The Line Book One: Carrier (11 page)

I thought long and hard, not answering him.

It was a lot of pressure.

Whatever I did, it would have to be something I loved. Truly. This plan, this risk they were about to take on my behalf, had to be worth it.

Was picking crops worth the risk? Was it really what I wanted?

I had to answer honestly and say no. Not that there was anything wrong with an honest day’s hard labor, but in truth, the idea had only appealed to me when I’d thought about the child care, and now that I had people willing to help me, I had to think bigger.

But to think bigger, I would have to be better educated.

“Can I go to school?”

A faint smile played on the corners of Doc’s lips. He flipped his bangs to the side. “Sure. If that’s what you want. What do you want to study?”

His intent gaze made me skittish. I got off my barstool and walked into the kitchen, leaning my back against the kitchen counter.

“How about a medical apprenticeship?” he offered.

I shook my head. I didn’t think I could look at a nurse or a hospital and not remember the infirmary. Wherever my life led, it had to be away from things that reminded me of that part of my past. “No.”

“Okay,” he said. “How about banking?”

“Nah.”

“All right.” Doc took another drink from his mug. “Do you want to go into some sort of service? Or do you want to be rich?”

I cracked a smile. He was making a joke. Nobody in Auberge was really rich, not since Auberge had seized all property.

“If those are my only two options, then I choose service.”

“You’d make one hell of a security guard,” he said, smirking.

“Uh, no thanks.”

“Fire patrol?”

“No.”

“Garbage detail?”

“You just want to see what I’d look like in a uniform,” I quipped.

Doc blushed to his ears. “No! I—No. I never, uh... What about education?”

This stopped me.

I’d never been to school. I had no idea what an educator did. But educators were respected, well paid, worked with children and got free schooling for children of their own. They also had housing and medical paid for by Auberge.

But still, no matter how far I stretched my imagination, I couldn’t see my life as an educator either.

“I like that idea,” I said. “But no.” I crossed my arms across my chest as I thought.

What did I love, really?

What made me happy?

I absently turned and scraped the egg off the frying pan. And then it hit me. The answer was right in front of my face. Right there, in the kitchen. Doc had already seen it.

“I think it’s cooking. It’s the only thing that makes me happy. That’s sad, isn’t it?”

When I turned to face him, Doc looked depressed again. But he nodded and picked up the tablet from the countertop. He started typing. “No, it’s not. There’s a chef’s apprenticeship program in North. Very reasonable, and then you could get a job as an assistant chef, or a private chef for an individual family. That’s usually in South.”

“Do I need any prior experience?” I barely knew how to read. Suddenly, the idea of schooling filled me with nerves.

“No prior experience, it says.” He read from the tablet. “If you start at entry level. It might take a year, but they’d take care of you. Every apprenticeship program at the Institute is set up with child care, so the children can go there while you’re in class. I think you’d be a good chef. Heaven knows you cook a killer omelet.” He typed on his tablet some more, then gave me a soft smile. “You sure this is what you want?”

I nodded. With each passing moment I became more certain. I almost teared up the more I thought about it.

The hope scared me.

He saw my emotions creeping up on me and smiled, then he turned his green eyes back to the tablet screen. It was a relief to have them focused someplace else.

“All right,” he said after a few minutes of typing. “Your name is Natalia Grey. You’re a widow from East. Don’t look at me like that, just trust me, it’ll be easier this way. Your husband, a former security guard, was killed while working in the science laboratories of East. Now, you’re applying for a chef’s apprenticeship at the Institution in North. We won’t tell them you’re pregnant. That might flag you during the application process. You can tell them after you’re accepted. The program is a year long, but as I said, they have child care built in. So, after Tym and Sonya have your palm prints reassigned to Natalia, and your new history is uploaded onto Auberge’s databases, we’ll submit your application to the Institution. There’s no reason why they won’t accept you. And I have a buddy on the board, so it won’t be a problem. You can start there as early as next term and be on your way.”

I felt my heart press against my chest. “Really?”

Doc beamed so widely his eyes shone. “Really.”

