The Lycan Hunter (The Gardinian World Series) (34 page)

His features softened as he pulled her into his lap. “I don’t want this for you, Alexis. I don’t want this, because I know damn well this
isn
’
t what you want.”
He sighed.
“Don
’
t get me wrong, had I thought
it was even possible, I would have done my best to change your mind.
But not like this.”

Alexis nodded. She could see why he would feel like he did something
wrong, but at the end of the day, she wasn
’
t mad. She definitely didn’t
hold anything against him; he was just as much in the dark as she was about the possibility of children between them. Alexis reached up and
tilted his head up.

“Kyran, I’m okay.”

“Don’t say that. Please, don’t fucking say that.”

“It’s true. I’m f – ”

“Or that either. It’s a lie, and I know it.” He stood her up, pushed himself free of the chair, and paced. “This is a shitty way to find out
you’re pregnant. Even shittier to find out it can even happen. It
’
s
underhanded and…” He let out an exasperated sigh.

“Are you happy, Kyran?”

His head whipped around towards her. “About this? Hell no.”

“So you don’t want me to have your kids?”

He stopped pacing and turned to her. “I didn’t say that. I never
said that, Alexis.” He sighed and ran his hands through his hair. “Look,
am I glad to know we can have kids? Yeah. But I don
’
t want it like this.”

She smiled at him. “Be happy Kyran. Be excited that you will get to be a dad.”

“Alexis – ”

“No, Kyran. I mean it. Be happy.”

“What about you?”

“I’ll be fine.” She held up a hand to halt his protest. “Eventually, anyway.”

“Because you have no choice.” He wrapped her up in a breath
stealing hug. “That
’
s not a way to live, Alexis, and I hate that you feel
like you have to.”

“What would you rather I do?”

“Feel how you want to. If you’re pissed off, be that way. Don
’
t feel a need to bottle your emotions for me, or anyone else for that matter.”

“It solves nothing to wallow in the emotion.”

“Is that more Hunter wisdom?” He rubbed her back to calm her
when she bristled. “
I don’
t know about wallowing, but we acknowledge
our feelings. Every emotion has weight. If you bottle them all up and
never experience and release them, then you carry that weight with you
forever. It
’
s healthier to experience and move on. That
’
s all I’m saying.”

“I don’t want to hurt you,” she whispered against his chest.

“You can’t hurt me with the truth, Alexis. I already know how you
feel. It doesn’t bother me that you may be pissed, scared, or whatever
. I honestly wouldn’t blame you for feeling the way you do.”

She nodded against him, and he released her from his embrace.

“So we will be at odds over how we feel about this baby?”

“No. We are both experiencing how we feel about impending
parenthood. I know you aren’t happy about it, and I accept that.”

“Okay.” She glanced down at the flat expanse of her stomach. “I accept that you’re going to be happy about this.”

She skimmed over the plates of forgotten food, and her stomach revolted over its long denial of food.

“Let me go get something else. This is likely cold.”

She snatched a strip of bacon off the plate and shrugged.

“Leave it. I’m hungry.”

She sat on the edge of the bed and devoured the cold eggs, bacon,
and toast in silence. Kyran stood with his back to her, but she could tell from his tense pose that he was still focused on their future.

Alexis was, too, for that matter. She never wanted to be a mother.
Her life as a defective Hunter was bad enough, but creating another potentially-defective being was more than she could accept. Too bad
no one in the Hunter compound would agree to give her a hysterectomy
when she
’
d wanted one. They
’
d always said she needed to have at least
one child. Hunters always needed researchers, they’d said.

Kyran suddenly spun on his heel and went into the closet. He
returned a short while later dressed for the gym: shirtless with nylon basketball shorts and black running shoes.

“I
’
ll be back later.” He kissed her softly on the lips and grabbed
her plate.

“Kyran,” she waited until he turned from the desk to face her. “I need...”

He put the plates down and walked over to her. “What? What do you need?”

Alexis pulled him on top of her. “Please…”

Kyran complied, stretching his body over hers, lavishing her with
the softest kisses he had ever given her. His body became the instrument
that showed her exactly how okay he was with whatever she needed
from him. She took, greedily, in the form of hugs and the feel of his body
against hers, while she offered only her tears and muted madness. He
let himself be used, a distraction from the negativity that consumed her and threatened to overwhelm her.

She wanted to share his happiness, but all she could see was what
she was going to lose with Kyran. Their bond was still new. Now she was going to have to share him in a few months with a child that she hoped shared none of her impediments.

No matter what it required, she
’
d find a way to be okay with
motherhood.

By the time she managed to calm down and the tears subsided,
the chime rung for the evening service. They climbed out of the bed and
showered together in silence. When they were finished, they dressed
in the ceremonial white and walked hand in hand to the altar room
where they would be greeted by rest of the pack.

Kyran pulled her to a stop when they reached the arched doorway.
“Do you want to tell them today or wait for later?”

“What happens if we tell them today?”

“A minor prayer to Fredys,” he bit out, his anger at the goddess
returning.

“We can wait.”

“Okay.” He gave her a final kiss before he led them into the room

Alexis had started attending services pretty soon after she returned
to the compound with Lykil following her failed venture to Ireland. At
first, she
’
d felt wholly out of place when she came to stand at the front
of the room.

She gazed out over the pack, giving them a tentative smile before
she kneeled with them for prayer.

