was rising and he would not have her further chilled.

“Yes. You told me before that you do not believe in God or in a faith in Him.”

“Tis a sordid tale. And you are wet and cold. I’ll tell you another time, my love.”

“Tell me now,” she demanded.

Finn sighed. He’d not wanted to have this conversation so quickly. He’d wanted to bask in the warm glow of her approval and affection as long as he could. Even though he’d known he’d never be able to have her permanently. Not now, when he knew what God required of him in exchange for her life. But he could not lie to Jess St. John. And he would not put her off. So he began his disjointed explanation rather unemotionally.

“When I ran away from my Father’s holdings as a boy, I traveled to Edinburgh. It was the biggest place I’d ever been. And like the country lad I was in those days, I fell prey to a man who wanted to exploit me instead of offer me the help he promised.”

He stopped to take a long breath. The next part wasn’t easy to tell or to hear. He wished he could somehow change the ugly circumstances of his life so that they would never cause the delicate girl in his arms a moment’s grief or sorrow. But he couldn’t. Truth was truth. It never altered. And though he would have given his very soul to shield her from the ugliness of what he must tell her, he could not. So he began with soft, measured words.

“A vicar met me on the outskirts of Edinburgh. Or at least he claimed to be a man of God. He carried a big tattered Bible and quoted voraciously from its pages. He assured me I should trust him, for he was holy and good. All that was, of course, a lie.”

“So you went with him?”

“Aye, stupid boy that I was, I followed him like a lamb to its slaughter. After a day long stroll through the city, which I later discovered was both to tire me and parade me about to be viewed like a prime beef for the knackers, we arrived at his
kirk
.”

“It wasn’t a church?” she ventured to guess.

“It was a church
building
. But it wasn’t a true community of God. It was deserted and ramshackle. A place for thieves and others with low intentions.”

“What happened then?” she bravely asked. If he could share this abomination, she could surely summon the courage to listen to his story without flinching.

“I was tired, as I’ve said. And I was famished. I’d traveled to the city with no resources and the fiendish vicar kept me walking all day with no food or drink. Once we arrived, I was given a leather flask. Which, of course, I greedily drank down with no question. The ale was a sleeping draught. When I awoke the next day, I was chained to the church’s cellar wall.”

Her small sound of distress stopped him. What came next was much more abhorrent. He weighed whether to stop and let her believe that was the whole of his tale.

But Jess would have none of it. She nestled closer to him and coaxed, “Then what happened?”

Finn sighed. There was no way to avoid telling her the whole of it. “The man was a panderer. He made a business of tricking the unwary into working for him.”

“Working?”

“Yes, he’d wear down your resistance by withholding food and water. And, if that didn’t work, after a few days he’d beat us.”

“Us? You weren’t alone?”

He shook his head. “There were three of us. There was a young girl, and another lad, along with me. But I was the lucky one, Jess. I survived.”

“The others died?” she asked bleakly.

“The others agreed to work for him. They were taken away and sold to whoever had the coin to pay their price. He taunted me by telling me of the banquets they all attended. And the fine clothing they purchased with their hard-earned coin, after he took his cut, of course.”

“But you didn’t believe him?”

The tall man shook his head. “I knew he was evil. And I knew, though he spouted fancy Bible verses as he beat me, that the others were dead. Later I heard they were sold for their innocence, used, and then discarded like filthy privy rags.”

“And that’s how you know scripture?” She shuddered at the perversion of God’s Holy Word.

Finn nodded. “Yes, and I’m glad of it now. Though at the time, I vowed to never believe in God or have anything to do with Him. You see when I was chained in that hellish cellar, I prayed many times for Him to save me. But it was Arthur Bassett, along with your brother Dylan, who found me.”

“Dylan?” Her voice quavered. “So you were telling the truth about my brothers and this Bassett fellow?”

“I’m sorry Jess.”

She pushed against his hard chest. She stepped away from the comforting heat of his big body. “There’s no need for you to apologize. You’ve done nothing wrong.”

“I’ve done everything wrong, everything,” he said with an edge to his voice. “I kidnapped you. I forced you to my will, and into that cursed betrothal. When I knew, quite well, you wanted otherwise. I sullied your reputation, publicly. You deserve more than my weak, meaningless apology.”

“You didn’t force me into anything. It was initially my own idea, the betrothal, I mean.”

He nodded. “Yes, but I made it a reality. I made it binding. That can change. I can make it change,” he promised her.

“What if I don’t want it to?” Jess’s question came out as a soft whisper.

Finn’s face hardened. “You can’t build a marriage on the scant basis of sexual attraction, Jess.”

She flushed at his plain speaking. “It’s not just that…”

“It
is
just that. There’s so much fire between us, I could’ve had you several times over. Your innocence and lack of knowledge protected you.”

“I can learn,” she misunderstood his reservations. “You can teach me, once we’re wed.”

He shook his head. His eyes glittered with intensity. “There’s not going to be
any
vows spoken between us. I’ll make no more broken promises.”

“What?” she sputtered. “You can’t jilt me.”

“I’m not jilting you, love. I’m doing my best to save you,” he said bleakly.

Tears filled her eyes. One by one they trailed unheeded down her cold face. She knew he meant every word he uttered. It was over. This child’s bedtime story she’d been concocting was well and truly done.

“Save me from what?” she asked bereft.

“From a life filled with sorrow and bitter recriminations.”

“How can you be so sure I’d be bitter? I want to marry you, Finn. I love you,” she said the words she’d not uttered to him before.

A stark whip of pain arched across his face. His whole body clenched in despair. How could God do this to him? How could a loving deity give a man the desires of his heart, and then steal them all away? How could this be happening? And how was he to explain what he must do to the trembling girl an arm’s reach away?

“You must believe me, Jess.” His words were low and intense. “I love you. Never doubt this. But God has set me apart. I cannot marry like other men. I must do His will. It is part of the bargain I made with Him.”

“What madness are you talking about?” she rasped.

Jess couldn’t believe what she heard. He was claiming God’s eternal salvation and speaking of owing the Almighty in the same breath. Didn’t the man realize there was no way of paying for Christ’s ultimate sacrifice?

“I promised God,” he began, but she stopped him.

“What? You promised God, what?”

He frowned and looked away from her. He stared out over the noisy frantic ocean. A lock of black hair whipped across his face into his eyes. “I made a vow. I begged God to save you. In return, I would do whatever He required of me.”

“But Finn, faith doesn’t work that way,” she began arguing. “The Lord doesn’t require anything of us, save our surrender. Salvation can’t be bought with deeds, no matter how noble and self-sacrificing.”

“I made a vow,” he ground out. “A man’s honest vow to God cannot be broken. Even I know this.”