The Late Blossoming of Frankie Green (38 page)

‘What?' Frankie said, looking alarmed. ‘But you've always said that sex is the glue in a relationship.'

‘Listen, babes, I've had sex on the beach, sex in the sea, sex in a library, tantric sex, tie-me-up sex, boob sex, armpit sex and ice cube sex. I thought it was the most important thing: finding a deep bodily connection because it signified a spiritual everlasting love.' Then Letty's face darkened with sadness. ‘But great sex is only great if you're doing it with someone you think is great and thinks you're great too. And that could happen in the most boring position in the world. The fact is, ladies, I've finished with Lance because the sex was too… exciting.'

Em and Frankie both reached out to her.

‘It wasn't enough. I need more. Up here,' she said, tapping her head.

‘Oh, thank God,' Frankie cried, ‘you won't be going to Australia.'

‘It would've been awful, you being ten thousand and sixty-six miles away,' Em said.

‘Anyway, I have some good news,' Letty said, perking up, ‘I've been offered my dream job at work – I'm going to be in charge of social media!'

Another round of cheers began but Frankie was late to the party – she was miles away.

‘Have you decided yet, then?' Em asked her. ‘About Jason and the blessing.'

‘No,' Frankie said, quietly, ‘it's been a mad few months. Separation, sex education, finding out Dad's gay, getting to know my mum properly for the first time. It's blown my mind, to be honest. I'd rather just take it easy. Wait for the confusion to clear.'

‘Well, that's odd because Floyd is the same,' Em divulged. ‘Do you know something, he told me he doesn't want to marry Sasha! Says he doesn't love her.'

Frankie's knife clattered to the floor.

‘I'm wondering if there's someone else,' Em continued.

Frankie's mouth fell open. Then she dashed under the table. Goodness, all she had to do was ask for a new knife, there was no need to over-react.

‘He didn't come home last night, or the night before. I've no idea where he is. I thought he was with Sasha at her mum's but apparently not. Letty, you don't know anything do you? Did he tell you, that time at the party when you were in his room?'

Frankie emerged from the floor with her knife.

‘Is it you?' she whispered, staring at Letty with the widest of eyes.

‘Is it her, what?' Em asked, not following at all.

‘The someone else! I saw you with him too, in a bar.' Her voice was all wobbly and breathy, which was strange.

Em gasped – Letty? With her brother? Not in her flat, please God, no. On her best guest-room four-hundred thread count sheets from John Lewis.

‘Me?' Letty hooted. ‘You've got to be joking!'

‘Thank the Lord,' Em heaved. ‘The thought of a friend sleeping with my brother… well, I can't even begin to describe how ill that would make me feel.'

Frankie gulped. Perhaps the octopus that she'd finally tasted – and savoured – was giving her indigestion. Or maybe she was coming down with something. She was a bit pale, come to think of it.

‘What were you doing then, meeting up with him and being in his room?' Frankie asked, looking icy.

Letty exhaled loudly. ‘Getting some advice. I went to him about the legal stuff with Ross, seeing as he works for a law firm. And… well, look, I think I've got a bit of a spending problem. All to do with filling a hole in my life.'

‘Oh, Letty! Why didn't you say?' Em said, appalled that her friend had suffered alone. ‘I could've helped with money.'

‘I didn't want to admit it. I didn't want to worry you either. But it's okay. Floyd's been brilliant, he's referred me to a counsellor so finger's crossed…'

Letty cocked her head then and Em followed her gaze: Frankie was crying. Why would that be?

This was quite some lunch: Em had thought she was much better at reading people's emotions these days, but she wasn't getting the tears at all.

And then Letty took a massive intake of breath.

‘You. Are. Joking!' she said to Frankie. ‘Oh my God. All this time and I didn't work it out. Fuck!'

Em had had quite enough now of this. ‘Will someone tell me what's going on?'

But Frankie and Letty were staring at each other, locked in some kind of secret understanding.

‘Please?' she pleaded.

Frankie looked down at her plate and spoke in a barely audible voice.

‘My sex teacher. It was… it was… Floyd.' A fat tear landed right on top of a chickpea with spinach.

