The Loss (Heartache series #1) (11 page)

I lost a bunch of the water by the time I get back, lugging it up the steps and then drop it on the floor inside. I sit down with a huff, blowing the hair from my face, and sigh. My foot is throbbing again. Perfect. In that amount of time, I would have thought Jase would be back by now so I’m worried. What if someone spots him, knows him or remembers him from when we used to come here? Well, that’s been over five years, and he has changed. What if he came here during that time? No, I didn’t see his truck. Suddenly, I feel as if I don’t know him anymore. What has he been doing all that time? What other struggles has he had, accomplishments, women? Oh, my God! Now I’m wondering how many women he’s been with.

Shaking my head, I reach for my backpack, dig through it and find a hair-tie then gather my thick hair into a ponytail and secure it. There. Okay, now let’s do this and quit thinking so much. Standing, I lean down and grab the bucket handle and manage to get it over to the wood counter. There, step one. I grab some newspaper from the pile in the basket on the floor by the fireplace, wadding up several pieces and open the door of the fire burning stove, placing them inside. Step two: I take some kindling from the hearth, shoving it in and stand back. I look around and see a box of matches sitting on the shelf over the counter and have to reach to get them. I light one and let it burn for a bit, hold it down inside until the paper catches it and then drop the match in there. I watch it for a little bit, the flames starting to spread and finally close the door.

Pretty soon, smoke bellows out from the sides of the door and up from the burners, and I start waving it away like a mad woman. I start coughing as I try to figure out what I did wrong when the door opens, and I turn in time to see Jase running towards me, lifting me into his arms and taking me outside, depositing me on the front steps. He runs back inside, and I’m coughing profusely. What in the hell did I do wrong? It’s not too long when he comes back, sits down beside me and pats on my back, handing me a bottled water. I remove the cap and chug it. God, I needed that. I down almost the entire bottle and cough a few more times. Then I turn to him and see a big old smile on his face, his elbow resting on his knee, and his hand up by his chin, trying not to laugh. “What?”

He leans over, shaking his head, and rubs his thumb across my cheek then turns it over, showing me the soot. “Yeah, you just lost the job of Jane.” He starts laughing, and I smack his shoulder. “But really, you did too much. Thank you. You just forgot to open the flue.” I bow my head in embarrassment, and he quickly raises it with his fingers under my chin. “How’s your foot?”

I smile. “It’s okay. Kind of hurts from my trek through the forest but I’m okay.”

“My brave girl. You don’t have to be so brave for me. I’ll take care of you. Come on.” He stands and helps me up then puts his arm around my waist and practically lifts me as I hobble inside. “I’m gonna leave the door open for a bit and get some fresh air inside,” he tells me as he takes me over to the couch. I sit down and look up at him. “You just sit. I’ll give you something to do so you don’t hurt yourself anymore.” He smiles and squats down, opens his backpack and pulls out a thick hoodie. “Here.” He moves over in front of me and pulls it over my head, and I push my arms through the long sleeves, feeling better with the bandage on my shoulder, then he brushes back some of my hair that fell out of my hair-tie. “Now,” he leaves his hand on my face, and I feel so warm already with his touch, “let me get a few things cleaned but I’ll bring over the cutting board and some veggies to cut up but first….” He stands and walks out the door, and I try to wait patiently. He comes back carrying an armful of sacks and a couple hanging from his fingers. I start to rise, and he yells at me. “Tsk, tsk, tsk. Sit back down.” So I plop back down feeling a little frustrated. He sets them down on the table and then rummages through them, picks something out and then walks back over, getting in his earlier position in front of me. I flinch when he takes ahold of my ankle, gently lifting my foot and removing my shoe then my sock. He sets my heel on his knee and opens an ace bandage package. Smart man. My foot and ankle are swollen, and I notice the light purple bruising around it.

I sit there just watching him. His tongue peeks out as he concentrates while wrapping my foot. So cute. Okay, handsome but in a cute way. I lick my lips as I look at the tip of his tongue lick his lower lip then stays there, and then it slides over his lip to the other side. I’m completely mesmerized. “Quit staring,” he says with a low chuckle then he finishes and his brown eyes look up at me, his dark lashes covering them and my heart just stops. He leans closer, so close I could barely move and our lips would be touching. “Don’t walk on it anymore.” I blink and then he kisses me quick.

