Read The Long Road Home Online
Authors: Mary Alice Monroe
Tags: #Fiction, #Contemporary Women, #General, #Romance
The Long Road Home
Dear Reader,
It’s been fifteen years since this book marked my debut as a fiction writer.
The Long Road Home
was first published in 1995. Reading it again, I was amazed to see the similarities of personal impact between the bank scandals of the nineties and the scandals that have made headlines in the past year. The old adage is true: what goes around comes around. Yet, the struggles and triumphs of the heart remain ageless.
I chose not to revise the novel, rather to let it stand as written. I did, however, change a few anachronisms for this reprint. It was amusing to remove the Walkman cassette and public coin-operated telephones. No matter how much time passes though, this novel will always be special to me. It’s my first novel. I began writing it when I was put on bed rest during the pregnancy of my third child. When I finished writing the story, I had given birth to both a book and a baby. It was an amazing journey, one in which I learned that what is at first perceived as an obstacle can be a serendipitous turning point.
I hope you enjoy reading the timeless message of love and second chances in
The Long Road Home.
Mary Alice
Mary Alice Monroe
I dedicate this book to my mother,
Elayne Monogue Cryns.
For he hears the lamb’s innocent call,
And he hears the ewe’s tender reply;
He is watchful while they are in peace,
For they know when their Shepherd is nigh.
—William Blake, “The Shepherd”
THE DAY HAD BEGUN as so many others. An early arrival at the bank, quick signatures on urgent papers, Mrs. Baldwin presenting the day’s schedule; nothing unusual. Yet outside the Manhattan skyscraper, the weather had turned. Blue skies had grown black, and an arctic wind was blowing in an un-seasonable cold front. It was still early on Wall Street. Lights flickered through the dark morning mist like candles.
On the streets below, a drunk peed on the corner of the bank. Above, the sky did the same, releasing a pelting rain that left angry streaks against the windows and sent the people below scurrying into buildings, ducking under newspapers, or disappearing, shivering, down the pavement.
Charles Walker Blair looked out from his window at the gray sky and the gray-cloaked figures on the pavement and had the singular thought that his whole world had turned gray. It was a rare, trivial thought for the level-headed banker, owner of the Blair Bank.
From the hallway, angry shouts seeped into his office: the low drunken slurs of a man and the shrill opposition of his
secretary. His mouth tightened in annoyance. Suddenly, the door flung open and the drunk lurched in.
Charles Blair turned from the window and stared at death in the eyes of Michael MacKenzie.
MacKenzie wobbled at the entry, his arms outstretched in a steadying gesture and his feet spread eighteen inches apart. He was a big man: broad shouldered, wide jawed, and ham fisted. His usually impeccable suit was soiled and had probably been slept in, his customary red tie with the corporate logo had vanished long ago, and his thick ruddy-brown hair was as unkempt as the hair on his cheeks.
“So this is where you’re hiding out, eh, Blair?”
Charles Blair rose from his polished mahogany desk and discreetly indicated for his secretary to leave. Her large frame hovered at the door, looking expectantly at the angry drunk, then she lowered her head in resignation and silently closed the door behind her. Charles knew that she would race to the phone as fast as her arthritic legs could get her there and place a call to security.
Charles eyed the weaving drunk suspiciously. The man reeked of sour booze, and MacKenzie’s sneering face made it clear he was a mean drunk. Charles casually walked around to the front of his desk and lightly tapped a green leather chair with his long fingers.
“I’m not hiding anywhere, Mike. You always know where to find me. Sit down. Let’s talk.”
“Talk!” shouted the other man. MacKenzie staggered forward and grabbed the opposite side of the high-backed chair. “You don’t want to talk to me. Last week, you wouldn’t even see me. Sicced your army of lawyers and execs out to do your dirty work, didn’t ya?”
Charles Blair leaned against his desk in a leisurely stance but kept a wary eye on the other man. MacKenzie had a reputation
for being a mean mule with a hard kick. With a will of iron and the genius of a maverick, he had built his financial empire up from a single grocery unit in New Jersey. He was young. A man of action. Which made his drunken state all the more foreboding.
“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”
“You’re a liar.”
