The Lonely Hearts 06 The Grunt 2 (29 page)

Brett frowned. “It means he’s lucky to be back at work,” he said, clueless to her chaos.  What he really wanted to know was why they had to have
family night
so often?  He got that they were tight knit but this was ridiculous.  What he really wanted to do was go out and have some real adult time, have a damn beer at a bar and relax without trying to figure out which utensil was the salad fork. 
But he’d never say that.

Realizing that one more word might send his wife over the edge, he bit his tongue and turned back toward the window.  He didn’t feel like fighting tonight.

When they pulled into the well-lit driveway, they saw that David had already arrived. Pulling up behind his car, Courtney jerked the gear into park and turned off the engine.

“What is wrong with you?” Brett asked, wishing that he hadn’t. 

“Nothing,” she said, snatching her keys out of the ignition and jumping out of the car.  Slamming the car door, she pushed her purse up on her shoulder and made her way to the door without bothering to help her husband.

Brett was glad for the small distance between them.  She had been bitchy all day, and he didn’t understand why.  Had he said something?  Was she tired of driving him, because he was damn sick of being escorted everywhere.   He had been driving himself around since he was 15 years old and now he was relegated to the passenger seat like a five-year-old. 

As Courtney walked into the house, she saw Cameron on the other end of the hallway.  Running to her, he jumped up in her arms. “Hey Mommy,” he said, kissing her cheek. 

She embraced him tightly, smelling bubble gum on his breath. “Hey baby,” she said, feeling a little better at just seeing his face. “Where’s your sister?”

“Already asleep,” he said, as though that was uncommon for a toddler. He looked passed her to see Brett come in. “Hey Daddy.”

“Hey little man,” Brett said, closing the door behind him.

“You got a new shoe!” Cameron shimmied down out of Courtney’s embrace to get a better look at Brett’s walking boot.

Brett picked him up and kissed his head. “I swear you grew today.” 

“Let me see your boot,” Cameron said, hanging out of his daddy’s arms. 

Brett set him down and showcased it for him.  “One step closer to having both of my legs again,” he said as Cameron bent down to touch it. 

Courtney quickly walked off, leaving the two of them alone, she headed to the dining room where everyone had gathered.

As soon as she hit the corner, she began apologizing. “Sorry we’re late,” she said, setting her purse down by her normal chair.

“It’s fine,” Jeffery said, eyeing the chicken parmesan only a few inches away from his plate. His stomach growled angrily.  “If you had been a little later, we would have started without you.” 

David glanced over at Courtney, a glass of wine in his hand already, and sneered at her.  “How do you still show up late when Mom and Dad are watching the kids? I mean, isn’t that your normal reason?  What’s your excuse now?”

Courtney cut her eyes at him like she could strangle him at the dinner table.  She was really in no mood tonight.  “I’m sorry,
your highness
. Have you been waiting long?”

Diane came in through the other door and set down a casserole dish on the table. “He just got here five minutes before you,” she said, hitting David on the back of the head.  “Behave, you two.”

David took another sip of his wine.  “I’m just saying, sounds like she needs a new watch.”

Diane was finally ready to sit down now that she had put the last dish on the table.  Smoothing her hands down her skirt, she looked at the table in complete satisfaction and realized that she was missing one person.  “Where’s Kelly?”  

David set down his glass and chuckled like a mad man. “I honestly have no idea.”

The room became silent. 
That didn’t sound good.

“What happened?” Diane pried.  Taking her seat on the other end of the table, she quickly turned her attention to her son.  

David sat back in his seat and rolled his tongue around the roof of his mouth. “Apparently, she wants to be the Commandant of the Marine Corps and our future kids and the idea of cocktails parties and Marine Officer Wives Clubs will get in her way.”

Jeffery set down his knife and fork, knowing that the chicken would have to wait just a little longer.  “Commandant of the Marine Corps?  A woman?” The idea of that was simply preposterous to him. 

“Why is that funny?” Courtney asked, snapping at her father.

“Why is that an issue?” Diane followed.

David put up his hand. “We broke up.  Okay.  We just…broke up.”  He rolled his eyes. “It’s not that complicated.  We want different things.”

“How can you want different things? You’re so much alike?  Both officers.  Both graduated at the top of your class from college and the academy.” Courtney asked flabbergasted. “You make the perfect couple.”  This had to be just a little bump in the road. They weren’t really broken up. It couldn’t be.

