The Light of the Blue Pearl (29 page)

“I know you have, I’m sorry,” she said. “In
all honesty, if I were going to pick between you, I would pick you,
Scott. Although the feelings you both have for me are making things
very difficult.”

“What do you mean
IF
you were going
to pick between us?” he asked, the subtlety of her response not
slipping past him as she had hoped.

She couldn’t answer him; instead she just
looked at him and stayed silent.

“Don’t tell me you are honestly
considering…,” he couldn’t even finish the sentence.

“Ethne, are you mad?” he asked. “You have
two people who want to be with you, and you would choose neither of
us?”

“I don’t appreciate being called mad, thank
you, you of all people know why I might have my reservations here,”
she said, feeling angry for the first time that day.

“I’m sorry, yes I understand where you are
coming from, but we have talked about this at length. I thought you
had come around,” he said.

“Well I
had
come around, until you
had to go and get hit by a car,” she said, smiling, wishing for a
reprieve from the third degree.

“Very funny,” he said, pausing a moment
before adding, “I would do it again too, if it meant saving your
life.”

She didn’t know what to say to that, his
sentiment echoing one that Ian had said to her only hours before.
Her thoughts suddenly went to Ian, thinking of him sitting alone in
her room, waiting…for her. This day was proving to be quite the
opposite of what it had promised to be.

“Well…please don’t,” she finally said in
reply to his far too sweet of comment. “I’d rather you not be
jumping in front of any more cars.”

“I won’t if you won’t,” he said.

She glanced up at her room then, wondering
how long Ian would possibly wait for her. At least he was probably
eating breakfast.

The glance hadn’t gone unnoticed. “You
really love him don’t you?” he asked.

Her attention shot back to his face at once
at that question; things really were getting far too complicated
for her taste. She may have been bored and lonely last year, but
this was an extreme in the opposite direction she really didn’t
care for.

“I’m sorry,” he said. “I just find it
peculiar since you barely know the guy.”

“Well, I’m afraid that’s not something I can
explain,” she said. “I care for him deeply yes, love him?
possibly…probably, all I know is, I don’t care to hurt either one
of you.”

“I’m sorry, Ethne,” he said. He could see in
her eyes how much this was tearing her up inside. For a girl who
did her best to avoid heartache and loss she had somehow managed to
find herself in one of the worst possible places.

“Well, it is what it is,” she said, sighing.
Her stomach was growing tired of the conversation as well and
growled at her fiercely not to be ignored.

“I’m starving, Scott, have you eaten
breakfast?” she asked.

“Not really,” he replied.

“I’ll be right back; I’m going to go get us
some food.”

Ethne returned with the food and some coffee
and set everything down. She had consumed every bite of her own
before he had time to thank her and was starting to nibble on
his.

“You were room service by the way,” she
said.

“What do you mean?” he asked.

“When you knocked, we thought you were
breakfast.”

“Oh,” he said. “Sorry.”

“It’s alright,” she said. “I was shocked to
see you.”

She paused a moment, looking into his eyes,
trying to figure out what he was thinking.

“I’m really glad you came,” she added.

He smiled. “I don’t think your boyfriend
feels the same way.”

She kicked him under the table.

He laughed. “Sorry. I know this can’t be
easy for you, Ethne.”

She looked at him, puzzled. She seriously
couldn’t figure out how he had forgiven her so easily.

“Why are you so understanding?” she asked.
“Surely you’re upset…angry with me?”

“I’m not going to lie; when I saw you with
Ian I was probably angrier than I’ve ever been in my life. But
honestly, you had already told me how you felt about him, so that
was no surprise, and you had technically left me, Ethne. As much as
it hurts, what’s done is done, and I love you – you didn’t ask for
this, I know that, and I know that the position you’re in isn’t
something you would have chosen.”

Hearing him say those words should have made
her feel better, and in a small way they did, but ultimately it
pained her to know she had hurt him.

“Try not to beat yourself up too much, Ethne
– I think you have enough bruises already.”