Charles narrowed his eyes. He wasn’t lying, yet MacKenzie was convinced. Every instinct in his body screamed alert. There was too much hatred here for mere confrontation; too much anger for reason. Michael MacKenzie wanted blood.
“Mike, sit down,” Charles tried again, speaking slowly. “It’s obvious you’re upset.”
“Upset?” Mike slapped his knee and laughed till he coughed and spit out upon the oriental carpet. He rubbed the spittle into the wool with his dirty heel.
A muscle twitched in Blair’s cheek, but he neither spoke nor moved. He watched as Mackenzie, with halting steps, paced a muddy trail across his office, eyeing the diplomas, trophies, and personal photographs on the walls.
“Well, look at you,” he slurred. “Got yourself a picture with every president since you were in diapers. Now ain’t that sweet. An’ lookee here.” Mackenzie pointed to a wall of diplomas. “Harvard… Harvard again… A Rhodes scholar? The old-boy network oughta love that.”
Suddenly the young man twisted to face him, a small pistol grasped in his fist. Blair snapped to attention.
“Give me the gun, Mike,” he said, holding out his hand. His voice was low and deliberate. He dared not even blink. “Give it to me, then sit and tell me more.”
MacKenzie waved the gun in front of Blair. The metal shone in the artificial light. MacKenzie’s lips twisted into a sinister grin.
“Why?” Charles asked, realizing the death he saw in MacKenzie’s eyes was his own.
Michael MacKenzie teetered, pointing his free hand toward the diplomas. His voice fell to a flat tone. “When did I get the chances you got, huh? I slaved in the back of a grocery store since I could walk. Chased rats as big as a cat. My dad didn’t hand over a bank. The only thing he handed out was a cuff to the ear.” He winced as though the slap had just now reached his head. “Oh, Ma.” He moaned, and his whole face contorted.
Blair’s muscles relaxed as he watched the burly man bring his hands to his face and release his death grip on the pistol. He no longer saw a dangerous, belligerent drunk. He saw a broken man. Although he did not know what had broken him, he did know that he had refused MacKenzie any loan from his bank. He’d protected his bank from a high risk. Now, for the first time, he questioned whether his prudence was worth the price.
“Look, Mike,” he began. His voice was conciliatory and he took a step forward. His mistake was to reveal pity.
“Get your goddamn filthy hands offa me!” shouted MacKenzie as he swung his shoulder away from Blair’s reach. Blood-red anger rushed to MacKenzie’s face and his eyes bulged, making him look like a bull on the charge. Suddenly he swung around and with amazing speed slammed the pistol against Charles’s face.
Charles saw the blow coming, but not soon enough. He heard the crack of metal against bone, heard a rush of air expel from his own lips, and felt a blackening pain that sent him catapulting against his desk. Blood flowed from his nose and he knew that it was broken.
The force of his swing threw MacKenzie off balance and sent him reeling into a crumpled heap in the corner.
The room was silent except for the muffled, drunken moans from the corner. Charles drew himself up, one hand leaning against his desk, the other holding his nose with a handkerchief. The stale smell of whiskey singed Blair’s raw olfactory nerves, but it was his own bile that made his stomach churn. Staring at the defeated man, the only pain he felt was shame. How many businesses had he crushed, he asked himself? So many he had lost count. They had all been figures in a ledger, pawns on a chessboard. Until now. The human predicament had never figured in his calculations. Until now. And now, the rules of the game had changed.
He was about to tell MacKenzie that he’d get his loan. He was about to reach out a hand to a fellow man. But he was too late.
The world seemed to slow down in those tragic few moments. Blair saw the pistol rise again, but this time it pointed not at his head, but the other man’s. MacKenzie’s eyes rolled up to meet his, red and goggling—like the desperate eyes of a fish on a hook. Blair reached out and lunged forward, his mouth open in a silent scream.
A roar sounded in his ears. Blood spattered across his face, blurring his vision of Mackenzie’s body jerking its lifeblood across the priceless oriental. The red staining the gold silk-papered walls, blotching the gilt-framed portrait, splattering the green leather chairs, and tainting forever the soul of Charles Walker Blair.