He pushes his hands against the couch, rises, walks over to the table grabbing more stuff from the bags and then goes over to the counter. Soon, he comes back to me carrying a big chopping board and sets down some plastic bags with vegetables in them. “You okay with this?” I nod and smile as he hands me a knife. I pull out a head of broccoli and start cutting. Then he brings me a small bowl with water and sets it on the table beside the couch. “I bought a ton of bottled water until I can get a bunch steamed.” He’s thought of everything. I sit there, looking up periodically, and gawk at him. Watching him move around effortlessly, putting things away, and then setting the bucket of water on the stove to heat up. I watch his muscles flex as he lifts up the hem of his shirt, reaching over his shoulder and pulling it over his head, leaving only his wife-beater on. Damn. Is it getting hot in here?

My head flashes back to the other night when I felt those muscles, the look on his face when he came, how soft his skin was and how I traced a vein on his strong arm. “You’re gonna cut yourself.” I blink rapidly, and my eyes focus on him staring at me. He chuckles and then gets busy again and so do I. He’s right. I’m gonna end up cutting myself.

A little later, the smell of food begins to invade the air. He’d shut the front door a little while ago, bolting the lock, which was good because it was starting to get cold in here. The fire in the fireplace is roaring. He’d cleaned the kitchen area and then started dinner. In between, he helped me over to the table so I could sit closer to him, and I just sat there watching him move around like he was a gourmet cook.

My stomach growls embarrassingly loud when he sets down a bowl filled with steamed veggies. The very veggies I cut up. He winks at me, and my heart skips a beat. He brings over rolls, a small dish of butter and a bowl with salad. I lean over and close my eyes, breathing in the delectable aroma. I hear him set something else down and open my eyes to chicken breasts, smothered in some kind of sauce.

“Wow! You’ve out done yourself, Jase. This all looks fantastic.” He looks at me and smiles. Breathtaking.

“Help yourself. You’ll find here that it’s first come, first served,” he winks, grabs his shirt pulling it over his head and then turns to me. “I’ll be right back.” I turn my head and watch him unbolt the lock on the front door and leave again.

“What in the hell is he doing now? It’s time to eat.” I take the spoon in the bowl of veggies and scoop some onto my plate then I put some on his. Picking up the salad spoon and fork, I pick up a bunch and place it on mine and then his plate. After grabbing a roll, I take my knife and spread a ton of butter on it and cram it in my mouth. “Mmmmm,” I moan.

“That has to be the sexiest thing I’ve ever seen and heard.” I jump at his voice and lower my head in embarrassment. He sure has been doing that a lot to me today. Or I’ve been doing it to myself.

I chew up my mouthful, swallowing deeply and smile. “Where’d you go?” He walks behind me, opening a door to a cabinet, and pulls out two beers. After closing the door he walks passed me and sits down, setting a beer down in front of me. “Oh,” I squeak and turn my head behind me then back at him. “Where’d you get that?” I pick it up and take a drink. “It’s so cold.”

He chuckles again. I’ll never get tired of hearing that sexy laugh. “About three, maybe three and a half years ago, Dad bought a generator. I bought some gas at the Freeze Mart and started it when I got back but the beer is in a cooler filled with ice until the fridge gets cold enough.” Wow! I had no idea. He cuts into his chicken, then spears it with his fork and I watch his lips encase it. “I have another surprise after dinner for you too.”

I set my knife down on my plate and my eyes widen. “You spoil me. You’ve really thought of everything, haven’t you?”

“Just wait until after dinner,” he says, waggling his eyebrows.

I am amazed at this man; resourceful, gentle, tender and tough all at the same time.

Chapter 11

I enjoy every second watching her eat. Her full lips as they move when she chews, her laughter at my corny jokes and how beautiful she looks in the natural light of the lamps and fire. She’s beyond beautiful.

After dinner and helping her into the bathroom in the hall, I make her get comfy on the couch, putting a blanket over her and threatening her bodily harm if she didn’t comply. Okay, not really but I did threaten to tickle her if she didn’t and she knew I meant business. Once I get everything cleaned up and the leftovers put away, I walk over to a bag I’d put down next to the door and take it over to the couch. “What’s that?” She asks, trying to peek in the bag as I sit down next to her.

