Authors: K J Bell
He noted my hesitation as I shook my head trying to release his grasp. “You remember that girl, Melanie, about two years ago, the one who tripped you, among other things?”
I nodded yes and he released my head.
She had been a grade ahead of me and looked like a giant standing next to me. Every day had been a struggle to avoid her, hiding around corners or behind a tree until she passed. She didn’t like me, making it a point to tell me whenever she could. She would trip me or pull my hair and then just walk away laughing. Once, she even blocked me from getting into the restroom for the entire break and I ended up being late for class. Even as horrible as she had been to me, I always felt bad for her. She had been dirty and often worn the same clothes for days. I remembered thinking she must of had a terrible home life if bullying me, at half her size, made her feel better. I couldn’t bring myself to turn her in. I was afraid that whatever awaited her at home would be worse than what she had been dishing out.
“I saw you,” Brent informed. “Melanie would come to school without lunch. You would wait until the hall cleared and slip your lunch money in her locker, including a note that said
eat,
and then you would sit in the cafeteria eating an apple or whatever small thing your mother packed you for a snack.”
I looked down at my lap and tugged at the zipper on my sweatshirt, sliding it up and down, nervously, remembering her so well.
“She was poor Brent, really poor,” I cried.
She caught me one day when I had been slipping the money in her locker. Her surprised expression had shocked both of us. I remembered her crying on my shoulder apologizing to me. Her parents had been awful to her. They abused her, and her little brother, starving them and not providing the necessities children required. We had cried together for hours before I finally talked her into going to the guidance counselor. How could her parents have acted this way to her? Their own daughter! I knew my parents were crazy but they loved me and would never have harmed and neglected me. As it turned out, she had an aunt that knew something was going on, and wanted to take the kids away, but the kids would never admit what was happening so she had to leave them with their neglectful parents. Melanie and her brother had left to stay with her once the school became involved. She emailed me last spring to tell me she was well and was going to college this fall. I had been really happy for her and for myself for seeing past her actions to what was in her heart. I had helped her help herself that day and it felt so good.
“Yes and she was also really mean to you. You were afraid of her. I felt it. Yet, it didn’t matter, you were kind. I put aside any anger I had, and embraced my fate in that moment, on that day. I knew then and there, that’s why you were chosen for this, and any resentment I had washed away with one giant wave of your kindness.”
Reese kicked up a fuss, shouting. “Christ, Brent, you fell in love with Claire way back then.”
“It’s not like that, Reese,” I huffed.
An array of emotions flashed across Brent’s face. Pain, confusion, shame, and finally defeat.
“It’s all right, Claire. Reese is right. I did fall in love with you then. I knew it was wrong, but I was completely infatuated with you from that day on. I tried to keep my distance. Summer brought us back here and I stayed close but didn’t engage you at all. The Couriers came for you the morning we met, filling me with panic and I knew I couldn’t stay away from you for one more minute. I didn’t care what might change or what the consequences were. I tried to get you to help me with school just so I could be near you. I came to see you that night, wanting to tell you everything about who you were, and I how I felt. Maggie saw me and came outside. She would have none of it. After I got home and spoke with my family, I knew that I had to let it go. It wasn’t our design and not meant to be. I tried really hard. You didn’t make it easy, by the way.”
“No, I guess I didn’t,” I replied nodding shyly, understanding now why Maggie was scolding him that day.
“I still don’t know why or how our relationship changed but I’m not sorry it did. I loved you and wanted you to love me back. Now that you do, I’m fucking thrilled.”
“I’m happy also, Brent,” I confessed. I wasn’t sorry either, afraid maybe, but not sorry. I knew he had felt something when we met, and his coldness had confused me. But, how did I miss how tortured he was feeling?
“Yeah well, I think it sucks,” Reese shouted, showing off that maturity I loved so much. “So, if you love birds are done, we should get going,” he suggested, shifting back against the seat, placing the buds back in his ears. He turned his music up so loud that we could hear it through the headphones. He stared out of the window, his jaw was tight, and his lips pressed flat. I knew he was angry, and I wanted to say something to make it right, but words didn’t seem sufficient. I turned back in my seat watching the trees pass as Brent pulled back onto the road.
The roads were bumpy and needed to be repaired. They only lasted a year or two out here with the winters. Brent’s warmth was all round me. His scent dominated each inhale of breath, powder and spice. After several minutes of silence, Brent took my hand in his and whispered, “I love you.”