NORA MACKENZIE SLIPPED a complacent smile on her face. It was a look that she had mastered over the past year. A mask she donned to protect herself from the horde of lawyers, accountants, and other corporate hit men who had invaded her life since Mike’s death. Most of them were here now, assembled around the massive oak conference table in Mike’s office, shuffling papers, murmuring, jotting notes. Their work was done. Like jurors, they were poised to deliver a verdict.
She sat alone at the far end of the table, one against so many. Nora felt the bulk of her dark wool suit, the high blouse collar like a cinch around her neck. She had chosen the respectable outfit deliberately. Despite the gossip, she would show them that Michael MacKenzie’s widow was a lady.
There was a chill in the morning air. No one had offered her coffee. Clasping her hands tight in her lap, Nora peered from behind her mask to study the men and women who would decide her fate. A few had the air of pompous boredom that she long ago discovered hid incompetence. She recognized those that had played the role of her supporter and those that
had taken the attack. There were more of them. A few she had talked to daily for almost a year. Today, however, she was universally ignored. Dismissal was clear in their eyes.
Ralph Bellows sat across the length of polished wood, his gray hair flowing from his broad forehead like a periwig. Nora knew he would act as judge. Bellows relished the role. A clearing of his throat served as a gavel, and he called his court to order with a firm “Shall we begin?”
Nora’s shoulders tensed. She had no doubt Mike would be found guilty in the eyes of his peers. He had committed the worst of crimes: bungled his finances, destroyed his businesses, and left them without a profit. Yet the one to serve the sentence would be her.
Straightening in the stiff leather chair, Nora appeared calm and dignified. She offered Bellows a gracious nod.
“Mrs. MacKenzie…well, we are not strangers in this room. We have endured together a long, arduous year. May I address you as Nora?”
His smile revealed teeth the color of ripe bananas. Nora nodded again. They’d endured? Nora clenched her hands in bitterness.
She
had endured. They’d conducted business as usual. No matter how disastrous her estate, they would be assured their pay before creditors got a dime.
“The untangling of Mike’s business dealings has been more complicated than we originally envisioned,” Bellows began gravely. “Our work is not yet completed.”
A short gasp escaped from Nora’s lips. It had been a year since Mike’s suicide. What more could they need to accomplish before settling the estate?
Reading her frustration, Bellows continued in a conciliatory tone. “No one realizes the futility of further delays more than I. However, to put it bluntly, Michael MacKenzie left behind a mess. No one, least of all family, understood the extent of
his holdings. We are doing our best to put together the pieces of his myriad dealings, but some critical bits of information are still missing.”
From under his bushy brows, Bellows’s pale eyes searched hers intently. Nora felt like the prey of an owl. She paled, yet steadfastly returned his gaze with the wide eyes of innocence.
You bet they’re missing, she thought from behind her mask. There wasn’t a man or a woman at this table who hadn’t rifled through every nook and cranny she and Mike possessed. Who hadn’t read every personal letter they could find. Who had bothered to ask her permission. There was a frenzy to their search that raised her suspicions and her ire. Even the break-in at her New York apartment disturbed her less than their blatant disregard. Nothing had been stolen, but Mike’s desk had been ripped apart.
“Don’t trust anyone.” Those were Mike’s final words to her, whispered urgently the night before he died. Nora had heeded his words and hidden every paper she could find on his desk.
Bellows cleared his throat again with a frustrated staccato, glancing at the papers on the table. When he looked up again, his gray eyes were as cold as the rainy sky outside the windows.
“Even without further information the result is clear.” Bellows tapped the report with finality.
Nora leaned forward, focused on his lips.
“The bottom line is, the estate is bankrupt.”
Nora blinked. “You mean his
business
is bankrupt.”
Bellows screwed up his lips under his red bulbous nose.
“No, I mean
you
are bankrupt. For all that we loved Mike, he did a stupid thing. He made himself personally liable for his debts.”
Bellows’s voice ended abruptly, leaving everyone to finish his thought:
and then blew his brains out before pulling himself out of it.
“What do you mean, personally liable?” Nora asked, reality taking hold. She was fighting to maintain her composure. Suddenly she loathed the alcoholic nose that Bellows peered over.
