The Life and Crimes of Bernetta Wallflower (10 page)

“So, Colin,” Bernetta said as they set off walking. The going was pretty slow because Colin kept tripping on his Dracula cape, and he stopped every three seconds to pick up rocks. “How about we don't actually go to the Nortons' house today? What if we went somewhere else? Like, um, the pier?”

Colin bent down to pick up another rock. “But I thought you had to babysit Hank and Yoyo today.”

“Um, well, normally I do, but today . . .” Bernetta watched as Colin attempted to cram yet another rock in his pocket. There must have been ten in there already. “Colin, what are you doing?”

“I'm collecting all the gray ones.”

“Oh. Okay. Um, anyway . . . I think today Hank's not feeling so good. He's kind of sick actually. So I don't have to babysit. So the two of us should just take the bus to the pier instead. What do you think of that? We can go on the Ferris wheel.”

Colin stood and held up a rock to Bernetta's nose. “Bernie, you think this is a baby rock or a grown-up grandma one? I have five babies already, so I need some grandmas.”

By the time they reached the bus stop three blocks away, Colin's pockets were bulging with rocks, and he didn't seem to care one smidge about imaginary Hank and invisible Yolanda. So they waited together while Colin examined his new rock collection, and when the bus arrived, Bernetta offered the driver a handful of quarters and they climbed on board. Colin spent the full twenty minutes balancing rocks on Bernetta's knees, telling her each stone's life story.

“This one,” he told Bernetta, “is named Blubber-Baby Teeny-Meany Rock Guy. He's a tightrope walker in the circus. He's really really good too, and he only falls over sometimes. His pet elephant has the measles, though. And
this
one is Mrs. Waffle House. She works at the bank, catching bad guys who try to rob the money. She has nineteen kids, and her uncle is an astronaut. This one's name is Norm, and he eats soap.”

When the bus lurched to a stop, Bernetta helped Colin scoop the rocks back into his pockets, and then she took his hand and led him down the bus steps, holding up the edge of his cape so he wouldn't trip on it.

The pier was one of Bernetta's favorite places in the world. It smelled like fish and salt water and sweat and sunscreen, and everywhere you looked, there were kids racing around with giant orange stuffed animals or pink cotton candy. When Bernetta was eight and Elsa was fourteen, Elsa had convinced their parents that they could go all by themselves, and they'd spent the whole day, just the two of them, eating hot dogs and riding the Ferris wheel and playing games and trying on hundreds of pairs of sunglasses. The pier was the perfect place for a sisters-only day.

It was also, Bernetta had discovered that summer, a pretty good place to be a con artist.

Bernetta spotted Gabe in front of the Taco Hut, right where he'd said he'd be, and she led Colin over. They walked across the swollen slats of the boardwalk, and Bernetta waved in Gabe's direction. Today his yellow T-shirt simply read
I'M BATMAN
.

“Hey,” he said to Bernetta once they'd reached him. He smiled at Colin. “Hey, Boy Wonder. What's with the cape?”

“I'm Dracula,” Colin said.

“He's my brother,” Bernetta told him.

“I see.”

Colin squinted up at Gabe. “Are you Hank?” he asked. He tugged on Bernetta's hand. “He's really big for a six-year-old. Tell him not to cough on me.”

“Huh?” Bernetta asked.

“You said he was sick,” Colin replied. He took his fangs out of his mouth and stuck them in his pocket. “Dracula hates getting sick. Can we play the games, Bernie Bernie? I wanna play the one with all the stuff you can knock over.”

“Um . . .” Bernetta looked from Colin to Gabe and back again. “Actually,” she said, “I think that's a great idea. Let's go.”

As they headed over to the row of boardwalk games, Bernetta whispered to Gabe, “I had to bring him. Sorry. I would've called and canceled, but I didn't have your phone number.” Bernetta sucked in her breath. She hoped Gabe didn't think she'd said that because she was trying to get him to give her his phone number. She tried to figure out a way to fix what she'd said, but before she could think of anything, they'd reached the games, and Colin was tugging on her arm again.

“That one, Bernie Bernie!” he squealed. “That one with the clown heads. Dracula
loves
knocking over clown heads!” He hopped up and down on one foot as Bernetta wrestled a few dollar bills out of her book-and-tissue-safe. She handed two to the man behind the booth, who gave Colin five softballs.

“You know what to do, kid?” the man asked Colin.

“Uh-huh,” Colin said. “I whack all the clown heads.”

