The Lost Soul Trilogy (Primani Book 5) (63 page)

Blushing, I said, “Ha. Ha.”

He said quietly, “Your whole face lights up when you blush like that. It’s one of the things I love about you.” He shrugged in apology for his lapse into sentimentality.

“Tell me more,” I suggested hopefully.

“Greedy wench! I have a better idea.”

Without another word, he helped me to my feet and shifted us to the back of the ledge where the rocks concealed a small entrance. Intrigued, I held his hand and let him lead me into the crescent-shaped slice in the stone. It was pitch black inside. I waved a hand in front of me and couldn’t see it. Killian held up his hand and faint shimmer of light illuminated the walls.

Impressed, I said, “That’s a cool talent. Can I do that?”

He pressed his hand against mine and nodded as mine picked up the
saol
and began to glow. Together, we walked farther into the cave. The sounds of the sea grew indistinct once we moved away from the entrance. The only sounds were of dripping water and my own uneven breathing.

“Nervous, Princess?”

“Did I ever tell you I’m a little claustrophobic?”

“Really? I didn’t think you were afraid of anything.” He sounded sincere.

Snorting a laugh, I said, “Yeah, right! I’m terrified all the time. I’m just too cocky to back down.”

Reeling me in closer, his voice grew husky and he asked, “Are you still afraid of me?” He dragged his palm up the cool skin of my arm to my shoulder and curled it around the back of my neck.

I was acutely aware of every inch of him and my heart was galloping in my chest when another vivid memory crashed through the wall in my mind. He was laughing down at me as a wave pulled me out of his arms in the surf. I sputtered and spit sea water at him as another wave crashed over my head.

I could almost taste the salt.

“What did you see?” His eyes stared intently into my own as he whispered the question.

Wonderingly, I said, “You playing with me in the ocean. When…when was that?”

“It was about eight months after we lost Sean. You had a bad night…the nightmares were keeping you awake again. Dec was gone and you were crying in your sleep. I could hear you and it was tearing my guts out. Some nights, I just sat beside you while you slept. Other nights, I put my arms around you while you cried and you’d fall back asleep. That night was really bad. You were distraught and I was exhausted. I didn’t know how to make the dreams stop so I took you away…to Eden.”

I slipped my fingers into his hand and squeezed. “And then?”

“Well, you stopped crying almost immediately when your feet got wet!” he joked but then turned serious. “I don’t know what possessed me to do it, but I scooped you up and dropped you in the ocean. You were so shocked! And when the first wave crashed over you, you laughed with real joy. You laughed for the first time in ages. The smile on your face hid the sun that day and that’s when I knew it was over for me.”

“I reached down to help you up and you fell against me in the waves. They pushed you against me and I kissed you. That was our first kiss.” His voice had gone soft and sexy and brought goose bumps to my skin.

“I remember.” I wrapped my arms around his neck and kissed him, his fascinating mouth molding to mine, our tongues dancing, probing. This time the memories all flooded back in a rush. My head swam and I burned for him. Dragging my mouth away, I was overwhelmed by the emotions I’d felt when I’d been with him before. We were intensely in tune with each other. He
knew
me and I knew him. There was a sense of history between us. Our minds were joined even more completely than our bodies had been.

My intuition was working overtime. I sensed the emotions racing through his brain now, in the present, and remembered them from the past. They hadn’t changed. The intensity was staggering and I was humbled by his willingness to sacrifice his happiness for mine. He would give me up to keep me safe. He would give me up to keep me happy. He would walk away if that’s what it took to give me peace. These things I knew without the memories to show me. I knew him, inside and out. I might not have the actual images in my head, but I knew what magic there was between us.

“I would die for you. But let’s hope it doesn’t come to that,” he answered my unformed question. “Now do you see why I don’t tell you I love you? You already know.” Skimming his lips over my ear, he murmured, “Can you ever forgive me for taking your memories? I need your forgiveness.”

Nearly hypnotized by the sound of his voice, I put one palm flat against his chest and pushed him back. “You’re not off the hook yet! You left me alone to face Sean. You walked away and left me all this time. You swore you’d protect me but you left me alone. Those demons would’ve killed me. I lost the baby! If it weren’t for Raphael, I’d be ripped to shreds and we wouldn’t be having this conversation.”

Frowning, he said, “What do you mean ‘alone?’ Where was Sean?”

Barking a laugh, I scoffed, “Gone! He bolted immediately. He doesn’t love me anymore and he’ll never speak to me again. It’s been over a month and not a word.” I added more softly, “His eyes were dead. He didn’t even look at me. He told me I’m weak and pathetic and he’s sorry he got involved with me. It’s over: For both of us.”