“Geez, you’re worse than a kid on Christmas. Just give me a sec.” She giggles and sits back, pulling the blanket up higher around her. I pull out the portable DVD player and several movies. “Pick.”

She looks up at me, her eyes wide and her mouth forming an ‘O’. “But how?”

I reach down, pulling the cord up from the floor and plug it into the player. “Do you really think Dad wouldn’t have thought of how we’d entertain ourselves when we came up here the last time? Mom with her movies and Dad with his laptop. There’s a few of these in the cabin. They connect to the generator.” She clamps her mouth tight, and I chuckle. “Pick.” I know she is just being nice when she picks out
Transformers
, one of my favorites. As we watch, she leans against me, my elbow resting on the back of the couch and my fingers playing with her hair. Perfect. It’s only about halfway through when I look down, and she’s fast asleep. She has to be exhausted. I know she didn’t get much sleep, if any, the night before.

Carefully, I lift her, moving her down onto the couch as I stand. I turn the player off and set it on the end table, unplugging the power cord, and then I gently lift her up into my arms. She startles. Her eyes open wide, and she grabs my arm in a death grip. “Shhhh, kitten. Just taking you where you’ll be more comfortable. Go back to sleep.” The corner of her mouth lifts a little, an attempt to smile but then fades as her eyes slowly close. I carry her through the small doorway, across the hall and into the bedroom, laying her on the bed. I lift her legs, pulling the covers down and then bring them up, tucking them around her. I stand there just looking. Her hair is fanned out on the pillow, her face serene and her breathing slow. She’s like a goddess. My goddess. The one from my dreams.

I walk back into the main room, go outside and shut down the generator to conserve gas. After locking the front door and turning off all the lamps, I go back into the bedroom. I open the window a crack over the bed to bring in some fresh air and after removing my shirt and leaving my sweatpants on, I slide under the covers, put my arm under my head and stare up at the ceiling. So much has happened, so quickly. I’m pretty proud that we’re here and hopefully safe. My hand moves down to the side of the bed and under the mattress. The feel of metal making me feel safer. I’d do anything for her, to protect her. I hear her sigh and I watch as she turns towards me, closer until her head rests on my chest, and her arm moves over my waist. I grab the covers and bring them over her arm, then move my arm from underneath my head and wrap it around her shoulders. This is how it should be. This is how it always should have been. I’ve lost so much. My sister and then my best friend. So much time has passed when we should have been together. At least, I have her back now and hopefully to stay.

The sun shines through the window above us. I open my eyes, feeling the warmth of her body so close to mine. I look down and smile. She’s sprawled out half on top of me. Her hand laying on my chest, her knee bent and on top of my waist, her leg in between mine. My cock is hard, not unusual for the morning, but it’s squashed underneath her leg and aching for her. Down boy. Now is not the time, although, I would love it. We have time. I’ll need plenty of it for what I want to do. I watch her sleep for a few minutes. She looks so relaxed, not stressed out like she has been. I want her to always be this way, to take care of her. Love her.

Finally, nature calls so I gently move her arm, sliding out of bed. She rustles but turns over, hugging her pillow and sighs. I head out into the hallway, walking into the bathroom and make quick work of all my bathroom duties, even taking a quick shower using the pump. I walk out to the kitchen, gathering all the things needed to make breakfast. After loading the stove with paper and kindling, I get it lit and go back to whipping up some pancake batter. I proceed to get eggs, bacon, sausage, and toast ready. It’s a little different cooking here, most things having to be made on the pot belly stove, but I’ve learned to adjust coming here so often and watching Mom. Dad had upgraded the stove to a four burner when he fixed up the place a few years ago. He added the pumps to the shower and the kitchen sink, trying to get it to where it was more livable, more relaxing without all the taxing things of a rugged stay. When we were young, we loved it, well, except for Liv. She was too busy playing with her Barbie’s to care. Those were the good old days.

By the time everything is almost ready, I hear the sounds of her hobbling in the hallway and the bathroom door closes. My heart rate speeds up. It does that every time I think of her. Smiling, I place everything on two plates, take them to the table, and then go to the fridge to get out the butter and milk. My head snaps to my right, and I see a vision. My cock strains against my jeans as my eyes scour her body. She’s changed into one of my t-shirts, so large the hem hits mid-thigh. The sleeves hang down to the middle of her upper arms. Her hair is tousled, looking like she’d just had the best sex of her life, the smooth silky skin on her arms and legs, making me lick my lips. I want to kiss and suck every inch of it.

