The Letting (33 page)

“Go on.” I turn back, placing one foot, then the other, moving outside until the darkness envelopes me, driving the excitement of the unknown through me.

I walk closer to the ocean, needing to feel the water on my feet, needing to be whole again. The water is incredibly calm and quiet tonight. I can only hear the smallest waves, rolling off in the distance.

“Ronnie?” I hear my name on the ocean waves. “Ronnie?” I hear it again and I turn back, not daring to think…“Ronnie,” Phoenix calls, rushing forward to embrace me.

“Phoenix?” I throw myself into his arms. “How? How can you be alive?” Tears stream down my face.

“For you.” His hands reach up and stroke both sides of my face. “I am alive for you.” I study him and see his gorgeous face is covered with cuts and bruises. I touch one of them but he doesn’t falter.

“What did he do to you?” I feel anger coursing through me.

“Nothing we need to talk about right now.”

“How did you get away?” I ask.

“Gunnar isn’t as smart as he thinks he is.” Phoenix smiles at me. “Then I made my way here to Grace. I knew she would help me find you.”

“I came with Brooke,” I report.

“How?” he asks, confused.

“We walked.”

“From camp to the Inferno?” He raises his eyebrows in disbelief.

“I knew you were alive. That’s what kept me going.”

He nods, understanding.

“And Brooke came because she wants to be the one to kill you.” We share a small smile. Soon his smile dissipates. Phoenix’s expression grows so much more intense. He grips both sides of my face softly, but possessively, and he leans down, kissing me on the lips. I push myself as tightly to him as possible, and he drops his hands to my waist. Our lips are locked together as he lifts me up, and our bodies press together until there is no space between us. We fit together like two interlocking pieces of a puzzle. He puts me down only so I can catch my breath. He kisses me softly now, over and over again, his lips traveling across my face, leaving gentle kisses behind. I close my eyes, giving myself over to this feeling of complete excitement and complete surrender. His lips find their way back to my mouth again, and we interlock. I wish there was something, anything, I could do to stay with him forever. There is nothing I wouldn’t do.

He pulls away for only a moment, and I can see in his eyes he feels the same way. My lips are numb and my body aches for him, but the way he smiles at me tells me we are going to stop.

“Why?” I whisper, my eyes closed. “Why are we stopping?”

“Because it’s my job to take care of you.”

My breath catches in my throat. His words course through my veins like pure ecstasy. He takes off his jacket and lays it on the sand. He pulls me down to sit next to him, and we stare out at the ocean. He holds my left hand and turns it over, rubbing it with his hands.

“They say,” Phoenix looks out at the water as he speaks. “In ancient times, men and women used to choose to be together.”

“I’ve heard that,” I sigh, breathlessly.

“And that when a man was in love he would give something to the woman he loved. And every time she looked at it, she would be reminded of how much he loved her. And she would be his, forever, no matter what.”

“That’s beautiful,” I murmur, feeling my palms grow sweaty with his touch.

“I wish I had something I could give you,” he remarks, looking at me. “So you know how much I love you.”

I smile at him. “I don’t need anything to remind me of that. We just need to keep fulfilling our promises to each other.”

“Like?”

“Like the promise we made to meet back at the waterfront. It’s not our waterfront,” I acknowledge, “but it’s something.”

“It certainly is, and you’re wearing another incredibly beautiful dress. I have to say, I do like your choice of attire whenever you visit Farnsworth.”

“Well it’s not done willingly,” I respond angrily and see Phoenix’s mood darken. “Oh, I shouldn’t have said…” My words trail off.

“No. You should be able to say anything to me. I just hate that he controls us. It shouldn’t be like that, Ron.”

“But he can’t control what’s in here,” I remind him, placing my hand on Phoenix’s heart.

Phoenix reaches out and takes my hand. He kisses my palm and then softly kisses my wrist. Slowly, he moves up my forearm, past my elbow, up my bicep, and my shoulder, making his way to my neck. His kisses linger there, while his fingers toy with the straps on my gown. One strap slips off my shoulder, and I feel waves of exhilaration wash over me. His hand lingers at my shoulder, before it inches across my collarbone, slowly. My breath catches. His hands and his kisses drive me wild and chills pass through my body like tiny convulsions. And then, again, he stops.

“I’m sorry,” he mumbles.

“No sorry,” I pant, aching for more.

“No.” He shakes his head. “It’s too much. Not here. Not like this.”

We sit for a minute staring out at the ocean then something grabs his attention right as a tiny wave breaks near our feet. He stands and walks over to pick something up. He comes back and sits next to me.

“I don’t know what they used in ancient times,” he admits. “But I’m asking you to be mine. Forever.”

He holds his hand open to reveal a perfectly shaped, milky white seashell. Somehow through the chaos and horror that surrounds us, we have found a moment of bliss and perfect peace. Love really can conquer all. I take the seashell in my hand and hold it to my heart.

“I’ve always been yours.”

He leans over and kisses me, knowing what I say is true.

We sit side-by-side, staring out at the ocean, both of us content but neither of us trusting the feeling. I turn the seashell over and over in my hand. “Why is he allowing us this time together?” I whisper.

“Don’t know…” Phoenix reaches up and scratches the back of his head. His knuckles look bruised and raw. “Maybe he’s giving up.” Phoenix smiles a charming, boyish smile.

