The M Word (9 page)

He looked over at her, as if trying to judge
her mood. “I liked you best.”

She supposed she should be flattered by the
response, but the entire situation made her feel foolish. Marius
hadn’t needed her help. There had been half a dozen women equally
ready to marry him.

She should remember that. Marius was a
handsome, intelligent man, with undeniable charm. Other women would
always be attracted to him. She wondered.

Had Francesca offered to marry him?

Her feelings were too raw at the moment to
ask him.

He had said he didn’t believe in divorce, but
they’d never had a conversation about fidelity.

She felt stupid now for making
assumptions.

And even if he had promised to be true to
her, what guarantee would that be? Seeing Steven had forcibly
reminded her of her chronic bad judgment where men were
concerned.

She stared out the rental car window, deep in
thought.

#

Marius watched Brenda from the corner of his
eye, wondering what she was feeling, wondering if he should say or
do something to make her feel better, but in the end, he chose to
stay silent.

He was married. Brenda was his wife.

The realization filled him with great
happiness and satisfaction, and he wished that she felt the same.
But from the serious expression in her beautiful eyes, he knew she
was unhappy.

Was she thinking about Steven?

Was she having second thoughts?

They walked up to the front desk to check in.
“Jaworski,” Marius said, and spelled it.

The clerk smiled. “Yes, the honeymoon suite”
and handed him an envelope with two electronic key cards.

“I didn’t request the honeymoon suite,” he
said clearly.

“No, sir,” the clerk agreed, glancing at her
computer screen. “But a Michael Williamson paid for the
upgrade.”

Brenda gasped. “You told my father?”

Marius said, “I thought it was wise to have
at least one person know where we were in case there was an
emergency.”

Brenda sighed. “Every time I turn around,
someone is trying to upgrade our wedding.”

The clerk looked concerned. “Is there a
problem? Do you want to have a regular room?”

“No, it doesn’t matter,” Brenda said flatly.
“Thank you.”

Marius declined the bell boy’s offer of help,
choosing to carry their luggage by himself. Together he and Brenda
walked into the elevator. Her high heeled pumps clicked on the
smooth tile floors.

After the doors closed, he said, “I’m sorry.
Should I have asked you before I told your father?”

“No, it was reasonable.”

“Then why are you troubled?”

She looked at him sharply. “One bed.”

“I beg your pardon?”

“A honeymoon suite only has one bed.”

He should have thought of that. “I can sleep
on the floor,” he offered.

She looked him incredulously. “You’d do
that?”

“Yes.” It was a small sacrifice if it made
her happy.

She considered his answer and seemed to relax
a little. “Thanks, but it probably won’t be necessary.”

He opened the hotel room door. “Do you wish
to be carried through the doorway?”

“No thank you,” she said crisply. “I’m not
superstitious.” She walked into the large suite, and Marius
followed.

The room was luxuriously decorated with a
large king-sized bed as the focal point.

Marius placed the suitcases in the corner of
the room. He saw that there was a sitting area with a couch. It
looked as if would be long enough to sleep on. It wouldn’t be
comfortable, but it might be better than the floor.

“I can sleep there,” he said.

“Thanks,” Brenda said coolly. She walked
through the suite, glanced at the bathroom, then sat in an arm
chair. She crossed her long beautiful legs. “So, what do we do
now?”

That was a good question. He knew what he’d
like to do, but after her distress about “one bed,” he wasn’t going
to broach the subject. “Are you hungry?” he asked. “Would you like
to order room service?”

She shook her head. “No. I had two pieces of
cake. Did you have any?”

“It was good,” he said. They stared at each
other for a few moments. We are strangers, he thought. Most of
their conversations in the past two and a half weeks had been to
make the wedding go smoothly. Now they would have to work on the
marriage.

He took off his tuxedo jacket and draped it
on the back of another arm chair. He removed his cufflinks and saw
that Brenda was watching him warily.

“It’s late,” he said. “And since we have to
get up early in the morning, I’m going to go to sleep.”

She frowned. “Why do we have to get up early
in the morning?”