Why was I not shouting it back to him? Instead, I pursed my lips and slinked into my seat? I felt that way about him and I wanted to say it. What happened if we had to part? Or worse, what happened if I said it and accepted I might have to feel the hurt of losing him someday? I had only ever said those words to my parents and they left me. That gut wrenching pain was something I never wanted to endure again in this life time.
“Don’t, Claire,” Brent interrupted with a bitter tone knowing exactly where my thoughts were going. His expression saddened. He kept his eyes on the road and reached across the seat using his finger to relax my pursed lips.
I gulped. “Don’t what?” I asked innocently, begging my voice not to break.
He narrowed his eyes and let out an exaggerated sigh, annoyed that he had to explain. “I’m not going anywhere, and neither are you. You’re stuck with me.”
He was right. It was impossible. Denying the words wouldn’t change my feelings and definitely wouldn’t change how it would destroy me to be apart from him.
“I love you too,” I whispered through half a breath, leaving behind any moments of doubt.
“I know,” Brent teased.
I wasn’t sure if I dozed off in Maine or Vermont but I woke to the sound of Brent and Reese talking. I kept my eyes closed so they would continue.
“I know it’s not your fault,” Reese offered. “Maybe it’s mine. You know that girl, Brooke, at school?”
Brent responded. “Yeah, I know her. Claire says she likes you.”
Reese hesitated. “Yeah well, after school that day, the day you found Claire, I should have been there, but I wasn’t, because I was with her.”
“Oh well, that doesn’t mean anything,” Brent assured him.
“I’m not finished,” Reese continued. “I took her home and she invited me to come in. She kissed me and I didn’t stop her. I wanted her to. I knew I shouldn’t have and it was wrong but I kissed her back. I really messed up, right? I didn’t even realize I was capable of thinking about a girl other than Claire that way, and it surprised the heck out of me when I did. After I left, and I told her I didn’t like her that way. I felt really bad about it, and she was so upset. I’m such an ass.” His voice cracked with guilt.
“You’re not an ass, Reese,” I said softy without turning to look at him. “You’re just a boy,” I joked.
Brent proceeded. “I’m with Claire on this one. I don’t think all of this was because you kissed some girl you shouldn’t have. Things changed before that, even for me, in subtle ways, and for Claire. We just need to find out why.”
I smiled, thinking that Brent was always the voice of reason.
Reese relaxed. “Right, hopefully Maggie can tell us how to reach an Agent. That would be a start,” he added.
We drove in silence for several miles, all of us deep in thought, trying to piece together an explanation.
“Turn right here,” Reese yelled. None of us had been paying attention to the GPS and nearly passed the entrance to Reese’s house.
The house was at the end of a ridiculously long driveway on top of a hill. It was a beautiful, contemporary log cabin, the kind of home you always saw in magazines – usually for one of those
win your dream home
give-a-ways. A giant tire hung from a tree above the lake and Reese told us how they launched themselves into the lake from it when they vacationed here. When I exited the car, I heard a boat in the distance. It felt really good to stretch. Birds were singing and squirrels were gathering acorns. It was mid-day and the sun was glaring out from behind a fluffy white cloud, reflecting on the surface of the lake. A flock of geese flew overhead, honking, scattering across the pristine blue sky.
“Maggie,” I called out, in case she was outside, but no one replied. Other than the expected sounds of nature, the woods were quiet.
As the boys and I approached the house, we spotted the front door was opened slightly.
“That’s odd,” Reese said, trying to contain any worry in his voice.
Panic clung to every inch of my skin. Fear weighed me down like I was trapped. The boys went inside, both telling me to wait outside, their request meaningless because I was firmly grounded by trepidation. Unconfirmed worry continued to control me and I wanted to scream.
The pain that crashed into me was excruciating and I dropped to the ground hugging my knees to my body. Maggie’s struggle and hurt penetrated my brain, one picture at a time. She was screaming for help, yelling at someone.
“Kill me if you must,” she dared. “But I’m not telling you anything.”
“Oh, my God. Maggie, no.” I was shouting at her. “Don’t say that, please.”
She couldn’t hear me through my clouded vision.
A jolt of familiarity coursed through me sharply as the man she was talking to, drew into focus. His dark hair, strong jaw and large dimple in his chin, was the man I almost hit with my car on the first day of school.
