The Last Exhale (30 page)

She points her thumb to the boat behind us, says, “Didn't want to interrupt your moment back there.”

“Was just enjoying the ride. Never been to the islands before.”

“Same here. My girls and I take a trip every year. Last year was London. This time we wanted bikini weather.”

I eye her without eyeing her. She has on a fuchsia top moderately covering above-average breasts, bright green shorts lowered slightly to see the top of her bikini bottom. Colors to assure she'd be seen if lost at sea. “You ladies enjoying yourself so far?”

“Minus these mosquitoes, I'm having a blast.”

I laugh. “They are aggressive out here.” I reach my hand out to help her down a rock as the group travels the path of Devil's Bay.

“Hilda,” one of the girls ahead calls out.

My companion for the moment yells, “I'm coming.”

I say, “You don't look like a Hilda.”

She stops walking, turns around with a hand on her hip. “And exactly what does a Hilda look like?”

I throw my hands up, throw in the towel before this battle even gets started. “No offense.”

She laughs. “No offense taken. I actually get that all the time. Thought about changing my name to Kendra or something, but then I'd be denying half of my roots. My mom's German; it was her grandmother's name.”

“Interesting.”

“My dad hated it, but had a lot of love for my mother and her mother, so that's what went down on my birth certificate.”

I say, “I'm Brandon, by the way.”

An older couple from the boat catches up to us. Lets us know our chatter has slowed us down.

“You better catch up to your friends,” I tell her. “This
is
a girls' trip after all.”

She smiles and moves with a quickness to catch her friends.

The Baths is unlike anything I've seen before. Feels like I'm in another world after being hidden behind trees for the seven-minute hike. Makes me think of the movie
The Goonies
at the end as they watch the pirate ship of One-Eyed Willie drift to the unknown in awe. That's how it feels now. Life's perfect perfection.

“Hey, Brandon.” Hilda calls me over, hands me a camera. “Can you take a picture of us?”

All five of them stand inside what looks like a lovers' cave, an
upside-down V formed by volcanic rock cooled by the ocean. The tour guide mentions something about Tyra Banks taking a picture here for
Sports Illustrated
many years back.

I snap a few pictures of the ladies in different spots before we make our trek back through nature-made pools, dirt paths, and trees to our open-air safari bus taking us to our next destination. Somehow, I've become the designated carrier of Hilda's camera. I make sure I'm relieved of the responsibilities once we're all situated on the taxi, though it does feel good to have a camera back in my hand.

“Oh, I'm sorry about that.”

“No problem.”

She takes the camera from my hand, letting her fingers linger on my skin a little longer than her eyes in mine.

•  •  •

Climbing through The Baths, snorkeling in Diamond Reef, eating at Marina Cay, swimming to Soggy Dollar Bar at Jost Van Dyke Island, an all-day adventure that left me drained. Had to come back to my room, shower and climb in the bed for a few hours. My stomach woke me up a few minutes ago. I ate a lot from the treats they had on the excursion and at Pusser's for lunch, but I burned just as much calories in all the water and land activities.

I rinse my face off and mouth out with water, gargle some Scope, and head downstairs. Take hotel transportation over to the adjoining resort for dinner at Havana Blue.

All their drinks sound appetizing. I've been in a coconut mood since I've been here. I stick with the theme and order up a Lychee Heaven: Cruzan Coconut Rum, lychee juice, lychee fruit, toasted coconut rim. For starters, I munch on shrimp and lobster tostadas and finish my meal off with mojito skirt steak.

I pay my tab and head down to the beach, order another drink
at the bar. I roll up the legs of my khakis to my knees, sit my shoes next to a lounge chair. Drink in hand, I walk the edge of the shore. Without much control, my thoughts drift to the dream I had with Rene the night she passed. Feel my heart sink. I would give anything to make love to her in the waves of the ocean right now. Would love to hold her in my hands and hear her whisper in my ear how much she loves me. I shake away the thoughts. No matter how hard I try, that's one wish that will never come true.