“Our flight is at eleven, but they like us to
be at the airport two hours earlier.”

“Flight?” she repeated. “I thought we were
going camping.”

“We are. In Colorado.”

She was stunned. “What?”

“One of my professors offered us his
timeshare at a ski resort. People camp there in the summers.”

“I thought we were going somewhere in
Texas.”

“In this heat?” Marius smiled. “No wonder you
weren’t looking forward to it.”

“Was I so transparent?”

“A little,” he said. “But you didn’t
complain, which I appreciate.”

She didn’t say anything, so he removed his
bow tie. She silently watched as he unfastened the studs on his
shirt and placed them in a pile on a dresser top.

When he reached for the button at the waist
of his pants, Brenda said quickly, “I’ll get ready for bed,
too.”

She carried her suitcase into the bathroom
and closed the door behind her.

Marius smiled. Was his wife shy?

#

Brenda changed into a nightgown, washed her
face and removed her wig. She rubbed her scalp. She’d shaved her
head nearly a month ago, and her hair had grown out about half an
inch. It looked a little better, but not great. She decided that
she wasn’t going to wear a wig anymore. By the time they returned
from the honeymoon, it would be long enough that it wouldn’t look
so strange, and there wasn’t any need to impress anyone on a
camping trip.

When she came out of the bathroom, she saw
that Marius was in a tank top and shorts, standing on one leg and
stretching his hands up high over his head.

“Yoga?” she asked.

“Similar,” he agreed. “I do stretching and
breathing exercises morning and night to stay limber.”

A well-oiled machine, she thought,
remembering Deborah’s description. That was probably one of the
reasons he was in such great shape. That, and the kettle bell.

She lay down on the bed. “Do you mind if I
watch some television?”

“Go ahead,” he said.

She scrolled through two dozen channels,
clicking the remote, but finding nothing interesting, so she turned
the television off and watched Marius instead.

His movements were controlled, yet fluid and
graceful.

He was focused on his exercises, but every
few minutes, he’d catch her eye and smile at her.

After fifteen minutes, he stopped and she
thought he was finished, but then he started singing. “Che gelida
manina, se la lasci ricaldar. Cercar che giova? ..”

She listened for a few minutes, and when he
stopped, she asked, “Was that from
La Traviata?
”

“No, it’s Puccini.
La Boheme
.”

She said, “It’s pretty.”

“Thank you.”

“And your voice sounds wonderful. Have you
ever thought of singing professionally?”

He looked at her for a moment, then shrugged.
“I don’t have the vocal stamina,” he said flatly.

Oh. She wouldn’t know about that; she was no
expert. “That’s too bad,” she said. She understood that not
everyone could make a living with their hobbies, but she admired
the fact that he still chose to do something he enjoyed. “It was
lovely, though.”

“Thank you. You probably don’t know this, but
I was singing a version that was transposed down half a step so I
didn’t have to sing a high C.”

“They’re difficult, right?”

“Very,” he agreed.

“Have you ever sung a high C?”

“I’ve attempted it, but I haven’t been
satisfied with the results.”

“You’re a perfectionist?”

“A realist.”

“But it’s fun to try.”

He smiled at her. “Yes.”

She watched as Marius took a pillow and
carried it over to the couch. He picked up the phone and called the
front desk. “Yes, I’d like an extra top sheet and a blanket,
please.”

Brenda wondered what the hotel staff thought,
but no doubt they’d gotten stranger requests from the honeymoon
suite. Within ten minutes, someone knocked at the door, and Marius
took the extra linen.

He made up a bed for himself on the couch and
settled down.

Brenda knew she should try to fall asleep,
but now that they were man and wife, it seemed odd. They must be
the only couple in the history of the honeymoon suite who weren’t
having sex.

Which was what she wanted.

Or was it?

She must admit that since he’d shaved, she
found Marius more attractive, but she still wasn’t ready to have
sex with him. Not yet.

Marius turned out the lights. “Good night,”
he said.

“Good night,” she echoed.

