The Makeover (5 page)

On day nine,
Paulo became everything he didn’t want to admit he still was as a
Christian.  Satan, having caught wind of God’s plan, began to taunt Paulo
in his mind.  Paulo began grumbling about the tasks that the Lord called
him to. He was frustrated.  Annoyed.  Tired.  

And what he
wouldn’t do for a nice veggie burger and sweet potato fries? 

But he had to
endure the seven-day fast from solid foods, confine his meals to soups,
vegetable juice, and water.  He had five days to go in the fast and he had
visions of fried chicken dancing in his head.  He wanted to serve the Lord
with joy and gladness in his heart, but it was gone.  There was no point
in hiding his feelings from God because God knew his heart.

“But God, I
can’t take it anymore.  It’s like the third night You’ve gotten me up at
three in the morning to pray for a girl I don’t even know.  And I am
starving, Lord.  Sorry, but it’s true.  What’s going on here?”

And the Lord
led him to James 5:15, “And the prayer offered in faith will make the sick
person well; the Lord will raise them up. If they have sinned, they will be
forgiven.”  Paulo’s eyes traveled further down to verses 19 and 20, “my
brothers and sisters, if one of you should wander from the truth, and someone
should bring that person back, remember this: Whoever turns a sinner from the
error of their way will save them from death and cover over a multitude of
sins.”

Then visions of
Jesus being whipped and kicked and nailed to the cross filled Paulo’s mind and
Paulo was humbled.  “How could I complain after what you’ve done for me,
Jesus?  I am so sorry.”

And he got out
of bed, fell to his knees, and let the Holy Spirit use him to intercede for the
woman in a prayer in tongues.  Paulo did not know what he was praying
about, or what the Lord was battling in the spiritual realm, but suddenly he
was overcome with gratitude that God would use him— a foolish, selfish, broken
man—to help someone in need.  Paulo wept when the Lord was done leading
him in the spiritual battle.  Suddenly a vision of the girl, lying on a
heap on the ground, surrounded by bottles of liquor filled Paulo’s mind.

Exhausted from
the two-hour prayer in the spirit, Paulo collapsed on the floor and prayed,
“Save her, Lord,” repeatedly.  It was all he could say, all he had the
energy to pray, but he was sure it was enough.  He had learned that God
didn’t need many words for a prayer to be effective. 

God just needed
faith.

The following
day, Saturday, Paulo had plans to take his usual Saturday jog at his favorite
park in Washington Heights.  Afterwards, he planned to clean his apartment
and his office on the ground floor, do laundry, and meet some friends for a
birthday gathering.

But God had
other plans for Paulo.  He sequestered Paulo into a nine hour prayer and
scripture battle that caused him to fall asleep in an exhausted hump on the floor
of his prayer room.

The following
day, during church, Paulo heard a sermon about how it was the job of every
Christian to be fruitful and to be ready for God’s use at all times. 
Paulo’s determination to fight for the girl, as led by the Holy Spirit, was
renewed.

He decided to
make extra effort to surrender without complaint.  He decided to rely on
God’s strength rather than his own.  Paulo, at this point, was praying
every five minutes during the day.  His strength was sapped, but God’s
strength carried him.

On day
thirteen, Paulo began to sense breakthrough for the girl.  His prayers
began to change.  He knew, somehow, that he would be seeing the girl
soon.  He began to petition the Lord to reveal to him how He wanted Paulo
to proceed.  That Wednesday night, he asked members of his weekly Bible
study to pray for the girl he had “bumped into in Cara’s building” and
continued to let the Spirit lead him. 

On day fourteen
of his prayer battle, Paulo’s seven-day liquid-only fast ended.  As he
scarfed
down his dinner— a veggie lasagna from his favorite
Italian restaurant—Paulo suddenly began to see that the Lord was going to use
him to help the girl change her life, even as he ministered the Gospel of Jesus
Christ to save her soul. 

“How,
Lord?  Please reveal to me how You want to use me in this woman’s
life?”  Paulo asked then and kept asking throughout the day.