The tears she had been holding onto ran down
her cheeks freely after that. He got up and moved over to her and
wrapped his arms around her, letting her cry until the tears were
done.

“So what do you want to do now?” he
asked.

“I need to speak to Ian,” she said. “I leave
tomorrow, and I have a lot I need to say.”

“When are you going home?” she asked.

“My flight is bright and early in the
morning tomorrow,” he said, returning to his seat. “I just came to
talk to you, but I couldn’t miss anymore work to stay longer.”

The mention of work suddenly brought her
farther back to reality.

“My job?” she asked.

“It’s safe,” he said.

She smiled at him silently thanking him.

“I won’t pressure you anymore, Ethne, about
an answer. You know how I feel about you choosing solitude; I would
be hard pressed to allow that.”

You and Ian both
. She thought.

Somehow she was going to have to come to
grips with the worry she was inevitably going to feel; apparently
she would have stalkers at her door otherwise.

“I just want you to be happy,” he said.

Another sentiment that seemed unanimous.

“I want that for you too, Scott.”

She wasn’t sure if she was the one that was
going to bring the happiness, but she had a second chance with him
now it seemed, if she wanted to take it. How these men were as
understanding as they were was completely escaping her.

It felt like she was in a dream, where for
the first time in her life she was being put first. Having spent it
alone and fending for herself in every way, this was a strange
feeling, and not one she felt she entirely deserved.

“Well, I suppose I should go, and let you
have the rest of the day,” he said, the words there, but the action
missing.

She hadn’t wanted him to leave anymore than
he did, but she certainly couldn’t talk to Ian with him around, she
had had enough awkward for one day.

“I don’t really want you to leave, Scott.
I’ve really missed you,” she said. “But I appreciate the space you
offer, it is more than I… ever expected.”

She had meant to say deserved, but she knew
he wouldn’t want to hear how much she still hated herself for her
actions.

“I know,” he said. “I’ve missed you too. But
we can talk more when you get home.”

“Where are you staying?” she asked.

“Oh, I just booked a hotel by the airport.
The flight leaves pretty early, I didn’t want to be far,” he
said.

“Oh,” she said, disappointed that he was
leaving so soon; time by herself just meant more time for her to
think – that wasn’t necessarily a good thing. “I’ll miss you,” she
said, trying her best not to cry again.

“I’ll miss you too,” he said, standing and
pulling her to her feet so he could hug her.

“I’m really glad you’re okay, Scott,” she
said, thinking again about the fact that he hadn’t been, and she
hadn’t been there. “Please call me if you need me, okay?” she
asked, not sure if she deserved such a courtesy.

“I will,” he said. “You do the same?”

“Of course,” she said. “Thank you.”

“For?” he asked.

“For fighting for me,” she said, remembering
how disappointed she had been when she thought he no longer cared
about her. It may have been an irrational thought, but the lack of
communication had been enough reason for her to think so.

He leaned down and kissed her, a long and
sweet tender kiss. One he hoped would be enough to remind her of
him, one that would hopefully bring her home.

As she watched the car pull away, her
fingertips touched her lips. She was going to miss that man.

W
hen she opened the
door to her room she half expected Ian to be gone – but instead he
was there, sitting on the couch, waiting for her.

“I can’t believe you waited for me,” she
said, taking a seat next to him.

“Are you kidding?” he asked. “Where would I
have gone? My mind would have been on you the whole time
anyway.”

“I suppose,” she said, looking down at the
floor. “Though I feel awful that you’re wasting your vacation in
here.”

“Well, what’s done is done, so tell me…what
happened?”

Ethne recounted most of the last few hours,
summarizing in a nut shell that the other man in her life was
completely crazy and had forgiven her rather easily. She left out
the details she didn’t think Ian would want to hear and put his
mind at ease that they hadn’t created as much of a mess as they had
thought.

“See,” he said. “I told you he would forgive
you.”

“Yeah, for leaving…not for…,” she said,
waving her hand towards the bedroom.