David appreciated her naiveté.  At least, he wasn’t alone in his.  “Well, that’s the problem.  We want the same things.  Evidently, that was a problem for her.”  He felt the pain he had worked all day to push to the back of his mind star to propel forward and drown him all over again. 

Diane’s heart sank into her stomach watching her son go through such heartache.  She tried to console him.  “Maybe you can work it out.”

David immediately responded, elevating his voice to the point of strain, “She doesn’t want to work it out,” he said, running his hand over his glass.  His voice calmed as he felt his father’s eyes peering at him.  “I think that was pretty evident this morning when I asked her to marry me and she said no.”

Everyone looked surprised.  Not only did they not see the breakup, they really didn’t see the proposal. 

Brett reached for the bottle.  “Well, better to find out what you both want before you marry.”  It was the best advice that he could give considering that Amy was still haunting him with her whore antics from the grave.

“What is that supposed to mean?” Courtney asked. 

“I wasn’t talking about you,” Brett said, pouring a hefty glass.  He tried to ignore her growing agitation. “I simply meant that it hurts now, but if she’s already unhappy, she’s not just going to magically become happy after she walks down that aisle.” Brett looked over at David and raised his glass.  “At least you have your work to return to.”

David tilted his head.
Bret had a point.
  “I am glad to be back, but it’s not the same without you.”

“Well, hopefully, I’ll be back in a month or two.  The doctors are giving me the run around, but trust me before you deploy again, I’ll be back 100 percent.  We’re going to give those bastards hell.” 

Courtney frowned. “Are you serious?”

Brett shrugged. “Yeah, it won’t take that long to heal.”

“Brett, you are not going back,” Courtney said, unable to hold her tongue.  “You almost died over there.”

“It’s my job, Courtney,” Brett said, trying to keep his cool at her father’s dinner table.

“You almost
died
,” Courtney said, voice rising. 

Diane jumped in. “Maybe we should hold off on the fighting until after dessert.”

“No,” Courtney said, nostrils flared. “Brett,” she said, turning to him. “You cannot go back.  We have enough money now to start over, do something else. You can’t just throw it all to the wind and go back there.”  Plus, she couldn’t take the idea of him coming back more injured. 

“It’s my life, Courtney.  It’s what I chose. I’m a lifer. You can’t just expect me to give it all up in my prime.”

David’s head popped up.  He had heard that before, as a matter of fact, he had heard that this morning, but it was weird seeing it play out.  Suddenly, Kelly’s words rang in his head. 

Courtney growled.  “I don’t know if you’ve noticed but you’re not exactly in your prime anymore – not for the Corps.”

Brett sneered. “Like you would know.”  Just because she was a Colonel’s daughter didn’t mean that she got to act like she’d stood a post. 

“I
do
know,” Courtney said, pointing at his leg.  “When are you going to face the music?  This is it. The Marine Corps is over.”

Brett stared at her.  “Courtney, what is your problem? You’ve been on me all day.”

“My problem?” she said incensed, hand to her chest. “You’re the one who’s been distant since you left the doctor’s office.  Did they confirm what I’ve been trying to say?”

“Trying?” Brett laughed. “You’ve been doing a lot more than trying to say that I’m a failure.  You’ve been screaming it from the rooftops.”

Courtney’s mouth popped open.  “That’s not true. I’ve never said you were a failure.”

“Then what are you trying to say?” Brett asked.

Courtney stood up. “I’m saying that it’s either us or the Corps.  You can’t have us both. Not anymore.  Not after burying Joe.  Not after the four other funerals that you went to over the last couple of weeks. Not after I almost lost you!” She hit the table as images of the closed casket funeral flooded her mind. 

“It’s not fair to ask me to choose,” Brett said, forgetting that he was at her family’s house.  He turned his fiery hot gaze on her.  “You can’t just snatch this from me.  Leo can’t just snatch my son from me.  I get a damn say in my life, too!”

David twisted up his lip. Is this what he had to contend with if he had married Kelly? Would the two of them had this conversation if he had wanted her to quit?

Courtney had heard enough. “What about us? Do we get a say?  Your family? Your children?  You selfish son of a bitch.  We’ve sacrificed everything for you, and it’s still not enough.”  Tears ran down her face.  “Everything is about the Marine Corps.  Everything is about your career. What about us, the people that you leave every time you go over there?  And then we have to fix you back up when you come home, after you’re all broken and twisted?”  Looking around the table at her father, her brother and her husband, she threw down her napkin.  “You know what? All three of you can
kiss my ass
!”  Running out the room, her footsteps echoed as she ran up the staircase to her old bedroom.