“You okay, big boy?” I look back up into her eyes and notice they’re looking right where my cock is aching to get out. She smiles and I let out a chuckle then I set the things down in my hands on the table and storm right over to her.

“See what you do to me?” I ask as I wrap my arms around her, pushing my hardness against her leg, and kissing those full lips I’ve been dying to kiss all morning. She moans as I slide my tongue into her eager mouth. Her hand moves from the side of my neck to around the back, her fingers in my hair, and I’m lost in her warmth, her touch. “God, Alena,” I whisper as I release her mouth then kiss her cheek, her closed eyes, her forehead and slide the side of my face against her smooth skin, ending at her ear. “I want you so fucking bad.”

Her face moves against mine. Her fingers tug my hair, and I feel her breath against my ear. “Take me. I’m yours. Please.” Fuck!

I bend down and lift her in my arms, breakfast forgotten, and carry her into the bedroom. I set her down on the end of the bed, lift up her shirt, pulling it over her head fast and lean down finding her mouth again. She practically rips off my shirt, and I stop kissing her long enough to help her get rid of it, then my mouth is back on hers. “Jase,” she moans and starts tugging at my jeans button. I grab under her arms, moving her up the bed until her head hits a pillow. I climb back and off the bed, making quick time removing my jeans. Her eyes grow wide, full of desire, when she realizes I’m commando. Yeah, who needs boxers out in the wild? As I stroke my already hard cock, she reaches out to me, her fingers almost waving at me to hurry the fuck up. So I do. I crawl up the bed, settling in between her spread legs, leaning down to kiss her lips as I plunge into her wetness.

“So wet,” I whisper against her mouth. “Already so wet for me.” She moans as she bucks her hips, causing my cock to sink even deeper within her. “God, Alena. You respond so quickly to me. To my touch….” I cup one of her ample breasts, tweaking the nipple and her hips buck again. “To my cock that’s always aching for you.” I pull out until only the tip is in her and then thrust hard. She meets my movement and writhes underneath me. We don’t last long. Okay, I don’t last long. It doesn’t take me much when I’m inside her, feeling her muscles clamp my pulsing cock, and the look on her beautiful face when she cums. It’s a sight, a vision, one that I’d love to capture. Embed it in my memory.

She winces as I move off of her, resting back against my legs beside her, and I feel terrible. I wasn’t thinking. Well, my cock was doing all the thinking. “Are you okay? Did I fucking hurt you?” I all but growl. She smiles and turns over and I see what hurts. There’s blood from the wound on her shoulder from when she fell. “Damn, I’m sorry. I wasn’t thinking.” She turns slightly, her hand cups my jaw and smiles.

“I’m not sorry.”

I quickly move from the bed, grabbing my jeans, and I walk to the bathroom to get the first aid kit. When I return to the bedroom, she’s sitting up, trying to look over her shoulder at her wound. “Here. Let me.” I sit down beside her and open the box. After cleaning it up, I place a big bandage on it and then kiss it. “All better.” Her smiles makes my heart stop. “Come on. I made you the most awesome breakfast. Now, I’ll just heat it back up.” She laughs and looks at me shyly then giggles.

“Totally worth it.” Her look turns from laughter to seriousness. I take her hand, pull her up and scoop her into my arms. She looks at me and smiles. “I can walk, Tarzan.”

“Oh, I know.” I kiss her lips as I carry her out of the room and into the kitchen, depositing her on a chair at the table. “Will you pour the milk while I get this ready?”

“Sure.”

I grab the plates, loading everything back into the skillets and turn on the burners again. It doesn’t take long before everything’s reheated and back on the plates. We eat in silence, until….

“Mmmmm”

Damn, that was hot. I watch her eyes close as her fork slides into her mouth, full of pancakes topped with the raspberry jam I bought. My cock hardens immediately, and I reach down under the table and adjust. It doesn’t take much for me when it comes to her. A smile. A brush of her hair. Her lips. Eating. Chewing. Damn! Yes, really anything she does makes me hard. “What?” My eyes focus in on hers, and I sit up straight, grabbing my fork and take a bite of my own.