I didn’t have the words to express my emotions on this. I wanted to cry. I wanted to jump up and down.

Instead of doing anything, I leaned my back against the kitchen counter and sighed, holding my breath and tears within.

He watched me. “Would that make you happy? You promise I didn’t push you into this?”

“No. Not at all. I don’t think so. Honestly, though, being a chef sounds perfect. Anything’s an improvement from before.”

His face hardened. I could tell he didn’t like whenever I reminded him of that. It was as if he wanted to forget, and I kept bringing it up. Maybe he was right to pretend.

He put the tablet back on the counter and pointed to the green couch behind him in the living room. I hadn’t noticed before, but there was a pile of clothes stacked on the arm of the sofa.

“Sonya dropped off some new clothes last night,” he said. “They should fit. I hope to hear from Tym this morning. He’ll let us know when he’s ready for us. So we’ll have to lay low until then. You okay with that?”

“Sure.”

“I’ve got some work to do, so you’ll have to keep yourself busy. The tablet for the screen is buried someplace in the couch cushions. Happy hunting. I’m going to start building the history for your new life. Oh, and I really do like your hair like that.” Before I could respond, he picked up his mug and tablet and disappeared into his bedroom. He closed the door but left it open a crack. I assumed so he could keep tabs on what I was doing.

He left so hurriedly and awkwardly it made me smile.

Forced to wait and with nothing to do, I took Doc’s suggestion and hunted down the tablet for the screen. After turning it on, the screen filled with blue, then an Auberge news program appeared.

A woman wearing an Auberge uniform stared at the screen. “—security forces were able to resist the attack. No citizens of Auberge were injured, and Chairman Etienne promises a thorough investigation as to how the Outsiders were able to penetrate the wall. Now with us is Commander Maravilla, to discuss this latest breech. Commander?”

A dark-skinned man with a shaved head and a sharply pressed uniform filled the screen. “Thank you, Miss Rosewood. As has just been announced, four insurgents from Outside were captured and executed after having breeched the wall in East sector last night around twenty hundred hour. No citizens of Auberge were hurt during the attack, and there was no technology damaged or stolen by the terrorists. Auberge Security urges all citizens to please notify officials immediately if you spot any suspicious activity. Security will spare no expense in finding individuals who had any part in helping the insurgents enter Auberge territory, and those found to have been involved will be dealt with severely and swiftly.”

The screen then cut back to the female announcer, who hardly blinked. “We should hope so. Thank you, Commander Maravilla. In another announcement, Auberge proclaims the need for several hundred volunteers to report to East sector to participate in an experimental medical treatment, aimed at stopping genetic mutations. Interested citizens are urged to contact their local magistrate immediately for this six-month employment. For more information on the Genesis Project, go to the Auberge home screen and apply.”

Doc scoffed from behind me. I hadn’t noticed him enter the room.

“Does that happen often?” I asked.

His face was red. “All the time. They won’t be happy until we’re all genetically engineered.”

“No, I mean the terrorists.” I was hopelessly out of the loop. I hadn’t been aware that Auberge was experimenting on citizens, but I was more concerned with the attack from the outside. Had Auberge been at war and I didn’t even know it? “How long have these assaults been happening?”

“Last few months,” he said. “But I don’t know anyone who’s actually seen an attack. I’m not convinced they’re real.”

“Not real? Why would Auberge fake attacks from the outside?”

He shook his head. “To get us ready for war.”

“War against the outside, why?”

His gaze drifted to the screen. They were announcing a new housing project in South, aimed at lower-income families. “Auberge is full up,” he said, looking back at me so deeply I lost myself for a moment. “Too many people. Too much garbage. Where else are we going to go? Either way, it’s not good.”

I snapped off the screen.

“Anyway,” he said. “I just got a text from Tym. Seems he’s worked through the night. He wants us to stop by so we can give him your new identity plan.”

“Can’t you just text it to him?”

He frowned. “Auberge owns the telecommunications.”

“Ah. Right.”

