The Magic Fart

Part 1: Challenge

Chapter 1—E Mission

Prior was bored. It had been a year since his great adventure on Mt. Icecream, where he had challenged the five deadly branches of the Cherry Tree, won the remarkable Spire, and finally recovered his small natural penis. He would hardly care to do that again, but had to admit that ordinary existence was downright dull in comparison.

Well, there was nothing wrong with dullness that couldn’t be cured by a good outrageous fuck. He would have to go out to the slots, though he really craved something a bit more romantic. But he had no girlfriend, and high quality call girls were beyond his means. So he girded his loin for something considerably less enticing.

His doorbell rang. He sighted through the peephole and saw a comely but moderately severe young woman holding a rich bouquet. What was this? He hadn’t ordered any flowers. It must be a mistake. He opened the door. “I think you have the wrong—” “Prior Gross?” the woman inquired crisply. “Yes, but—” “From a secret admirer,” she said, putting the bouquet into his hand.

The blooms had a strong aroma that threatened to intoxicate his outlook. He saw no identifying card. “
What
admirer?” She wedged by him and stood inside the room, closing the door behind

her. “Me.” This was highly flattering, but surely still a mistake. “Do I know you?” “Just call me Suzie.” “Look, Suzie, I’m just an ordinary guy with no money to spare, so if you

figure to charge me some outrageous fee for a spot dalliance, forget it.” She gazed at him, her eyes turning round. Then they brimmed. “Oh!” she sobbed. “You think I’m one of
those
types.” She hid her face in her hands. She looked younger than he had taken her for, and far less composed. Prior felt like a well-worn heel. “I’m sorry,” he said. “Of course you’re not.”

She continued to sniffle into her handkerchief, which seemed to have appeared from nowhere. “I just wanted to please you with my, my flowers, because you’re such a nice man, and you hate me.”

“I don’t!” he said, putting his arm around her heaving shoulders. “I don’t know what got into me. How can I make it up to you?” “I just want you to like me,” she said tearfully. “You’re so wonderful.” What could he do? “Of course I like you,” he said gallantly. “I just think

you’ve got the wrong, um, address.” “But aren’t you the great man who conquered the Cherry Tree and won

the Spire?” Had she been reading his private thoughts? “Well, yes. But aside from

that, I’m nobody.” “You’re still my hero!” She looked up at him, her eyes seeming larger and

brighter. “I just know you’re the one.” There was still something missing here. “The one for what?” “The one to take my innocent maidenhood and make me a real woman.

I so much want it to be you. Promise me you’ll be gentle.” This put a different complexion on it. “You came here for your first

sexual experience?” “I just know it will be better with you than with anyone else. Because you

know it all, and I know nothing. Please say you’ll do it.” Yet this was remarkably sudden. What was the catch? “I’m not sure this