Read The Man Who Ate Everything Online

Authors: Jeffrey Steingarten

Tags: #Humor, #Non-Fiction, #Autobiography, #Memoir

The Man Who Ate Everything (62 page)

BOOK: The Man Who Ate Everything
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5. Now “rub” the fat into the flour with your fingers. Do it in two stages.

First, scoop the fingers of both hands down along the sides and bottom of the bowl under the flour, and lift them several inches above the rim of the bowl, with a pile of flour and one large chunk of fat in each. Holding your fingers slightly open, lightly rub your thumbs back and forth across your fingertips, about three
times, in order to break up the large chunks of fat into pieces the size of small olives while coating them with flour. Do not smear the fat or blend the flour with the fat; do not press down hard with your thumbs; do not flatten the fat. Roll it between your fingertips. Let the flour and fat fall back into the bowl.

Repeat five times, each time breaking up two of the large nuggets of fat, until all of them are gone.

In the second stage, continue scooping up the flour and fat, each time sweeping your thumbs
only once
across your fingertips, and only in one direction, from little finger to index finger. Be sure to scoop along the bottom of the bowl, then bring your hands high above the bowl. As your thumbs move across your fingertips, the smallest pieces of shortening will slip between your fingers, and the largest pieces will tumble over your index finger. Let whatever flour and fat remains in your hands drop back into the bowl. Everything should fall lightly through the air, as though you were cooling the particles of dough and aerating them. Which you are. Repeat this motion about twenty to twenty-five times.

You are done when the particles of flour-coated fat range in size from coarse meal to grains of rice to peas to small olives. It is important that the fat particles range widely in size. A little flour may remain uncoated.

6. Add 1
/2
cup of the cold water, sprinkling it evenly over the surface of the mixture. Immediately stir the water into the flour with a fork, held vertically, starting at the sides of the bowl, then stirring in smaller and smaller circles toward the center, making sure that the points of the fork sweep the bottom of the bowl. Your motions should be light. After a few stirs, all the flour
should be moistened and the dough gathered into small clumps. If there are too many loose, dry crumbs, add a tablespoon or two of cold water and stir again. Do not overmix. The more thoroughly you have rubbed the shortening into the flour and the more shortening you use, the less water you will need. It is unlikely that you will use the entire
3
/4 cup.

7. Gather all the dough by pressing it together firmly against one side of the bowl. Break off about half, shape it into a ball with your cool fingertips, not your sweaty palms, and flatten it on the counter into a disk about an inch high. Repeat with the other half of the dough.

8. Grease a 9-inch glass (or dark metal) pie plate with the tablespoon of additional shortening.

9. You may immediately roll out both crusts, or wrap each disk in plastic and refrigerate for 15 to 30 minutes—if this is more convenient or if the kitchen is very warm or if you have used lard and butter as your shortening. If you do refrigerate the dough, it will then require 5 to 10 minutes at room temperature before it becomes malleable; it should not break at the edges when you roll it out.

To roll: On a well-floured surface with a heavy, well-floured rolling pin, roll the larger of the two disks into a rough 13-inch circle, 1/8
inch thick or slightly more. Use a light touch with the rolling pin, placing it on the dough between the center and the near edge and rolling away from you to the far edge, being careful to lift the rolling pin before you flatten the far edge. Roll toward you in the same manner. Turn the dough an eighth or a quarter of the way around, and roll again. You should not compress it downward but stretch it outward. If the dough sticks to the work
surface (the first signs are that it fails to stretch freely away from you as you roll it or does not easily pry off when you turn it), run a thin metal spatula under it and flour the surface again. This dough should be easy to work with and require only ten to twelve strokes of the rolling pin. The first few dozen times, your circle of dough may take the shape of an amoeba; just make sure that when you are finished the smallest diameter is 13 inches so that it will fit the pie plate without major patching.

10. Brush any excess flour from the circle of dough (flour can toughen the surface of the crust), fold the circle gently into quarters, and lift it onto the greased pie plate, placing the point of the dough at the center. Unfold the dough into a circle again. Fit it into the pie plate by gently lifting the edges of the dough all around and nudging it (without stretching it) to line the bottom and sides of the plate. Trim the edges all around with a large pair of scissors so that the dough comes just beyond the edge of the rim. If you do not have enough dough in some spots, patch with scraps from other areas, first moistening them with water. This recipe is more ample than most; you will have lots of scraps. If any holes appear on the bottom or along the sides, patch them too, firmly pressing a neat but ample piece of moistened scrap dough over the hole. If the filling leaks through the bottom crust, it will at the very least glue the pie to the dish and burn against the glass. At the worst, the filling may boil under the bottom crust and carry off some of the pie; it once happened to me. Other pie recipes do not tell you this for fear that your hands will shake uncontrollably as you try to patch the dough.

Cover the bottom crust with plastic wrap.

Roll out the other disk of dough into a 13-inch circle and lay it gently over the plastic wrap. Unless the kitchen is cool and the dough is firm, cover with more plastic wrap and refrigerate for 10 to 15 minutes.

11. Meanwhile, finish making the fruit filling—if there is anything left to be done. Then remove the pie plate and dough from the refrigerator and let them come to room temperature for 5 minutes. Remove the plastic and gently fold the top crust into quarters and set aside.

Spoon the filling into the dough-lined pie plate, keeping it away from the rim. Cut the cold butter into thin slices and scatter them over the fruit.

12. Align the point of the folded top crust with the center of the filling and gently unfold it over the filling and the rim. With a large pair of scissors or a knife, uniformly trim the edges of the dough so that it extends a generous
l
/2 inch beyond the edges of the bottom crust, patching where necessary.

