The Marriage List (24 page)

They were from two different worlds.

“Good-bye, Miss Sheffers.” His voice was as stiff as his lame leg. He dipped a half bow before leaving her little cottage forever.

* * * * *

The morning sun shone so brightly it nearly burned Radford’s stinging eyes. The early heat quickly dried up all evidence of the storm that had raged through the night.

How dare the sun shine? The earth should be shrouded in darkness. That’s how he felt, why shouldn’t the world share his grief? A brightly liveried footman had arrived shortly after breakfast and handed him a folded piece of foolscap bearing the Duke of Newbury’s seal, along with the missing teacup from his set wrapped in a dainty handkerchief.

The sight of the lonely teacup crushed his aching soul.

He’d sat up all night wasting page after page of foolscap in a desperate attempt to recapture the flowery words he’d once spoken to charm the young ladies, words that could win back May’s bruised heart. Those words were no longer his to spout at will. That carefree young man had died on the Peninsula. His words were now fatally tinged with bitterness . . . and pride.

His pride had ruined him yesterday. He’d wanted to sweep May into his arms and kiss her until she was gasping for air. Her open dismissal of his need for her had killed the impulse. For a horrifying moment he felt like he was again sprawled and split open, helpless on the battlefield.

Out of fear, he’d fought back. Anger had done well to hide his fears . . . and had managed to push away his first glimpse at regaining a pleasant life.

After setting the delicate teacup on the desk in front of him, Radford broke the ducal seal and unfolded the foolscap. The note, signed by the duke, was brief and terse.

“Miss Sheffers has asked me to return this teacup to your person. She sends with it her regrets for having kept it so long. Upon her leaving Bath this morning, Miss Sheffers also personally requested that you make no attempt to contact her. I am to assure you that she bears you no ill feelings.”

Radford read the letter through several times, each time feeling emptier than the last.

She was gone . . . and wanted nothing from him.

He’d been a damned fool not to pursue her in the first place. He tore the dratted marriage list from his pocket and smoothed it out on the desk beside the Duke of Newbury’s letter.

None of the requirements of the list seemed to make a bit of sense anymore. The check sheet had led him down the wrong path . . . if not for fate, he’d presently be engaged to a lady most unsuitable for him.

He lifted the list and tore it neatly down the center. He’d forgotten to factor in so many intangibles such as passion, caring, and love. Those were the qualities he should have been looking for when beginning this fool’s search for a wife. And those qualities weren’t to be found in any one young lady. As May had shown him, he needed to find those qualities first within himself.

Her compassion and understanding had opened his heart . . . now she was gone and he felt raw inside. He rose from the desk and limped across the room. With an angry flick of the wrist he tossed the cursed list into the fireplace and watched as the corners of the paper that had once outlined his future curled and burned.

A gentle pressure touched his shoulder. Radford reached up and cupped his hand over his mother’s frail fingers.

“I knocked,” she said. “I grew worried when there was no answer.”

Radford didn’t say a word for a long time. He just continued to watch as the foolscap slowly burned in the banked coals.

“I have made a mess of my life, Mother,” he confessed after the last evidence of the marriage list was destroyed.

“No, dear, you are doing just fine. You are just unhappy right now.” She choked back a soft sob. “I was wrong to press the suit between you and Lady Lillian. I see that now. She wasn’t right for you.”

Lady Lillian, a fine woman by all accounts, would one day make a lucky man very happy. Just not him. He needed a very special woman to lift him out of his dark moods. He needed a woman to teach him that life was worth living again.

How had he let his pride chase such a woman away?

“I apologize for my behavior, son. I should have never let the prestige of connecting our family with one as respected as the Duke of Newbury’s get in the way of your happiness. Your happiness is all that is important to me. Please tell me you believe that.”

Radford drew a long, deep breath. His life wasn’t over. That gypsy at the fair had told him that he’d been hiding instead of living. Today, he believed it. “I do, Mother. I want the best for you as well.”

“That Margaret Sheffers—” his mother said, “she is the lady whom you love?”

Radford limped over to the window and watched as his horses pranced and played in the fields. It was time he began to live again. Even if it meant he’d have to subsist as a lonely man, he would embrace each new day with all the challenges the rising sun brought with it.

“The gel is by no means a diamond of the first water. But,” his mother sighed deeply. “I suppose if the duke embraces her as family . . . then, with a little polish, she might just be able to be brought up to crack.”

May was perfect. He wouldn’t wish her to change at all. She had taught him an important lesson with her fey spirit. She’d taught him to live. It was a piece of her he’d cherish in his heart for the rest of his days.

Chapter 22

The carriage swayed gently as a warm breeze blew through the open windows. The early-autumn sun was shining brightly on the City of Bath. It had been a month since she’d seen the gothic spires of Bath Abbey or enjoyed the calm flowing of the River Avon. May could hardly believe how fast the time had passed.

