The Love of My Life

the love of my life

Louise Douglas
is a journalist and lives near Bristol with her three children.
The Love of My Life
is her first novel.

‘A passionate and enduring love story which has unexpectedly captured my heart . . . An outstanding debut, written with assured confidence . . . lingering and haunting . . . likely to set tongues wagging on the book club circuit’
Bookseller
choice from Kate Bradley, BCA

louise

douglas

the love

of my

life

PAN BOOKS

First published 2008 by Macmillan

First published in paperback 2009 by Pan Books

This electronic edition published 2009 by Pan Books
an imprint of Pan Macmillan Ltd
Pan Macmillan, 20 New Wharf Rd, London N1 9RR
Basingstoke and Oxford
Associated companies throughout the world
www.panmacmillan.com

ISBN 978-0-330-50907-7 in Adobe Reader format
ISBN 978-0-330-50906-0 in Adobe Digital Editions format
ISBN 978-0-330-50908-4 in Mobipocket format

Copyright © Louise Douglas 2008

The right of Louise Douglas to be identified as the author of this work has been asserted by her in accordance with the Copyright, Designs and Patents Act 1988.

You may not copy, store, distribute, transmit, reproduce or otherwise make available this publication (or any part of it) in any form, or by any means (electronic, digital, optical, mechanical, photocopying, recording or otherwise), without the prior written permission of the publisher. Any person who does any unauthorized act in relation to this publication may be liable to criminal prosecution and civil claims for damages.

A CIP catalogue record for this book is available from the British Library.

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Contents

one

two

three

four

five

six

seven

eight

nine

ten

eleven

twelve

thirteen

fourteen

fifteen

sixteen

seventeen

eighteen

nineteen

twenty

twenty-one

twenty-two

twenty-three

twenty-four

twenty-five

twenty-six

twenty-seven

twenty-eight

twenty-nine

thirty

thirty-one

thirty-two

thirty-three

thirty-four

thirty-five

thirty-six

thirty-seven

thirty-eight

thirty-nine

forty

forty-one

forty-two

forty-three

forty-four

forty-five

forty-six

forty-seven

forty-eight

forty-nine

fifty

fifty-one

fifty-two

fifty-three

fifty-four

fifty-five

fifty-six

fifty-seven

fifty-eight

fifty-nine

sixty

for my family and friends, with love

acknowledgements

I will always be grateful to Marianne, who read the manuscript and liked it enough to become my agent, to Vicki, and to Pat, who has held my hand throughout. You’ve been wonderful, thank you. Also heartfelt thanks to Josephine and Kate for their kindness and wisdom along the way. Finally, thank you to the team at Pan Macmillan: Trisha, Fiona, who designed the cover, and especially Imogen, my editor, who thought of the title and suggested many improvements. Working with you has been a privilege and a complete pleasure.

prologue

I shall never go back to Watersford.

It is where my husband Luca lies buried, but I won’t go there again.

Luca’s family has won. Angela and Nathalie have found a way to keep us apart. It is what they have wanted for years and I don’t think I’ll ever be able to forgive them for that.

There is no way to atone for what I’ve done, either. There is no way back to how we were before, no way to make things better. We shall all just have to learn to live with ourselves and the consequences of our actions.

After the truth about the Felicone family came out on that stormy summer evening, I never wanted to see any of them again. So I left the restaurant and got into my car which was parked outside and drove through the night to my sister Lynnette’s house in London. Lynnette loves me. She didn’t ask why I had arrived on her doorstep at three o’clock in the morning with mascara all over my face. She didn’t ask why I had turned up without a suitcase or even a toothbrush. She gave me a mug of milky hot chocolate to drink while she made up the bed in the spare room, found a pair of pyjamas for me to wear, tucked me between the clean sheets like a child, and left me to sleep.

If I had been born five hundred years ago, I would have been sent to see out my days in a convent. Today, the convent isn’t an option but Lynnette still believes in the principle of redemption. Now I am feeling stronger, she has brought Sean’s old laptop up to the bedroom and told me to write down everything that happened. She believes that once I’ve done that, I will be able to put the whole affair behind me. I don’t know if she’s right, but I have nothing else to do.