The Man Every Woman Wants (16 page)

But he could still remember how alone he'd felt at the time, thinking that the one and only person in his life that he could count on was gone. Laura was probably feeling the same.

He had to make her see, however, that she
could
count on him, that he wasn't the feckless fool she imagined him to be. She was still weeping quietly when they left the church. Ryan was thankful that they weren't going on to some wretchedly
dreary graveyard, Bill quickly explaining to him outside the church that his mother had requested that she be cremated privately and her ashes sprinkled on her beloved rose garden. It seemed a much better ending, in Ryan's opinion, than being buried. But each to his own.

‘Where's the wake being held?' he asked Bill.

‘Back at the house. I presume Laura will be going back in your car, Ryan?'

‘Yes, of course.'

‘See you back there shortly, then.'

When Ryan steered Laura over to where he'd parked his car, she didn't argue with him, a testimony to her distressed state. But shortly after they joined the long lines of cars heading back to the house she pulled herself together and glanced over at him with a deep frown crinkling her forehead.

‘I still don't understand how you knew about Gran's funeral,' she said. ‘Or even why you came.'

Ryan supposed he could make up a plausible lie—that he'd seen a funeral notice in the paper. But he didn't want to do that. He wanted to be totally honest with Laura from now on. It was the only way she would be able to trust him.

‘Greg Harvey told me about your gran's death this morning when he rang to offer me a new lawyer. I tried to ring you straight away but your phone's turned off. So I rang Alison and she told me when and where the funeral was.'

‘Alison? But you don't know her number.'

‘I made it my business to find it.'

‘But
why
?' There was total confusion in her voice.

‘Because I love you, Laura,' he said, turning to look her straight in the eye.

Laura's mouth fell open, her eyes widening at the same time.

‘I love you and I want to marry you,' he added, knowing that a declaration of love was not going to be enough. For how many men used false words of love to seduce women back into their beds? He had never been guilty of such tactics but
he imagined other men had. Certainly dear old Mario and Brad had.

‘You want to marry me?' she echoed, clearly in shock at his proposal.

‘Yes. And have children with you. I want it all. I've been thinking about it for days and that's what I want with you, Laura. I'm hoping that's what you want too.'

Laura could hardly believe what she was hearing, or contain the joy that washed into her until then despairing soul. For she knew instinctively that Ryan would not lie about something as serious as marriage and children. Love, yes; he might lie about that. But not the rest.

It came to her suddenly that he must know about her falling in love with him. Alison would have told him something. Dear, romantic-minded Alison who could not resist a happy ending, no matter how unlikely the couple.

‘Did Alison tell you that I loved you?' she choked out.

‘She said she thought you did,' he admitted. ‘But I would have come today even if she hadn't said anything.'

Somehow, his knowing that she loved him momentarily burst her bubble of happiness. It brought doubts as well. Laura needed more understanding of his dramatic change of heart before she could blindly say yes to his amazing proposal. She needed the comfort of knowledge.

‘But you said you would never fall in love, or get married and have children,' she pointed out.

‘That was before I met you, Laura.'

‘No, you said it
after
you met me. You said it more than once. You warned me.'

‘I didn't realise then that I would fall in love with you. I didn't know what falling in love felt like. I didn't think I was capable of it.'

‘But
why
would you think that? Everyone is capable of love.'

‘I know that now. But till I met you I refused to let it into my life.'

‘You have to tell me why, Ryan. You have to make me un
derstand. I do love you, more than I ever thought possible. But I can't marry you unless I know why you felt like that.'

He sighed, then nodded. ‘You're right; I know you're right. It's just so damned hard to talk about it, that's all.'

‘If you truly love me, Ryan, then you have to trust me with your past. I promise I will never tell another living soul. Not Alison. Not anyone.'

Laura could see the difficulty he was still having, opening up to her. What terrible trauma had he endured as a child, she wondered, that would make him retreat from emotion as he had? She hated to think he might have been abused in some way, but what else could it be?

‘I love you,' she repeated. ‘I will always love you, no matter what you tell me.'