She wouldn’t be coming now if not for the urgent letters she’d received from both Iona and Aunt Winnie urging her return. Iona’s sister and husband had been most supportive, insisting she leave right away and giving her use of their carriage.

She clutched both letters and worried. Neither letter provided a drop of important information beyond stressing a need for her presence. What if Winnie had fallen ill again? What if the playful Iona had somehow gotten herself embroiled in a scandal? May prayed that the emergency was not too great that she couldn’t handle it.

She also prayed that Radford would not be in residence this late in the season . . . while wishing with all her heart she could see him again.

For several days she lived her life in London on pins as she half expected him to come after her. When running an errand or strolling the streets, she had always watched for him. Hoping, dreaming, fancying she’d catch a glimpse of him in a crowd, but always finding she was mistaken. Those dreams had faded into pleasant memories. She enjoyed teaching the young children in her charge and believed herself moving on with her life.

Now, upon returning to Bath, May realized she’d not moved on at all. It felt like only yesterday she’d told Radford to leave her alone. Nothing in her life had moved forward. Her running to London had solved nothing.

It had been easier to hide than risk chasing a happiness she might not be able to keep. But no more could she let such foolishness continue. May realized she’d have face her unresolved feelings for Radford and put them to rest so she could truly begin a new life.

“I just pray Aunt Winnie and Iona are both well. I will need all the help they can offer with this one.”

“I beg your pardon?” a man asked from outside the carriage.

May blinked. She hadn’t noticed that a finely dressed gentleman on horseback had been passing her carriage at the same moment she carelessly spoke her thoughts aloud.

Such a lovely horse he was riding too. A light cream-colored mare with a dark mane and tail . . . and brown speckles on her rear flank. She looked exactly like—

May blinked again.

“Lord Evers?” she asked, praying her wishful eyes weren’t once again deceiving her.

The man slowed his horse to match the pace of the carriage. He turned to look at her. His eyes sparkled as recognition lit them from within.

“May?” He drew a quick breath and seemed to quickly regain his composure. “Miss Sheffers, what a delightful surprise. What brings you to Bath? I hope you are well.”

May simply stared at Radford, unable to trust her eyes or her ears. Certainly Radford wasn’t really here, riding beside her carriage. She had to be dreaming again. But this couldn’t be a dream . . . she was far too worried over the reasons she’d been summoned to Bath so urgently and over her aunt Winnie’s health for this to be a pleasant dream.

She rapped on the roof of the carriage and called for the driver to stop. As soon as the wheels ceased turning, Radford awkwardly lowered himself from Princess’ saddle and swung open the carriage door. He reached inside and lifted her to the ground.

His arms lingered around her waist even though her feet had touched solid ground. Her hands lingered on his shoulders as well, she noticed with a start.

“I cannot tarry long,” she said as she hurriedly pulled away from him. There was no reason to get herself worked up over a dream she’d already refused to chase. “Lady Iona Newbury and Aunt Winnie have both written me, begging I come to Bath as quickly as possible.” Her hands shook as she showed him the letters she’d crinkled beyond repair. “I fear Winnie’s health has taken a turn for the worse.”

Talking about her concerns helped vanquish the frivolous butterflies flittering in her stomach and the shortness of breath she suddenly experienced from standing so close to him again.

He smoothed his thumb over her furrowed brow. “I spoke with both your aunt and Lady Iona at the Pump Room just this morning, Miss Sheffers. Let me assure you, they both appeared to be in high spirits.”

May felt her frown deepen. “They were?” Why then would they write with such urgency? At least there was no dire disaster awaiting her. She took comfort in having learned that much.

“They were walking arm in arm chatting merrily and charming everyone in the crowded room.” Radford smiled. His cheeks had the most adorable dimples. He took her chin and tilted her head up so she was staring directly into his eyes. “You are as lovely as ever.” His voice grew soft. Obliviously he didn’t notice her wrinkled and dusty carriage dress, her drooping bonnet, or the unmistakable exhaustion etched beneath her eyes. “I’ve sorely missed that impish expression of yours.”

He did
? “You did?” Her heart raced as hope flooded her chest. Before he could answer, she rushed to change the subject.

“You are riding again. I’m so very glad you’ve proven your doctors wrong. Not that I’m surprised, mind you. I knew you would.”

Radford’s smile remained as brilliant as the sun as he continued to focus on her and nothing else. “I’m able to ride for short distances,” he said somewhat absently. “Ever since I stopped pushing myself so hard—thanks to your scolding—my leg started to grow stronger. No great changes, mind you. It’s a slow process.”

His thumb continued to caress her cheek. He inched closer. May felt her face heat as she realized how shocking their behavior must look to the carriage driver and to anyone who might pass by. She ducked her head away from his magical touch.

“You look healthy and content. I’m happy,” she said in place of a dismissal and turned to climb back into the carriage. She let him lift her since no steps had been lowered.