Growling low in his throat, he asked urgently, “And Dec? Where was he?”

My lip quivered at that. “He left with Sean. You
all
left me alone.” With a burst of fresh anger, I punched him in the arm. “You and Sean dragged me into this world of yours. I didn’t ask to have powers! And then you left me alone to fend for myself. No one even checked to see if I was alive. You’re lucky I didn’t blow up the Adirondacks!”

Rubbing his arm ruefully, he said, “You weren’t supposed to be alone. I…well hell, I assumed, that Sean would stay there. I left to give you time with him…so you could work things out. I thought I was doing the right thing. I’d never imagine him leaving you alone. I don’t know how he could do that.”

“Huh. Well, he wasn’t in a forgiving mood that night. He stuck around long enough to pack and then I was stuck holding off hoards of demons alone. You guys all suck. I should hate you.”

“But you don’t.”

“That doesn’t mean you don’t suck.”

Holding back a grin, he ran his fingers delicately over my rune again, sighing with satisfaction when the twin runes glowed brightly in the dim light of the cave. “I’m here now and I’m not going anywhere. I’ll say you were right, just this once, and apologize for leaving you alone.” He smiled at my surprise. “Yeah, I said it. Don’t get used to it. Probably you’ll never be right again!”

Suddenly serious, he held my chin and kissed me gently, chastely. Leaning his forehead into mine, he said, “I’m really, really sorry for not being there to protect you. You should never have to face that kind of evil. I would give my right arm to turn back time and erase those memories. I will
never
let that happen again. As of now, we’re starting over.”

His words were so sincere; his emotions close to the surface. He felt my pain and he felt guilty over it. I knew his heart had been in the right place. He’d done what he thought was right. He’d been sure Sean would stay with me because that’s what he would have done if the roles were reversed. But he didn’t count on Sean’s pride, I guess. I would take his apology and his promises and believe them as much as I believed in him.

Leaning against him, I kissed him back. “It’s a deal. Fresh start.”

He held me close in relief and finally backed away from me. “Come on, something’s here that we need to find. We’ll have make-up sex later.” He tucked my pouting lip back into its natural position. With improvised flashlight, he dragged me further into the cave.

In a naturally widened room, the light bounced off of glittering walls. The tiny crystals sparkled softly against the faint light of Killian’s outstretched hand. With a small cry of pleasure, I looked around in amazement.

“Look!” His voice was suddenly loud with excitement. I jumped.

Dropping my hand, he strode over to what was unmistakably a small stone altar carved into a niche. A misshapen lump of rock sat in the middle of it. It looked like nothing to me but he got very excited. Reverently dropping to his knees, he bowed his head and murmured words of the priesthood. The unfamiliar language no longer surprised me. I didn’t know the words themselves, but I knew what he said. He’d asked permission to approach the altar and use whatever we found in this cave to fight the evil that walked on the earth.

Apparently permission was granted.

A loud creaking groan came from the niche and a small shower of rocks peppered the floor as a hidden room was revealed.

“Holy shit!” I exclaimed delicately.

“Really?” He frowned in disapproval at my choice of words. “This is a holy site.”

“Sorry…it slipped out.” I was chagrined. It was, after all, a very old site. I should know better. “Can I come too? Is it safe for me?”

He was already entering the room and grunted his approval. I rolled my eyes at his distraction. Like Indiana Jones, he was. I picked my way over the scrabble of rock and hovered in the doorway. I was afraid it would close behind us and entomb us inside. Shuddering at the thought, I stayed put. Wild horses couldn’t drag me into that room. The interior was smoother than the other parts of the cave. It seemed like something had melted the stone.

“What happened to the walls?”

“Fire. You see, it’s like glass. Like mica.”

“No, it’s not. Mica is layered and flexible. You’re mixing up your rocks.”

“Huh. When have you been flexible?” He mumbled absently as he poked through stone urns and a couple of crumbling containers. “Ah!”

Holding a small bound book close to his face, he peered at the writing and then tucked it into his pants. Okay…guess that’s a keeper. Next he moved on to another little section of shelves dug into the rock. It was hard to tell if they were natural or carved out by some prehistoric temple builder. I couldn’t tell from where I was standing. He was very thorough though and checked every inch of the room.

“I’m fascinated just watching you,” I observed with some amusement. “You’re like a detective.”

“Hush! I’m thinking.”

At last he found what he was looking for. It was another knife. But this one wasn’t silver. He held the faintly glowing blade in front of his chest and murmured a few words to claim it.

Sgaine a dia seanagh, a dia sgaine ten.

