Authors: Kiki Hamilton
The Last Dance (19 page)
I hadn’t heard anything from Mira, but I hadn’t contacted her either. I figured it would be better if I just waited until I got home. So she could call me names to my face. I wasn’t even going to let myself think about Q.
MY FAMILY STAYED up and celebrated New Years Eve at midnight. We blew horns and laughed and danced and watched the ball drop on TV. It was a bittersweet moment. I would rather have been with Mira and Q, but I was glad to turn the page and start a new year too. This year I was going to be in control of my life. And my emotions. And stay focused.
O
n New Year’s Day I drove out to Bayside Park, which is a hilly, wooded park that runs alongside—wait for it—the bay. I parked in the lower parking lot and got out and walked. The paths were well groomed, with lots of big hills that wound through old-growth forest. Not surprising, the place was practically deserted in the frosty January weather.
There was no particular destination that I had in mind. I just needed to get some air, to be alone – to have some time to think. To try and figure out what was going on between me and Ivy, between Ivy and Mira, and if I was honest, to try and figure out if I was really and truly done with Laurel forever.
She’d called me earlier in the day to apologize and to thank me for bringing her home. Sick, hung-over and busted by her parents, all the obnoxious bullshit she put up trying to be cool and popular had been deflated. On the phone, she’d sounded like the shy, quiet girl I used to know.
“Hi Kell.” It was like a voice from the past.
“Hey. How’re you feeling?” I could just imagine. Her picture had come up when she called so I knew it was her, but still, there was a bit of a nervous twinge in my stomach when I’d answered.
“Mortified,” she whispered. “I don’t even remember how I got to your house. Or the ride home.”
“Don’t worry about it, Laurel.” I slid my hand into the pocket of my jeans and walked to my window. I stared out at the cool, grey day, the brown, bare tree branches a stark reminder that we were in the heart of winter. “I’m just glad you got here. You were freezing when I put you in the truck.”
“You probably saved my life.” There was a long silence. “Not like I deserved it.”
“Don’t say that, Laurel.” And I meant it. “We all make mistakes.”
“My biggest mistake was when I lost you, Kellen.” Her words came out in a rush. “Do you think we could start over? Go back to the beginning and try again?” I closed my eyes. I could picture her back then—so sweet and pretty. So different than she was now. She sounded like she was crying. “I really do love you.”
My grip tightened on my phone. “Laurel—” What was I supposed to say to that? “Let’s just give it some time, okay?”
“But you’re not going out with anyone, are you?” She sounded desperate.
I couldn’t be going out with Ivy if she was still going out with Brandon Chang, could I? “No, but—”
“Just think about it.” I couldn’t help but hear the hope in her voice. “You won’t regret it Kellen. I promise.”
IT WAS A good workout climbing up and down those hills. But I could handle it. My leg had built up enough strength again that I didn’t become fatigued anywhere like I used to. But my head was going in circles. Ivy wouldn’t go out with me because Mira liked me, but my gut told me that Ivy liked me too, even though she was going out with Brandon Chang. Now Laurel wanted to get back together. Which I have to admit, a month or two ago I probably would have jumped at the chance. Even talking to her today brought back memories and they weren’t all bad.
I’D BEEN WALKING for almost an hour when I stopped at the top of a hill and braced my hand against the rough bark of a giant Douglas fir tree. I was at the edge of a cliff that dropped straightaway to the rocky beach below. Puget Sound stretched before me, the grey-blue waters constantly in motion with little waves as the tide rolled in. The cries of seagulls split the air as they wheeled and dove above the water. The sharp salty scent of the sea was fresh in the air and I breathed deeply.
My family had hiked often when we were growing up and I loved the outdoors. It gave me a sense of power, surrounded by the majesty of nature. Like anything was possible.
The conversation I’d had with my mom after my first day of school suddenly came back to me. Her voice was clear in my head.
‘If you make up your mind to play a sport—you will. If you make up your mind, Kellen—anything is possible. You just might have to go about it a little differently than you originally planned.’
