The Lightning-Struck Heart (12 page)

I waited.

“—just… grand,” he finished.

“Thank you, Todd,” I said. “You look very nice.” And he did. He wore a tight waistcoat over a white shirt and a silver cravat. “Your ears are still awesome.”

And he flushed.

Ryan scowled.

Morgan rolled his eyes.

“These are for you.” Todd handed me a tiny mesh bag. Inside were a collection of beautiful seashells shining gold and yellow and white. They were Rovian shells, specifically, that I needed for a spell I had yet to complete. I hadn’t had the time to gather them myself. The nearest coast was ten miles away.

I glanced up at Morgan, because this had to be his doing. There was no way Todd could have known about these. Morgan winked at me.

I looked back to Todd, who watched me with a concerned look on his face. “These are perfect,” I said quietly. “Just what I needed. Thank you.”

And he smiled, low and sweet. “I collected them myself.”

“That makes them even better,” I said honestly.

“Shall we?”

I nodded and he led the way out of the castle, Ryan trailing behind us.

This was nice. It was a nice start. Everything was good.

Everything would be fine.

E
VERYTHING
WAS
not fine.

Well, it started off fine.

But then it escalated very, very quickly.

The carriage ride was made in near silence. I climbed in first, and Todd sought to follow and sit next to me. Ryan cleared his throat and shook his head. Todd must have gotten the message because he quickly moved to the other side of the carriage, eyes wide.

Ryan sat right next to me, crossing his considerable arms over his considerable chest.

And stared at Todd.

Because I’d never met a silence that I didn’t at least attempt to fill, I said, “So, this is… festive.”

Todd said, “Quite.”

Ryan stared.

Silence.

I said, “Where are we off to this fine evening?”

Todd said, “Antonella’s. It’s the restaurant in one of my dad’s hotels. It’s new and very high class.”

Ryan stared.

I said, “At the hotel, huh? If the evening goes well enough, maybe we could just get a room after.” It was a joke. An awful, awful joke.

Todd whispered, “Sweet gods.”

Ryan glared.

Silence.

So I said, “I was just joking. I’m not really going to fuck you on our first date.” For
clarification
.

Todd said, “Sweet
gods
.”

Ryan glared.

Silence.

I couldn’t help but say, “Well, maybe a hand job if you’re lucky. I’ve got nice—”

Ryan put his hand over my mouth.

Todd was sweating.

I thought about licking Ryan’s hand.

Todd said weakly, “It’s going to be a lovely evening.”

A
NTONELLA
’
S
WAS
classy. Bright and shiny and new. A string quartet played softly in the background. Crystal chandeliers hung from the ceiling, the candles lit and flickering.

We were led to a table away from the others, a booth in a cozy corner. I knew this was the point where Ryan would have to bow out and keep his distance. It’s not like I was on a date with
him
. At the very least, he should have given us some semblance of privacy.

Instead, he loomed over the table, standing with his back to us….

I said, “Go away.”

He said, “I’m on guard.”

I said, “I don’t need you to be.”

“King’s orders.”

“I’m going to throw breadsticks at the back of your head. You’re going to be so embarrassed because everyone is going to see you getting hit in the head with breadsticks.”

“Try it and see what happens,” he said with a sneer.

Todd said, “So.”

And then I remembered Todd was there.

I was such a dick.

I sat down and put my full attention on Todd.

That seemed to make him more nervous.

I smiled at him.

That seemed to make him even more nervous. I needed to calm him down.

I said, “I was kidding about the hand job thing.”

“Oh dear,” he said.

Ryan snorted loudly.

I ignored him. “So. Todd.”

He nodded, throat working.

“How is your… life?” Smooth, that. And all encompassing.

“It’s good,” he said quickly. “Um. So good. Father is talking of retirement soon, and I’ll be taking over operations of the hotels.”

“That sounds exciting. Especially for one so young.” I picked up a glass of water to sip.

He flushed. “I hope so. It’s a lot of responsibility.” And then it seemed like he wanted to take that back. “But not so much that I won’t be able to see you! If we are to marry, then I will make as much time for you as you require.”

I sprayed water onto the table and coughed. “That’s… good. That’s… if we
marry
. Whoa. Like. What?”

“Sorry!” Todd said like he’d offended me. “Sorry. I didn’t mean
if
. I meant
when
.”

I knocked over the glass of water onto the table. It spilled all over Todd.

“Oh shit,” I said. “I’m so sorry. I’m not usually this awkward.” Well, that was a lie. This was about par for the course. I scooted over in the booth and took a cloth napkin and started dabbing the water off of Todd. It took a minute before I realized I was rubbing his crotch. I stared in horror.

“Oh
gods
,” Todd moaned.

“
Sam
,” Ryan snapped. “What the hell?”

I looked up at him with wide eyes. “I’m not giving him a hand job!” I shouted. “I’m just trying to get him dry!”

The restaurant went silent as everyone looked over at us.

“I said that really loudly, didn’t I?”

“Sam?” Todd squeaked. “Could you… move? Your hand?”

I looked back down, and my hand was still in his lap. “Sorry,” I said, patting his crotch a couple of times. “My bad.”

Todd looked like he was about to faint.

Ryan didn’t bother turning back around or moving away from the table.

“No more sneak hand jobs,” I told him. “I promise. My virtue is still intact.”

“I highly doubt that,” he said.

“So much sass,” I said. “How come no one knows you’re so sassy?”

“It doesn’t often come up in conversation,” he deadpanned.

A waiter came over, looking somewhat apprehensive. “Is everything okay, Duke Goldwaithe?”