The night's sky is crystal clear, a billion stars glisten above me. Looks like a million pairs of eyes looking down on me. For a moment, I wonder if a set belongs to Rene. Wonder if she's up there having the same thoughts about my dream that she starred in.

“Brandon.”

The glass falls from my hand. I turn in every direction in search of my late wife. She's nowhere to be found. I pick the glass up from the sand. Maybe it's a good thing I dropped it, because it's got me hearing voices I don't need to be hearing.

“Brandon.”

There it is again.

I pick up my pace, grab my shoes. When I take the glass back to the bar, I see a woman running toward me with more waves in her hair than the sea. “I thought that was you,” Hilda says nearly out of breath.

I tell her, “You almost had me looking for the nearest psych ward.”

That goes over her head. I can tell when she takes a quick pause. “My girls and I were eating upstairs and I thought I saw you walking out.”

I say, “Your friends are gonna have a bone to pick with you if you keep ditching them for me.”

She lets out an embarrassed chuckle. “I, umm, told them I'd catch up with them.”

“Where are you heading?”

“Came to see what you were up to.” Her eyes do that lingering thing again.

“Just walking the beach.”

Her tone is bold.
“Let's
walk.”

I put my shoes back down. Hilda flings hers in the dirt on top of mine.

Soon as we begin walking on wet sand, she says, “Okay, so I have to ask. Why every time I see you, you're alone?”

“Came alone.”

“Where's your wife?”

“What makes you think I'm married?”

Her eyes travel down to my left hand.

I touch my gold band. Haven't taken my ring off my finger since the day Rene put it on. Guess I'm not ready to part with it just yet. “She couldn't come,” I say and stuff my hand in my pocket.

“If you want to talk about it…” She leaves the door open.

I don't walk in. Instead I spin the wheel in her direction. “Are you married?”

She runs her hands through her hair, fluffs it until it starts to frizz a little. “Yesterday was my wedding day. He called the wedding off a few days ago, said he wasn't ready to make such a commitment.”

“Ouch.”

“My thoughts exactly. You'd think he would've figured that before putting a ring on my finger or investing thousands in a destination wedding.”

“That's why you're here?”

She sighs. “Yeah, this was where we were to pledge our lifetime to loving one another.”

I try to add a little positivity to the air. “Well, at least all the money wasn't lost.”

“That is the only, I repeat, the
only
reason I'm not totally pissed. My girls had already bought their tickets, so we just used this as our yearly trip. I would've hated for them to waste their money. I couldn't care less about his.”

“Understandable,” I say.

She waves her hands in the air. “Enough of that. This weekend is supposed to be—” She stops moving forward and takes big steps back. “What the heck is that?”

I follow her eyes, see a huge something walking out of the water. “Whoa, I think it's an iguana.”

It stops moving when it senses us. Not sure if it wants to hide back under the water or continue with its plan of walking the land.

I take a few steps back as well, grab Hilda's hand. “That thing's the size of the Incredible Hulk on his hands and knees.”

“I didn't know those things could swim.” Her hand trembles in mine. “I'm so not a creature person.”

“That makes two of us. Let's head back to the restaurant.”

We continue walking backward, but turn around when we realize there could be another oversized lizard walking behind us. Gotta stay focused on what's in front, not behind.

When I feel we're in the clear, I release her hand.

She doesn't let mine go.

•  •  •

We're in my room.

Hilda's standing on the balcony looking out at the pool. “This was supposed to be my honeymoon.”

I walk up behind her, hand her a glass of water. “I'm sure you don't see it now, but it was probably for the best. I once heard rejection is God's protection.”

She sips nature's best gift. “Thanks.” Puts it on the table.

I stand next to her, take in the moment. Hear light splashes and flirty giggles coming from the pool. Says, “Sounds like a private party.”

Both of us stand on the balcony, watching and listening. Voyeurs in the dark.