“Mr. MacKenzie put up his personal estate as collateral for loans,” contributed a young clean-shaven accountant. His voice shook and he fingered his papers nervously. “The family’s seventy-five percent stake in MacCorp., personal property—he pledged it all. Mike was so deep in hock he was unable to make the repayment schedule.”
Nora did not acknowledge him. The family’s stock? What family? There was only her. She had a name. Nora remained rigid in her chair and continued to stare at Bellows.
“Ralph, what does this mean to me?”
Bellows’s features softened as he laced his fingers together and rested them on the stack of papers before him. Nora wasn’t fooled for a moment. Bellows had nothing to lose by offering kindness now.
“What this means, Nora, is that Mike left you with nothing. Worse than nothing, actually. We have paid back as many of the loans as possible, but you still owe a great deal of money. You will have to sell everything—and even then you may still owe.”
“Owe? If everything is gone, how will I pay it?” Her voice was a whisper.
“The company is in receivership. Your goods will be auctioned off in October by a reputable house. Fortunately, your antiques and art collections are quite rare. Properly managed, the auction should bring in a satisfactory amount.”
“Enough to pay off the debts?”
“Hopefully. With enough left over to give you a start. These are estimates,” he said, opening up the collection of papers in front of him. Immediately, the dozen other people opened their packets. With dread, Nora followed suit.
“If you direct your attention to the bottom of page three,” Bellows continued, “you will see the amount I believe we can salvage for you from the estate.”
Nora quickly flipped to the third page and read, then reread the dollar figure they had allotted for her. It was less than she had imagined, and she had imagined a scant amount. Surely there was an error somewhere. She scanned the other fourteen pages of notes carefully, ignoring the impatient sighs and tapping fingers. The report listed, with astonishing accuracy, her personal possessions and their estimated worth: houses, cars, jewels, furniture, art.
“You even list the few personal possessions that I brought to the marriage.” She indicated the report with an exasperated flip of her hand. “My grandmother’s jewelry, for example. It may not be worth much monetarily, but to me—” her voice almost cracked and she swallowed hard “—to me, they are priceless.”
“I’m sorry, Nora.” Bellows shrugged, running his fingers down the columns. “Maybe we could take out a few…less valuable items.” He seemed embarrassed now.
“This is wrong,” Nora said, deeply feeling the injustice.
“It was Mike’s doing.”
A familiar ache gripped Nora’s heart. Her feelings lay somewhere between anguish and anger. They made her breath come short. Calm yourself, she told herself. Get through this last step and you will be free from the lot of them forever.
“I don’t blame Mike,” she lied. “What I don’t understand is how he could appear so successful and suddenly I learn he is bankrupt. How did it get this bad?”
Bellows’s look implied all that he did not say, all that everyone already knew. That she had left Mike. How, their eyes accused, could she expect to know about Mike’s finances after she walked out on him? Left him in his hour of need? Nora knew they saw her as the New York socialite who collected antiques and art. A pretty blonde who couldn’t be bothered with bank balances.
Nora looked at the accusing eyes and despite her vow, shrank inward. Guilt was an unwelcome shroud for a widow to bear. It kept one mourning without resolved grief. Deserved or not, it was a heavy burden. If Mike had died naturally, perhaps she could have escaped it. He had chosen suicide, however, and with that final act he had completed his seven-year campaign of verbal abuse. Nora’s hand moved to rub her brow, but she arrested the gesture in her lap. She tightened her fists and raised her chin.
“He took a new direction in his last year,” Bellows explained.
“This ‘new direction’ is not detailed in the report,” she replied icily.
Bellows raised his brows. “Quite right. The purpose of today’s meeting is only to explain the status of your estate prior to settlement.”
“Since my money seems to have been lost as well, I should think I am entitled to a full disclosure.”
Mumbles sounded at the table. Nora still focused on Bellows. Always work at the top, Mike had said.
She sensed a new appreciation in Bellows’s eyes. Up until now, her encounters with him had been purely social. Despite his gentlemanly facade, his hand always seemed to find a way to her waist. In what might have appeared a mindless motion, the broad expanse of his palm would caress her ribs while his
long thumb would nudge upward toward her breast. Beneath his fastidious apparel, Nora always found him dirty.
