The Longing (3 page)

“One of us must go to the hospital,” Caleb spoke up, looking at his mother.

Abe glanced at Gideon. “I should be the one to go. Caleb can stay here with Mamm and the girls, once you head home.”

Gideon got up from the table, saying he ought to get back to his own family. “I’ll stop in at Jonah’s on the way,” he said, referring to their other brother. “Maybe he’s returned from his errand by now. Sure would hate for him to hear this from anyone but us.” He went to Mamm and leaned down to say good-bye, then left.

Abe prepared to leave, as well. Trembling, their mother rose and followed him to the door, pleading with him. “Bring word back as soon as ya know something . . . anything!”

“I’ll see what I can find out.” Clearly eaten up with worry, Abe nodded and darted out the door.

Caleb led Mamm into the kitchen once again and pulled up the rocking chair for her. “You mustn’t fret. We must keep our wits about us.”

Trying to be brave, no doubt, she blinked her sad eyes silently, and then with a great gasp, she buried her face in her hands. “Ach, what’ll we do if—”

“Mamm . . . Mamm.” Caleb stood near her chair, leaning over her now. “Try to remember how strong Daed’s always been. Not much can hurt a man like that.”

She nodded slowly, wiping her tears. And he wished he believed his own words.

Sobbing loudly, Emmie reached for Leah’s hand and they hurried out of the kitchen, toward the stairs.

“Plenty of men have been kicked by a horse and died on the spot,” Caleb reminded his mother. “But you heard Abe, Mamma. Daed’s alive . . . let’s cling to that.”

She bowed her head. “Ach, why didn’t I go with him? Oh, Caleb.” She could no longer speak as she softly cried.

“Everything happened so fast,” he said, his heart pounding. He tried to ignore the stranglehold sensation on his chest and throat that fought his every breath.

C
HAPTER 2

The interior of the restaurant was bright, with ruffled white curtains adorning the windows. One end of the enclosed porch area made for a cozy dining spot.
For courting couples
. Nellie Mae caught herself and cast away the niggling thought.

Nan spotted their oldest sister first. “There’s Rhoda,” she whispered, bobbing her head in that direction.

Wearing a pale aqua dress with cap sleeves and a knee-length white apron tied at the waist, Rhoda scurried to deliver a tray of food to a table of four young men.

Nellie forced a smile, fascinated by whatever Rhoda had done to herself. Noticing Rhoda’s new eyeglasses and the arc of her eyebrows, she realized their sister had plucked out a significant number of hairs to alter the shape. She wore makeup, too, and was even so reckless as to display much of her legs— the daring hem of her waitress dress just grazed the tops of her knees.
And she’s
lost weight.

Rhoda did still have her light blond hair twisted back at the sides and pinned up in a bun, but her prayer
Kapp
was missing—another startling surprise.

Nan twittered nervously, “Did ya think she’d change so quick?”

“Well, people do when they wander away.” Nellie glanced at Rhoda again.

Once they were seated, Nan reached for the menu. But Nellie couldn’t keep her eyes off Rhoda. A long-ago memory took her back—she and Rhoda as young girls, tugging hard at a faceless doll made by Rosanna’s frail mamma. Rhoda had been determined to hang on to that precious doll, no matter what.
“It’s mine! Let go! I had it first!”

Rhoda’s little-girl voice rang in Nellie’s ears. “She was a bit stubborn even then,” Nellie Mae muttered to herself.

Nan lowered the menu, peering over the top. “You all right?”

Quickly she blinked. “I s’pose so.”

“Then why do you look so . . . aghast?”

She bent forward, her voice a whisper. “When Rhoda comes over to take our order, you’ll see why.”

Nan nodded, squinting her eyes in apparent agreement. “Oh, I can tell from here. She’s deep into the world, ain’t so?”

So Nan had noticed.

As uncomfortable as Nellie felt, she and Nan were here now. And Rhoda had just spotted them across the room, where she waved and smiled before taking another order.

Several more people entered the restaurant—a young couple, then a family of four, who sat down at a table a few yards from Nellie and Nan. A light-haired young man, evidently the older of the family’s two sons, caught Nellie’s attention. His profile was rather familiar. Goodness, but it was the fellow she’d met so unexpectedly out on the road weeks ago— Christian Yoder, one of Suzy’s Mennonite friends.

“Now who are you lookin’ at?” Nan was eyeing her, her menu closed and on the table.