But the Lord
was silent on the matter.  Instead the Lord continued to lead Paulo in
prayer for the salvation of the girl, for healing of her heart, mind, and
body.  He prayed for the restoration of God’s plan and will for the
woman’s life.  Paulo also prayed for his own patience, compassion and
faith.  He prayed to be a light and a witness to the girl, a person who
provided kindness and love, that the girl would experience the love of God
through his actions as well as through his ministering words.

And seventeen
days after seeing the woman in Cara’s building, Paulo received a word from the Lord. 
Paulo was woken up at six in the morning to pray for the next few hours. 

At the end,
Paulo prayed, “Father, I ask that You use me to minister to the girl and to
help her with whatever she needs.  Please help her to receive the
truth.  Please cause her to receive the help You will lead me to offer
her.  I ask for success and victory, that Your plan will succeed.
 Let Your will be done, in the Matchless Name of Jesus.  I declare
victory, Lord God.  I speak healing in the woman’s life.  I plead the
blood of Jesus for healing and for transformation in her life.  Use me as
Your broken vessel.  I declare that under Your authority, I will not fail
in Jesus.  I come against all forces of darkness hurting this woman. 
I call upon the forces of heaven to surround her right now and lead her to
where You want her to be.  Break through, my God.  In Jesus Name!”

And he jumped
out of bed and rushed out of the house to jog, which suddenly became an urgent
matter.  But before he left, Paulo felt the urge to grab his business
card.  He didn’t quite know why, but he had learned one thing over the
years:

To obey God.

Chapter 3

Woe to
those who call evil good and good evil, who put darkness for light and light
for darkness, who put bitter for sweet and sweet for bitter (Isaiah 5:20)

Friday
night…

He had said
that he was tired of looking at her ugly, fat behind. 

He told her it
didn’t matter how much she had done for him, because he couldn’t get past her
looks. 

Phoenix eyed
the pills.  Bottles of Grey Goose littered her makeshift bed in the corner
of the bedroom, where she now slept, where she had slept for the past two
weeks. 

If she took the
pills, it could go away.

Voices taunted
her as she relived the night her fiancé broke her heart exactly sixteen days, five
hours, and nine minutes ago.  She closed her eyes and replayed the events
as though they were a movie she could watch instantly on Netflix.

***

Phoenix’s
hands flew to her mouth.  Her head jerked back as she trembled. 
“What?”

“Listen,
I’m not about to say anything further that I will regret later,” Cedric
snapped.

Phoenix
let out a hollow chuckle.  “Oh, well, we’re long past that point. 
You are
tired of looking at my ugly,
fat
behind?  You did say that, right?  You might as well tell the truth
and shame the devil, Cedric.”

“What do
you want me to say?”

“It’s a
couple years late and thousands of dollars short, but I’ll take it.  How
about the whole truth?” Phoenix sneered.  She wanted to seem in control,
even as her heartbeat pounded in her head.  She unconsciously clutched her
heart, as if she could will it to stop slamming against her chest.

Forcing
out a breath, Cedric ran his hand over his head and looked around before
continuing.  “Well, truthfully…yeah, I was attracted to her.”

“So you
don’t love me?” Phoenix hated herself even more for asking.

“Yeah I
loved you…I guess.  At least I thought so.  I loved you for being
good to me, for taking care of me when I lost my job, letting me move in. 
I
appreciated
you and how you loved me, but looking back, I don’t
think…”  Cedric began to pace.  “Man!  I don’t know what to tell
you, Fe.  I do love you, but I don’t think I am as in love with you as I
thought I could be.  I
wanted
to love you.  You were good for
me, really good.  You’re smart, funny, educated, hard-working, and
sweet.  But I can’t get past your weight or the way you carry yourself
.”

***

“How could he
do this to me?” She howled before guzzling from the bottle of Grey Goose. 
“I don’t think I can live through this!” she cried out.