“I will admit that surprised me too, but I
suppose you shouldn’t question a good show of faith when you get
one,” he chuckled.

She laughed too. “No, I suppose not…but
still, it was far more than I expected.”

They were quiet for a moment before she
finally looked up into his eyes that had been watching her the
whole time. His face, though he tried to hide it with humor, was
showing obvious signs of thoughtfulness and sadness.

“So, I suppose I better get going then…leave
you two be,” he said quietly, making a move to get up.

“What?” she asked. “No…he left.”

“He left?!” he asked. “What do you mean he
left...I thought…”

“He had to fly back early tomorrow, get back
to work…he hadn’t planned to stay long,” she said, pausing for a
moment. “He also knew I’d want a little more time with you before I
leave too.”

Normally knowing he had a few more moments
with her would have brought a smile to his face, and hers for that
matter, but the ‘leave too’ that they both knew was coming seemed
to dampen the effect.

“So…I guess that’s it then?” he asked.
“You’ve made your choice? Don’t get me wrong, I knew you’d pick
him, and after what you’ve told me about him I can’t blame you. He
seems like a good guy – he obviously loves you, and I can’t argue
with a guy who agrees with me on the solitude matter,” he said,
trying to smile.

She got up then and walked toward the
balcony, taking a deep breath.

“I was going to be leaving tomorrow anyway;
you knew that,” she said. “That had nothing to do with my decision.
Although now I suppose I will no longer need to go home and beg his
forgiveness, I know I have that and a second chance if I want
it.”

He had gotten up and was slowly making his
way over to her, as though she were a frightened deer he didn’t
want to scare away.

Ian touched her elbow lightly and tried to
get her to turn toward him, but she wouldn’t. Her feet were planted
solidly on the ground, her arms crossed in front of her.

“What do you mean ‘if’ you want it?” he
asked, quietly.

She rolled her eyes up to the blue sky for a
moment before finally turning toward him; her resolve on the matter
was wearing thin.

“I mean I have a lot to think about and I
don’t feel like I can make a decision yet, about anything. I need
some time alone to think.”

With a hope in his eyes that pained her to
see, he nodded. “I can understand that,” he said.

What he didn’t know and wouldn’t understand
was that the options she was weighing still had to do with choosing
to be alone. After all of the craziness of the past week while it
pained her to admit it, she felt like she was doing more harm than
good to the people she cared about.

It had only been one year since she was
shown a different path that was possible for her life. While
choosing to continue on the path she had been on would be a
difficult one, it certainly wasn’t out of the question. She had
lived that life a long time, she could do it again – what she
didn’t know was, if she wanted to.

“Do you want me to leave you alone now,” he
asked, looking into her eyes sadly.

“No, I don’t,” she said. “Either way, I’m
leaving tomorrow and I will miss you. I think we should spend the
rest of the day together…if you want to?”

He smiled, the sadness washing away, even if
temporarily. “Of course I want to,” he said, hugging her
tightly.

Though most of the day was over, spent
partially in a sleepy haze wrapped up in Ian’s arms, the other part
spent explaining herself and apologizing to Scott; it was only late
afternoon, there was still an evening that awaited them.

Although she wasn’t leaving until midday the
following day, she knew the dark cloud of her departure would
likely mean the day wouldn’t necessarily be a pleasant one.

“So what do you want to do?” he asked,
letting her go finally.

“I don’t know, you?” she asked, her body and
mind actually quite exhausted from everything already.

“Let’s just go hang out on the beach for a
while and then I’ll take you to dinner,” he said. “How does that
sound?”

“Perfect,” she said.

They spent the rest of the day doing their
best to forget the first half of the day and completely ignoring
what was to come tomorrow; lost in the paradise of San Pedro, they
felt the sand between their toes, watched the day turn into night
and enjoyed a romantic dinner alone.

Ian kept his distance from her a bit more
than he had. The line they hadn’t wanted to cross had returned and
they knew the one night they had shared would be their last.