“Right now I’m better than content,” he confessed. “I’m tremendously happy.” That determined focus of his nearly tripped her as she nervously settled on the carriage’s narrow bench. “If you are agreeable, I would like to call on you tomorrow afternoon. There is much I would like to explain . . . and to apologize for.”

May gave a brisk nod just as the carriage lurched forward and began to roll down the road.

Yes, yes, yes, she could barely refrain from shouting. She would dearly love for Radford to call on her. His leg was stronger and yet his expression still softened when he’d first set eyes her. Perhaps his affections for her did go beyond his need for her troubled situation to give his injured pride a sense of worth. Her spirit soared. It had been far too long since she’d allowed herself to feel so recklessly special.

Certainly such a rare happiness was worth the risk she’d just placed on her barely healed heart.

* * * * *

No one would tell her anything. Iona would stare at May with a funny grin but kept her lips tightly sealed when pressed for answers. That evening, Aunt Winnie had come to the Newbury’s townhouse for dinner and, like Iona, would only smile when asked about the vague but urgent letters.

“Tomorrow,” was the most anyone would say.

Tomorrow.

May sat in the Newbury’s welcoming, sage-colored parlor the next afternoon and fidgeted. Radford was due to appear any moment. This waiting felt only too familiar. A sick feeling turned in her stomach.

What if he didn’t come?

She’d donned the same deep violet gown fashioned from the sheerest muslins that she’d worn a month ago as she’d waited nervously in this very same parlor for his visit. Iona had helped her to tame her ruddy-brown curls and pile them on the top of her head.

As she spied her reflection in the window, she thought she looked surprisingly elegant. Last summer had changed her. She’d grown even more confident, more comfortable with herself. Unlike before, the gown’s stunning color didn’t discomfit her. Gone was the shy creature who had felt a need to hide behind the curtains.

She was who she was. Nothing was going to change that. Radford had taught her she had no need to feel ashamed. She straightened a book sitting on a small, elaborately carved rosewood table and glanced out the window again. Hopefully he would keep his word and arrive on time. She so wanted to thank him for this new confidence she enjoyed.

“May?” Iona stood at the threshold of the parlor, nervously twisting her hands.

“He’s not coming, is he?” May said, feeling suddenly tired.

“What?” Iona’s hands moved all the more nervously. “Oh, I don’t know. There are some people in Papa’s study waiting to see you.”

“Who?” May crossed the room to follow Iona to the study. Iona grabbed her and pulled her into a tight hug. Tears dampened May’s shoulder. “What is wrong, Iona? You are scaring me.”

“Nothing.” Iona dabbed her eyes with a handkerchief and tried to smile. “I’m just happy, is all.”

May imagined she understood the apprehension men felt when being led to the gallows. Her heart thundered erratically. She knew Iona. Those nervous tears were not born from simple happiness. Something earth-shatteringly big was awaiting May in the study . . . and Iona was terrified for her.

May straightened her spine, drew a deep breath, and opened the door leading to the duke’s oak paneled study.

Three faintly familiar, darkly tanned figures beamed smiles in greeting. They were clearly a family. The gentleman stood with his arm lovingly around the lady’s waist. A much young man with black unruly hair tugged at his boots as if they were paining him.

“May, darling? Winnie hadn’t lied. You have grown into a beautiful woman,” the gentleman said.

“May, my sweet May,” the lady wailed. “We’ve come home to stay.”

The voice rang like a whisper in a dream. May covered her mouth while staring, unable to believe.

“I think she’s in shock,” the duke said.

Someone began patting her hand vigorously. May looked and saw it was Iona.

“Who are you?” May whispered the question from behind her hand. She didn’t know why she asked such a foolish question when she already knew the answer.

Despite the gray streaks in their hair and the deep bronze hue of their skin, they were the very image of the tiny portraits she’d always worn in her locket.

“Who are you?” she shouted when her gaze latched on to the young man. He couldn’t be much older than fifteen or sixteen. His face was a tanner, masculine version of her own.

He swaggered up to her and gave an awkward bow. “I am your brother, Perseus.”

“Brother?” May was amazed at how calm her voice sounded. “It is a pleasure to make you acquaintance, Mr. Sheffers.”

“Oh dear,” said her mother, who suddenly felt more like a stranger to May than this boy calling himself her brother. “You’re angry.”

Angry was a blasted understatement. Her parents had a son. They’d traveled the world while heaping their love on this boy. She hadn’t been good enough to keep by their side. They’d left her behind, let her fear they were dead.

Let them go back to their exotic, far off lands and love
their son
. She’d been happier without them in her life, anyhow.

“May?” Iona whispered. “Lord Evers has arrived.”

As if sensing May’s need for support, Radford placed his hand protectively on the small of her back. “You look stunning,” he murmured in her ear.