Floyd? Oh my word, this was beyond. ‘My brother?' she spat, feeling her stomach go washing-machine full spin. The shock, the lies, the going behind her back, the laughing at her ignorance.

‘Look, it's not how it sounds. We didn't actually do it. Much.'

Frankie squeezed her eyes shut, cursing her turn of phrase.

‘Spare me the details,' Em said, holding up a traffic cop palm. It was quite the most upsetting, hurtful thing that had ever happened. And to think she'd been the one who'd suggested that Frankie needed a project.

‘It wasn't like that, honest,' Frankie said, puffy faced. ‘He just helped me. I haven't told anyone. I knew it would be upsetting. I'm so, so sorry, Em. Really. I know you must be so cross and embarrassed. But it's all over. It's done.'

Em was really irritated now: her bursting bladder wasn't helping either. ‘But that doesn't explain why you're crying.'

‘What is it, babes?' Letty said softly, getting up to give her a
cwtch
.

Something in Em changed then at the sight of Letty's compassion. Frankie was so distressed she was inconsolable. She went to her bag and passed over some tissues; whatever had been going on, she was still her friend and she was hurting.

‘Thank you,' Frankie squeaked, meeting Em's eyes. In that moment Em could see how awful Frankie was feeling. She needed empathy, not judgement.

Em put a hand on Frankie's forearm. ‘It's okay,' she said.

‘It's not, obviously. But I'll get over it. I never meant to hurt anyone.'

‘I know.' Em felt a stillness fall upon her. But Frankie's howling continued.

‘Come on, babes, what is it?'

‘I didn't expect to… I never wanted to… I think I've fallen in love with Floyd,' Frankie said through shuddering breaths, setting herself off harder.

Em didn't think anything could've topped Frankie's earlier revelation. But she was wrong. This was insane. And, for once, she seemed to have got her reaction right because Letty had looked up at her over Frankie's dipped head and was mouthing ‘shit'.

‘But what about Jason?'

‘I don't know, Letty,' Frankie said, finally not leaking anymore. ‘I mean, I was desperate to get him back and I do love him, but now I'm not sure. I've changed and he hasn't, well, hardly.'

The release of talking spurred her on.

‘If I went back to him could we go forward? And I don't know if what I feel for Floyd is real or a projection of my uncertainty. Oh God, I've been holding this in for so long. These feelings for Floyd have been building and I've been denying them. It's just as Phyllis, one of my clients, said. She said, “sit on your feelings and they'll out”.'

Then a resigned look settled on her face.

‘But it doesn't matter because Floyd will never want me. How could he? When you said there was someone else, I thought, I hoped, it might have been me, but it can't be. He wasn't with me the last two nights… so that's that.'

‘You need to tell Floyd,' Letty said.

‘You think so?' she said. Then she looked at Em. As did Letty.

They were actually asking her for advice. On affairs of the heart. What a turn-up!

‘You want to know what I think?' she said, flustered at the flattery.

Both of them nodded.

‘Yes, you, Em. You know Floyd best of all, and you're the only one who seems to have worked out how to have a relationship. Not us two numpties,' Letty said.

This was true, Em thought. Wow.

‘Well, I…' she began, just as the baby jabbed her. ‘I'll have to tell you in a minute. I've got to go to the loo.'

Frankie managed a thin smile as Letty broke out into laughter.

Em got up and waddled to the top of the small flight of stairs which led to the ladies. She turned to tell them: ‘I'll be as quick as I can.'

But as she did, she felt her ankle turn. The floor disappeared from beneath her. She saw the girls' faces falling diagonally as she went down at an angle. Then wallop, she landed once, twice, three times on her lower back as she slid down the steps. A wave of pain reverberated from her coccyx through her back and across her stomach. She heard herself cry out, and immediately Letty and Frankie were there.

‘I'm not in agony,' Em said, trying to downplay her fall.

‘We'll go to the maternity unit just to make sure,' Letty said, taking control as she supported Em's weight. ‘We can ring on the way. Frankie, you settle up and we'll go.'