I watched a seagull drop a shell on a rock and then swoop down and grab it, only to fly up and drop it again. After five tries, the shell had cracked enough that he could eat the insides. It reminded me of Coach Branson’s talk to us during the last dance, which was how I thought of the Homecoming game now.
‘Because the difference, gentlemen, between winning and being a winner is in never giving up. Try again, give it your best every time—and I guarantee you— you’ll all be winners.’
The seagull suddenly flew up the cliff and perched on a limb above me. I swear the thing looked straight at me, his head cocked to one side, and let out a piercing series of cries. Out above the water, another seagull answered him. And just like that—I knew what I had to do.
YOU SAID IF I ever needed somebody to talk to I could call you. Can you meet me?
I re-read the text one more time before I clicked send.
AN HOUR LATER I was sitting waiting for Mira at Pioneer Park, a big complex of outdoor soccer fields that were unused this time of year. I saw her little orange VW coming down the hill toward the park so I got out of my truck and leaned against the side of it, waiting for her. She pulled up and turned the engine off. I could see cautious curiosity in her face as she waved at me through the window.
I opened her door for her and leaned down. “Want to sit in my truck? There’s a little more room.”
“Sure.” She grabbed her shoulder bag and slid out of the car.
I stared at her in amazement. “Mira, what are you wearing?”
She glanced down. “Oh, yeah.” She shrugged. “I don’t know.”
It was the first time I’d ever seen Mira dressed normal. She had on a pair of gray converse sneakers, a pair of skinny leg blue jeans and a black jacket. She was completely nondescript. Even her hair was one color. I almost asked her if she felt all right, but then I wasn’t sure if that would be insulting or not.
I opened my door for her and gave her a hand up into the cab, then jogged around the back of the truck and climbed in. I had the engine running as it was getting colder by the minute. They were predicting snow any day.
She turned and sat at an angle in the seat, close to the door. “So what’s up?”
“I need your help, Mira.”
She blinked in surprise. “You do?”
“Yes.” I nodded. “There’s been a terrible misunderstanding that needs to get straightened out—”
“Oh.” She leaned back and crossed her arms. “That.”
“I need your help and advice, Mira.”
Her lips twisted. She cocked her head and gave me a sideways look. “This is about Ivy, isn’t it?”
“It’s about you—” I spoke slowly— “and me—” I kept my words soft— “and Ivy.” I put my arm along the back of the seat until I could almost touch her. “I think it’s important that you know the truth.”
“About what?” Her voice was dry. “Best friends who lie?”
“No.” I kept my voice steady but firm. “About best friends who blame the other because they’re not getting their way.”
Her eyes narrowed. “What do you mean?”
I kept my voice low. “Mira, you’re not mad at Ivy because she likes me. You’re mad at Ivy because I love her.”
Mira sucked her breath in and her eyes got wide. I wasn’t sure if she was more shocked at my accusation or at the fact that I had admitted I loved Ivy. Which actually sort of shocked me, too. But now that I’d said it, I knew it was the truth.
“That’s not true.” Mira cried.
“I do love her, Mira and I’m going to fight for her. But the truth is,
I
was the one who kissed Ivy that day in the music room when you walked in. She had just finished telling me that she would never date me because
you
liked me. She chose you over me. But you wouldn’t listen to her—you wouldn’t believe her—so I’m here to set the record straight.”
Mira turned away from me but I saw the tear that ran down her cheek.
“You and I both know that we’re never going to date. Under any circumstances.” I paused to let that sink in. “Don’t we, Mira? We’re better as friends.”
Mira sniffed and stared out the window again, her fingers clutched tight to her crossed arms. Even her fingernails were plain, like she’d somehow erased herself. There was a long silence before I spoke again.
“I’d like for the three of us to be friends, like we used to be. That’s why I called you, Mira. I need
your
help to fix the mess that I created between the two of you.”
Mira’s chin wobbled and she turned away to look out the side window. “What do you want me to do?”
“Could you stop being mad at Ivy for something she didn’t do? Could you just talk to her?” I leaned over and put a finger under Mira’s chin to turn her head so she had to look at me. “She’s been as good a friend to you as anyone could ever ask for. Don’t you think you should return the favor?”
