The Magykal Papers (5 page)

S
EPTIMUS
H
EAP'S
M
AP OF
C
ASTLE
T
UNNELS

T
HE
S
UPREME
C
USTODIAN

A
FTER THE ASSASSINATION
of the Queen, the Supreme Custodian ruled over the Castle. He was a vicious, nasty little man, and even his mother thought he was arrogant. He was vain, much given to preening and liked wearing delicate, embroidered slippers. His hobby was lurking and listening at doors, but he never did hear anything good about himself.

His job was to find the baby Princess and get rid of her. Only then could his Master, DomDaniel, safely resume what he considered to be his rightful place at the top of the Wizard Tower as ExtraOrdinary Wizard.

The Supreme Custodian knew that once he found the Princess, his job would be at an end, so he did not try too hard—he liked the trappings of office and he particularly liked his banquets. Periodically he was summoned to see DomDaniel in the Badlands, and he would return from these visits white-faced and with a temporarily renewed vigor for the search. It was after a particularly frightening visit, where DomDaniel threatened to have him
Consumed
, that the Supreme Custodian put in a spy, Linda Lane, to check on a possible lead in Room 16, Corridor 223, East Side—a Wizard enclave in the Ramblings.

Linda Lane reported to the Supreme Custodian that the Princess—or the Queenling, as he preferred to call her—was living among the Wizards in what the house-proud Linda described as “a disgusting state of squalor.” And so, on the evening of Jenna Heap’s tenth birthday, the Supreme Custodian gave an Assassin her orders. But as we know, all did not go his way.

FILES OF THE SUPREME CUSTODIAN

Found in the Supreme Custodian’s rooms in a file marked HEAP

SKETCH OF THE HEAP FAMILY HOME ROOM 16, CORRIDOR 223, EAST SIDE

•••••REPORT OF••••• SENIOR SANITARY
AND
HOUSE CLEARANCE

Location:
Room 16, Corridor 223, East Side

Name of former residents:
Heap

Value of possessions:
Nil

Condition of possessions:
Poor

Quantity of possessions:
Seven times average amount

Books to be removed:
Yes

Operative’s comments:
A large quantity of banned
Magyk
books were observed. Due to pressure of work I left helper to stack these outside for removal by the Book Squad. Checked later to find books had indeed been removed. Request clean uniform due to dust saturation. Book Squad later informed me that no books had been collected. Suggest investigation.

See below for list of dangerous books unaccounted for:

• -Basyk
  Magyk
  for the Young
  
• -
  Magykal
  Tales for Small Boys and Girls
  
• -So You Think You Want to Be a Wizard?
  
• -101 Charms for Cleaning Houses (unused)
  
• -
  Physik
  Is Bunk
  
• -Ten Spells for Ten Smells
  
• -Fishing Spells and Charms for Boys and Girls
  
• -Washday Drying Spells for Busy Mothers
  
• -How to Manage a Wizard Husband (poor condition)
  
• -The
  Magyk
  of Foryx
  
• -The Great Shape-Shifters of Our Time
  
• -The ExtraOrdinary Apprentice Handbook
  

These items were removed for destruction:

• -1 Ordinary Wizard robe
  
• -6 unidentified potions, possibly
  UnStable
  
• -1 bag of dried frogs
  

The following decayed food was removed for composting:

• -3 turnips
  
• -1 brick of? cheese
  
• -4 maggoty chickens
  
• -1 pail of? milk
  
• -1 bag of Ma Custard’s exploding rhubarb drops
  

These garments were sent to the Young Army Barracks:

• -10 boys’ tunics, various sizes
  

These garments were sent to the Asylum for Distressed Persons:

Other household items sent to the Asylum for Distressed Persons:

Found in the Heap Home

Little Theater’s

WINTER SCHEDULE

The Knights on the Tiles are pleased to present

A M
ID
W
INTER
F
EAST OF
F
ESTIVITIES

Featuring:
:

P
ERCY
T
HROWER, JUGGLING MASTER

Recently returned from his successful tour of the Far Countries! Mr. Thrower will juggle chickens and children for the delight of all! Book early to avoid disappointment.

New Year’s Eve

The Pupils of the Purple Elementary School present their annual production of the pantomime:
The Queen and Hotep-Ra

Snow Business

A selection of short plays on the theme of snow. Audiences are requested to come dressed as snowflakes. We aim to create a blizzard!