“You got it,” the man replied, and Colin began to throw.

“So?” Gabe said as they watched Colin try to take out the clowns. “Why are you carrying around so much money, anyway?”

“What?” Bernetta asked, clutching the straps on her backpack. “What do you mean?”

“I saw when you were getting money for Colin. You have a giant stash in your backpack. That's not really safe, you know, carrying around so much cash like that.”

Bernetta watched as Colin's third ball finally took down a clown. “I know, but my mom's making me deposit all my school money in the bank, so I don't really have a choice. Hey, Colin hit another one! He's pretty good!”

“
All
your money?” Gabe asked.

“Yeah.”

He frowned. “Well, maybe you shouldn't check to make sure your bag's zipped up all the time. It's a dead giveaway there's something valuable in there. Someone could steal it from you.”

“What? That's crazy. No one's going to steal it. No one but you would even notice—”

“You're pulling on those straps so hard, your knuckles are white,” Gabe told her. “Trust me, people notice stuff like that.”

Bernetta loosened her grip on her backpack.

“Bernie Bernie!” Colin shouted. “I only hit two of the ugly clowns, and the man says I have to hit three or he won't give me a prize, even though I'm Dracula and I could eat him with my fangs.”

Gabe laughed. “Don't worry, buddy,” he told Colin, “I'll help you out.” He dug in his pocket and pulled out two dollars, handing them to the man behind the booth. “I wouldn't want your brother to have to eat anyone,” he said to Bernetta.

As Gabe took a stab at the clown game, and Colin did his best to frighten passing babies in strollers by showing off his fangs, Bernetta wondered if this was what it was like to be on a date. Down at the pier on a sunny summer day with a boy with chocolate brown eyes who was trying desperately to win a stuffed animal and impress you. Or impress your little brother. But close enough.

“I'm sorry Colin ruined our plans today,” she told Gabe. “But I guess we can just, you know, hang out for a while. Colin will like that. I think he likes you. And then we can go back to normal on Monday.”

Gabe tossed another ball, but he missed by a mile. “What do you mean, he ruined our plans? You don't want to work today?”

“Well, yeah, but I have to watch Colin.”

Gabe threw another softball. Zero for three. “So? He could help us. I bet he'd be really good.”

“Um—
what
?” Bernetta said. “You want him to work with us?” She watched Colin terrorizing toddlers. “I don't think that's a good idea. I mean, he's only six. It might scar him for life.”

Gabe finally managed to hit a clown. “Yeah, but what if he didn't even know he was in on it?”

“I don't know . . .” Bernetta tugged on her backpack straps, but then noticed Gabe raising an eyebrow at her and let go.

“I think it would be perfect,” Gabe said. “He's cute and little, so no one would suspect a thing. I know this really great con we could do, from
Paper Moon
.” He threw the last two balls at once. Miss and miss. No prize. “Your brother likes ice cream, right?”

Bernetta thought about it. “You swear he won't know what we're doing?” Gabe nodded. “And there's no way we can get caught?” He shook his head no. Bernetta looked over at Colin. He seemed so happy. “All right,” she said. “We're in.”

“Cool,” Gabe said. He checked his watch. “Why don't you guys play games for a little bit longer? I have to make a quick phone call. I'll be back in five minutes, and then I'll explain the plan. How's that?”

“Okay,” Bernetta said, “see you in five.”

D
ISAPPEARANCE
:
n
: an illusion in which a person or object vanishes

Forty minutes later, after Gabe had explained his plan to Bernetta in full and had finally succeeded in winning Colin a blue stuffed whale, they left the game area.

“You feel like ice cream?” Bernetta asked Colin as they walked down the boardwalk.

Colin was busy trying to fit his Dracula fangs into the whale's stitched mouth. “Uh-huh. I
love
ice cream. Bernie Bernie, Dracula had a whale, right?”

“Of course he did.”

“Good.”

Colin skipped a few feet ahead, his whale clutched securely against his chest, then turned around and proceeded to walk backward, shouting out, “Make way for Dracula!” as he crashed into people.

“So,” Bernetta said to Gabe as they walked, “this con, it's from a movie, you said?”

“
Paper Moon
, yeah. You seen it?”

She shook her head. “Nope.”

“You should. It's really good.”

It had been almost four weeks since Bernetta and Gabe had been working together, but Bernetta still didn't feel she knew how to have a
conversation
with him. What were you supposed to talk about on an almost date? Elsa would know, but she wasn't around, was she?

