"It's always my fault," I said lightly.
"In the beginning, I wanted you to find out about
Melinda so I would know-if Rosie hadn't hired you, I
would have found some way to do it-but I watched
you go after her for a smile and eighty-seven dollars,
and you never judged her, not once, you forgave her
without asking anything in return. When I was in the
hospital, I thought about it all the time, and I finally
understood it. All this time, all these years since the
war, I worried about how tough you had to be to live,
how I had to live without flinching, but when it came
down to it, when it had to do with living instead of
dying, I didn't have the guts to forgive the woman I
loved. I couldn't cut it, son, not a bit." He paused long
enough to pick up the .45 and shove the stack of pages
off his desk. "So now I'm through with all that. I'm
going to write a novel about love and forgiveness. Even
if it kills me. And that's why I'm not about to blow my
brains out with this." He tossed the pistol back on his
desk. "It's nothing but a paperweight now."
"Good."
"I've pulled my last trigger, boy," he said, grinning.
"Hell, I didn't even pull the trigger on the shotgun that
night-I just jacked a round into the chamber and I was
so drunk that I had the trigger back when I did it, and
the son of a bitch went off. Nobody there was more
surprised than me."
"Some of us were pretty surprised," I said, grinning
back at him.
"Nobody more than me," he said, then he chuckled
and handed me the glass of whiskey. "Now get out of
here, boy, I've got work to do."
"Right," I said. As I stood up and watched him
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gather his sharpened pencils and a fresh legal pad, I
discovered an odd knot in my throat and a burning in
my eyes, but I went off to do my chores before the old
man noticed.
Trahearne worked until dinner, then he ate scrambled eggs and sausage at his desk, waving me away when I offered him more. Since he seemed locked in, I
decided to wander outside to check on the bulldog.
Fireball had eaten most of the baby food in his dish and
had fallen asleep with his nose still touching the bowl. I
left him alone ,and drifted over toward the creek.
Catherine met me at the bridge. She was wearing a long
knit gown that rippled across her body in the twilight.
"Were you coming for a drink?" she asked as she
locked her arms around my neck and socketed her
groin against mine.
"Something like that," I said as I slipped my arms
around her firm waist.
As she kissed me, she murmured against my mouth,
"We've no place to go, lover." It didn't seem to matter,
though. She moved her hands down and quickly
unfastened my �vis, then lifted the long folds of her
skirt and gathered them about her hips so I could hold
her naked buttocks in my good hand as I bent my
knees.
When we were finished, I glanced over her shoulder
toward Trahearne's mother's house. A curtain at an
upstairs window wavered as if someone had just
stepped away from it.
"I think the old woman was watching us," I said.
"To hell with her," Catherine said as she smoothed
her skirt down finely muscled legs.
"Did it ever occur to you that we shouldn't be doing
this?" I asked.
"It never occurs to me until afterward," she an-
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swered, then laughed prettily. "Tomorrow evening, "
she added, "same time, same place. " Then she walked
away from me into the fading dusk, walked away before
I could say no.
But the next evening when I showed up at the bridge
after dinner, Edna Trahearne was waiting for me. She
was dressed, as usual, in her retired fishing clothes, to
which she had added a knit Irish hat against the evening
chill. As I walked out on the bridge, she snorted as if I
were late for a fly-casting lesson.
"Try to contain your disappointment, " she growled
at me. "Catherine is still clearing the dinner table.
She'll be along shortly. "
"It's nice to see you again, Miz Trahearne," I said as
I leaned against the rail beside her. "Fish bitin'?"
"Aren't you the polite one?" she sneered. "How did
you get mixed up with all these mortal folk?"
"How did you?"
"A moment of foolish passion, boy," she answered,
then broke out in a cackle, a rash, fevered laugh that
split the evening like a loon's call. "What's your
excuse?"
"I guess I don't have one, ma'am."
"You'd best find one, boy," she advised cheerfully.
"You've stepped into a nest of vipers, and if you're here
without a good reason, you got no business being
here . "
"A day's work for a day's pay," I said, and she
laughed again. "You're in a good mood tonight," I
added.
