The Loner (35 page)

Something completely out of her control.

‘Wakeup, darling. Ssh … come on, my beauty, wakeup.’ The voice was rasping, but soft, and close to her ear.

Before Annie could cry out, his hand was over her mouth. ‘Now, now … don’t start carrying on. Just relax and we’ll be finished in no time at all.’ His hands were all over her. ‘You know you like it. Yes, you love it, don’t you, you dirty little bitch!’ Hegavea low, wicked laugh.

‘GET OFF ME!’ Terrified, and amazed at her own strength, Annie lashed out, knocking him off-balance. The spell that had kept her quiet for so many years, enduring the abuse in terrified silence, had finally broken. ‘I’m pregnant! You bastard … you made me pregnant!’ She screamed. ‘MAM! MAM, HELP ME!’

Her frantic cry echoed through the house, bringing her parents running into the room. ‘Philip! What are you doing in here? What the devil’s going on?’

A quiet, private sort of man, Derek Needham usually kept out of things. He loved his family and provided for them, and that was his role in life. But when his sleep was disturbed, that was another matter.

Evie looked from her daughter to her son. ‘Somebody had better explain, and quickly!’ Her eyes fell on Philip. ‘You’re drunk, again! I wish you’d stop going out to that blasted public house, if you come home in this state. Now go back to your own room. Next door! You’ve frightened the living daylights out of your sister, look!’ She assumed he had wandered into Annie’s room and startled her.

‘Mam, didn’t you hear me?’ Annie wailed, red faced and out of control. ‘I’m
pregnant
! Look!’ And she pointed to her swollen stomach. ‘It’s Philip’s fault, Dad. He attacked me – he’s come into my room at night ever since I was a kid. I asked you for a lock once and you wouldn’t let me have one- I wish I’d told you why, but I didn’t think you’d believe me. Mam, Dad,
I’m pregnant and you’ve got to help me
.’ She was having hysterics now.

As Evie and Derek looked on, too shocked to speak, their son spoke up, far too cunning to be caught. ‘Ask her what’s going on,’ he retaliated. ‘Yes, go on. Before you take any notice of her load of old rubbish, ask her what she’s been up to, carrying on with that gypsy boy from the fair. Oh, I see you didn’t know. Well, he’s made her pregnant, and just now she called me into her room and had the gall to ask me to help her get rid of it. Well, I won’t! I’m too ashamed of her, my own sister … sleeping with every Tom, Dick and Harry, as you well know, only you won’t admit it, and now made pregnant by a gyppo off the The fair ground.’

Her legs too shaky to hold her, Evie sank into a chair. ‘Oh, dear Lord … Oh, Annie, is this true?’

Always a proud man, Derek was deeply ashamed. ‘She’s the worst kind of trollop! That’s what she is.’ By now, he knew, the neighbours would have heard the row, and it would be all over the street tomorrow.

Outraged, and at the end of her tether, Annie screamed at them, ‘Yes, I am pregnant! But it wasn’t by any gypsy!’ Pointing at Philip, she shouted, ‘It was my own brother. The first time he raped me, I was eleven years old. I’ve kept quiet, even though I often felt I was going mad, and tonight I just couldn’t take any more. That’s why I shouted out for you.’ And then, at their continued silence: ‘Do you hear what I’m saying? IT WAS YOUR OWN SON WHO MADE ME PREGNANT!’

‘She’s lying!’ Philip was a past master at deceit, and like a rat when cornered he was at his best in that moment. ‘I can’t believe what she’s saying.’ He was incredulous. ‘It’s like I told you. Just now, she heard me on the landing and called me in. She told me everything. And now you know what kind of a daughter you bred.’

While Evie didn’t know what to think, as she was still in shock, Derek was determined. ‘I want her out of this house, and I want her out this very night!’ He looked at Annie through narrowed eyes. ‘You’ve all us been one for the fun and games,’ he said harshly, ‘but now you’ve got your comeuppance, and I’ll not have you bring your shame down on us.’ With that, he stormed out of the room.

Dejected and frightened, Annie went down on her knees before her mother. ‘You believe me, don’t you, Mam?’

Her mother didn’t answer. Instead she bowed her head in her hands and sobbed as though her heart would break.

Annie looked at her brother. With his hands in his pockets and a confident smirk on his face, she knew he had won the day. All the fight went from her.

Going right up to him, she said not a word, but looked on him with disgust. If ever there had been murder in her heart, it was now.

But even though she was innocent, she had lost. And he had won.

Quickly, she dressed and left, with nothing more than the clothes on her back.

Where she was going, there was no need of anything more.

All these years, reeling from what her brother had done to her, and fearful that if she told her parents they would not believe her – the very thing that had happened tonight – she had gone from boy to boy, feeling used and dirty, not to give of herself, which she had never done, but with a need to feel wanted. Sexually active from far too young an age, her innocence plundered and mocked, she had let herself be used time and time again.

