The Lessons (21 page)

Natalie

“I’m just tired of waiting,” Renee moaned. “I want a baby.”

I chewed a bite of my sandwich while Justine cut in.

“How often are you guys trying?” she asked. I looked over at her, surprised at her forthrightness.

“That’s just it. I’m starting to think Derek doesn’t actually want kids. We barely have sex anymore. I bought one of those ovulation kits at the drugstore and he had a ‘work emergency’ when it was time.”

Justine offered Renee a weak smile. “Well, look on the bright side. At least you’re married. I’ve been in a hookup desert for weeks now.”

Renee and Justine both looked at me expectantly. Apparently, there’s some sort of strange girl code which says that if two women share updates on their sex life, the third is required to as well. I feigned ignorance as I took the last bite of my sandwich, content to let them think whatever they wanted.

“Okay, enough baby talk. Natalie, now that Brad’s moving to LA, who’s going to take his place?”

My mind immediately flew to Ryan, but of course I didn’t dare betray my thoughts.

Justine continued. “It’s a shame he’s going. He was a real knight in shining armor with that whole Paulina boondoggle.”

I sighed. “Yeah, he was.” Justine and Renee had been just as shocked as me at the whole turn of events, and they were right, Brad
had
been great.

“Ever thought about moving down there with him?”

I made a face. “Who? Me? We barely know each other…”

“But you guys were so cute together.”

When had they seen us being cute together?

“We were?”

“Well, would have been. Could have been…” She got a dreamy look on her face; she was clearly imagining Brad.

“Can you imagine their babies?” Renee chimed in. Boy, that girl had kids on the brain.

I blushed. “Oh. Well. I don’t know. I don’t think we were meant to be.”

“So is there anyone else?”

My throat tightened. “Anyone else?”

Justine nodded her head. “Yeah, you know, anyone else on the radar. Anyone else stepping up to the plate? Cute neighbor? Guy at the coffee shop? Garbage man?”

How about my sex surrogate? You didn’t mention him.

I took a deep breath and let it out slowly. “No, not really. Sorry. My love life sucks.”

“Well, that
is
disappointing. We need to get you on Tinder or something.” Renee sighed. “Listen, I’m going to run to the bathroom before we head back. Anyone want to come with me?”

“I’m good,” I replied.

“Nah,” Justine chimed in.

“Okay, be right back.”

Once she left, Justine and I started chit-chatting about a project meeting later this afternoon.

“Cathy is totally going to— Natalie, don’t turn around now, but there is a hottie checking you out at seven o’clock.”

“What?” I asked, immediately straightening.

“Oh, my God, he’s headed over here.”

“Who is it? Do you recognize him?” I asked, immediately smoothing my hair with one hand. I silently prayed none of my sandwich was lodged in my front teeth.

“No, but he’s hot in a biker boy kind of way.”

I swallowed as I turned around. It had to be—

“Ryan, hey, what are you doing here?”

“Natalie, I thought that was you,” he said, his voice warm and smooth. His hand grazed the edge of my shoulder as he shot a panty-dropping smile toward my dining companion.

“Hi, I’m Ryan,” he said, offering his hand to a— for once— speechless Justine. She was gawking.
Hard.

“Ryan, this is Justine. We work together.”

“Ah, at Heaven Sent? Cool.” His gaze returned to me. Damn, he did look good. He wore jeans and a faded black t-shirt stretched over his torso like it was custom made.

“What are you up to?” I asked again.

“Just getting some lunch on the way to class.”

Renee rejoined the table. “Ryan, what are you doing here?”

Ryan looked startled. No, scratch that, he looked visibly shaken. That wasn’t the normal effect Renee had on men, if anything, she usually put them at ease.

He coughed, clearing his throat. “Renee, hi.”

“Do you two know each other?” I asked, puzzled. And then my mind flew to the most obvious possibility.
Oh… no… was she? Had they? No, she couldn’t be a client. I mean, she was married…right?

“Ryan is dating my friend Lisa Lerner.” She winked at Ryan. “Although, they have a little one on the way, so I hope that soon it will be more than just dating.”

Ryan

I looked over at Natalie. Her face was frozen with a look of light surprise, but I could tell that Renee’s words were reverberating inside her.

Shit. Shitshittiestshitfuckingshit.

“Renee, I didn’t realize you worked at Heaven Sent. I thought you said you did PR,” I started.

“Oh, yeah, PR for Heaven Sent. Sorry, don’t know how I left that out. Just been working there too long, I guess.” She shrugged.

Natalie turned to me and suddenly her expression changed. A thin smile was plastered on the lower half of her face. The upper half remained unwavering, dead.

“And how do you guys know each other?” Justine asked.

“We met at the library,” we replied in unison.

Justine giggled, “Well, at least you have your story straight. It was nice to meet you Ryan, but I’m afraid I have to head back to the office.”

“Me too,” Natalie said, looking down at the ground. I felt my heart sink. I needed to get her alone and explain.

“Ryan, are we still on for the museum this weekend?” Renee asked, looking at me. You know that expression ‘caught between a rock and a hard place’? That was me, right then. I looked over at Natalie. Everything about her— her stance, her face, was sullen. But I had to say something.

“Um, yeah, I think so.”

“Good. Well, see you then. Give my regards to Lisa.”

I nodded and the three of them left. I wasted no time in taking out my cell phone and typing out a feverish text to Natalie.

It’s not what you think. I can explain

I waited for five minutes, and she finally texted me back.

DO NOT TEXT ME AGAIN

I ignored her suggestion and wrote her again.