The blade sprang to life and glowed hotly in his fist like freshly-poured gold. Its light cast shadows over Killian’s face transforming him into something pagan and wild. The last shreds of civilization melted away and I saw him as he must’ve been thousands of years ago. His eyes were distant as he listened intently. I strained my ears and caught the faintest note. Like the last clear note of a ringing bell, the blade sang in response to Killian’s touch.

I understood how it felt.

With a tiny smile at me, he tucked the now cool blade into his belt and walked over to the doorway. “This’ll work. Let’s go.”

“What? Where are we going? We’re done already?”

Patiently, he pointed out that I was claustrophobic and this was a very small cave. “Where do you want to sleep? Do you want to go back to the house?”

“Do you think they’ll come back?”

His eyes clouded with regret. “No idea. But we have to live someplace. Domino needs a human and I can’t leave you there alone. Sean will have to deal with it.”

“So we’re going to be alone at the farmhouse?

“I’m not planning to move into your bedroom, if that’s what you’re afraid of.”

“This is serious.”

“I’m being serious. You’re right about us getting you into this. If it wasn’t for us, you’d be getting ready to graduate college and start your life. You’d be marrying some dorky IT guy and popping out 2.5 kids. Good or bad, that’s not your life now, and I can’t leave you alone to deal with that. I won’t.”

His voice softened and he promised, “I won’t pressure you. We can stay strictly hands-off and focus on getting the zombies under wraps. I’ll be busy enough with that and finding
Sgaine Dutre
. I’ll need to be gone a lot but I’ll be back at night so you won’t be alone in the house. I’ll be there to chase away the nightmares, babe.”

That was a huge relief. They would be back with a vengeance unless I had some magical assistance.

“Don’t you think Sean’s going to assume we’re sleeping together? He’s just going to get madder.”

He crossed his arms in a typical Killian pose. “He can come back whenever he wants. It’s his choice, don’t you think? If he really loves you, he’ll swallow his pride, forgive you and come back. You’ll have a squeaky clean new conscience and you can live happily ever after with my blessings. I’m warning you though. If he doesn’t come back in a reasonable amount of time though, all bets are off.”

THE LOGS CRACKLED and popped as the small fire consumed them. Holding my hands out, I rubbed them together and let the heat soak in. My fingers were cold and stiff in the chilly dawn air. I could warm them up the supernatural way, but I liked the way the fire smelled. The sun wouldn’t be up for a few more minutes and I breathed in the fresh air with a sigh of pleasure. There is something to be said for roughing it. The earthy smell of the woods and the chatter of early morning birds were magical. On the other hand, there was no bathroom…

“Why are you sitting on a mountain top?” a familiar voice interrupted my musings and startled me.

Standing slowly, I eyed him warily, not sure if I was glad to see him or not. It had been months without a word. “Dec. What are you doing here? Has someone died?” I asked evenly.

“Yeah, Sean, a little.” His voice sounded strained and I glanced at his eyes. “Not that he’d admit it.”

He stood just opposite me with a hesitant, lopsided half-smile that fell short of reaching his eyes. His hair was cut short and his cheekbones were very pronounced. He wasn’t eating. He didn’t look well. The beautiful blue eyes that captivated me were sunken and hollow with purple smudges emphasizing his pallor.

No, he didn’t look well at all.

Grinding my teeth to keep from throwing myself against him in a hug, I met his eyes and raised a shoulder in a shrug.

“He’s got a funny way of showing it, now doesn’t he? All this time, no word at all. He’s done, Dec.” I twisted away so he wouldn’t see the pain in my eyes. Sean wasn’t dying--he was moving on.

“Are you okay?” he asked softly. “I’ve been worried about you.”

As silent as a panther, Killian slid out of the trees. “She’s fine, Dec. Safe and sound now.” His lips were tight as he considered Dec’s question.

Dec’s expression hardened and he stood a little taller. He’d aged since I’d seen him last. “Why are you here, really? Just to ask if I’m okay? That’s a little lame, considering you ignored my calls for help when I needed it.” Killian stood close to me in a show of support. Unconsciously, he laid his hand against the small of my back. I was grateful for the gesture.

“What are you talking about? You didn’t ask me for help.” He seemed confused about that.

Snorting a rude laugh, I said, “Oh, sure. I only called the penthouse a hundred times and none of you bothered to call me back or check on me.”

He started to respond and Killian held up a hand. “Has something else happened? Is it Sean?”

Dec flinched. “More bodies have gone missing from funeral homes around The City. Alex wanted to know if you’ve got any new ideas about the zombies.”

All business now, Killian responded, “How many bodies are we talking about?”