All those boys … they were simply another means of trying to forget.

‘Yes, all them boys, Lenny,’ she murmured. ‘And not one of them fit to lick your boots.’ She smiled to herself. ‘I think I’ve loved you forever, but you never saw me like that, did you, eh?’

She gave an odd little laugh. ‘However much you love somebody, you can’t make them love you back.’ She wondered if God was listening to her. Nobody else was. She was alone on this earth, but no matter. It would soon all be over.

When her wanderings brought her to the canal bridge, she stood there awhile, gazing down into the darkness of the water. Just for a minute or two, no longer.

Then she climbed onto the wall, closed her eyes – and in that moment when she let herself fall, it was as though all the weight of the world simply floated from her shoulders.

‘Jesus!’ Looking down at the water, he saw Annie, arms out, floating face down. ‘There’s somebody in the canal!’

Stripping off his jacket, he yelled, ‘Run back to the pub and wake someone up and tell them … Get help! Go on! Hurry!’ As she set off, he dropped his jacket to the ground and leaped, feet first, into the murky water.

Eventually, he laid down the brush, slipped on her head-collar and led the mare into the trailer. ‘Come on, Jenny, my girl! We’re off to show the other buggers what we’re made of.’

Don shut the trailer door behind her, and the two men climbed into the cab, with the little fellow driving; though to Don’s amusement, he could hardly see over the steering-wheel.

The journey took an hour and a half, and when they drove into the field, there were already any number of horse-trailers and boxes parked up. ‘Looks like it might be a busy day.’ Climbing down from the cab, Jimmy looked about. ‘There’s Rob Goodman – he’s been at this for as long as I can remember, oh, and Maisie Billington.’ He chuckled. ‘Better than any man, she is,’ he said. ‘Carries a shotgun everywhere and wouldn’t think twice about using it if she took agin somebody.’

Don had never been to a show of this calibre. Here, before his eyes, were magnificent specimens, their coats gleaming like coal-dust, manes meticulously plaited and hooves polished to a brilliant shine. There were huge stallions and graceful mares, and the folk who paraded them were every bit as fine and dandy as their prize animals.

When it was their turn to unload the mare, Jimmy led her to the enclosure, heart and soul taller and prouder than everyone around him.

‘There are some fine animals here,’ Don said in awe. Though he was not an expert, he recognised quality when he saw it.

Jimmy went to the entry cabin and gave his name as James Benson, owner of the bay mare, name of
Sunday Best
. This was Jenny’s official title.

Soon, it was time. ‘Wish me luck.’ Jimmy crossed his fingers. ‘She’s far and away my best horse. If she wins the trophy, her value will go through the roof.’ He was shaking with excitement. ‘It’ll mean I’m in with the big boys,’ he whispered. ‘They’ll be clamouring for her young ’uns and they won’t mind parting with their cash, neither.’

The competition was on. The animals were paraded in their finery, and with every horse and owner lined up, the two judges walked up and down with their clipboards and their top hats, and as each horse was eliminated, the line shrank, until there were only five remaining.

One of the five was Jimmy’s mare.

From where Don stood watching, he could see the little fellow’s hand shaking on therein. ‘Chin up, Jimmy!’ he muttered. ‘You’re looking good.’

The judge stopped at Jenny then; he ran his hand down the animal’s fetlock, then along her back, and now he had the mouth open and was examining her teeth. He then stepped back, took another, longer overall look, made a note on his clipboard and moved on to the next hopeful.

Jimmy caught Don’s eye and gave him a cheeky wink.

The Irishman smiled. ‘You’re still in there, boy,’ he muttered through his teeth. ‘Still in there!’

At long last, the moment was here.

The judges called out the prizewinners in reverse order.

By the time they called number three, the two remaining contenders for the title of Best Mare were a fine eighteen-hands-high palamino by the name of
Golden Girl,
and Jimmy’s seventeen-hands bay mare,
Sunday Best.

The judges conferred, the decision was made and, clutching the prized trophy in his hands, the chief judge began his walk towards the winner.

Jimmy was trembling in his boots. If he came first, he would surely faint, he thought, but if he came second it would still be a good result and his name would be known in the right circles. But if he came first! Oh, God above! If he …

‘The winner is
Sunday Best
!’ The voice echoed through the grounds, and when the judge handed Jimmy the trophy, he laughed out loud.

‘Thank you, sir!’ he said. His throat was choked and the tears filled his eyes, as Don ran forward to take the trophy from his quivering hands. ‘I’ve won!’ Now he couldn’t stop the tears, but he didn’t care. ‘I’ve won the trophy!’ And everyone around him was just as thrilled, for they knew of Jimmy the ex-groom, and the legacy he’d been left, and to a man, they were proud of him.

Like Jimmy said, it was ‘a day to remember’.