The Maid's Quarters (7 page)

“Come on then,” Maeve said to Jimmy. “Mrs. McKinnell’s boys
are waiting for you to start playing checkers. I’ll walk over with you and
return these four eggs I borrowed from her earlier in the week.”

The kitchen door closed, and Gerald stood to leave and pulled
on his coat. “Good night, Alice.”

“Wait,” she said. But then she did not know what to say or
how to say it, and they stood staring at each other.

“I met your gent today,” he said.

“What? Where? What did you say?” Alice asked in a rush.

“He was standing at the end of the walk when I stopped here
from work.”

“What did you say to him?” she asked again.

“Not much to repeat other than him saying that he loved
you.”

Alice covered her mouth with both hands, and her eyes filled
with tears. “Why would he say that?” she whispered.

“You should find out. When someone says they love you, you
should find out if it’s true and if your heart returns it. It’s not something
to take lightly, girl.”

“What would you know of love?”

“I know that your ma loved me, and she told me she did and I
paid her no mind. I was young and foolish and full of myself. I loved her, too,
but was too busy and too proud to tell her. What a fool I was.”

“And then you walked out the door. Away from all of us.”

Gerald pulled out a chair to sit. He rubbed his chin and
looked up at Alice. “You’re not thinking that had anything to do with you, are you,
Alice? I love you and your brother. This was me being wrong. Not you, girl.”

“What was I supposed to think? I was child. Of course I
thought it had something to do with me. I know better now, but then? Of course
I blamed myself,” Alice said, her voice becoming louder with each word.

“Sit down, Alice,” Gerald said quietly. “Please.”

Alice sat reluctantly. This man was at the beginning of her
shame and pain. He was the reason she turned to Phillip Ramsey. He was the
reason she couldn’t let herself love Albert. She was not good enough for any
man because of him, she thought as her hurt and her frustration grew. She was
so very angry!

“I never meant to hurt you or your brother, although I did.
You two are the bright shining lights of my life along with your ma. I’ve done
very little right except for having such worthy children, and that credit goes
almost entirely to your ma, having raised you on her own while I was out making
a fool of myself.”

Alice stared at her hands. “I never thought I was good
enough for you, as you were always making merry and enjoying yourself. I was
grim and quiet like Ma,” she explained, and looked up at him. “And then I made
merry and enjoyed myself, too, against everything that I knew to be right. Why
would anyone want me now?”

“It don’t matter what you’ve done, and if I had a hand in
your misery, I’m sorry. So terribly sorry. But this gent loves you. Don’t
punish him or yourself on account of what happened then,” Gerald said. “You’ve
made me so proud.”

Alice sobbed. She could not help herself. Either because her
da was staring at her with such love, and pride, and longing, or because she’d
said aloud all those burdens, real and imagined. She’d said them and they were
out, and she was glad they were not stored up at the top of her throat, choking
her, any longer. Perhaps she was worthy. Her da had said so, and the Shelbys
had rewarded her, and Albert thought she was the perfect partner, and thought
she was beautiful, too. There was risk telling him her secret but, in this, her
da was right. When someone said they love you, it was not to be taken lightly.
She looked up at him.

“I told Ma that I thought you should move back in here with
us,” Alice said. “It is so far for you to go to work and then the bordering
house and it will make Ma very happy. She misses you. She’s always missed you.”

Gerald’s lip trembled, and he grabbed her hands. “Oh, I’ve
missed her so much and you and Jimmy, too. I won’t let you down again. I’ll
make enough to pay the rent and let your ma stay home and tend to your
brother.”

Alice and Gerald turned when the door opened. Maeve stood
just inside.

“Did you tell him, Alice?”

She nodded and watched as her ma ran into her da’s arms.
They hugged and whispered to each other, and Alice quietly slipped up the steps
to retrieve her coat.

Chapter Six

Albert sat in his library alone, in
the near dark, not reading, not studying financials, unable to concentrate more
than a few minutes at a time. He was thinking about his life going forward, and
it had not occurred to him prior to this that his life would be spent alone.
He’d always envisioned himself as a married man, with children, and festive
holidays, and bittersweet partings as sons and daughters grew up and left the
nest. But he needed to revise the dreams, perhaps forget about them all
together and make peace with the reality of his life.

