The Lies that Bind (33 page)

“No. That's a parrot that got taken too, an indigo macaw. It means more to him than his wife.”

She began skimming the Males to Females section. “Look at this one. ‘Motorhead, racer for loud engines and wild rides.' Sounds like my type.”

“You already have a boyfriend.” Known to me as Stevie, the stereo king.

“A boyfriend,” Anna replied, “not a husband. Should I call motorhead?” Without waiting for my answer, she punched in all the numbers, listened for a few minutes and then hung up. “Dumb,” she said. “Macho.”

“What did you expect from a motorhead?”

“Okay, how about
this
one? ‘SWM. Caring, liberal, kind, likes fine dining and travel. Looking for intelligent, romantic woman to share life with.' ”

“I don't know about the fine dining part,” I said. Anna's idea of fine food was a Lotta Burger with green chile.

“Let's call him.” She listened briefly and turned the phone over to me. “I'm a sensitive, romantic guy,” he said between long pauses. “It's hard for me to talk on these machines. Maybe it's hard for you too. If you want to just leave your number, that's okay. I'll call you back. I promise.”

“Yuck. Too sensitive,” said Anna and kept on looking.

“How about this? ‘SWM. Mountain man. Likes rock climbing, caving, animals, camping, outdoors. ISO…' what does that mean?”

“International sex object?”

“I'm seeking only?”

“In search of,” said my partner Brink, who had wandered out of his office and was leaning over Anna's shoulder, reading. He'd obviously had more experience with newspaper Relationships (but less of the other kind) than Anna or I. When Anna wanted to meet men, she parked her car in the breakdown lane and put up the hood.

“ ‘In search of,' ” Anna continued, “ ‘an independent woman to explore New Mexico with.' Sounds like your type,” she said to me.

“I'm not looking,” I replied, but she dialed the number anyway and handed the phone over to me
even
faster than she had the last time.

“You're not gonna believe this,” she said.

“I hate these machines, don't you?” I heard. “If you want to just leave your number, that's okay. I'll call you back. I'm a sensitive, romantic guy who likes the outdoors.” It was a hesitant male voice, the same hesitant male voice.

“Covering all the bases,” I said.

“What a jerk,” said Anna, who had begun looking through the Females to Males for Brink. “ ‘Rubenesk.' What does that mean?”

“Fat,” I said.

“Plump,” said Brink, who was on the Rubenesque side himself.

“Look at this,” Anna continued. “ ‘SWF ISO single European or Latin American male, handsome, athletic body, cute face, who plays soccer.' ”

“I've already got him,” I said.

“I'll say,” said Anna. She clapped her hands together. “I've found one for you, Brink. ‘Do you like homemade chocolate chip cookies?' ”

Brink liked any kind of cookies.

“ ‘Blond, semi-full-figured DWF.' She's divorced. That's good. You need someone with experience. ‘ISO a good heart, not good looks,' and—get this—‘no country dancing, like lawyers, corny jokes.' Perfect!”

“Let me see.” Brink snatched the Relationships section out of Anna's hand.

“Be careful with that; it's evidence,” I said.

“Make me a copy, will you?” Brink asked Anna.

“You got it,” she said.

Brink took the copy, went back into his office and shut the door, and not because he intended to do any work. “Do you think he's gonna call her?” Anna asked me.

“I know it,” I replied, watching the button for his extension lighting up.

You
can find more of Judith Van Gieson's mysteries as ebooks:

North of the Border: A Neil Hamel Mystery (#1)

Raptor: A Neil Hamel Mystery (#2)

The Other Side of Death: A Neil Hamel Mystery (#3)

The Wolf Path: A Neil Hamel Mystery (#4)

The Lies That Bind: A Neil Hamel Mystery (#5)

Parrot Blues: A Neil Hamel Mystery (#6)

Hotshots: A Neil Hamel Mystery (#7)

Ditch Rider: A Neil Hamel Mystery (#8)

The Stolen Blue: A Claire Reynier Mystery (#1)

Vanishing Point: A Claire Reynier Mystery (#2)

Confidence Woman: A Claire Reynier Mystery (#3)

Land of Burning Heat: A Claire Reynier Mystery (#4)

The Shadow of Venus: A Claire Reynier Mystery (#5)