“That family over there. Well, don’t look now, but I honestly think the younger of the two boys—the darker-haired one—might be the
Mennischte
Suzy dated. I’m pretty sure the older one is the same person I met on the road last February.”

Nan’s eyes brightened. “Ach, really?”

“Don’t stare!” she whispered.

Nan seemed all too eager, literally gawking over her shoulder. “So that’s Christian Yoder . . . the one who gave you Suzy’s bracelet.”

“Nan.”

“Oh, all right.” Reluctantly Nan turned, and just then Rhoda came over, licking her thumb as she flipped the page over on her order tablet. “How are you
ladies
this evening?”

“We’re hungry,” Nan said right away, reaching to touch Rhoda’s waitress dress. “It’s so good to see you!”

“Denki—er, thanks.” Rhoda blinked her eyes, her cheeks rosy under her face powder. “I never expected to see yous. . . .”

“I had a hankerin’ to come,” Nan admitted, still fingering Rhoda’s dress. “Hope that’s all right.”

Seeing that Nan was about to cry, Nellie spoke up. “We thought it’d be fun to visit you here at your work.”

Rhoda nodded awkwardly, glancing over her shoulder toward the kitchen. Just as quickly, she turned back to them. “How’s Mamma? And Dat?”

“Dat’s got some driving horses trained and ready to sell,” Nan said. “And Mamma is helping Nellie in the bakery shop quite a lot.”

“Still goin’ to Preacher Manny’s church?” Rhoda looked at Nellie.

“Both of us are. And Nan and I plan to take baptismal instruction this summer.”

“Oh, really? When did ya decide
this
?”

Another waitress breezed past, briefly saying something to Rhoda. Rhoda told them she’d be right back, and the two waitresses promptly hurried away.

Nellie wished she might have shared with Rhoda all the wonderful-good things happening deep in her heart. Sighing, she decided to order a bowl of vegetable soup and a grilled cheese sandwich, and when Rhoda returned, she and Nan placed their orders.

Moments later, Nan excused herself to the washroom, and Nellie felt terribly conspicuous and almost wished they’d stayed home. Staring at the salt and pepper shakers, she fidgeted, moving them around. She’d never found herself in such an uncomfortable situation, not that she recalled. Well, perhaps the day she had been out walking, minding her own business until suddenly encountering Christian Yoder in his tan car.

Remembering that day, it took her a moment to realize someone was standing next to her table. Looking up, she saw Christian himself smiling at her, with his presumably younger brother at his side.

“Nellie Mae . . . nice to see you again. We thought we’d come over and say hi.” He turned. “This is my brother Zach.”

Zach offered his hand, looking a bit bashful. “Nice to meet you, Nellie Mae.” He studied her as if searching for a resemblance to Suzy.

Feeling embarrassed, she looked for Nan, wondering what was keeping her. “My sister Nan’s here with me.” She tried to avoid Christian’s gaze. “It would be nice if she could meet you, too.”

Zach was nodding, and Christian asked if they’d come to celebrate something special.

She wouldn’t say they were here for the sole purpose of visiting their wayward sister. No, she wouldn’t divulge that prickly tidbit. “Well, it is Easter Monday, after all.”

Christian’s face lit up. “And my dad’s birthday.”

Zach glanced back toward their family’s table, and Nellie’s gaze followed. Their parents appeared curious, and no wonder.

Christian’s eyes remained on her. “Good seeing you,” he said again, more softly this time.

Christian and Zach’s parents were looking her way again, which made her feel too tense to talk. Unsure of herself, Nellie merely nodded.

Just when she thought she ought to offer them a seat, Nan returned. She looked surprised to see Christian and Zach there and cast a quick frown at Nellie, who introduced her. “This is my sister Nan.”

“Hi.” Christian reached to shake her hand, as did Zach, smiling.

“Nan, these were some of Suzy’s friends,” Nellie explained. “From last summer . . .”

Nan nodded with affected courtesy and directed another sharp look at Nellie.

“Would you mind if my parents say hello sometime before we leave?” Zach asked.

Nellie could just imagine her sister’s questions, once they were alone again. “Why, sure . . . if they’d like to,” she replied, her neck stiff now with tension.

When Christian and his brother headed back to their own table, she reached for the dessert menu right quick, hiding behind it.

“Nellie Mae?”

She sighed; there was no avoiding Nan.

“Nellie, look at me.”