A short pack meeting followed the service, just like every other
evening service. Kyran managed to bury his anger enough to navigate
the various issues that needed to be addressed, the most important
their impending move to the new compound.

After everyone was up to speed with the move, Kyran called the meeting to a close and led Alexis to the dining hall to join the pack in the after service respite.

Ronan cornered him as soon as he settled Alexis at the table with food and a drink.

“What’s wrong?”

Kyran smiled at his brother. Ronan always knew when something
was bothering him, and this moment was just another in a long list that
Kyran wished his brother was less observant.

“Nothing.”

“And I like dressing in drag.”

“I knew that red dress wasn’t for Marcela.”

Ronan snorted. “Red
’
s my color, what can I say. Now answer the
question. What’s wrong?”

“We have a surprise, but I can’t tell you right now.”

Ronan’s eyes narrowed. “Why not?”

“Let it go, Ronan. I’ll tell you when I can.”

Ronan nodded and walked over to the table where Marcela and Alexis sat in strained silence. Kyran looked between the two women.

“What’s wrong?”

Alexis glanced up at him from the food she was picking over. “I told her.”

Ronan jerked his attention to Marcela. “Told you what?”

“
Tell him when you get back to your room Marcela. Please.” Alexis
said in a small voice.

Kyran sat next to her and rubbed small circles on her back. “You didn’t have to. You know that, right?”

Alexis laughed.
“I know, but I had to tell somebody.” A smile creased
her features, but it never reached her eyes. “Don’t worry. She didn’t pressure me. I kind of blurted it out.”

Ronan let out an agitated sigh. “You done?”

Marcela snorted. “No, and you haven
’
t even eaten anything yet.”

“I’m not hungry.”

“Yes, you are.”

“Fine.” He flopped ungracefully into his seat.

The four of them ate in relative silence, one at a more hurried pace
than the others.

A LOT OF THINGS
in Alexis
’
life were less than ideal. Being pregnant
was on the top of her list. Being on the Hunter
’
s most wanted list was
a close second. Suffering the near-eternal feeling of a life with no purpose
rounded up the top three.

Alexis stroked the gentle bulge in her lower abdomen, the rapidly
growing reminder that being a Hunter did not make her immune to
getting pregnant by a Lycan. She was only a month along and she was
already tired of the weekly tonics that aided in nutrient absorption.
The stuff tasted horrific, and the aftertaste was even worse.

Using the average gestation period of Hunters and Talas, Kyran
estimated that she would be pregnant for about five months. Her baby
bump – she cringed every time she heard anyone say it – made her look
roughly four months pregnant, at least if she were an average human.

All of it was happening too fast and yet not fast enough. She was
out of control of her body’s movements. Her hormones fluctuated wildly
,
turning her into a victim of biological warfare in the name of creation.

In addition to the unwelcome surprise of impending parenthood,
Kyran finally told her how they had to end the war. Marriage.

The thought of marriage with anyone else would elicit a groan of
reproach, but for the first time in her life she felt loved, accepted. Kyran
loved her. She knew it from every look, every soft caress, and in every
hug he wrapped her in, giving her a safe place to feel as she never had
. For the first time in her life, she knew what it was like to belong, to be wanted, and despite being born his mortal enemy, be needed.

A rush of noise proceeded children scurrying down the hall into the game room past where she sat lost in thought. They screeched to a halt, apologizing for the noise, and moved to leave. She welcomed them to play and left to dress for the gym.

Kyran barely allowed her to lift a finger around the house, but
exercise was one thing he relented on. He knew it was good for her to
keep in shape. It helped with delivery, at least that
was
the reason she
gave him. Despite being true, she needed a treadmill, the punching bag,
and various weights to work off her excess energy. With nothing to do,
she found herself getting irritated, the urge to hurt something leaking into
nearly every waking thought.

The pack was on the verge of moving into the new house, and her
urge to be settled and prepare for motherhood kept her up at night.
Lack of sleep only made her more agitated, and her only
mood stabilizers
were frequent sex, the gym, and oranges. In fact, oranges were one of
the few things that made her smile. Seeing how she devoured the things
readily and with glutton, Kyran made sure to keep them well stocked.

She rounded the corner to her bedroom to find Kyran and Ronan standing in the hall, talking in low voices. Ronan shot a glance at her
and nodded to Kyran, leaving like he was desperate to escape her
generally irritated disposition.

She frowned at Ronan’s hasty departure. “What’s going on?”

“Nothing. Just discussing the move.”

“Oh. Have you decided when we’re leaving?”

“Tomorrow.”

Her eyes bulged. “What? We haven
’
t packed a thing. No one has.”

He smiled at her. “Don’t worry. I have some divine help.”

“I don’t understand.”

“I'm trying to make sure no one knows we no longer live here.
Nigel may claim he hasn’t told anyone, but I don’t know how much I
can trust that. I would have moved us sooner, but the house just wasn
’
t
secure enough to risk moving suddenly.”

She nodded. “Okay. What do I need to do?”

“Lykil arranged for there to be a Hermod for every member of the pack. When we are ready to leave, a Hermod will go to their assigned
Tala and move them and their stuff to their assigned rooms in the
new house.”

“What kind of favor do you owe Lykil now?” She crossed her arm
s over her chest, prepared to lay into him.

Lykil didn't particularly like Kyran. He appeared to tolerate Kyran
for her benefit, although why he bothered was still beyond her. Alexis
still didn’t understand why she had his favor.