Doc indicated the pile of clothes on the couch. “After you get changed, we’ll go.”

“Okay.” I glanced at the stack. They weren’t new, and appeared wrinkled. “Where does Sonya get these?”

“Probably off someone’s clothes line, knowing her,” he said. He stepped into the living room and plopped on the couch next to me to put on a pair of battered sneakers. From his tone of voice, I could tell that the origin of my new clothing bothered him.

“You’re not okay with Sonya stealing?”

He laced up his shoes, then after putting his feet on the floor, turned to me. He was inches away, on the other side of the sofa, but he seemed too close. “No, I’m not okay with it. I even give her credits to buy brand new clothes, but she...just can’t. It’s an impulse she can’t control. It’s her way of getting them back, I think.”

“Getting back at who?”

Doc’s eyes softened. “The world. She’s getting back at the world.”

“She thinks it’s the world’s fault for her being on the Line?”

“In a way, yes.”

“That doesn’t make sense,” I spat, an unexplainable anger creeping up on me. I got to my feet. “The world didn’t take her away from her family, drag her by the arm and sign her away. Some person had to have done that. It’s not the world’s fault. If she wants to be mad, she should be mad at whoever put her in there. The world can’t help that it sucks. It’s people who ruined it.”

“Is that what happened to you?”

My face fell. I’d said too much. It made me crazy I kept letting things slip. First I’d blurted out I was from the Line, then I’d let it slip how I got there. I didn’t want anybody to know anything. The truth was too terrible. With him, though, it was like my mouth wasn’t in on my plan. As if it had ideas of its own, and somehow, it involved telling Doc everything.

Stupid.

Though strangely, I had to admit, so far the truth was working for me.

He got up from the couch and came forward. I snatched up the pile of clothes Sonya had left and hugged them to me.

He examined me, full of sympathy.

I hated it. “Don’t look at me like that.”

“Like what?”

“You think I’m pathetic.”

His eyes shot wide. “You’re
not
pathetic.”

“Then stop staring at me like that!”

He paused. I could see him thinking.

I pressed the clothes against me so hard my arms ached.

“After everything you’ve been through, and now your pregnancy and release?” His stare was intense; it made me squirm. “I just...I just think you’re incredible. That’s all.” His voice soaked through me.

My breath stopped.

He meant it. I could tell he meant every word.

He was a foot in front of me. His eyes were such a bright green they glowed. My temples pulsed, making my head throb.

I wanted to run. The clothes I’d been holding were on the floor and I wasn’t sure when I’d dropped them.

I eyed the door. But I couldn’t move. I tried to appear more in control of myself than I actually was, but I was far from it.

No man had ever given me a compliment and meant it.

But he did.

It terrified me.

He stood there, watching. His eyes followed mine to the exit and he understood.

He saw it all. He saw my panic, my anger, and he was heartbroken. “All right,” he whispered. He wrenched his body around and went into his bedroom, slamming the door.

I jumped at the sound.

Why was I trembling? My reactions made no sense to me. He hadn’t done a thing. He hadn’t even tried to touch me.

I shakily scooped the clothes from the floor and went to my room, closing the door behind me. I locked it. I took a shower and sat on the bed, trying to figure out what had happened to me. Ultimately, I knew.

I was a mess.

I’d wanted to think I could walk off the Line with no scars, but that was impossible. One sincere compliment from a man, and I was ready to hide. That was certifiable. Having him call me incredible scared me twice as much as having him standing a foot away from me.

Just how screwed up was I?

Would I be this psycho with the babies? Would I be able to love them with my crazy psyche?

I was escaping one terrifying life and leaping full force into another. And I was going in blind and felt completely alone.

The more I thought about it, the more it pissed me off.

* * *

I came out into the living room, dressed in my new clothes—a pair of straight-leg jeans that actually fit and a long-sleeved tee under the army jacket. The boots didn’t bother me, so I wore them.

Doc was in the kitchen. He snatched his keys from the kitchen counter but didn’t look at me. “You ready?”

“Yeah.”

He opened the door for me and gazed into the hall as I went by.