The Love Series Complete Box Set (51 page)

That’s a lot to take in, so rather than staring blankly at Mel over our now cold cups of coffee, I walk over to the big picture window at the back end of the kitchen. It’s starting to snow, not like a blizzard or anything, but just small clumps of glistening sparkles hitting the ground.

Mel comes up behind me and interrupts my mindless staring. “So, back to that baby.” She’s standing next to me, hands on her hips, tapping her toe impatiently. “I know you said you were scared and that you didn’t have the world’s best reaction, but now that you’ve had some time, and a little perspective,” the last part is meant to hint at yesterday and it works, “how do you feel about the baby now? Because if you’re not truly in it for the long haul, then leave now so that Maddy can pick up the pieces and figure out how to survive—again.”

I wrap my arm around her shoulder and laugh at her absolutely ridiculous assumption of my feelings. Before I say anything, I walk out of the kitchen and over to the coat rack which is in the entry way. I pull out the sonogram picture from my jacket pocket and walk back over through the kitchen to hand it to her.

She turns the picture this way and that way, trying to make out some semblance of what the hell it is. When she looks up at me in frustration, I situate the picture in her hand and point to the center of the image.

“This right here,” I point to the small gray area in the middle, “this is my baby’s heart.” She looks up at me and her eyes are wide with awe and amazement. She doesn’t say anything, so I just continue pointing out the details. The arms, legs, and even the tiny little nose that you can see in the profile. It’s amazing how, even at nine weeks, this little blob looks like a baby.

When I’m done showing her everything that I’ve memorized about my baby’s features, I slide the picture into the back pocket of my jeans. “It’s simple, Melanie. Yes, at first I was scared shitless, but now that I’ve seen my baby and heard its heart beat, I’m not afraid. I’m in awe. That baby is a part of me and a part of Maddy. And if by some miracle, we can move beyond our broken pasts and create something so perfect out of our love for one another, then, well who the hell am I to walk away from that?”

When I finish saying my sappy-ass speech, I feel warm arms wrap around my waist from behind. A cheek presses up against my back before pulling away. In its wake, soft, tender lips tickle my skin.

I turn around and wrap Maddy up in my arms and notice that there are tears streaking down her face. “Hey, beautiful. Why the tears?” I kiss her sweetly on her hair and lean my cheek atop her head.

She pulls back from me and wipes the tears from her cheeks. “It was just hearing you describe the picture, pointing out all of the details, saying that you love our child, that you love me. For the first time since we’ve found out about all of this,” she eyes her belly, indicating the shit storm that was her pregnancy announcement, “well, that was the first time that I could hear the awe and love in your voice as you talked about our baby.”

I pull her close to my chest and notice over the top of her head that Mel is rolling her eyes at us. “I’m going to take a shower and leave you two love birds alone to talk. I’m happy to see you guys back together. You’re good for each other.” As Mel walks away, she winks in our direction and then she’s gone.

Once Mel is out of the room, Maddy stretches up on her toes and plants a kiss on my cheek while cupping the other one in her hand. “I love you, and I love that I have you back. I’m so sorry for everything I said and did, but I believe you that you love me. God, how could I not? Please, say that you’ll forgive me.”

Resting my chin on top of her head, I mumble “hmmm” as if I’m actually considering whether or not to forgive her. She falls for it, and I feel her body tighten to ward off the blow of my rejection, but I can’t stifle my laughter. “I’m pretty sure we can work something out. How about you let me make you breakfast while you get off of your feet and we’ll call it even? Sound good?” I know she can’t see it, but my ridiculously huge grin is a pretty clear indication of how much she’s forgiven.

She exhales a deep breath and then promptly rolls her eyes at my instruction for her to sit down. Before she leaves my embrace, she plants a firm kiss right above my heart and looks up at me through her long lashes. “You can make me anything you want, just not eggs. Unless you want to clean up my puke in addition to cooking for me, just stick to toast. Got it?” She pokes me in the chest playfully.

I can’t help the burst of laughter at her attempt to lighten the mood. Only Maddy can talk about throwing up in the hopes of keeping the mood on the upswing.

We exchange a smile and break our embrace. She starts to walk away, and I swat her tight ass when she gets a step in front of me. She turns around with a shocked look on her face.

“What? I missed your sweet ass. Now go sit it down so that I can make you your toast.” My playful smirk and flirty gesture are my ways to try and lighten the mood and just like that we’re back to how things were before. Light and happy, hopeful and loving.

I know that we still have more to work out, more to talk about, but knowing that she trusts that I love her, really and truly love her, despite my past, is a huge hurdle for me.

We spend the rest of the morning lounging in Maddy’s room, watching television and just talking. Feeling safe in the confines of the only room she’s ever known, and perhaps comforted by the feel of my arms around her, she opens up a little bit more about her past and I about mine. The conversation flows easily for the most part and it’s not as difficult for either of us to share as I thought it would be. Lying side by side in the bed, our legs are tangled together and I’m gently brushing my fingers through her long, blond waves.

The calm and peaceful atmosphere shifts slightly as Maddy clears her throat. “So what are we going to do about us?” Maddy asks, her voice thick with emotion.

I’m taken back by her question, to say the least. I pull back from our embrace slightly so that I can look at her. “What do you mean? I thought you wanted to be back together?”

She rolls her eyes and my heart lifts. “Of course I do.” She presses her lips to mine and laughs at me. “There is no one else I want to be with. Ever. I mean, what are we going to do about us in terms of where we live and all that.” I can hear the panic rising in her words, so I try to calm her fears before she even continues with what I’m sure is a laundry list of concerns.