Another voice spoke that made my spine tingle, sending sensations up my vertebrae from the small of my back to the nape of my neck.
“She’s not going to tell us, so what should we do with her?” Logan hissed, glaring at Maggie like she was prey.
The stranger I almost ran over days before, was stalking Maggie. He paced around her, speaking to her slowly.
“Maggie, you know we’ll find her, so make this easy on all of us and tell me where she is?” he persuaded, stopping to glare at her.
Maggie spit at him in the most un-lady like manner – so not Maggie – like a woman possessed by a more feral creature. “Never. I will never tell you,” she shouted.
She swore without any self-interest, glaring at him hatefully. She knew he would hurt her, but Maggie would never betray me.
The dark stranger leaned in very close to her, attempting to manipulate her into telling him where I was. He managed a soothing tone, looking menacingly into her eyes.
“Maggie, you seem like a lovely person. I don’t want to hurt you, or Claire. I just want to speak with her. The Agents and I had a misunderstanding and I need her help. That’s all. You see, if you tell me where she is, we can clear all this up, a happy ending for all. That’s what you want, right, Maggie?” he finished, cocking his head, waiting for her to reply.
“Go to hell, Kace!” Maggie spit at him once again.
Kace! Is that what she just said? He was here and he was going to hurt my aunt to find me. I had to stop him. Abhorrence controlled me now, allowing me to move. I looked around in my mind for a clue to help me find them. The walls were planked wood on three sides. I saw only water on the fourth wall with stairs leading into the room. I made out glass, trimmed in chrome, resting at the bottom of the stairs – a boat. There must be a boat house on the water.
“I’m coming for you, Maggie,” I shouted, running toward the water furiously.
Another vision hit me and my knees buckled, launching me forward. Logan’s voice was deep and cruel. “She isn’t going to tell us, Kace. We’ll have to find another way.”
Kace leered at Maggie. “You made your choice,” he told Maggie and turned to Logan. “Kill her,” he dictated.
The vision ended and I threw my face into my palms.
“No! No!” I hollered. The frantic return of my voice echoed through the trees, providing the strength I needed to get to my feet. I assumed the boat house was on the water, so I began running in that direction. The overwhelming need to save her kept me focused until the boat house was visible. I heard Brent and Reece’s footsteps racing towards me. They must have left the house when they heard me scream. They were shouting for me to stop but I refused. I had to save her.
When I finally reached the boat house, I swung open the door quickly, expecting to be confronted by Kace and Logan and prepared myself for the assault. It was completely quiet. I entered watchfully, alert, prepared to be startled, clutching my chest and trying to stay calm. It was dark in the room and I skimmed the walls with my palm in search of a light switch. I finally found one and flipped it on.
“Oh, God. No,” I wailed. The vision I had was one of the past.
I rushed to Maggie who lay lifeless on the ground. Brent and Reese stormed in behind me and I heard both of them gasp. Falling down next to Maggie, I reached my arms around her, and pulled her to me. Tears escaped my eyes continually as I rocked her body with mine.
“Why? Why?” I shouted, looking at the two of them, both approaching cautiously.
The pictures in my brain returned with Logan straddling Maggie. His fingers were around her neck just as they had been around mine, days before. His face was mocking her, and he was pleased as he stole the last breath of air from her lungs, laughing at her without any hint of remorse, as though he enjoyed himself.
The feeling of Maggie struggling to breathe, dying, lingered around me, but it didn’t hurt. Maggie was okay, she was actually happy. It had not been painful for her to give her life to save mine. Instead, it brought her peace. She had accepted this fate years ago. She knew that things might come to this one day and her acceptance removed her from feeling any pain that came with it. I continued to watch as an apparition form of Maggie left her physical body, smiling. The hazy form appeared to be watching me.
“It’s all right, Claire,” she cooed in my ear, clearly as though she was right beside me, and then she was gone.
I went limp as tears gushed uncontrollably. My body collapsed with grief. I lost my parents but not like this, violently and needlessly. I had not seen it happen. Rage and hate threatened a hostile takeover of each and every cell in my body. Then I heard Maggie’s voice again, in my head. “Don’t give into hate, Claire. You’re so much more than that.”
I saw her again. She was looking at me through the old mirror in her house, just the same as I had envisioned my mother so often before.