"Every time that little slut is gone it improves my
mood considerably," she said, then smiled as she
waited for me to rise to the bait. When she was
convinced that I wasn't going to bite, she snorted again,
then asked, "What happened to your hand, boy?"
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"I hit your baby boy in the chops," I admitted.
"A fella in your line of work ought to know better
than to hit a man that size with your fist."
"I knew better," I said, "but I did it anyway. Just for
the pure pleasure of it. "
"You're polite, boy," she said with a smile as twisted
as her fingers, "but you're not nice. Not a bit."
"Yes, ma'am," I answered, and the old woman
turned away to hobble toward her house, pausing for a
moment to speak to Catherine, who was walking
toward the bridge. I couldn't hear what Edna was
saying, but Catherine glanced over her shoulder to
smile at me, the sort of smile my mother used to call a
snake's grin. When they . finished talking, the old
woman went on toward the house, and Catherine
strolled toward me slowly. She wore the same long soft
green gown and carried a tall glass in her hand.
"I understand that you aren't always respectful
toward your elders," she said as she stepped onto the
bridge, the smile still sly on her face.
"I'm always nice to you," I said.
"You find it amusing to remind me of my age?" she
asked, the smile suddenly wiped from her face.
"Just a little joke," I said by way of apology.
"I am not amused," she said as she swirled her drink
furiously.
"I'm sorry. "
"Why don't you go back and play nursemaid?"
"You got it, lady," I said, then walked away from
her.
"C.W. , " she said softly, but I kept on walking.
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1 7 ••••
FOR NEARLY TWO WEEKS EVERYTHING WORKED SMOOTHLY,
and Trahearne and I lived together as pleasantly as two
old impotent bachelors, much as we had during his long
visit up on the North Fork. It was like a vacation for
me. In the mornings I ran, then sat in the sun and read
my way through a large portion of his library. After
lunch, I moved my chair into the shade and picked up
whatever book I had just put down. Trahearne worked
all day, though, writing in his furious scrawl and
muttering to himself. About five every afternoon, he
would stroll out of the house, stretch and growl,
"Scribble, scribble, scribble, eh, Mr. Gibbon?" then
chuckle as he walked down the stairs for his daily
exercise, whistling for Fireball.
The big man and the bulldog walked toward town
every afternoon while I followed in the Caddy like a
trainer watching my fighters do their roadwork. When
Trahearne tired, I would pick them up and drive on to
the hotel pool, where Trahearne lolled about like an
old walrus until his head began to nod. Then I drove
the two invalids home and fed them. After dinner they
both went to sleep, and I went downstairs to drink
beer and watch television until I, too, found refuge in
sleep.
Every morning, while I was away from the house
259
running, Catherine brought Traheame a sheaf of typed
manuscript and picked up his pages from the day before
to transcribe them. Once, though, she was late, and I
was sitting on the porch, back from my run and
breathing hard as she carne up the steps. She nodded at
me, then went on into the house. When she carne out,
though, she stopped.
"I suppose you find this odd?" she said, rattling the
long yellow sheets at me.
"Nobody else in the whole world can read his
handwriting," I said.
"I'm pleased to do what I can," she said huffily, then
went away.
"Aren't we all?" I whispered to her departure.
Trahearne stayed dry, seemingly without effort,
except for a sip of my beer the afternoon we toasted
Fireball the first time he managed to raise · his leg to
take a leak.
"God, that's good," Trahearne sighed after he had
swallowed the beer, "so goddarnned good."
"The first one always is," I reminded him as I took
my beer can back.
"Right," he said, then trundled off on his walk.
Fireball followed dutifully, marking every bush and
rock in sight. When they reached the highway, Fireball
waddled across the road to the creek to fill up again,
and on the way toward town, Traheame fussed at the
bulldog constantly, telling him to put his damned leg
down and come on.
That night, as he lowered himself into the pool,
Trahearne asked me why I didn't come in with him
anymore.
"It's like swimming in sornebody's snot," I said.
"Sughrue," he said softly, "Sughrue, you're the most
disgusting human being I've·ever had the displeasure to
meet."
"At least I don't swim in-"
260