The Lighter Side of Life and Death (26 page)

“Sure, Kat. Anything.” I can’t think of a single normal thing to say. This is Kat Medina. She’s like a goddess and my best friend wrapped into one. I’m shivering in the sun.

After about ten seconds Kat tucks one hand under her chin and helps me out. “You know, Eric’s going to the Philippines for six weeks this summer,” she says. “You should see the way my mom’s acting, making all these preparations. You’d think he was royalty. And she thinks she has to send presents for all her family over there too. It’s a bigger production than
All My Sons
. I think it’ll be good for him, though. I hate the way he just lies around on the couch all summer.”

My mind’s racing with possibilities and I swear I’m getting this happy ice cream headache in the middle of my forehead as my arms tan, but I’m listening too. “So who’s filling in for him with the catering?” I ask. Her brother has about two friends (who never go out either) and no hobbies, unless you include his laptop and Xbox. His life’s evenly divided between his parents’ basement and his aunt and uncle’s catering business. “You?”

Kat laughs, her eyes gleaming in the sun. “With Tita Teresa? I don’t think so.” Her aunt Teresa is the bossy, competitive one in the family. Kat spends every family gathering actively avoiding her. Anyway, Kat explains that her fifteen-year-old cousin Cecilia (who’s this teenage Einstein with a ninety-nine percent average) is going to do it. Then we talk about me for a while. I fill her in on my most recent clash with Brianna, talk about how Burke cracks me up and how relieved I am that Chris hooked me up with the JB job because the house feels cramped sometimes, even now that we’re all more or less getting along.

Kat smiles and says she’ll have to meet Burke and Brianna sometime because she has this detailed picture in her head and meanwhile the two of them probably don’t look anything like that. The conversation runs on pretty smooth and I seriously almost believe this can work on some level, that there’ll be some kind of us again. Maybe just as friends; I don’t know.

When we finally decide to go Kat scoops up her pencil case and says, “Call me tomorrow, okay?”

“I’m working at The Java Bean till late,” I tell her. “I’ll call you the day after.”

“Sure. Whenever.” She sounds casual but her eyes give her away. We’re both making a concentrated effort to act normal.

“Yeah, sure.” I get up next to her, careful not to stand too close. “I can’t believe this year’s really over.” I throw all my will into resisting the instinct to give her a hug. We’re supposed to be doing
sometime, maybe
and anyway, I need more time to put Colette behind me. I don’t want to use Kat as a shortcut to get over Colette. I’ve already tried that in reverse and it only makes things messier.

We smile self-consciously at each other as we head back to the school and it’s weird to feel this lingering sadness in the pit of my stomach while I’m so happy. I’m grateful for the two Bs in the
basement, distracting me when I get home afterwards, and that feels weird too.
Everything’s weird
, just like Kat said. Colette’s written me off like a bad check. Kat’s offered me
sometime, maybe
and Brianna actually lets me watch
Relic Hunter
downstairs without complaining. For the second time this year, it’s a whole new world.

I tell Jamie
the very next day. Straight out without any intro or excuses. I explain that Kat and I are going to try to be friends again but that neither of us knows where that will go, maybe nowhere. I say that I really hope he won’t be mad at me but that I realize he might be. Jamie’s face crumples but he keeps his voice even. “From the moment I found out about you guys I knew you’d end up together,” he says.

“You can’t have known that,” I insist. “
I didn’t know
. I still don’t.”

“It’s okay.” Jamie’s cheeks deflate. “I’m just saying that I saw it coming, Mason.”

I don’t want to go through this with Jamie again—the crack in our friendship’s barely healed—but I can’t choose between him and Kat; they’re both too important for that. “I don’t know what else to say to you,” I tell him. “I don’t want to be sorry about it; this is a good thing.”

“I know it’s a good thing.” Jamie holds himself as still as a photo graph. It feels like one of those decisive moments that shift your life into a whole new phase. I watch him blink, his lashes and lungs the only parts of him in motion. “And I’m sure I’m supposed to be able to be happy for you now that I’m hanging out with Jody, so let’s just skip the rest of the conversation, okay?” He scratches his arms, suddenly back in real time. “Just be careful this time, all right?” He plunges his hands into his pockets and stares at me. “Do I sound crazy?”

He says that like he really wants to know, and I stare wistfully back at him, wondering if, for once, the three of us will be happy at the same time. “You don’t sound crazy,” I tell him. “I was jealous about Hugo even after they broke up. Fuck, I was jealous about Sanjay when I saw them walking through the hall together—and that was while I was with Colette.”

“So you know how it is,” Jamie says.

I definitely know how it is. “Are we good, though?” I gesture between us, and Jamie nods quickly like there’s no question.

“Just don’t ask me to hang out with you guys during the honeymoon phase,” he adds, jaw clenching. “I don’t want to hear about …” He stops midsentence to avoid saying it. “Keep me out of the loop, okay?”

“No problem.” I think he already likes Jody more than he realizes—and I’m hoping he’ll figure that out for himself soon. She’s got him listening to lots of classical music lately and he’s not the type that’s normally influenced by other people’s musical tastes. Plus, it looks like he’s in the process of growing out his hair for the first time in about two years, which may not mean anything but I bet it does.