“Mr. Donahue,” Higgins said softly. “Mr. Donahue?”

“I’m here, Higgins. No. I do not want the other lamps lit.”

“Then you are unavailable for guests, sir?”

Gloria and Stephen had stopped by more than once, asking why
he hadn’t attended this party or that luncheon.
What was wrong?
they asked. Nothing that he cared to discuss with
anyone, even his brother, who’d been concerned enough to make his way across
town to Albert’s house, going so far as to ask the staff what was the matter
with their employer.

“That is correct, Higgins. I’m not hungry either.”

“Yes, sir. I will tell Miss Porterman that you are not at
home.”

Albert leaned his head back on to the pillow cushioning it
and closed his eyes. And then he sat straight up. “Higgins!” he shouted. “Higgins!”

Albert jumped to his feet, ran a hand through his hair, and
tripped over a footstool in the dark room. He flung the door open and shaded
his eyes at the bright lights in the hallway. He hurried to the entrance,
tucking in his shirt as he went, in time to see Higgins close the door.

“Wait!” he said.

“Sir?”

“Did you say Miss Porterman?”

“Yes, sir. She has just left.”

Albert opened the door. “Miss Porterman?” he said to the
retreating figure. “Alice?”

“Mr. Higgins said you were not at home,” she said, turning.
“I’ll come again another time.”

“Please, no,” he said, and went down the steps to her.
“Please come back inside. I didn’t realize it was you calling. You are always
welcome, Alice.” Albert followed her up the steps. “Would you like something to
eat? I have not eaten yet. Is there something I can do for you? Is your family alright?”

She nodded. “Yes, Albert. Everyone is fine. I’d like to
speak to you privately, if you have a moment.”

“Certainly.” He led her to his office, to the same two
chairs they had sat in on the day they met. Someone, thankfully, had lit the
lamps and stirred the fire. “May I get you something to drink?”

Alice shook her head. “No. Please sit down.”

Albert waited for many minutes as Alice stared at her hands
folded neatly in her lap. She finally looked up at him, white-lipped and
trembling. “My da told me that you said you love me. Is that true?”

Albert nodded. “Yes. It is true.”

“I am not worthy of your love, Albert. I care about you very
much and can’t stand the thought of disappointing you, but it is best you know
this now, so that you can move on with your life. So we both can.”

Albert knelt in front of her and clasped her hands. “What is
there to know that could stop me from loving you? I don’t believe anything you say
will stop me.”

Alice looked at him directly, with dread and resolve. “I lay
with a man. I am not a virgin.”

“I am not a virgin either. Do you care about me less?”

She shook her head. “No. I do not. But it is different for
men and women. You need a wife, a partner, who is unblemished and who is able
to help you in business. I am not she.”

Albert stood up on his knees and touched her face with both
hands. “I am in love with you. The past is the past. It is over and out of our
control. The only thing we can plan on and plan for is our future, whatever
amount of time we are given on this earth. I want to spend it with you. I want
to have babies with you who will grow into fine young girls and boys. I want my
grandfather and brother to know you and love you like I do. I want you to be
mistress of this house and help me plan our future. I want to help your brother
and your mother and father, and make them as comfortable and happy as I can
achieve, because I know they mean the world to you. I want to make you happy,
Alice. Will you give me a chance? Please say yes.”

Tears streamed down Alice’s face, and she smiled a tremulous
smile. “We have not known each other long enough, not for very long at all, but
I feel you are the only person on this earth that I will ever love. I love you
so dearly, Albert.”

“Marry me, Alice. Say it now. Say yes.”

“Yes, Albert. I will marry you.”

Epilogue

Two
Years Later

Albert dismissed his wife’s maid and
set about helping Alice undress. It had been a sad day, and a long one at the
end of many long days. Her da had died and had been laid to rest that morning.
Albert unlaced her shoes and pulled off her stockings. He helped her out of her
voluminous black skirts and corset and into her favorite emerald green dressing
gown and robe. He unwound her auburn hair, pulling the pins from the tight bun
it was in, and brushed it as she sat at her mirrored table.