“Right. Or maybe he’s…changing?” I’m careful with my words. Too much faith in Farnsworth could threaten Phoenix.

“Maybe.” Phoenix pulls me closer to him. “All I know is that I will never let him take you away again.”

I sigh, snuggling closer to Phoenix, wishing it were possible to stay with him forever. “A war is raging around us.” The words I say are powerful, yet I speak softly. “My girls are alone at camp, Lulu is missing, and Gunnar may topple the New World at any moment.” We both know these things, yet somehow I feel the need to say them. “Any one of those things could take me away…” Despite my best efforts, my voice breaks on my last word. I feel the tears welling.

“Hey, hey…?” Phoenix tilts my chin upward and looks me deep in the eyes.

“How did this happen?” I ask him. “Any of this? I was just a girl cursed with toxic blood, counting the days until I would see my mother again, knowing it would never happen. I loved her, and she is gone and the pain is unbearable. I would rather walk away from you now than ever feel that pain again. The pain I would feel in losing you again would be exponentially worse…and it will get worse and worse with each passing day. Can you understand that?” My eyes search his.

“I understand because it’s the same for me. Don’t you get it, Ron? I will never let them break us apart again. Never. Farnsworth has no recourse. He needs us.”

I nod at him. “I just wish there was some way—”

“Trust me,” he murmurs, placing his hand gently on my lips. He looks at me, his eyes intense and hungry. He leans toward me, tucking a hair behind my ear and the back of his hand brushes against my cheek gently. It’s rough but feels so…nice. This time his hand lingers at my mouth, and I begin to kiss his damaged knuckles, one after another. His thumb is the last to brush by, and slowly it parts my lips, pushing its way into my mouth. It tastes salty and feels odd against my tongue, but I can’t get enough. I begin to kiss and bite at him until his finger is replaced by his tongue.

The seashell slips from my grasp as he leans me back against the sand. It is such a heady feeling, I am spinning. I hear the crash of the waves and the rush of our breath. He lies next to me, and the feeling is so forceful and exhilarating a loud moan escapes my mouth and finds its way into his. Both of his hands are on the sides of my head and his tongue is claiming my mouth as his own. I feel his knee come to rest on the ground between my knees, my gown lifting slightly to make way. He presses against me and I am lost. I grab at the back of his shirt, trying to pry it off him, trying to pull him on top of me. My body aches, wishing his hands would find their way to…anywhere on me. My body moves against his and the feeling is…indescribable.

I feel the shift in his body as he rolls himself away from me. He sits up, breathing heavily, an arm draped across a bent knee. Before he can chastise himself for what we’ve done, or would like to do, I reach up and run my hands through his hair. He closes his eyes and relaxes with my touch. I hike my gown just enough to allow me to move comfortably and climb onto his lap. I face him, my mouth swollen from his kisses. He looks away, but his hands make their way to my hips to pull me closer. The connection is exhilarating. I want to dive back into another kiss but something tells me not to. Instead, I wrap my arms around his neck and push myself as close as I can.

A gentle breeze brushes against me. I lift my head to let the light wind wash over me, and I catch a glimpse of Brooke in the distance, walking toward us. My heart drops when I see she is walking purposely, her head hung low. She is coming with news. She has the answer to what’s next for us and where we will go from here, and I know it’s not an answer we want.

I look away, making Brooke disappear just for the moment. I wish I could just as easily close my eyes and escape all of the atrocities of our world. If only Phoenix and I could run off and start a life together. But neither of us would ever leave. There are too many people here relying on us.

Staring at Farnsworth’s mansion I wonder, why us? Why were we chosen for this life? We were just two kids thrust into an unimaginable situation, one who became the strong, rebel leader and the other, the girl he fought so violently against. Somehow, these two great foes have fallen for each other and yet, this is the only thing in our crazy world that truly makes sense.

Phoenix’s arms tighten around my waist. I
feel
his love for me—his protectiveness and passion. I know no matter what news Brooke brings, Phoenix and I will find the answer. Together.

Brooke is approaching quickly, and it’s clear we’re on borrowed time. I’m not wasting one more precious moment worrying. I bury my face into Phoenix’s neck and breathe him in deeply. This is our moment of bliss, and maybe this is as happy as we are ever allowed to be.

He raises his head and kisses me, hungrily. His hands clamp on my hips, and he pulls me even closer. Lost in his kiss, my body feels things it never has before, like there’s a giant magnet inside Phoenix sending shock waves through my body and drawing me to him.

Brooke stands behind us now, and there is no more pretending our future is ours alone.

I pull away from Phoenix and smile at him. The corners of his eyes crinkle as he smiles back. He nods, cups my cheek in his hand, and I nuzzle against it. We understand each other.

Even if this is all the happiness we are ever allowed, it will be enough.

A word from the author...

Originally from NYC, I have a fondness for cities and all that is gritty. I have a soft spot for flawed, passionate female characters, and although I enjoy writing NA/YA, my first novel was steamy women’s fiction. I began my writing career as a playwright, which is probably why I love writing dialogue. My other loves include (in no particular order): coffee (although sadly, it’s now decaf); yoga; Luna bars (I am petitioning them to bring back Chocolate Raspberry!); running in my neighborhood; Hemingway; Bukowski... and, above all, my husband and my girls.

~*~

You can learn more about Cathrine and her writing at:

http://www.CathrineGoldstein.com

Thank you for purchasing
this publication of The Wild Rose Press, Inc.