He still didn't speak so she just sat there and said nothing further. The long line of cars was making slow progress on their way back to the house, giving him enough time to decide whether to confide in her or not.

‘My mother didn't die of cancer,' he said at last. ‘She was murdered.'

Laura only just managed not to gasp in shock, for it was the last thing she was expecting.

‘But not by any stranger,' he added in a rough, emotion-charged voice. ‘By my father. Her
de facto
husband. The man she said she loved. The man who claimed
he
loved
her
, even as she lay battered to death at his feet.'

‘Oh, Ryan…'

‘I found her, you know, when I came home from school. Lying next to the kitchen table in a pool of blood.'

‘Oh my God…'

‘She'd cooked me a cake. It was still on the table. It was my twelfth birthday.'

Laura closed her eyes. Lord in heaven, no child should have to endure that. She'd thought she'd had it bad when her parents had been killed. But it had been an accident. They hadn't been murdered.

‘He was sitting on the floor next to her, crying. I…I…'

When it was obvious he could not go on, Laura reached over and placed her hand gently over his, which was suddenly gripping the wheel like a drowning man holding on to a piece of flotsam. ‘You don't have to tell me any more right now. I can see you had good reasons to reject love and marriage and fatherhood. We'll talk about it later.'
Much
later.

Ryan shook his head. ‘No, I want to tell you now. I want you to understand. It had been going on for years—the violence. The beatings. Not me, just Mum. The only times he hit me were when I tried to protect her. Even then he would just push me aside. He was insanely jealous of her. Wouldn't let her go to work, wouldn't let her leave the house or have any more babies. When she became pregnant once—I think I was about seven—he accused her of having an affair, then he punched her in the stomach over and over till she miscarried.'

‘Oh my God! That's appalling, Ryan. But didn't people know what was going on? Your neighbours? Your grandparents?'

‘Domestic violence was very common where we lived. A lot of the men were unemployed. My father did work occasionally, but he was unreliable. He was a drunk, you see. We mostly lived on welfare, in a housing-commission place which should have been condemned.

‘As for relatives, Dad refused to have anything to do with any relatives, especially Mum's. Though I knew my Mum's mother was alive. Mum told me her name and where she lived and said if anything ever happened to her that I was to go to my grandmother's place. She even hid some money in a secret place which she called my escape money. Many times I thought about taking it and just going, but how could I leave her to him? I begged her to come with me but she wouldn't. She said she loved him. I could never understand that. It made no sense to me.'

‘I don't think she loved him at all by then, Ryan. She was
simply scared to death of him. I had a battered wife as a client once. She stabbed her husband in the end.'

‘I thought about killing my father several times. I wish I had.'

‘I can imagine. So what happened to him? I presume he was arrested for murder?'

‘He pleaded guilty and got twenty years. But he was bashed to death a few months later in jail. It seems the other prisoners don't take kindly to wife killers.'

‘I can understand that. And I can understand you now, Ryan.' Very much so, the poor darling. It was no wonder he never wanted to talk about the past, and no wonder he'd rejected love for so long. ‘I really appreciate your confiding in me, but you know what? I think we've done enough talking about the past for today. I would much prefer to talk about the future.'

He glanced over at her and smiled. ‘A woman after my own heart.'

‘Oh yes,' she said, smiling back at him. ‘I
am
after your heart.'

‘You already have it, my love.'

Her own heart turned over. ‘I'm still coming to terms with that.'

‘You're not the only one. When I realised I loved you, I wasn't sure what to do because I thought you would never love me back. I mean, how could you possibly love such a selfish, self-centred, screwed-up individual like me?'

Laura groaned. ‘I hated myself afterwards for saying that, because I don't think that at all. I think you're a fine man, decent and kind, with a warm, loving soul. Look at the way you talked about grandmothers at the service just now. It was beautiful, the words you said.'

Ryan's heart squeezed tight at her sweet compliments. ‘Can I take it, then, that you
will
marry me?'

Her eyes shone as she looked over at him. ‘Whenever and wherever you would like.'

‘How about first thing in the New Year, up here in Jane's favourite chapel?'

Laura smiled. ‘Sounds like a good idea to me.'