“Calm down, Maddy. It’s simple. I’ll figure things out with the internship. I’ll see if there is a school district here in Elmira where they can place me. And if not, well, if not, then we’ll just take it one step at a time and figure it out. But I promise you this,” I pause to kiss the tip of her nose, “we won’t be apart for very long at all. I’ll have to go back to Ithaca this week though.”

She looks up at me and I know what she’s thinking about. “Don’t worry, babe. I’ll come back on Friday for the appointment. I wouldn’t miss that for the world. I have to get the truck back to Jack, and figure out everything with insurance so I can get a replacement car. I’ll get that all done before Friday and I’ll pick you up from work. We’ll go there together.” She smiles up at me—huge and bright.

“You mean you would do all of that for me? I mean relocate and start all over, just for me?” God, she’s so fucking sweet.

I tip her chin up so that I can look her directly in the eyes. “I will do whatever I can to make sure that we’re never separated ever again. Got it?” I slant my mouth over hers and part her lips with my tongue. She reaches up and tangles her fingers in my messy hair. The kiss is passionate and sweet at the same time. It’s a confirmation that we will make it; a promise that we will stand by each other.

I break this kiss to ask something that has been on my mind all day, “Do you think it would be a problem if I stayed here for Christmas with you guys?” I’ve spent the last four Christmases alone in that crappy frat house while all of the guys went home. I’ll never admit it to anyone, but those were some of the most depressing days of my life. No gifts to open, none to give.

“Oh my God, I completely forgot Christmas is next week! With everything going on, it really did slip my mind.” Maddy gets momentarily lost in making a mental list of what she needs to get done. I know her so well already and I chuckle lightly at the intricacies of her personality.

“So, do you think it will be okay?” I remind her that I did actually ask a question.

“Oh God, of course it’ll be alright. It’ll be perfect, actually.” She kisses me sweetly, sealing the deal for our upcoming first Christmas together.

We lay in comfortable silence for a bit longer, but something is lingering—some nervousness is starting to pull Maddy away from the calm we had earlier.

“What’s the matter, baby?” I have to leave in a few hours and I want to get everything, or as much as we can, out into the open before I leave for the week.

Her eyes show her fear and uncertainty, but she finds the strength to carry on and ask her question. “The other night, you said that you went home, is that true? Did you really go back there?” I can tell that she’s afraid to broach this topic. The volume and tone of her words are soft, barely above a whisper as if she’s afraid to even say them aloud.

We’re lying side by side, facing one another. I take a deep breath and try to clear my head. I want to tell her everything, but I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t still a little scared that she’s going to be disappointed in my decisions.

Looking deeply into her emerald green eyes, I finally start talking. “I did go home.” I don’t mean for my voice to sound harsh, for my body to tense.

I register the shock in her eyes, but I push past her surprise and my anger. “I met up with Katie and she somehow talked me into going home with her.” I laugh and roll my eyes thinking back to meeting Katie the first time. “You’d like her. Katie, I mean. She reminds me a lot of you, actually.” I kiss the tip of her nose in a sweet gesture of affection.

Maddy just smiles warmly at me, but she doesn’t say anything. I’m pretty sure that she just wants to give me room to speak, so I take her up on it.

“I saw my mom. She looks horrible—sick, pale, weak. She said she’s sorry and that she wishes she could go back in time to do everything over again. I learned a lot about what an ass my dad really was. They’re divorced now and she’s remarried. That’s how Katie got in touch with me. Our parents are married.” I have to chuckle at the craziness of the story. If it wasn’t my life, I wouldn’t believe things like this could actually happen.

I shift my weight and bend my elbow so that I can prop my head up on my hand as my thoughts drift back to my real dad. “My dad was a real dick, and apparently, he verbally abused my mom for years, when he was around that is. Mom actually wanted to run away with Shane and me, but he killed himself before she had the chance. I have no clue where my dad is and I can honestly say I just don’t care.” She takes this moment, as I catch my breath, to trace her fingertips over my bicep and shoulder.

“That must have been really difficult to hear, baby. I’m so sorry about everything.” Her face is a contorted mess of emotions. I know she wants more information, but she’s reluctant to push. Her reluctance makes me feel comfortable, though. It reassures me that she really is sorry. I won’t hide my emotions, though.

I shift again, unable to find a comfortable position. I lie fully on my back and fold my hands under my head. Maddy curls into my side. The feel of her body next to mine gives me both comfort and strength. I stare up at the ceiling and take a deep breath. “Yeah, it was fucking unreal. I mean after all of these years, to hear the things I wish I could have heard back then, but there’s no sense in dwelling on them, right? It’s done.” It’s the truth. There is no point in trying to sugar coat it. For the first time in my life, I can accept the reality of my past.

Needing some kind of contact with her, I pull one arm out from under my head and use it to pull Maddy closer to me; she places her cheek on my bare chest. Without looking up at me, she asks, “So how did you leave things with her?”

I know she’s not going to be happy with my decision to leave, or with
how
I left, but I can’t change it at this point. Honestly, there’s no place I’d rather be than right here.

“Up in the air, I guess. I mean, I told her that I believed her that she wanted to leave with us. I think I understand the effect my father had on her, but I just don’t quite know how to move past it—or if I even want to.”

Maddy opens her mouth to speak, but bites down on her bottom lip instead, keeping her words to herself. She looks up from my chest with wide sincere eyes. “Babe, you have to do what’s right for you. Just know that whatever you choose, I will be right next to you.”

Our lips meet softly and there is an understanding there—a compassion and sweetness that lets me know that I’m no longer on my own.

I break the kiss before she tries to deepen it. After spending the week away from her, I want her more than ever, but somehow I find it within myself to restrain my desires. It’s not worth the risk. Besides, being here with her, just like this, talking and holding each other, is pretty damn intimate.