“I’d be happy to set up a private meeting to outline Mike’s past projects, Nora.” Bellows’s voice projected the cooperating attorney. His rheumy eyes spoke of another project he had in mind, and to emphasize his intent, he presented her with a magnanimous smile. Be good to me, the smile said, and I’ll be good to you.
“That won’t be necessary,” she replied firmly. “A report in the mail should suffice. I plan to leave town as soon as possible.”
Thirteen pairs of brows rose in unison.
“Leave? To where, my dear?” Bellows asked.
Truth was, she didn’t know. Anywhere but here, Nora thought, her gaze traveling across the impassive faces surrounding her. She’d had enough of false friendship. She’d had her fill of dismissal and rejection, of sympathy with strings attached. Somewhere along the line, she’d lost sight of her values. Looking back, she couldn’t remember what it was she had hoped to achieve by thirty.
This was a turning point. Nora wanted to go somewhere she could work hard, earn her own living, and reevaluate her values. Somewhere, she wanted to build a life that mattered.
Nora’s hand stilled in her lap. An entry from the report came to mind with a flash. Such a place existed, she realized, a smile escaping from her rigid control. Excitement bubbled. She knew exactly where that place was.
Leaving Bellows’s question hanging, Nora dove into the report and began flipping quickly through the pages.
“I assure you we went through everything thoroughly,” an attractive woman lawyer commented.
“I’m sure you have,” Nora replied tersely. She remembered the blonde from the “attack” team. Nora ran her finger along
the listed property, unconsciously holding her breath. When she spotted what she was looking for, her breath exhaled with a satisfying gasp. The estimated value was fairly low.
“Looking for anything in particular?” asked Bellows, his interest clearly piqued.
“Just one moment, please,” Nora replied without looking up. Grabbing a pencil she made notations, referring back to page three. Always facile with numbers, Nora reviewed the estimated values, made a few more notations, and calculated an alternative plan.
When she looked up again, the twelve lawyers and accountants were slouched in their chairs in exaggerated poses of boredom. Their noses seemed to have grown inches, the way they peered down at her from behind them. Nora coughed back a laugh. Only Bellows viewed her with intense interest.
“I’ll take the Vermont farm instead of the cash,” she announced.
Twelve chairs creaked as the men and women snapped to attention and shuffled through their papers.
Bellows seemed both amused and curious. “The sheep farm? But why, Nora? It is a small operation, risky at best. Its only purpose for Mike was as a tax write-off.”
“All true,” she replied, holding back her excitement.
His eyes narrowed. “I believe the house is unfinished. Have you and Mike ever lived there?”
“No,” she said emphatically. “Never.”
“I see,” he replied, leaning back in his chair. His eyes never left her. “Then why the farm?”
“Why not?” She wasn’t about to confide in Uncle Ralph. “I want it,” she said bluntly, “and according to my calculations, I can have it—plus enough to establish an interest-bearing
account of about three hundred thousand dollars. That should give me enough to eke out a living.”
“A meager living, to be sure.”
“I’m not afraid,” she lied again. As he went through her figures, adding a few of his own, Nora maintained her icy composure. She could not let on how much this meant to her.
“I don’t want any surprises,” she said. “Not without a cushion. I assume your calculations are correct?” An indignant
harumph
sounded from her left as an accountant’s face mottled. Nora focused only on Bellows. This was between the two of them, Mike’s personal lawyer and his widow.
She could sense the growing surprise and antagonism of the men and women around her. These were Mike’s people. She, his wife, was the outsider.
And that was the way she wanted it. Her foot began tapping beneath the heavy table as she put together the pieces of her new, even radical plan. In her mind she could envision the farm the last time she saw it—what was it—three years ago? The verdant lushness of the Vermont mountains, the fat red raspberries hanging ripe on the bush, fields of oxeye daisies, Queen Anne’s lace and clover sprouting up between rocks, dark woods with cool breezes, and the bucolic bleating of the lambs. It could all be hers. She could make something of her life there, she felt sure of it.