They walked past the Ferris wheel, with its calliope music and line of kids squealing happily. Bernetta tried desperately to think of something that Gabe would want to talk about. “So, um, is that your favorite movie?”

“Huh?” Gabe seemed to be lost in thought, but he snapped out of it quickly. “
Paper Moon
? No. I mean, it's good, but it's not my favorite.”

“So what is?”

Up ahead of them, Colin crashed backward into a bench, but he got up just fine and waved and smiled before he began his backward walking again.

“Well . . .” Gabe thought about it. “Probably my favorite is
Bait and Switch
.”

“Oh,” Bernetta said. “I've never seen it.” Why hadn't she ever seen any of the movies he liked?

“Yeah,” Gabe replied, sticking his hands in his pockets. “Most people haven't. Actually, it's not even that good. I just like it because my uncle's in it.”

“Really? Your uncle's in a movie? Is he an actor?”

Gabe grinned. “Yeah. Well, he's sort of an actor. He used to live in Hollywood and everything, but he moved back here a couple years ago 'cause he hardly got any gigs. That means acting jobs.” Bernetta nodded. “He's always saying he's going to go back, though, take another stab at it.
Bait and Switch
is pretty cool. You should see it. The scene my uncle's in, he plays this waiter. And one of the bad guys is sitting in this booth at the restaurant, right? And my uncle serves him coffee. And then the guy
dies
. It's poison coffee.” Bernetta laughed. “Uncle Kevin only had three lines, but it was still cool.”

Gabe was looking at her then, giving her a good, serious gaze as they strolled down the boardwalk. He seemed to be thinking pretty hard about something. Bernetta wasn't positive, but she thought that maybe, just maybe, it might be a
date
gaze. Maybe he was thinking something wonderful and romantic, like how her eyes were as gray as the ocean on a cloudy day, when the waves were restless and the sky was—

Bernetta walked directly into a lamppost.

“Bernie Bernie, there's a pole there!” Colin called back to her.

“You all right?” Gabe asked. But Bernetta could tell he was trying not to chuckle.

Bernetta rubbed her forehead with the heel of her hand. “Oh, yeah,” she replied. “Just swell.”

They reached Sally's Olde Ice Cream Parlour, and Colin studied his flavor choices in the window while Bernetta unzipped her backpack. “Will a twenty work?” she asked Gabe.

“Perfect,” he said. He dug a black marker out of his pocket. “I bought this while you guys were at the games. Here, let me see that twenty.”

Bernetta handed over the bill, and Gabe wrote on it in careful black letters, just to the right of the White House,
Jordan 555-2986
.

“Great,” Bernetta said as Gabe handed the bill back to her. “We all set then?”

Gabe returned the marker to his pocket. “Yep. You and Dracula get some ice cream. I'll be over by the cotton candy”—he checked his watch—“for about fifteen minutes. Remember, you don't know me.”

“Sure,” Bernetta said. “Good luck.”

He looked at her then—gazed, really—right into her stormy sea eyes. “Thanks,” he said, and left.

Even though it was still morning, there was already a small crowd at the ice-cream shop. Colin danced with his whale while they waited in line.

“Bernie, you like my dancing?” Colin twirled in a circle and lifted the whale high above his head.

Bernetta laughed. “Very nice,” she said. “Do you know what flavor you want, Mr. Dracula?”

“Yep yep. Rainbow sherbet and hot fudge.”

“Excellent choice.”

“I know.”

When they got to the front of the line, Bernetta ordered Colin's flavor concoction and a peppermint cone for herself. While the girl behind the counter was scooping, Bernetta put a hand on Colin's shoulder and nodded toward the man at the register. “Hey, Dracula, you want to pay?”

“Aw, how come I got to pay?”

“Because I'm getting the cones, and I don't want you to drop them,” Bernetta replied.
Because you're younger and will cause less suspicion
. That was the real reason.

“But
I
wanna—”

“You know, we're probably going to be buying a lot of stuff today, and if you pay every time, I promise that when we get home, I'll give you all my old shoelaces you've been asking for.”

Colin's eyes grew huge. “Even the
brown
ones?”

Bernetta nodded. “Even the brown ones.” She pulled the twenty from her pocket and handed it to him, phone number side down. “Here, give it to the man like this, okay? With the president showing on the top. They like it better if you do it that way.”

“Okay,” Colin said, taking the bill. “Hey, Bernie?”

“Yeah?”