Jeffery looked down at the table at his wife without expression.  “Is she alright?”

“I don’t know,” Diane said, standing up. “I’ll be back. You all just help yourself to dinner.”

David looked over the spread. “Tell you the truth, I’m not really hungry,” he said, as Diane left the room. He didn’t want her to hear now that she’d gone through all the trouble, but all the talk about Kelly had ruined his appetite. 

Jeffery picked up the entire dish of chicken.  “Good. More for me.”

Bret stood up, deflated from the conversation. “You wanna get out of here and go get a beer?” he asked David.

“Yep,” David said, standing up too.  He looked at his father. “Dad?”

“I’m starving,” Jeffery said, getting two rolls before Diane could catch him. “I’ll watch the kids. You two go.” He paused and looked up at them both, pointing his finger.  “Just don’t get into any trouble.”

Chapter 23

“After marriage, a woman's sight becomes so keen that she can see right through her husband without looking at him, and a man's so dull that he can look right through his wife without seeing her.” 

– Helen Rowland (American Journalist)

Courtney sat curled up in the window seat of her old bedroom window looking out at the sprinklers water the front lawn while she sobbed quietly in the dark.  She was angry with herself, angrier than she had been in a long time.  This was not the way things were supposed to go, but the blood had boiled so hot inside of her downstairs until her frustration literally leapt forward from her diaphragm spewing out of her mouth like hot liquid lava. 

And now that she had said what was bothering her, she felt hollow and wished for nothing more than to take it all back.

To her surprise, just a few minutes earlier, she had watched Brett and David leave together, jumping in her brother’s car and heading down the drive.  Going where?  She didn’t know, but somehow seeing them pull out onto the street beyond the gate made her feel even more alone and in the wrong.

The truth of the matter was that they didn’t need distance right now; they needed answers. And she needed to tell him that it was an honest mistake to handle things the way that she had.  Although it was not her intention, she had embarrassed him not only in front of their family but also his superior officers. And she was sorry for that.  After all, Brett had never embarrassed her in front of her mother or Cameron. 

Wiping her eyes as the light flickered on, she ducked her head when her mother came into the bedroom.  Her footsteps were soft as she crossed the hardwood floor.

Courtney braced herself. 
Time to face the music.
  Her mother had always been a stickler about dinner table outbursts.  That room was supposed to be their sanctuary away from the world.  But from time-to-time someone broke her cardinal rule, and then paid the consequences for it. 

Diane stood in front of Courtney as she looked at the checkered pink cushions.  “I thought you could use this,” Diane said, offering a hot towel.  She stuck it under Courtney’s face. 

Courtney took it gratefully. “Thanks,” she said, eyes puffy.  Wiping her face, she looked at all the makeup that wiped off.  God, she must look like a monster right now. 

“You’re welcome.”  Diane looked around the room and smiled.  “You haven’t been up here since the night you moved out.  You remember that?” 

“Yeah.  Daddy and I got into another huge fight about Yale.”  Courtney remembered like it was yesterday.  “I was always disappointing him. I just couldn’t take it anymore.  I thought at least if I wasn’t in his house, my failures wouldn’t constantly disappoint him.”

Diane remembered something quite different, something that Courtney didn’t know, and she’d never bother to tell her until now.  “Your father slept in your room that night when you bolted out of here in tears with a bag of clothes and your purse.  It was the first time that he had slept anywhere outside of his bed when he was home. 
Every other bed and sofa in this house gives him back pain.
He was waiting for you to come home, so he could apologize.  In his normal stubborn way, he was determined to believe that you’d come back after you’d cooled off, and he’d be in here to see you when you did.   Evidently, he said a lot of things that he didn’t mean.”  Diane knew her daughter would read between the lines.  She clasped her hands together and looked at the crown of her daughter’s head.  “People do that sometimes.  They love someone so much until when they see them doing something that could hurt them, they explode…overreact.”  She nodded. “Sometimes it comes out
all wrong
even when you mean well and you just want the best for them.” 

Courtney balled the towel up in her hand.  “If I had known, I would have come back.”  She huffed. “I was stupid.” 

