Forgotten in advance, these failures are technological
in the oldest sense: they allow us to see ourselves as changed
and to remain unchanged. These failures grant us
an unwelcome reprieve
and now we must celebrate wildly
until we are bereft.
As in, “Beauty rears her ugly head.”
As in, “I broke her arm so I could sign the cast.”
There is suffering somewhere else,
but here in Kansas our acquaintances
rape us tenderly and remain unchanged.
Will these failures grow precious through repetition
and, although we cannot hope to be forgiven,
will these failures grow precious through repetition?
I did it for the children. I did it for the money.
I did it for the depression of spirit and the cessation of hope.
I did it because I could, because it was there.
I’d do it again. Oops, I did it again.
What have I done? What have I done
to deserve this? What have I done with my keys,
my youth? What am I going to do
while you’re at tennis camp? What are we going to do
with the body? I don’t do smack. I don’t do
toilets. I don’t do well at school. I could do
with a bath. Unto others, I do
injurious, praiseworthy, parroted acts.
Let’s just do Chinese. Just do as I say. Just do me.
That does it. Easy does it. That’ll do.
The sky narrates snow. I narrate my name in the snow.
Snow piled in paragraphs. Darkling snow. Geno-snow
and pheno-snow. I staple snow to the ground.
In medieval angelology, there are nine orders of snow.
A vindication of snow in the form of snow.
A jealous snow. An omni-snow. Snow immolation.
Do you remember that winter it snowed?
There were bodies everywhere. Obese, carrot-nosed.
A snow of translucent hexagonal signifiers. Meta-snow.
Sand replaced with snow. Snowpaper. A window of snow
opened onto the snow. Snow replaced with sand.
A sandman. Obese, carrot-nosed. Tiny swastikas
of snow. Vallejo’s unpublished snow.
Real snow on the stage. Fake blood on the snow.
About the Author
Ben Lerner is originally from Topeka, Kansas. He holds degrees in political theory and creative writing from Brown University, and his poems have appeared in a variety of literary magazines, including
The Paris Review, Ploughshares,
and
The Threepenny Review
. He co-edits
No: a journal of the arts
, and was awarded a 2003-2004 Fulbright Scholarship to Spain.
Books by Ben Lerner
Angle of Yaw
Lichtenberg Figures
Mean Free Path
Links
Acknowledgments
Grateful acknowledgment is made to
Aufgabe, The Beloit Poetry Journal, CROWD, Denver Quarterly, The Paris Review, Ploughshares, Post Road, Slope, 26, Verse
, and
Web Conjunctions
, where some of these poems first appeared.
Thanks to Ariana, C.D., Keith, Brady, Jon, Forrest, Max, Rishi, Rosmarie, and my family for their many forms of support.
Copyright 2004 by Ben Lerner
All rights reserved
Cover art: Bert Hickman, Stoneridge Engineering
ISBN: 1-55659-211-6
eISBN: 978-16193-2073-4
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