‘I
CHRISTEN
you Marisa Jane Alison Armstrong,' the minister said, the same minister who'd pronounced Ryan and Laura man and wife eleven months earlier in the same church.

‘She was so good,' Alison complimented Laura when she handed the baby back after the ceremony. ‘Not a peep out of her, not even when the holy water was poured over her forehead.'

‘She loves water,' Ryan said proudly. ‘I've got her booked in for swimming lessons when she turns six months.'

Alison and Laura exchanged amused glances.

‘And when is she going to start playing soccer?' Alison's husband asked with a twinkle in his eye.

‘Never too soon, Pete,' Ryan replied. ‘Four or five is a good age. That way she can be a striker and not a boring old goalkeeper.'

‘A striker,' Laura murmured, rolling her eyes and shaking her head. She still found it hard to believe just what a besotted father Ryan had become. As soon as he had found out she was pregnant, he'd turned into a real mother hen. When she'd suffered from morning sickness during her early weeks, he'd insisted she stop applying for new jobs and take it easy at home, a move which hadn't entirely displeased her; her own priorities had changed by then. But
she'd
insisted she at least remain
his
lawyer, to keep her hand in. She loved coming to his office every Friday afternoon at three p.m., though nowa
days she was dressed a little more stylishly. Sometimes they didn't get much work done.

‘Everyone back to the house for drinks,' Cynthia chimed in. ‘Everyone' was not a large group, the only guests at the christening being Alison and Peter, along with Lisa and Shane, Bill and Cynthia. Their wedding had been a much larger affair with lots of Ryan's old friends and clients attending, followed by a slap-up reception at a local five-star resort.

But they'd decided to keep the christening much more private and personal. Alison's two children were being minded by their grandparents for a couple of days, giving Alison and Peter the opportunity for that romantic getaway that they had been meaning to have all year and not got around to. Ryan had booked them into the same five-star resort they'd spent
their
wedding night in—his treat, he insisted. The four of them had become close friends during the last year, with Ryan liking Peter's easy-going nature a great deal.

‘I suggest you follow me,' Ryan told Peter as they made their way to where their cars were parked. ‘It can be a bit tricky finding Bill and Cynthia's place. I'll drive slowly so you won't have any trouble keeping up.'

Ryan still took his time loading their precious cargo into the carry-cot in the back of his new family-friendly car, a four-door Lexus which he'd bought a few months back. His willingness to trade in his much-loved BMW had displayed to Laura more than anything he said just how much it meant to him to become a father. And how serious he was taking the role.

‘They're a nice couple,' Ryan said when they were finally on their way. ‘But their kids can be murder. I feel sorry for their grandparents.'

‘Sibling rivalry,' Laura said, thinking of how she'd been with Shane, who'd been a kind of sibling to her.

‘Spoilt, more like it,' Ryan said dryly. ‘Have you seen how many toys they've got?'

‘I don't think you can talk,' Laura pointed out. ‘I can see
already that you're going to give Marisa everything her little heart desires.'

‘Oh, no I won't. She's going to learn the value of money. And of hard work.'

Laura groaned. ‘You're not going to be one of those fathers, are you?'

‘And what kind is that, madam?'

‘Pushy. And bossy. And controlling.'

‘Absolutely not! I hate controlling people.'

Laura laughed, then so did Ryan. ‘You're right. I am a bit controlling. But I can change. I've changed a lot already.'

‘You have indeed,' Laura said with warmth and love in her voice.

Ryan glanced over at his beautiful wife and smiled. ‘I have one suggestion to make which might eliminate my spoiling our little princess back there.'

‘Do tell.'

‘We could have another baby.'

‘So soon?'

‘Why wait? Life is short, Laura.'

For a split second, Laura thought of her gran. And then she nodded. ‘You're right. Another baby would be a good idea.'

‘All my ideas are good.'

‘Oh Ryan,' she said with a soft laugh. ‘You are incorrigibly arrogant. But that's all right. I love you just the same.'

‘That is why I love
you
so much, my darling.'

‘Oh?'

‘Because you love me just the same.'