Working quickly, fold the
1/2
-inch margin of top-crust dough around and under the edge of the lower crust so that it rests on the rim of the pie plate. With one hand, press lightly to seal, using your other hand to keep the dough even with the edge of the plate.

13. Shape the edges of the dough into a decorative pattern. Here are two easy ones to use when you can’t think of anything else.

a. Flatten the pastry all around with the tines of a dinner fork held level with the rim, leaving deep parallel grooves pointing toward the center of the pie. To avoid catching the soft dough each time you lift the fork, tilt the handle of the fork upward first, and then remove the point end.

b. Raise and flute the edge; this will help create a
rampart against the boiling juices. Squeeze the dough on the rim of the pie plate to form a ridge all around about 1/2 inch high and 1/4 inch thick. Be careful not to press your fingers down into the dough against the walls of the pie plate or the crust may become thin and the filling leak profusely in the oven.

Next, shape the ridge into a scalloped edge by placing the tips of your left thumb and index finger on the inside of the ridge, holding them about an inch apart. Place the tip of your right index finger on the outside of the ridge, between the fingertips on the inside. By pressing the fingertips against the dough, you will form a V. Continue all the way around the pie, repeating the same motion, until the entire ridge of dough has been transformed. Then go around again, trying to make the pattern even and regular.

14. Now the pie should be baked without delay; otherwise the fruit juices can make the bottom crust soggy. Lightly brush the milk over the crust. You will probably not need the full tablespoon. Do not allow the milk to puddle in the valleys of the crust; if it does, mop it up with the corner of a folded paper towel.

15. Sprinkle the crust with the granulated sugar.

16. With a small, sharp knife, cut decorative vents into the crust (for example, three V-shapes pointing toward the center of the pie cut along each of three or four radii). Use the knife to open the cuts slightly so that they will not reseal in the oven. You can also make a 1/4- or 1/2-inch circle, square, or triangle in the very center. These vents allow steam to escape, helping to avoid soggy crusts and relieving pressure when the juices begin to overflow. Marion Cunningham does not believe in vents.

17. Set the pie on a baking sheet with raised
edges, and bake immediately in the preheated 450° F. oven until the darkest spots on the crust are very dark brown, about 25 to 40 minutes. Reduce the heat to 375° F. and continue baking until it has been in the oven for a total of about 1 hour, or until the crust is a deep, crisp golden brown. Turn the pie once or twice for even browning. Test the fruit (especially apples or peaches) with a small knife to see that they are fully cooked but not as mushy as applesauce or peach jam. Look through the sides of the glass pie plate to make sure that the bottom crust is browned. (Cover the entire crust or just the fluted edges with aluminum foil if either browns excessively before the filling is cooked.)

A fruit pie does not need to overflow to signal that it is done. Both cornstarch and flour are fully cooked at about 190° F., way below the boiling point. Keeping them above that temperature for, say, 20 minutes, can destroy their thickening power. Baking the pie at too low a temperature encourages overflow before the crust is done. But just a little boil-over gives the pie a nice, homey look.

18. Let the pie cool in its pie plate on a rack for at least 2 hours. If you allow the pie to cool all the way down to room temperature, reheat it slightly at 325° F. for 15 to 20 minutes. Do not refrigerate or cover hermetically. The next day, leftover pie can be reheated successfully at 375° F. for 20 to 25 minutes and allowed to cool for 5 minutes. But twice reheated, the crust may become greasy.

19. Serve with good vanilla ice cream.

20. When your pie has been nearly consumed, go back to step 1 and start again.

Four Fruit Fillings

Apple pie is perfect for fall, after the harvest, when the fruit is at its peak. In later months, taste the apples carefully before putting them into a pie to make sure they are still crisp and full of flavor. At the height of summer you will bake sumptuous fruit pies packed with wild blueberries, peaches, or fresh sour cherries, all picked at their finest hour.

Apple Pie Filling

What I like least about the average apple pie is cinnamon. This filling contains no cinnamon. The only flavorings here are vanilla and lemon juice. The only taste should be pure apple. You can also substitute some well-packed brown sugar for the white sugar to accentuate the slightly caramelized taste of baked apples, which is accentuated by vanilla.

Old recipes from England and America use cloves, mace, nutmeg, orange-flower water, rose water, lemon zest, or brown sugar, but only sometimes cinnamon. The French rarely pair cinnamon with apples. Later American recipes always include cinnamon, as though its rough, gritty, overwhelming flavor were inseparable from the flavor of apples. Try making a mock apple pie (an odd idea from early-nineteenth-century America), using the recipe on the back of a Ritz cracker box, as I did (see page 435); instead of apples, you fill a pie crust with smashed Ritz crackers soaked in sugar syrup, lemon juice, and lots
of cinnamon. I tested one on my
wife and three friends, and nobody guessed that there were no apples in the pie! Promiscuous use of cinnamon has made us forget the true taste of apples. Now you will remember.

3
1
/2
pounds (7 or 8) baking apples (use Gravensteins early in
the season when they are less sugary, or Pippins, or Granny
Smiths)

1 lemon, cut in half

1
1
/4 cups white granulated sugar (adjusted for extra-tart or
extra-sweet apples)

3 tablespoons all-purpose flour

1 teaspoon (scant) pure vanilla extract

l
/4 teaspoon salt (pie experts, especially from the South, insist
that a little salt helps bring out the essential flavor of the
fruit; I agree)

1. Before making the piecrust, peel and core the apples, and put them in a large bowl of cold water mixed with the juice of one of the lemon halves.

2.
Make the piecrust dough through step 10, page 485. Refrigerate the circles of dough.

3. Immediately remove the apples from their lemon water and dry them. Cut each one into quarters, and then cut each quarter both lengthwise and crosswise into four chunks (yielding 8 to 9 cups), or sixteen chunks for each apple.

BOOK: The Man Who Ate Everything
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