Supposedly the fastest way to get over someone is to distract yourself with somebody else, but I’m living proof that doesn’t
always work the way you want it to. Colette and I may have started out as simple distractions for each other, but something else happened along the way, at least for me.

The fact is, I still feel varying degrees of bad about Colette. I’m sure she still hooks up with Ari Lightman on a regular basis, but sometimes I wonder what she’s doing about changing the world and if she called her new puppy Gracie in the end. And of course I wonder if she thinks about me and what she would say about Kat and me being friends again. For some reason I think she’d be happy about it.

Anyway, these thoughts whirl through my mind on a regular basis, and meanwhile Kat and I try really hard to be friends. Sometimes we talk on the phone until well after midnight and one time we go to the movies with Y and Z, almost like a double date except we’re still just friends. You can actually be friends with someone and want to crush your mouth against theirs every minute of the time you’re together. It’s the weirdest thing but comfortingly familiar.

One night when Nina and Dad are out on a dinner date Kat comes over to meet Brianna and Burke. The four of us stand around the kitchen heating up pizza in the microwave (except Burke, who’s already munching on one of his famous potato chip sandwiches). Kat’s wearing a denim skirt, tan clogs and a bunch of bangles on both arms. She looks gorgeous, as usual, and Brianna, who just met her three minutes earlier, grabs her left arm and says, “Where did you get these?”

“Ella Bee’s at the mall,” Kat replies. “It’s one of those stands right outside Club Monaco, next to the T-shirt place.”

“I didn’t know they had cool stuff like that.” Brianna appraises Kat’s arms and then shifts her stare to the clogs.

“I get a twenty-percent discount if you want to drop by and have
a look sometime,” Kat offers. She started there just three weeks ago and since then there’s been all kinds of new jewelry showing up on her person. I take her in again as Brianna ogles her clogs. In fact, I’ve probably spent more time staring at Kat during the past few weeks than she ever spent staring at me in history.

“Cool,” Brianna says. “Thanks.”

After pizza the four of us watch a PG action movie in the basement. Brianna almost acts like a normal person, which makes it seem like I’ve been exaggerating her tendency to turn into a queen bitch at the slightest provocation, but that’s okay. Then it’s time for Burke to go to bed and for me to walk Kat home because she has to be up early to go to the airport with her family tomorrow.

It’s almost dark, but since it’s July it’s still warm out on the sidewalk. Kat and I talk about the two Bs and how weird it’ll be not having Eric around her house for the rest of the summer. “You should come over sometime,” she suggests. “We’ll have space for a change.” Her eyes flicker with shyness as she realizes how that could be misinterpreted. “Well, you know what I mean.”

“Judging by our history, that sounds like something we should avoid,” I say lightly, and her body swings away from mine as her lips quiver. “I know what you mean, though,” I add, serious this time. “It’s like we’ve switched places this summer. Now I’m the one that doesn’t have any space at home.”

“Only for a year,” Kat reminds me. “It’ll go fast.”

Now I completely understand why that upset her when I said it three months ago. We really have traded places. I’m having too good a time in the moment to think about next year.

“What is it?” Kat asks, staring hard. “Are you okay?”

I swing my arms at my sides as I look at her. “Yeah, I’m good.” I give her a slow smile and I know I’m being weird but she’s better off without an explanation. We’re in balance right now; I don’t
want to upset that. “I’m perfect.” Three months ago all my best moments were dramatic; today I’m happy enough just to walk her home.

“My feet are starting to hurt,” Kat confesses. “I don’t know what I was thinking wearing these shoes.” She stops and tears off one clog at a time. “That’s better.” She walks along next to me in her bare feet. I scan the sidewalk for bits of glass and dog shit as we talk.

There’s a slight breeze starting up and a Great Dane barks from its backyard as we pass. Kat’s been quiet awhile and I glance into her eyes, catching a contemplative expression. She fastens her hand around a set of bangles and says, “I’m glad I came after you the day of the history exam. I couldn’t imagine not seeing you the whole summer. It wouldn’t feel right.”

“I know. I thought the same thing but I never would’ve done anything about it—you had me too confused.”

“I confused
you
?” I hear her tickle of an accent in her laugh. The sound makes me smile. “Mason, you have no idea.” She shakes her head as her arm brushes against mine. “You should’ve seen me in the history exam. I was completely panicked when you got up and left so early.” She slows down, her arms resting against her chest. “I was just starting the second-last short-essay question, you know. I never actually finished the exam.”

I guessed that but hearing her admit it makes me insanely happy. “You’re crazy.” Now I’m all-out grinning, realizing that this time she doesn’t sound miserable about coming clean. We’re evolving on the spot, leaping over lines together. “You could’ve called me anytime. You didn’t have to do that.”

“I know.” A sweet smile creeps onto Kat’s lips. “But at the time it felt urgent. Like if I didn’t do it then, I never would.”

I know
. I stop on the pavement, my heart hammering in my chest.

The breeze smooths her hair back as I reach out to stroke her cheek. Neither of us seems surprised. Kat stands there in her bare feet, a clog in each hand, and stares steadily back at me. We pull silently together. Slow. Like there’s no rush this time. My fingertips graze her back. Then her breath’s on my chin, her arms dangling over my shoulders as she tilts her head up. We’re so soft together, so beautiful, that the moment hangs in the air, dreamlike.

There are certain things you know you’ll always remember.

Our mouths slip together in a perfect fit.