Albert ordered small sandwiches, fruit and cheese, and wine
to be delivered to their bedroom and then undressed himself from his formal
attire to silk pants and a robe. She sat across from him on their bed and
picked at grapes and ate some cheese. He was ravenous and ate all that she did
not want.

“I am fine, Albert, truly. It is not as though I didn’t
anticipate this. We’ve known for weeks that he was at the end.”

“I know. But it is still a shock, don’t you think?”

“It is, but I am glad he has passed,” she said, and looked
up at him with her large brown eyes, expressive and loving. “He is no longer
suffering, you see. There is no suffering in heaven.”

“No, there is not,” Albert agreed, and snatched the last of
the cheese from the tray. “Did you check in on Isabella?”

“She is sleeping soundly, as is Mrs. Erskine in the next
room, although I don’t know how anyone, even a one-year-old like Isabella,
could sleep through our housekeeper’s snores. She rattles the pictures above
the bed each time she draws breath.”

Albert laughed. “I have asked Miss Denby to take over with
Isabella for Mrs. Erskine in the morning so that you may sleep. Do not fuss at
me, Alice. It is done and you need your rest.”

Alice stared at her husband. He felt they needed a nursemaid
for Isabella and Alice did not, preferring to mother her directly, just as her
ma had done. They had had one of their rare arguments over the subject. But she
did admit that their lives were busy with Albert’s business and her charitable
work, and especially in the last six months as she’d helped her ma care for her
da and for Jimmy. But she was exhausted, and her husband, much attuned to her
needs and wishes as he was, was not going to give in on this matter.
He loves me
, she thought.

“You are too good to me,” she said.

“There is no such thing as being ‘too good’ to the ones you
love,” he said, smiling.

Alice smiled back and marveled that this handsome, kind man
had found her, and fallen in love with her.
I
do not deserve him
, she thought briefly, but she shook her head at her own
thoughts. She did deserve him and all the accompanying happiness their marriage
brought, including those magical times when they touched in the dark of night.
She moved the tray from the bed and crawled across to him. She kissed him
openmouthed.

Albert held her face in his hands and touched his nose to
hers. “You are tired and need your rest.”

“I need you.”

“It was a very emotional day. I thought that you . . .”

“I need you. You are my affirmation that life goes on and
that love does triumph. Make love to me.”

Albert pulled her down beside him and kissed her
passionately, sliding his tongue into her mouth and pulling her tight against
him. He combed his fingers through her hair and ran one down her neck to the
thin strap of her gown, inching it down ever so slowly. Alice tilted back her
head, exposing her neck, letting him kiss his way to her breasts. She could
feel him, hard and thick, through the satin of her gown, against the soft
center of her belly. She wriggled her hips to his, eliciting a groan and and
the tug of his mouth on her nipple.

Albert rolled her onto her back. He looked all over her
face, finally stopping on her eyes. “You are so very beautiful. So perfect.
Have I told you that before?”

“You have, love,” she said, and smiled up at him. “But I
never tire of hearing it.”

Albert kissed her again and ran his hand down the length of
her side, stopping at the top of her thigh, leaving feather touches where she
wanted him the most.

Alice pulled on his arm, now frantic for him. “Please,
Albert. Please. I wish to feel you inside of me.”

Albert rolled onto her and entered her in one motion. He
loomed over her, moving slowly within her, his elbows resting on either side of
her, leaving his hands free to touch her face and gently draw circles around
her mouth and eyes.

“Do you remember the day we met?” he whispered in her ear.
“You were so formidable and beautiful and determined that day. I fell in love
with you then and love you more each day.”

“I love you so, Albert,” she said, as tears trickled into
her hair. And then he began to move in her at a faster pace, setting a tempo
for them both. Alice gave herself up to the feel of it, the thrust and retreat,
and the sounds of their lovemaking, letting go of earthly consciousness for
some unidentifiable amount of time. Her husband followed quickly, collapsing
onto her, she glad of his weight and the feel of his muscles, now limp and
spent, on the length of her.

Albert rolled onto his back and tucked his wife tight to his
side. “Sleep now, Alice,” he said. “I will hold you until you are dreaming
sweet dreams.”