You’re so
disgusting.  No one wants you.  God doesn’t even care about
you.  You spent years taking care of people to make them love you, but
they don’t.  They can’t!  You’re unlovable.  Fat, ugly and
worthless.  No one loves you.  Just take the pills! 
Forces
of darkness taunted and heckled her. 
Take them!  You’re
disgusting.  Nobody wants you!

Satan watched,
anticipating where he would place this pathetic soul when she crossed over into
his realm. 

Take the
pills,
Satan whispered as his minions jeered. 
It will make
everything alright again.  You don’t want to be here without love, do
you?  Nobody will ever love you.

Trembling,
Phoenix took a pill as she continued to watch the movie playing in her mind.

***

Phoenix crumbled
onto the bed, grabbed her middle and held on.  Gasping, she folded over as
though someone had kicked her in the ribs.  “I was never small,
Cedric.  You met me at this size…” her voice trembled as it faded away.
  

Cedric
continued to pace.  “I know, Fe.  I know.  I was never really
attracted to…women that look like you.  I usually date lighter-skinned
women, women with more slender shapes.  But I liked your personality so
much.  I needed someone stable to help me get off those streets. 
Yeah, I have a college degree, but I ain’t done nothing with it.  I wanted
someone like you in my life to help me better myself.  I figured you’d be
a good influence on my son since his mom ain’t about nothing.  Heck, I
wasn’t even about nothing when I met you.  But I loved you for the way you
always tried to be there for me.”

Phoenix
felt a burning in her chest.  “So you were with me because of what I was
doing for you?”

Cedric
didn’t answer.

Phoenix
needed to hear the rest.  “But why did you get involved with me, Cedric? 
If you only wanted my friendship, I would have been there for you as a
friend.  Why make me believe you are attracted to me, date me, then ask to
marry me when I was never your type?”

“Look,
Fe.  I thought I could
make
you into my type.  I realize people
gain weight sometimes, and I tried to look past it.  I tried to love you,
but I
couldn’t
get past it.  I loved the idea of you, of what being
with you could do in my own life.  I tried to help you, I did.  I
tried to encourage you to work out with me, tried to get you to dress up
sometimes, tried to get you to take better care of your skin…situation. 
Yeah, there are some full-figured people out there, but that doesn’t mean they
have to be all sloppy.  I wanted to marry you, but I hate the way you look! 
When I met you, you used to swear you would get in shape.  At the very
least, your hair was done, your nails too.  You at least
tried
to
wear cute dresses, heels, and make up.  But, since we’ve moved in together
last year, you stopped even doing that.  Dang, we weren’t even married yet
and you already let yourself go.  If your body looks like this now, how
would you look after you had my babies?  How would my babies look?”

Phoenix
stared.

“What?
It’s how I feel!  I work out three times a week, wear cologne, get
haircuts, and dress nice for
myself. 
But you?  You barely
comb your hair anymore.  It takes you weeks to get your hair done, even
when I would beg you to spend some money on yourself.” 

Phoenix
laughed.  “What money, Cedric?  You moved in here without a
job.  I’ve been paying the rent by myself, buying all the food, helping
you pay child support, while still buying things for your son when you have him
here for days at a time.  I give you money to hang out with your friends,
even when you don’t want to spend my money to go somewhere with me.  I
even give you gas money to drive my car—the car that you crashed, that I still
am paying for!”

“Don’t
throw it all that in my face, Phoenix!”

“Like
you are throwing my looks in mine, Cedric?  What money to pamper myself?
Huh?  You lost your job in the first six months of us dating.  I took
care of you right from the beginning, even before you moved in here.  I
gave you an allowance, practically!  When I met you, I was trying to do
something about my weight.  I was seeing a boxing trainer twice a week,
remember?  I was trying to keep myself up at least by wearing nice clothes
and doing my hair.  I was getting facials and seeing a
dermatologist.  But that costs money, money I was giving to
you,
because
I thought you loved me.”

Cedric’s
caramel skin flushed a bright crimson.  “No, Sweetie.  Since we’re
being real, let’s be real.  You give me all that not because you thought I
loved you, but because you
wanted
me to love you!”

Phoenix froze
as the truth became a shape blade that punctured holes in her gut.