Slowly she peeked over the top of the menu.

“Those two fellas looked real pleased, talking to you.”

Ach, here we go. . . .

“Honestly, what took you so long in the washroom, Nan?”

“You’re ignoring my point.” Nan leaned closer.

“Which was?”

Nan shook her head. “You’re hopeless.” She looked across toward Rhoda, who stood
near the table of four young men, obviously flirting as she refilled their coffee cups.

Nellie saw it, too—Rhoda smiling and joking, like she was quite at home. Ever so peculiar.

This is her life now.

Nan frowned and absently touched the end of her fork. “Oh, Nellie . . . I wasn’t goin’ to say anything yet, but Rhoda just told me something awful troubling in the hallway.”

Nellie raised her head, noticing Nan’s solemn face. “What?”

“I best say it somewhere in private . . . don’t want to burst out cryin’.”

“Jah, don’t do that.”

Rhoda was headed their way now, carrying a round tray of food. When she set it down in front of them, both Nan and Nellie smiled at her. “Denki, Rhoda,” they said in unison.

There was a brief glint of welcome in Rhoda’s eyes. Maybe seeing them again brought back happy memories. Nellie hoped so. She was counting on them to bring Rhoda back to her senses soon.
Memories . . . and plenty of prayer.

Once they were alone again, Nellie offered a blessing for the food. Then silently they began to eat. But all through the meal, Nan picked at her food, clearly distracted. What had Rhoda said to make Nan so glum?

Several times during the evening, Christian glanced over at them. Usually it was about the time Nellie looked
his
way . . . but only to ponder his brother. Surely if Suzy hadn’t died, her friendship with Zach—and Christian—would have been short-lived. The boys seemed so . . .
English.

Nellie tried to engage Nan in conversation about other things—even the weather—but to no gain. And then, about the time Nan seemed more herself again, the whole Yoder family rose and walked over to their table. Nellie gulped inwardly.

Her mouth was dry as yarn as Mr. and Mrs. Yoder offered their kind condolences. Christian’s steady gaze rested on her all the while. Truth be told, she felt quite relieved when the Yoders finally turned and headed for the door.

“Aw, c’mon, Rhoda, tell us when you get off work,” the most flirtatious of the four men said. Running his finger around the lip of his water glass, he looked her over but good.

Rhoda should have been put off by their attention. A fleeting thought crossed her mind:
What would Ken think if he saw me laughing and talking with these men?
But she was not the instigator. They’d struck up a casual conversation, asking what was her favorite entrée on the menu . . . making harmless small talk. Still, she hadn’t discouraged it, nor was she flustered by the attention.

A friendly waitress, older and wiser, had warned her:
“Remember how men act around waitresses.”

Even so, she’d gone from no male attention to this—why not enjoy herself? It wasn’t like she was engaged to Ken yet, although she would turn off the charm to others the minute that happened.
When
it did.

Hurrying back to the kitchen to check on an elderly couple’s order, she glanced at Nan, noticing the way her closest sister leaned forward at the table as she talked to Nellie Mae. Was Nan telling Nellie what Rhoda had shared?

She suddenly felt sad, missing Nan, especially. How long had it been since they’d curled up in their room, confiding their hopes for marriage and babies?

Fact was, Nan looked downright dismal, and no wonder.
I shouldn’t have breathed a word. . . .

Nellie Mae seemed preoccupied—and much too apprehensive. Had something changed at home in the time since Rhoda had quarreled with Dat and left? What was wrong? For a moment, Rhoda regretted the distance between her and her two remaining sisters.

Not wanting to cry, she headed to the washroom and stared at herself in the mirror. She removed her glasses, washing a few smudges off the lenses and drying them on the skirt of her uniform. Oh, how she loved her new things . . . her growing wardrobe of for-good as well as casual clothes. She’d even considered buying a pair of dress trousers, the nice-looking pants that English women wore for shopping or for a more relaxed outing.

She washed her hands, letting the warm water run. She’d considered painting her nails—wouldn’t that look pretty for the days she put on her waitress dress and half apron?

Heading out the door, she thought again of Suzy’s diary. She’d read the surprising last half twice already. In fact, for the second time just last night. She’d had to hide the journal quickly this morning, fearful Martha would discover it. She found it strange that Suzy’s wild days had led her to something quite different than she’d set out to find.
She got religion,
as Rhoda had heard it described.
Same as Dat, Mamma, and nearly the whole family.