W
HEN I WOKE UP on New Year’s Day shafts of sunlight were streaming through the white curtains of my room, like rays of hope. I was snuggled in bed with my big fluffy white comforter and fuzzy socks on my feet. I’d had a dream where I was laughing with Q and Mira, sitting on a blanket in a big field. It had been summer. The happy remnants of my dream still clung to my memory and I felt oddly content.
Out of habit, I reached for my phone, though I’d received no messages since Brandon’s three days before. I’d never been a big texter. Except to Mira. To my surprise, there were two text messages. I quickly slid the access bar on my phone that opened my text message folder.
Happy New Year, Ivy. I miss you.
When are you coming home?
They were both from Q. The first message had come in at 3:00 am exactly. That would have been 12:00 am in Seattle. Midnight on New Year’s Eve. Instead of being with someone else, he was thinking of me at the stroke of midnight. I felt like he’d sent me a New Year’s kiss.
I hugged the phone to my chest as a thrill of joy shot through me, followed quickly by a pang of sorrow. I missed him, too—desperately. And Mira. Before I could talk myself out of it I quickly typed a reply:
Tomorrow.
And hit send. Nobody could twist that into something it wasn’t. I was just being polite. I kissed my phone, right where his message was.
FOUR HOURS LATER I got a text from Lily.
Mira went to The Crypt with Tank & got totally wasted. Tank was playing in the band & Mira spilled some guy’s drink & he started a fight and Charlie Jackson had to defend her. It was really bad. What’s going on with you two? When are you coming home?
I wasn’t going to tell Lily what the real trouble was between me and Mira.
We’re leaving tomorrow. Is Mira okay?
Yes but she’s really being weird. I’ve hardly seen her all break. Hurry up. We need you.
WE WENT HOME the day before school started. I was so ready for this break to be over. There were things I needed to fix.
O
n Monday, the first day back, I got to school twenty minutes early, just to see Ivy. I stood in the hall outside our Calculus class waiting, feeling pretty much like an idiot. Finally, at quarter to eight I went into the classroom. I was the first one there. That was a first in more ways than one. Mrs. Cooper gave me a surprised look.
“Do you have a question, Mr. Peterson?” Her lips pressed together in an old lady pucker.
“No, M’am. Just early for class.”
She peered at me over her glasses, waiting for the catch.
“A New Year’s resolution?” she said drily.
Really, I didn’t know the old bird had a sense of humor. “Something like that.” Luckily, other kids started filing in through the door then. I opened my book, but I kept looking at the door. Where
was
she?
Jesse Martin, one of our defensive backs, sat down on the other side of me. “Hey Peterson, did you have a good break?”
I turned to talk to him. “Yeah.” Which was a total lie. “You?”
I smelled Ivy before I saw her. God, I loved the smell of plumeria. I jerked around and there she was. Her hair swung forward, shielding half her face as she sat down, slightly out of breath. She was wearing a red sweater the color of holly berries that made her skin look so rich and brown, her hair all black and shiny.
I’d had all these things I was going to say. All these ways to be cool and impress her and instead I just smiled at her. “Hi Ivy.” I felt such a sense of peace. She was home.
She looked a tiny bit flustered when she looked over at me, but she smiled like she meant it. “Hi Q.” Her eyes kind of lingered on mine for a little longer than normal. She had the most beautiful eyes I’d ever seen.
“All right, students.” Mrs. Cooper stood up. “I hope you all looked at your math assignment over break….” A groan went up in the class.
“Welcome home,” I whispered.
LIKE NORMAL, Mr. Pruitt was in a nasty mood in second period science. We couldn’t even talk.
“Have you talked to Mira?” We were on our way to third period French, the class we shared with Mira. Girls were so different than guys. I figured I better be prepared if there was going to be a cat fight. Ivy was walking next to me and that protective urge came over me again. I just wanted to put my arm around her shoulders and protect her. To let everybody know she was mine. Which, of course, was about a million miles from the truth.
“Nope. Radio silence.” She looked up at me. “I think it will be better if Mira and I can talk one on one.”
“Yeah, well, let me know if you need me to run interference.” Her brows twisted at me in a confused look. “Football term. You know—let me know if you need my help.”