“Twenty or so. The police are freaked out and the news says there’s a satanic cult at work.”

Killian snorted with derision. “They’re partly right. I don’t have much news for Alex. We’re tracking the zombie we sent home but he’s still wandering around. That might be a dead end.” He paused and added, “Mica and I had some good luck and found
Sgaine Dutre
’s brother blade. It was a useful find. It’ll come in handy when we find the zombies.”

“What does that mean?” Dec asked.

Smoothly slipping the golden blade from its sheath, Killian palmed it and showed it to us. Its haft was unornamented except for an irregularly-shaped red stone set deeply into it. It had an oval shape, almost like an eye. I had the strangest feeling that it was watching me and stepped away from its view.

Noticing my movement, he nodded approvingly. “Yes, Mica, it sees you. That’s one of its powers. It acts as my eyes and will search for its brother blade even while I’m asleep.”

Intrigued, Dec peered more closely and forgot he was mad at Killian. Like a boy with a cool new toy, he grinned and asked, “Does it have a GPS for its brother too?”

Laughing in spite of the earlier tension, Killian said, “It’ll tell me where
Sgaine Dutre
is and lead us to it. It should be able to undo the magic that reanimated the zombies. I’m not 100 percent sure on that though. I’ve only got history to go on. I’ve never used the blade before.”

A chilly wind ruffled Dec’s hair and he gazed longingly towards me across the fire. His dimples were in hiding and my own smile refused to make an appearance. I had too many questions for him but there was no point in asking. I had no claim on Sean.

Killian touched my arm in question and nodded towards my backpack. Yes, it was time to get moving again. We had things to do. I dipped my head in answer and Dec caught our silent communication and frowned.

“Mica,” he began uncertainly. “Are you sure about this?” He rolled his eyes towards Killian.

“Dec, don’t. There’s nothing to say. What’s done is done. I’m only sticking around to find Dani. After I find her, no matter what happens, I’m leaving all of you. I can’t live like this.”

Stunned, he spun around to Killian. Killian just shrugged and Dec’s shoulders slumped with defeat. “I see. Okay, then.” After a few more words with Killian, he left the way he came.

“I’m surprised at you, Princess.”

“I don’t know what you mean.” I paused in the middle of banking the small fire.

“Why won’t you forgive him? You love him.” His eyes swept over my face and rested on the stubborn tilt of my chin. “Will you punish him forever?”

Refusing to meet his eyes, I turned my back to him and ignored the question. Moving with lightning speed, he was in front of me. Gently, he pulled me upright and forced my chin up so I met his eyes. His steady gaze and disapproving frown worked havoc on my conscience.

He doesn’t deserve this. You know that.

I
was
being particularly hard on Dec. I knew that in my heart. I had forgiven Killian. I’d forgiven him out of necessity and out of desire. I needed him to find Dani. But more than that, I didn’t feel betrayed anymore. Yes, I’d been furious with him for erasing my memory. Sure, the plan completely backfired…but at least he meant well. Dec, on the other hand, kept secrets from me that left me looking stupid and dishonest as I protested James’ accusations. Sean must really think that I played him, and that’s what really hurt the most.

In hindsight, I was wrong to hide my relationship with Killian. We were so relieved to have Sean back that we never considered staying together. We just agreed to let things go. We should have told him but the time never seemed right and it didn’t seem important since it was over. If I had told him, he could’ve dealt with it in private which would’ve left him with his dignity. But I didn’t.

Bad decision.

After Killian erased the memories, I had no choice but to deny James’ accusations. I believed myself…That vehement denial left Sean feeling more betrayed…I wasn’t ready to forgive Dec yet. The wounds were still too raw. Dec was always my healer, but he’d caused some of those wounds and I couldn’t forgive him for hurting me. His deception turned my world upside down. Out of the three of them, Dec had always been the one I trusted the most. His boyish smile and warm eyes healed my spirit but I didn’t trust them now.

Are you going to answer me?

Irritably, I snapped, “It won’t be forever! I’ll die before then!” I slung my pack over my shoulder and headed down the trail. Domino trotted next to me and grinned back at my warrior shadow.

As I picked my way down the trail, I let my mind drift. It had been a month already since Killian and I went back to the farmhouse and he’d kept his word. He treated me with great care and respect and hadn’t tried to touch me or influence my feelings. He’d promised to give Sean time to come back to me and he’d done his best to leave me with a clean conscience. His eyes followed me though and I knew he wondered what I was thinking. Surprisingly, he didn’t pry.