She stared at the ceiling, wondering if he
had already fallen asleep.

She thought of the few times she’d shared a
hotel with other men. They’d always had sex.

She listened to Marius’ breathing. She was
surprised he’d volunteered to sleep on the couch. Steven would
never have done that.

She still couldn’t believe he had crashed her
wedding. But she didn’t want to think about Steven.

She sighed. What was Marius thinking right
now? Was he reliving their wedding day?

Was he glad they’d gotten married? Did he
think she was a mean wife, banishing him from the bed? It wasn’t a
nice way to start a marriage.

Or maybe it didn’t bother him because he
wasn’t attracted to her.

She thought back and realized that in all
their interactions, he had been pleasant, but he’d never flirted
with her, never made a pass.

Oh no, she thought. What if he’s gay?

He stirred, rolling over onto his side and
adjusting the pillow, which meant he was still awake, too. “Do you
want to have sex?” she blurted out.

“I beg your pardon?”

“Do you want to sleep together?”

Marius sat up and turned on a light, so he
could see her better. “You said you wanted to get to know me
first.” His voice was deeper, as if he were half asleep.

“I know, but we’re both awake. And you’re
probably thinking this is a lousy honeymoon without sex.”

He rubbed his hand slowly across his stubbled
jaw. “That’s not what I’m thinking.”

“But you’re bored, right?”

“I’m not bored.”

She wasn’t sure she could believe him. He was
so polite, he probably wouldn’t tell her if he were bored. Brenda
sighed. “I’m just saying that if you’re interested, I’m available.
But if you’re not interested, it’s no big deal. I just thought --”
she stopped abruptly. The more she talked, the more stupid she
sounded. She wished she hadn’t brought the subject up at all.

Marius walked over to the king sized bed and
sat at the foot of the bed. She sat up and shifted her feet to give
him room. “Brenda,” he said gently and held out his hand for hers.
She hesitated, then placed her hand on his. He gave her hand a
little squeeze. He said clearly, “When we make love for the first
time, I’d like it to mean something. I don’t want you to give
yourself to me just because we’re both awake and you think I might
be bored.”

“You’re turning me down?” she said, stunned.
She’d never known a man to turn down an offer of sex.

His dark eyes remained fixed on her. “I don’t
think this is what you want. At least not what you’ve been telling
me.”

He was right. She was not being consistent.
First she was upset because there was only one bed, and now she was
throwing herself at him. “I’m sorry.” She would have pulled her
hand away, but he held on to it.

“There’s no need to apologize. You’re my
wife.” When he said the word wife he made it sound like something
precious. “We’re going to be together a long time, and I want sex
to be a happy part of our relationship.” He rubbed his thumb over
the knuckles of her hand, which created a tiny ripple of
pleasure.

“Happy?” she repeated.

“Yes. Part of the joy of being alive.” He
brought her hand up to his lips and kissed it before letting it
go.

She was amazed. She’d never known a man like
Marius.

His attitude was refreshing.

Brenda realized that over the years, she’d
used sex to capture and keep a man’s attention. In high school,
she’d just wanted the boys to like her. And with Steven, she must
have sensed subconsciously that he didn’t love her and that he
never would, so she’d never felt completely safe with him. She’d
never felt that she was good enough for him, and their sex life had
reflected that. She’d always been trying to prove herself. She
didn’t think she’d ever been truly happy with Steven.

She looked at Marius closely. “But you are
physically attracted to me,” she said, wanting to make certain.

For a second, there was a glint of amusement
in his eyes. “Yes,” he said seriously. “I’m very attracted to
you.”

That was a relief. “But you’re willing to
wait?”

“I am not a beast,” he said clearly. “I am a
patient man, and I will wait until you are ready to make love with
me.”

She nodded. “Thank you.”

He smiled wryly. “But, if you make me wait a
year, I’m not going to like it.”

She laughed. “No, of course not. It won’t
take that long.” It seemed a strange conversation to be having:
calmly discussing when they were going to have sex.

Maybe this was what marriage was like between
grown-ups: being friends as well as lovers.