“Duke Todd Goldwaithe,” I said, trying it out. “Mrs. Sam Goldwaithe.”

Everyone stared at me.

I waved my hand at them. “It’s a thing Gary and I do.” Mrs. Sam Foxheart sounded
amazing
, but I didn’t think now was the right time to say that out loud. Or ever.

They still stared.

“Gary? My best friend? The hornless gay unicorn? The fiercest diva in existence? Nothing? Ryan, you know who I’m talking about. After all, you were practically fondling him at the celebration.”

He looked like it hurt him to acknowledge that yes, he did in fact know the fiercest diva in existence. “There was no fondling,” he said roughly.

“There was fondling,” I told the waiter. He looked terrified. “And demands of peeled frozen grapes. It was, like… this whole
thing
. You aren’t laughing. Maybe you had to be there.”

The waiter just nodded.

“I’m starving,” I said. “What’s for dinner?”

The waiter cleared his throat. “Pan-seared duck breast with blueberry sauce and roasted potatoes.”

Uh-oh.
“I’m—”

Ryan said, “Sam is allergic to duck. And blueberries.”

I said, “What?”

Todd said, “Oh dear.”

The waiter said, “So he’s allergic to the full meal.”

“Not the potatoes,” Ryan said.

I said, “
What
?”

Todd said, “You’re allergic to
blueberries
?”

Ryan said, “And the duck.”

“I swell up,” I said to Todd. “I look like a mountain troll. It’s really weird. I don’t want to do that on the first date. That’s like a fourth or fifth-date thing. Or a never thing. Because of the swelling.”

“Blueberries,” Todd said.

“We have other things,” the waiter said.

“Everything on this menu says duck,” Ryan said as he plucked it from the table

“It’s sort of a theme night,” Todd said faintly.

“You have a duck theme night?” I asked. “That’s epic. And deadly. If you’re allergic.”

“Maybe not a lot of other things,” the waiter said.

“Basically everything on the menu will kill him,” Ryan said.

“Blueberries,” Todd said.

“How did you know that?” I asked Ryan.

“There’s potatoes and bread,” the waiter said. “And blueberry wine. Wait. We have water.”

“Potatoes and bread?” I said with a frown. “But the
carbs
.”

Ryan said, “I know things.”

Todd said, “Oh my gods. Are you going to swell
now
? Is just breathing the duck and blueberry air going to kill you?” He sounded like he was panicking.

“It might,” Ryan said. He didn’t sound like he was panicking.

“It won’t,” I said, reaching out and patting Todd’s hand.

“It might,” Ryan insisted. Sort of panicking. Barely panicking.

I rolled my eyes. “You and Gary are such drama queens. I’m not going to sniff it up close.” I glanced at Todd. “Though, there will be no making out later if you eat duck. You’ll make my tongue swell.” I waggled my eyebrows at him.

Todd choked on air.

“So,” the waiter said, “I’ll bring you potatoes and bread.”

“And more water,” I said. “Because I spilled it on the table. And then it turned inappropriate when I tried to clean it up. I’m going to have to work out even more now tomorrow to make up for all the potatoes and bread. Okay. I feel bad. That was a lie. I’m not going to work out at all. That sounds just awful.”

The waiter practically ran away.

“I like him,” I said. “Very quick service. Good job, Todd.”

“Thanks?”

Ryan said, “Are you breathing okay?” He leaned down, hands on the table, until he was level with me. “Take a deep breath.”

I did. And then, because I was an asshole, I started gasping and grabbing my throat.

They both freaked.

I laughed at them.

They weren’t amused.

“Calm the fuck down,” I said. “We’re having fun.”

“You’re ridiculous,” Ryan growled at me.

“And how do you know things?” I asked him, narrowing my eyes.

He shrugged. “I just do.”

“That’s a nonanswer.”

“You want to make out with me?” Todd asked.

“Let’s see how the evening goes first,” I said. “You’re off to a good start. Mostly. Maybe not the Food of Death thing.”

“No making out,” Ryan said.

“Eep,” Todd said.

“Go away. I’m on a date.”

He turned and glared at Todd. He tried to look intimidating. It must have worked because Todd was intimidated. “No making out,” he said.

“No making out,” Todd agreed quickly.

“Ryan, the tip of your sword is poking me,” I said. Because it was. I don’t know why he thought he needed to come fully knighted-out. Talk about going overboard. “You’re getting it all over me.”

And then Ryan
blushed
.

I said “Oh crap” in a slightly strangled voice. I didn’t think it was possible for him to get any more attractive. But he had done so exponentially and it made my insides burn.

“Sorry,” he muttered as he pulled it away.

“Sure,” I said faintly. “Sure.” I wondered how to go about asking him to poke me with his sword again.

Todd said, “Blueberries?”

The waiter came back with potatoes and bread.

And it was around that time that we were accosted by Dark wizards. Really. With the way everything else had gone so far, it should have been expected.

“None of these touched any duck or blueberries,” the waiter said.

“That’s very kind of you and it looks lovely and holy shit I’m pretty sure we’re about to get in a fight.”

The waiter’s eyes widened.

Todd slunk lower in his seat.

Ryan whirled around, drawing his sword. Didn’t even question me. I liked that in a man.

I stood.

Four Dark wizards had entered the restaurant. I knew them because of the crests they wore on their robes, similar to the one Lartin had been wearing. The one in the front was thick and squat, like a tree trunk. His eyebrows were amazing, almost covering his entire forehead. His eyes fell on me and he scowled.

“Sam of Wilds!” he shouted. The restaurant fell silent as people looked back and forth between us.