“Nothing.” I adjust myself again. She giggles. Man, I love that sound. The silence after is filled with tension. I look up and see her just staring off into space. “Alena?”

“I was just thinking about everything. What a mess I’ve made of my life. I used to be so strong. Nothing could hurt me or hurt the ones I love. I wouldn’t let it.” She looks at me, sadness overcasting her beautiful face. “Once my business really started taking off, he…. I was so stupid. I signed a contract that he would handle the business part, the money.” She puts her arms on the table and leans in. “I don’t care about the money, Jase. Let me just give it to him. You don’t know what he’ll do to keep it. There’s a stipulation in the contract that says he gets half after we’re married and of course, he will get it all when I’m dead. He’ll stop at nothing.”

I reach for her hand, anger welling up inside me. “Nothing will happen. I promise. He doesn’t know who he’s dealing with either. I bought a pre-paid phone while I was at the store. It can’t be traced. I called Scott, filled him in.” Her eyebrows raise, and I can see the concern in them. “He was getting with Dad last night. Somewhere private. He said….” She leans closer, her lips part. “I guess Bill went crazy after he figured out you left him. He questioned my parents, yours, Scott, Jolie, and even Hailey. I guess he tore into Battle Ground and really messed up some stuff.”

Her hand leaves mine, both of them covering her mouth as her eyes fill with tears. “Oh, no!”

“Hey, hey. Those things can be replaced. You can’t. You don’t worry about that shit.”

She stands, knocking her chair back and has to grab the table when she couldn’t get her balance. “Where is he? I should go back, go with him. This is….”

I stand up and walk quickly to her, putting my arm around her waist and drawing her to me. “No, Alena! No!” She lays her head on my chest, her arms wrapping around me, squeezing me tight. I place my hand on the side of her face and rub my thumb across her skin. “Everything’s going to be fine. I knew this would happen. Don’t worry. Please, don’t worry.”

“I was trying to avoid all this by running away and look what that did,” she says with a shaky breath.

I cup her chin and pull her face up to look at me. Her long lashes wet from her tears and her eyes are so sad. “Look. You did what you thought was right and truthfully, you were in danger. I won’t let anything happen to you. I can’t. He can’t touch anyone else and is just embarrassing himself and showing his true colors by acting out like he did. Trust me.” A tear falls from her eye, down her face and onto my hand. “Trust me?”

She nods and rests her head on my chest again. “I used to be so strong. Invincible. I don’t know what happened to me along the way. I became weak.” Her head rises and she looks up at me. “But no more. I won’t let him do this to you, to our parents or friends. I won’t let him do it to me.”

“That’s my girl.” I kiss the top of her head, and we stand there in silence for a couple of minutes. “Now, let’s finish breakfast. No way am I heating all that up again.”

She laughs and rises up, kissing my lips. We untangle ourselves from each other and go back to sit down and eat.

♥    ♥    ♥    ♥

I’m angry. So angry. How dare he do that? I want to pace the floor, but my foot won’t allow it. Damnit! We spent most of the day outside on the porch. The sun is shining, but it’s still cooler up here in the hills. I sat on his lap, with one of his blankets wrapped around us, and we talked. Really talked. I’m so proud of how he overcame his loss of Liv. He says he still has a ways to go yet he’s come so far. We laughed and talked about a ton of memories. My favorite was when we laid in the grass on a blanket, beyond the trees that outlined the vacant lot where we always played stick ball, and talked. We did that a lot when we got to our teenage years. Seems like all the joy in my life, all the happiness, has always involved him.

Jase left a little bit ago to get more wood, and I’m bored. I limp over to the kitchen, opening cabinets and then the fridge. Smiling, I take out the ingredients I need and get a bowl and small plate to put them on. I manage to get over to the fire, put the last logs on and in a few minutes, I watch it roar to life. I go into the bedroom, open the closet and smile then gather a couple of blankets and pillows and head back out by the fire. There! All set.