“You weren’t stupid,” Diane said honestly.  “You had to do things your way, is all.  And no matter how much you loved your father, you had to make your own choices as an adult.” 

“Sounds familiar,” Courtney whispered. 

Diane took a seat beside her and rubbed her back.  “Are you going to be alright?”

“No,” Courtney said, exhaling defeat.  She sniffled.  “I’m so sorry for what I said down there.  Daddy must be furious with me.”

Diane smirked. “Your daddy has heard worse.  He’ll be fine.”

Courtney wasn’t sure that he had heard worse from her.  She cringed at the thought.  “I’m falling apart.”  It was an obvious admission to guilt, considering everyone had been there to witness her breakdown, but still she said it anyway as a gateway for answers.  Her mother had to have answers, because she didn’t. 

Diane shook her head.  “It’s not easy.  Lord knows that it’s not easy.”  It broke her heart to see her daughter experiencing the same pain that she had so many years ago.  “This life that we choose…as wives of military personnel…it is a sacrifice.”

Courtney looked up at her. 

Diane continued to rub her daughter’s back.  “I waited for so many years for Jeffery to finally retire. It was on every Christmas list. We had so many conversations just like yours.” Glancing off in the distance, she could hear the echo of her memories in her ears.  “But he always went back to his mistress.  At times, I swore he loved her more.  The Marine Corps.”  She removed her hand and buried it in her lap.  “So many fights.  So many late night conversations that led right back to his duty to his country.” 

Courtney frowned. “Mom, I don’t want that.  Not now.  You were at the funeral. You saw what Joe’s death did to that family.  He’s much more likely to be hurt again now that he’s hurt. He’s going to be off his game and second guessing himself.” 

Diane smiled. “I’ve been to so many funerals.  Quite honestly, I thought that by now I’d be numb to it.”  She recalled the many men that they had buried over the years, the continual expression of condolences, and the anguish of carrying the burden of her husband’s command, especially those nights when he cried himself to sleep.  No, it had not been easy at all. “Joe’s was still difficult for me and Jeffery, because he had been under his command once.”  She lifted a brow.  “But men won’t stop dying in war because Brett retires or chooses to go back.  There is nothing that you can do about it.” 

Courtney knew that her mother didn’t mean to belittle her situation, but somehow hearing her mother’s words made her realize that her situation was not unique.  And that scared her more.

“So you’re telling me that no matter what I feel inside,” Courtney wiped another tear, “he’s just going to go back?”

“No,” Diane said, sure of herself. “I’m telling you that eventually he will realize his walk, and no matter what he chooses, you have to be there with him.  You’re his wife. The Marine Corps is his career.  He shouldn’t have to choose because you make him.  He should choose because he wants to.  That’s the only way this game is played without shared resentment. 
Consent
.”  She moved a strand of her hair from her daughter’s face and smiled at her.  “Till death do you part?  That’s what you vowed.  There was no clause about his job in your marital contract.”

Courtney was expecting some other advice.  Her voice croaked.  “I could not handle losing him, Mom.  I just couldn’t.”  Goose bumps formed on her skin.  Her lip trembled at the thought of burying him in that casket.  “He’s my everything.  Am I just supposed to sit quietly by and watch him risk it all again because of pride… a bruised ego?”  Her eyes raced up to her mother’s for understanding.

And Diane did understand, but she wasn’t sure that they did.  “Brett loves you, and you love him, but you all don’t communicate well in crisis.  Have you told him how you truly feel?”

“
Yes
sss,” Courtney hissed. 

“Have you sat down and really told him what you want for your life and what you want for his?  Have you told him what this experience has done to you?  Have you really talked to him about the choices that he has and what you want him to do with those choices?  Have you asked him sincerely to allow you to be a part of this entire process no matter how it turns out?”

Courtney stuttered, “I think so.” In her heart, she knew that she had tread lightly on the subject since his return.  With the paternity suit, the injuries, his teams’ deaths, there was little room to talk about what she wanted out of life or what she expected from him.  And maybe there had been time but she felt selfish about bringing up her wants in the midst of everything. 

“If you only
think
you have, then you haven’t.” Diane had hope for them, but she knew that they were young and needed guidance.  “You need to talk to your husband. 
Not scream at him. Not curse him out
.  You need to talk to him and make him understand.  Only you can do that.  No one else can.  And trust me, Brett will listen.”

Courtney unfolded her feet from under her and clutched the edge of the seat. “I’m afraid.”