I’m not dating Lisa.

She’s not pregnant with my child

It’s a long story. Please let me explain

I waited for twenty minutes. Nothing. Either she was ignoring me, had blocked my number, or had turned off her phone. I checked my watch. 1:15. She was probably back at work by now.

Natalie

My phone rang, and I blew my nose before answering it. I’d locked myself in my office since getting back from lunch. I needed some private time to think about this mind-fuck of a situation I was in. Plus, despite my best attempts to thwart it, I needed somewhere private to cry.

“Yes?” I croaked, my throat stiff.

“Ms. Reese, your one-thirty is at reception.”

One-thirty? I had a one-thirty, but not until tomorrow. Unless I had the wrong day. Crap. I wasn’t ready for a meeting— I needed some time to process what I’d just learned. Had Renee just seriously said that Ryan was dating my therapist and had knocked her up? I mean, for the love of God, WHATTHEFUCK!?

“Uh, okay. Just give me a minute.” I gathered myself and took some concealer out of my desk drawer. Using a small mirror, I covered up the red splotches that were encircling my eyes and then added a fresh swipe of lipstick, trying my best to look semi-presentable.

I smoothed my outfit as I walked down the hall toward reception. And then I froze when I saw him.

Ryan-fucking-Andrews.

I scurried up to him, my hurt giving way to annoyance. “What are you doing here? Did you not understand my text?” I hissed. “I blocked you. Do I need to have security escort you out?”

He leaned into me and grabbed me by the arm. “Five minutes,” he said with a low growl.

I looked down at his grip and then scowled at him.

“Five minutes,” he repeated.

I huffed and glanced around. The receptionist was trying to look busy at her desk but I knew she was eavesdropping. “Fine. My office.” He let me go and I turned on my high-heel and escorted him down the hall.

Inside my office, I turned to close the door behind me.

“You look nice today, by the way. I like that skirt on you. I always did appreciate a librarian vibe.”

I looked down at my pencil skirt and then crossed my arms. “Seriously? You seriously have the nerve to flirt with me when you’re
sleeping with my therapist?
”

Ryan put his hands on his hips. “I’m not
sleeping
with anyone but you, Natalie.”

His calm demeanor was insanely frustrating. “Bullshit. Renee said you knocked Dr. Lerner up! Or did you miss that because you were too busy checking out my pencil skirt?”

“Natalie,” he said, exasperated, “Renee doesn’t know the whole truth.”

“The whole truth? Oh, ha, so there is something I’m missing? Tell me Ryan, what additional parts of this story have I not been privy to?” I was whispering as loudly as I could now, given the thin walls of the Heaven Sent offices.

He stepped closer to me, and I took a step back. “If you would calm down—”

“Don’t tell me to calm down!”

“Let’s have a seat,” he said, gesturing to the chairs.

“I prefer to stand.”

He closed his eyes, and his lips smoothed into a firm, straight line. “Fine. We’ll stand.” He crossed his arms. “Now, will you let me at least try to explain?”

“Fine. Go. Try.”

He uncrossed his arms and rubbed his temples before putting his hands back in his pockets.

“Okay. So you know Lisa.”

I glared at him.

“Right. Sorry. Of course you do. Well…”

Ryan

And suddenly I realized I couldn’t say anything. Nothing.

Because if I told Natalie what was really going on, she’d tell Renee, and then the jig would be up, and Lisa would tell the department and…

I’d lose everything I’d been working so hard for.

Or I could tell the truth…and lose everything but maybe keep Natalie. Maybe. There was also a chance she’d think I was a total hypocrite.

Neither choice was a good one.

I stared at her for a full minute, debating which way to go. When I’d finally made my decision, the words that came out of my mouth made my stomach feel like it’d been cut right out of me.

“Natalie. I think it’s best if we conclude our work together.”

Liar!
My subconscious hissed.

“You’ve made tremendous progress.”

It was like reciting lines from a poorly written play.

“But I can always find you another therapist, if you want to continue your work.”

And if you choose that option, I will personally castrate every male sex therapist in the continental United States.

I stopped, giving her time to decide.

“I don’t
want
another therapist,” she whispered tersely, and I felt a thousand daggers tear into my heart. Then she looked up at me, her eyes full of hate. “You know what, I’ll be fine. And just so you know, I lied, too. I don’t have any weird sexual issues. I was just looking to lose my virginity without having to sleep with a douche bag, but it looks like that’s easier said than done.”

I looked at her, trying to process what she was saying. “What do you mean, Natalie?”

“I mean, I hired you as a means to an end. And now that we’re at the end, I can go and get on with my life. We’re done.” She took both hands and ran them under her eyes, smearing her mascara. “Thank you for your
services
, Mr. Andrews.”

My
services
? I stared at her, my mouth agape. Was she serious? Did she seriously not feel anything? This wasn’t how this was supposed to play out. This wasn’t how
we
were supposed to play out. I stood there silently, racking my brain on how to fix it. Before I could think of anything, she straightened.

“Now if you don’t mind, I have a lot of work to do. Would you like me to walk you out?”

I looked over at her, dumbfounded. I couldn’t figure out what she was thinking. Was she really was just letting me go? Maybe I had mis-judged her. Mis-judged
us
. I cocked my head at her.

“I can find the way.”

She walked over and opened the door for me. “Good day, Mr. Andrews.” I took one last look at her, searching her face for something, anything that told me she didn’t mean what she’d said. I found nothing.

“Good day, Ms. Reese.”

Natalie

Once I knew he was gone, I locked my door, crawled back into my chair, and sobbed.