We’d fallen into an easy routine. I went to work at the mall and he traveled on his Primani missions. Most evenings I was home alone and went to bed in the darkened house. I never heard him come in, but he was always there when I woke up in the morning. Since Raphael’s visit, the house had been demon-free and I was finally able to sleep through the night. Miraculously, the nightmares had stopped. I strongly suspected, but had no proof, that Killian was affecting them.

Yesterday, I was working out in the basement when I sensed someone rematerialize upstairs. Pausing in mid-kick, I realized it was Killian. He was home early. Heavy boots thunked on the steps and I finished my move and gracefully bent over in a stretch as he poked his head inside the room. He had a full view of my butt and I caught a frustrated groan inside my head. Peering up from between my legs, I enjoyed the rather nice view of his long hard body poised on the stairs.

Black pants, black t-shirt, hard muscle. Yum!

Straightening, I blushed slightly at the direction my thoughts had taken and he smiled knowingly. I blushed all the way to my toes and he laughed quietly. I was dripping sweat but goose bumps popped up all over me when I caught the smoldering desire in his unguarded eyes. My own ignited and my body followed.

Time’s up. All bets are off.

Like a bird in the cobra cage, I could only stare at him while my heart beat like a butterfly in my chest. He crossed to me in three strides. Not touching me, with palms just a hair’s breadth from my bare skin, he waited for me to stop him and the clock ticked loudly. Hypnotized, I took a single step towards him and he spanned my waist with his hands but still waited as his thumbs stroked my skin. Deep inside of me, something stronger than instinct ripped my control into pieces and the ice began to melt.

Voice shaking, he said, “Tell me to stop. If you don’t want this, tell me…” His hands shook as they ran down my back and gripped my hips. I was melting into the floor.

Finding my voice, I whispered, “Make me remember. I need to remember.” My heart pounded like a drum and my head filled with visions of flame and stone as he glued his mouth to mine.

“Killian…” I whispered to the forest, my heart thudding against my ribs as yesterday’s memories washed over me.

“Come, nymph, there’s something I want to show you,” he said against in my ear.

Taking my hand, he led me down a steep rocky crevice that led to a clear pool of spring water. Going back up for Domino, he rematerialized with her and sat her down carefully. The pool was lovely. Black and grey granite lined the pool and glittered in the early morning sun. Two tiny ferns perched precariously at the edge, their brilliant green an artistic splash against the grey.

“Oh! It’s perfect!”

“Perfect for what, witch?”

“For casting spells, of course!” I teased. While slipping a bit, I managed to lean forward and scoop a handful of water. It was sweet and tasted of the earth.

“Are you happy, Princess?”

Suddenly serious myself, I thought for a minute before I answered. Bringing his knuckles to my cold lips, I kissed them and released his hand. It slid to my chest and his fingers toyed with my locket. The locket responded happily with a faint glow and a deep hum. It
knew
him
. I
knew him.

Instead of answering the question, I said, “I remembered everything last night. After we made love, I couldn’t sleep.”

“I know,” he murmured.

“I lay there for hours…just remembering us…remembering you.”

Cautiously, he asked again, “Are you happy?”

“Yes.”

“So what you told Dec…You’re not planning to leave us?”

“Are you kidding me? After last night, you’ll be lucky if I let you go to the bathroom by yourself! You were amazing!” I joked and then blushed as my words sunk in and his mouth dropped open.

Grinning arrogantly, he boasted, “Oh, anytime, babe, anytime.”

As we climbed back down the mountain, I mused that there was so much more to this complicated creature than I would probably ever know, but I understood him more and more every day. We ended up on this mountain because I’d announced I needed some fresh air and he brought me here. When I asked why he chose this place, he shrugged and said he knew I was a creature of the forest. We’d climbed to the top, set up camp, and spent the night under the stars wrapped in each other’s arms. The night was heavenly. This morning, it was back to civilization but I felt strong and ready. Maybe I was a creature of the forest.

He drove the SUV and I relaxed against the seat absently watching the scenery zip by. At some point during the drama of our days, the seasons had changed and spring had finally come. The sky was a clear, bright blue today. Trees were dressed with shiny new leaves and the snowmelt filled the rocky crevasses and poured down the sides of cliffs. It was a wild land and I entertained myself by imagining I was really a wood nymph. Frolicking throughout the ferns and sycamore trees…wearing some strategically-placed flora…now all I needed was a satyr…I peeked under my lashes at Killian. He’d look delicious in a fig leaf…hmm. He clamped his lips together and firmly shook his head. Ok, then, no satyr…maybe Dionysus?

“He’s the god of wine, not of wood nymphs.”

I gave up my fantasy and enjoyed the silence and lingering scent of wood smoke.