“What are you afraid of?” Diane asked. 

“I’m afraid that he’ll say no.”  Courtney chuckled as she involuntarily sniffled.  “What if he says no?”  She looked her mother dead in the eyes.  “Right now, I feel like I’m just the wife, just the mother, just the stepmother.”  She swallowed hard.  “I don’t feel like Courtney. I don’t feel in control of this situation at all.”

“Well that’s because you’re not in control.” Diane turned to her and held her hands. “God is in control.  He’s always been in control.  You, however, have the power to speak the blessings that you want in your life,
over
your life.  You want this paternity case to come out in your favor? 
Speak it.
You want your husband to retire?
Speak it.
  You want your husband renewed and your marriage fixed?”  She gripped her daughter’s soft hands and said the words firmly and with utter conviction.  “
Speak it, Courtney
. Just like you need to talk to your husband, you need to start to speak over your family with authority.” 

Courtney nodded in understanding. 

Diane’s face was covered with tears.  “I know this is hard on you, little girl.  You didn’t exactly pick the easiest road in life. Your husband is a Recon Marine hoping to be a lifer with a son that is not biologically his, and now he’s injured and you’ve gone from a carefree existence to a mother with two young children and a wounded spouse.”

Courtney’s tears were infinite now.  Hearing someone lay her life out there made her feel even more vulnerable. 

“Yeah, it hasn’t been easy,” Courtney said, refusing to sound so glum.  After all, they were now a lot wealthier.  There was more to be thankful for than not, but somehow, she couldn’t keep her normal glass-half-full outlook on this one. 

“Your father and I knew that it wouldn’t be easy.  We worried…quietly.  Jeffery especially.  I think that’s why he was so hard on Brett when he first found out about you guys.  It wasn’t that he cared about him being enlisted or white.  He was worried about the consequence of falling in love with someone so much like him.  Jeffery said a special prayer every night that those boys were gone.  He didn’t want you to be a widow or to spend the rest of your life taking care of someone or missing the special touch of your big brother.  He wanted more for you than he had given me, and Jeffery has given me so much.”  She glanced over at the door and saw her husband’s shadow in the hall listening on.  Turning back to her daughter, she lifted her chin.  “But now that you’ve taken these vows, now that you’ve taken on this life, you have to make the most of it. You have to own it.  The good and the bad.  You can’t just run away anymore.  People are counting on you.”

Courtney reached up and wiped her mother’s tear before it could fall from the side of her eyes.  “Thank you, Mom.”  Her voice was as soft as a gentle breeze.  “I love you and daddy so much.  You’ve been so good to me.”

“We love you,” Diane said, rubbing her daughter’s face.  “We love all of you.”

***

Sitting like three whipped dogs at the bar of the Devil Dog Tavern, a seedy little pub off Marine Boulevard, Brett, David and Gavin enjoyed the simple pleasure of an ice cold beer and endless shots of Gentleman’s Jack.

The bar was a historic cornerstone of the grunt experience complete with a USMC flag that hung above the back of the bar, dated dark wood paneling on the walls, old wooden seats, a 30-year old pool table in the back next to a dart machine and poor overhead lighting.  Pictures of Marines down through the decades lined the walls along with medals, news articles and nostalgic recruiting posters.  It was like a Marine’s tree house.  All it was missing was a
No Girls Allowed
sign, or at least
No Good Girls
. 

Considering it was the middle of the week, the bar was nearly empty with only a few old Vets in the corner sitting quietly, starring into nothingness while they nursed their whiskey and occasionally breaking into conversation and a young couple hidden in a back booth whispering sweet nothings and kissing excessively. 

An old jukebox near the bathrooms played non-stop Stevie Ray Vaughn while the old barkeep, a man in his 60s with a very large gut and a gray beard, stood at the far side of the bar watching television and cleaning glasses.

Brett felt like he was honestly at Disneyland.  Every breath he took in smelled like stale cigarettes, greasy cheeseburgers and beer, none of which were acceptable at home.  Not to mention that he hadn’t been out since he had gotten home.  Being pent up in the house for weeks on end had taken a toll on him.  He hadn’t realized how much until tonight.  Everything started to fall apart, including his normally reserved behavior toward his wife.  Now, she was pissed at him, and he didn’t blame her. 
But he couldn’t take it back.
  Partly, because he meant every word he had said to her and partly because he doubted she would forgive him anyway.