All of a sudden, I feel eyes on me, someone's trying to peep in on my thoughts. I turn and look over at the Peeping Tom. Hilda's eyes are intense, sends me a message I'm not sure I want to or am ready to decipher. Her hand grazes mine, intertwines her fingers with mine. Leads me back inside.

We're standing steps away from the bed. Neither of us are prepared to make the first move, but we're here and a move has to be made.

In the darkness of the room, for the first time in ten years, I remove my wedding band. It doesn't come off easy. I close my eyes and picture Rene standing in front of me, her fingers pressed against my band keeping it from budging. I open my eyes, see she's not in this room, only in my conscience. I ask her to forgive me as the ring comes off and I place it on the table next to the TV. My hand feels lighter and that makes my conscience feel even lighter.

I step forward, gently place my hands on her face.

She puts her hands on top of mine and steps forward until our lips touch.

“You know you've made my life hell, right?”

“Stand in line.”

“I'm here now.”

The woman I once considered my best friend stands in front of me with no intention of stepping down anytime soon. I'll stand here with her all night if I have to. “Rachel, you need to take this up with your husband. Michael was the one driving the car.”

“You just had to do it, huh? Just had to cross the line.”

I was wrong. I won't stand out here all night and defend my actions. I chirp the alarm to my car, reach for the door. Rachel shoves her body in front of the handle, makes it hard for me to go anywhere. “Really now?”

She folds her arms across her chest. “Why'd you do it?”

I toss my portfolio and purse on top of the car. Since she's determined to get in my business, I do the same to her. “Why did you?”

“This isn't about me right now, but since you want to know. It's as I told you. I cheated on Michael long before we got married.”

“Cheating is cheating.”

“Gosh, Sydney.” She pushes herself off my car, leans on hers. “Don't you see you've messed up my life?”

I feel myself on the verge of being belligerent right along with her, but I'm in front of my office. This wasn't the time or place for
a confrontation. She's here now, said what she's had to say. I lower my voice hoping she'll follow suit. “How was I supposed to know? I've tried to reach out to you. You won't return my calls, you won't reply to my texts. I don't know what you don't tell me.”

She runs a hand through her blonde hair, holds a lock at the tips. Picks at split ends, then folds her arms back across her chest. Her voice now a whisper.

I strain to hear, so I move closer to her. Lean against her car next to her.

“We were so happy when we found out. Now I just don't know.”

I'm lost. “What did you find out?”

“Michael's termination sent him over the edge, he's started drinking. He's out late at night at these random bars, keeping company with random people. He's a different man. He comes home drunk, throws stuff all around the house.”

Though I don't feel like any of Michael's misfortunes or the amount of beers he has at night has anything to do with me, I tell her I'm sorry anyway. Apologize to her, because that's what friends do when the other is hurting.

Her eyes meet mine briefly. “How am I supposed to raise a baby around that kind of behavior.”

“Hold up. You're pregnant?”

“Michael was so happy when he found my positive pregnancy test hidden in his lunch box. He ran around the station holding it in his hand. Eric videotaped it with his cell phone, sent it to Michael. He sent it to me. I cried when I saw it.” Her eyes well up as she reminisces.

“When was this?”

Her hand grazes her still-flat belly. “A couple of months ago. I'm ten weeks.”

“Eric never told me.”

“He probably forgot. It was the same week they lost Bragg. I'm sure it wasn't intentional.”

I try not to let my hurt show. She's my best friend, at least she used to be. Outside of her husband, I thought I would've been one of the first ones to know. “Why didn't you?”

Her mood changes, she loses the joy in her voice. “Don't make this about you.”

“I'm not. I'm just surprised you hadn't told Katrina or me.”

“She knew.”

Okay. Seems like everybody knows everything but me. Was I so distracted with whatever was going on with Brandon and me that I wasn't paying attention to what was going on around me?

“Here's something else I bet you didn't know. Kat went back to her ex-husband.”