I’m laying down, half under a blanket. The bowl of goodies is on the floor in front of me, and as I pick up a strawberry, placing it against my lips, the door opens. God, I hope that’s Jase and not someone lost in the woods. That would be embarrassing. He walks in, turning around to shut and lock the door, when he turns and faces me, his eyes snap down and a log drops to the floor with a loud thud. I didn’t jerk, didn’t twitch, but I had to hold in my giggle at the look of shock on his face. I bite into the strawberry, its juices sliding down my chin, and I lick my lower lip, trying to look seductive. Shit, I hope it’s working. My eyes travel down, down, and I see that it is by the look of his cock pushing against the fly in his jeans. Perfect!

“Alena,” he croaks. My eyes snap up just in time to see him swallow, his throat moving up and down and his chest telling me he’s already breathing heavy. I love how I affect him by just this one movement, of course, being naked and the blanket only half covering me probably has something to do with it as well.

He storms over, barely getting his wood pile into the basket, and squats down in front of me. I look up at him, from under my lashes, and smile. “Want some?” His mouth is on mine as he gently pushes me over onto my back, his hand is instantly covering my breast, kneading it and pinching the nipple. “Mmmm,” I moan, rather loudly.

“Fuck! What you do to me,” he whispers against my lips then takes them again.

I’m lost in him, in the moment, and I never want it to end. I’ve never felt so loved, so cherished as he pays homage to every inch of me. Kissing his way down my neck, where my shoulder meets it, my chest until his mouth covers my nipple. I start to squirm underneath him, my hips bucking, my aching clit wanting some of that attention. He chuckles low, vibrating against my breast and that just makes the heat rise even more inside me. He looks up at me, his brown eyes sparkling in the fire’s glow, his lashes long and dark, and smiles. “What, kitten?”

“Ugh! Jase” I moan. His smile is devious as he starts to kiss his way down from my breast, kissing my ribs, over my stomach then he stops. “Jase.”

He stands quickly and I feel like I could combust in frustration, but then he removes his shirt and his jeans. He’s going commando once again, and I’m starting to figure out he must do that a lot. I’m not complaining. I lick my lips when I see his thick hard cock is erect, and it makes me even more eager to have him inside me. Emotions sweep through me knowing that I’m the cause of that, that he responds to me so quickly. He kneels down in front of me, my eyes following his every move, and then he places his hands on my inner thighs. My hips buck again as he spreads my legs, his eyes watching me the entire time, filled with love and desire. I cry out when he leans down, his mouth on my extreme wetness, as his tongue does magical things to my swollen clit. “God! Jase!” I can’t stop my head from thrashing back and forth, my hips bucking uncontrollably. “Ugh! I can’t….” Tingles start building up from his sucking, his tongue diving in and out, and I feel the heat rising more and more until I close my eyes tightly, my hands fisting the blanket beneath me, and my orgasm explodes. My heart feels like it’s beating out of control. “JASE!” Before I can even come down from my bliss, his cock thrusts into me, hitting deeply. “AH!” I scream out, echoing in the small area.

“Fuck! You’re so wet, so sexy. God, I love you!”

My breathing stops, my eyes open slowly. He loves me. Tears quickly form. I can’t stop them. I can’t breathe. I’ve imagined this, so many times. Not like this but I couldn’t imagine a better moment, a better time. Our hips rock together, in sync. His hand reaches up, wiping away a fallen tear, and he smiles. “Those better be happy tears, kitten.” I can only nod as my lips turn up into a smile. He starts to move faster, but then he grabs my waist, pulling me up as he sits back and I’m on his lap. He helps lifting me up and down with his hands while gently gripping my waist. I pull my legs back, pushing them, following his movements. I’ve never had sex this way. Well, I’ve never made love either. Until, Jase. He’s so much deeper inside me this way. He fills me completely.

“Fuck! This is my new favorite position,” he whispers in my ear. Our chests are heaving against each other, our pants loud in the room with no other sounds but the crackling of the fire. My arms are around him, my fingers in his hair, pulling, tugging, and spurring him on.

“Harder,” I moan. We start moving faster. My head tilts back, and my eyes close as I start to reach another orgasm.

I feel his release inside of me and my muscles grip his thickness as he cries out. “Alena!” He starts kissing my neck as I fall apart. He keeps rocking when I completely relax, feeling like a bowl of Jello. I feel weightless as he leans forward, laying me down, but he stays inside me as he half covers my body. I feel his tender touch, brushing my hair from my face, and I open my eyes slowly and smile.