“After you give me all your shoelaces, will you help me turn them into ninja weapons?”

“We'll see,” she said. “Go pay.”

Bernetta and Colin sat on the bench outside the ice-cream parlor, licking their cones. Bernetta was watching the sailboats off in the distance, but Colin was turned around backward, making scary faces at the people passing by. Bernetta's backpack was still strapped securely to her back. She didn't care what Gabe said about its being
suspicious
. There was over twenty-five hundred dollars in there, and she wasn't taking any chances.

She tucked her feet underneath her Indian-style on the bench and took another lick of ice cream. From the corner of her eye, Bernetta saw Gabe enter the ice-cream store, but she tried not to look at him directly. After all, she reminded herself, she didn't know him at all.

She knew exactly what he was doing, though. Right now he was buying a bottle of water, paying for it with a five-dollar bill. And when the cashier gave him his change, Gabe's face would suddenly switch from smiling to confused. “You gave me change for a five,” Gabe would tell the cashier, his cheeks scrunched up as though he didn't quite understand what was going on.

“Yeah?” the cashier would reply. “That's what you gave me.”

“No, I didn't,” Gabe would say. “It was a twenty. I'm sure of it. I was just looking at it, and there was a phone number written on there. Jordan or something. Look in your drawer if you don't believe me. I'm positive it's there.”

Bernetta smiled just thinking about it. It was a perfect plan, if it worked. And Bernetta was sure it would work. If anyone could pull it off, it was Gabe. He was the best actor of anyone she knew. He could convince anyone of anything.

“Hey, Bernie Bernie,” Colin said, tugging on her sleeve.

She wiped the fudge prints off her T-shirt. “What's up, Coliflower?”

“It's your friend.” Colin pointed into the souvenir shop across from them.

“My friend?” Bernetta turned around on the bench to look. “You mean Gabe? He's in the ice-cream store.”

“No, it's your friend, Bernie. Your best friend.” He held his whale up and made it kiss Bernetta's cheek. “You know, Ashley? I saw her over there, looking at the magnets.”

Ashley Johansson? Here? Bernetta's stomach did a somersault. It would be just like Ashley to jump back into her life right now, just when things were finally going Bernetta's way again. She narrowed her eyes as she licked a peppermint drip that was making its way down her arm. “Nah, Col,” she said. “I don't think that's her.” Bernetta could just barely make out a brown-haired girl behind the display of sweatshirts, but there were a billion brown-haired girls in the world. It couldn't be Ashley. Besides, why would she be looking at
refrigerator magnets
?

Colin shrugged and bit a hole in the bottom of his cone. He was sucking the ice cream out when Gabe came over.

“Piece of cake,” he said, and he plopped himself down on the bench next to Bernetta.

“They have cake in there?” Colin asked.

“It worked?” Bernetta said.

“Eighteen dollars and fifty cents,” Gabe said with a grin. He flashed the money at her. “And half of that is yours.”

“Thanks,” Bernetta said. She held her hand out for the money, but she was covered in sticky pink ice-cream goo, and it was hard to take off her backpack while holding an ice-cream cone.

Gabe laughed. “Here,” he said. “I'll put it in there for you.”

“Thanks.” Bernetta turned to face Colin while Gabe put the money in her bag. When he'd yanked the zipper up tight, bringing the grand total inside to $2,602.36, Bernetta swiveled back around. “So,” she said, “that was pretty easy. You were totally right. What's the plan now? Try it out at the candy store maybe? Or the T-shirt shack? Or we could take a break and take Colin up the Ferris wheel? He likes when it gets stuck at the top.”

Gabe glanced at his watch and then back at Bernetta. “Sorry. What did you say?”

“The Ferris wheel? I thought maybe we could go there next. What do you think?”

“Oh, yeah,” Gabe said. “The Ferris wheel. Yeah, that sounds great.”

Bernetta raised an eyebrow. “You all right, Gabe?” He seemed to be acting kind of weird all of a sudden. Although what did she know? Elsa said all boys acted weird every once in a while, and you could never know what was going through their heads.

“Yeah, I'm fine,” he said. “I just have to go to the bathroom. Why don't I take Colin with me? That kid needs to wash his hands.”

“All right,” Bernetta said. “Colin, go with Gabe, okay? I'll be right here.”

“Grrrr!” Colin replied. He leaped off the bench and grabbed Gabe's hand. “That's Dracula speak for okey-dokey. Watch my whale, 'kay, Bernie? And don't let him bite you.”