Had she not been pregnant, Em would've refused. She could live with a bruised bum and ego. But this wasn't about her. It was about their baby.

‘Almost there, Em,' Frankie said, hoping she had camouflaged her concern with confidence, into the rear-view mirror of her Mini, as they crawled through town. ‘Be about five minutes, I reckon.'

A nod shook the curtain of red hair which was bowed over Em's bump.

‘There's no bleeding, the midwife said that was a good sign, didn't she, Em? So that's good,' Letty said from the back ,where she had insisted on sitting to keep her company.

Em was distracted, rubbing her tummy in swooping circles.

‘It's just a precaution, they said,' Letty reassured her. ‘They want to give you the once over.'

‘It was a small fall, an accident. Will you two stop fussing?' Em snapped, lifting her face to eyeball each of them before she looked pointedly out of the window. The green of her eyes which usually shone had become as dull as pond water – it was a sure sign Em was frightened. At the start of the journey, she'd rung Simon and played it down. She'd insisted he didn't need to come, but he'd just turned off the motorway on his way back from picking up some clothes in Bristol, so he'd be there ASAP. Em's mum had picked up her mobile on the third attempt – wasn't it lucky they were in Cardiff, at a TED talk on how to be self-sufficient because their home phone was playing up, otherwise they'd never have known. Em had relayed the conversation, smacking her forehead in frustration.

Now the car was silent, bar the sound of crunching gear changes and loud revs as every light that could turned red. Frankie felt an arm on her shoulder. Letty was telling her to take it easy. She took a deep breath and focused all of her energy into praying everything would be fine: Em had said it wasn't serious but you never knew with her.

In the quiet, Frankie ran through the twists and turns of lunch.

Letty ending her relationship with Lance, battling a spending problem but getting a brilliant job. Em's loved-up face turning to disgust at Floyd being her sex teacher.

Her own guilt at keeping it from her friends and her wild hopes dashed that maybe she was the ‘someone else'. As hard as it all was, she thought, swinging the car onto the A road which would take them to Cardiff's University Hospital of Wales, she felt relieved it was all now out in the open.

Even though she had only gone and shocked herself by confessing she had loved Floyd ever since he had let her be herself, he was actually irrelevant because it wasn't reciprocated. Her feelings for him were a reaction to her circumstances. Not to mention his someone else. How silly she'd been over the whole thing: the surge of emotions she'd had from the relief of hearing he wasn't marrying Sasha, to the doom of her dashed hopes and getting carried away by seeing him with Letty.

She gripped the steering wheel hard at the memory of his lips on hers, his muscular chest and lean waist up above her, their union which had given her the most intense moment of her life. Then she felt her fingers flop because it was all in the past. And as a stab of anger reminded her, he hadn't come home for two nights: yes, she could think around it and come up with elaborate reasons for his absence but the most likely scenario was he'd gone to another woman for comfort. Had it been a two-night stand? Or was there more to it? She cast her mind back to their Thursdays and yes, there were definitely moments when he'd seemed distracted and miserable. Frankie had assumed it was because he was missing Sasha but perhaps it wasn't her at all: perhaps he had fallen for this other woman.

There was a stone in her belly as she realized that maybe she hadn't known him at all. She'd seen what she'd wanted to see, just as she'd done in her marriage. Had she learned nothing at all? Feeling foolish, the stone had become a rock at the thought Floyd might have broken their agreement to be exclusive. It would mean their arrangement was tainted.

A sour taste crept up her throat at the contamination, the pollution of something that had been so special to her. Frankie thought of Sasha then: she felt no pity because she'd bounce back, no problem. There'd never be a shortage of takers for someone like her.

But me? That was a different story. Frankie felt burned – she'd had her flight of fantasy and now it was time to accept her fate. She deserved nothing more.

A small downward turn of her lips and gritted teeth sealed the compartment in her mind labelled Floyd.

All that was important now was Em and the baby, she thought taking the last turning which led to the hospital grounds.

Suddenly, Em whooped and punched the air. Automatically, Frankie's feet went down towards the pedals and Letty flinched, raising her hands towards her head. But a punch in the air from Em told them in a split second it was a cry of delight not terror.