The Marriage Mender (16 page)

‘I keep things confidential for a living, remember. If it’s what the person involved wants.’

‘I wanted to do things my way this time,’ said Josh. ‘And I figured it was better that none of you knew.’

‘And what if she messes you about again?’

‘I can handle it, Ali. I can deal with her. Anyway, she’s better now.’

‘What do you mean, better?’

‘She hasn’t had a drink since Christmas Day.’

‘And you believe that, do you?’

‘Yeah. I do, actually.’

I nodded. It was so hard. I didn’t want to cast doubt on his mother’s honesty, but at the same time I wanted to protect him.

‘The thing is, Josh,’ I said, ‘people can be on the wagon for a long time but that doesn’t mean they’re not going to fall off at some point. If she has got an alcohol problem she may well need professional help.’

‘Are you saying my mum’s an alcoholic?’

‘I’m suggesting you keep a close eye on her. And talk to me if you think she’s started drinking again.’

Josh looked down at his hands. ‘Are you going to tell Dad?’ he asked.

‘I don’t know. I probably should do.’

‘But it’s not a problem. I’m not going to bring her here. I don’t expect any of you to have anything to do with her. I’m keeping it all separate from home.’

‘I know, love, and I appreciate that you’ve obviously put a lot of thought into how to handle this. But you’re still part of this family. And if she hurts you, she therefore hurts all of us.’

‘What’s the worst she can do?’ asked Josh. ‘Disappear again? If it happens again, I’ll deal with it. I’m giving her one last chance. I figure she deserves that.’ His voice was shaking as he finished.

‘How often are you planning to see her?’ I asked.

‘I don’t know. We’re going to take it slowly, see how things go.’

‘What does Caitlin think?’ I asked.

‘She’s cool about me seeing her. Family’s important to her too. She gets it.’

‘And have you told her the background. About what happened?’

‘Yeah,’ said Josh. ‘She knows Mum left when I was little, and that there was a big scene at Christmas after she came back.’

‘That’s good,’ I said. ‘I’m glad you can talk to her about stuff like that. Difficult stuff.’

‘I’m not going to let anything spoil what I’ve got with Caitlin, if that’s what you’re worried about.’

‘Good,’ I said. ‘Because I think she’s really special.’

Josh smiled. ‘So do I. And the thing is,’ he continued, ‘if you tell Dad now, it’ll all blow up into a massive thing again, and I don’t need that. I’m supposed to be revising for my GCSEs. I just want to be allowed to get on with my life the way I want to. That’s all I’m asking.’

I sighed. You couldn’t fail to be impressed by his maturity. And he had a point. Everything was good, everything was fine. Did I really want to be the one who upset all of that at such a critical point in his life?

‘I tell you what,’ I said. ‘There are going to be two conditions. One is that you don’t lie to me about what’s going on. If there’s a problem, I want to know about it. If the whole situation feels like it’s getting out of hand, or if Lydia starts drinking or messing you around again, you tell me straight away.’

Josh nodded.

‘And I want you to agree that, if Lydia’s still around after your exams and you still want to carry on seeing her, you talk to Dad about it then. I’m not at all comfortable about keeping this from him, and I’m only going to do it until that point.’

Josh nodded again, a broad smile on his face. ‘Thanks, Ali,’ he said, ‘for not kicking off, like.’

I smiled. ‘Right. Well, I’d better check on my bath. But remember what I said. Keep talking to me, OK?’

‘Sure,’ he said. ‘I won’t let you down.’

I’d never for a minute thought that he would do. It was Lydia I wasn’t so sure about.

He found me self-harming. I told him I did it because I was so unhappy, because he made me feel like a piece of shit on the bottom of his shoe, because it was the only way to get him to see my pain.

He just shrugged and walked out of the room.

‘So are you just going to your mum’s flat this evening?’ I asked.

We were in the kitchen together. Matilda had gone round to Sophie’s for tea after school. And the one good thing about the agreement I had with Josh was that I was back in the loop. He would tell me when he was due to see Lydia, where they were going (sometimes her flat, sometimes the cinema or a cafe in town) and occasionally, when he got back, he told me a bit about what they’d done, what she’d said, even a joke they had shared.

It had been strange, getting to know Lydia again, this time solely through Josh’s eyes. The picture he painted was of an entirely different woman to the one who’d fled in disgrace on Christmas Day. She was back to being the Lydia of that first meeting: cool, relaxed and seemingly relishing the opportunity to build a relationship with her son.

‘Well, that’s what I was supposed to be doing,’ he replied with a sigh.

‘What do you mean?’ I asked, concerned that Lydia had blown him out again.

‘This party thing’s come up.’

‘What party thing?’

‘This friend of Caitlin’s is having a party tonight. I wasn’t going to go but Caitlin really wants me to. Because of what’s happened.’

I put down my mug of tea. ‘And what has happened?’

Josh stopped pacing about the kitchen and turned to face me. ‘Alicia’s broken up with Tom.’

‘Oh no. Poor Tom.’

‘Yeah, he reckons it’s no big deal. But I think he’s pretty gutted, actually.’

‘I thought you said she was besotted with him?’

‘She was. Still is, apparently. Caitlin said it was Alicia’s parents who made her call it off because they were worried she was going to screw up her GCSEs. Only now Alicia’s in bits.’

I shook my head. No doubt they had thought they were doing the right thing too. That was the trouble with parenting. What seemed right in your head didn’t always work out in practice.

‘So I take it Tom’s not going to the party?’

‘No. He’s working, anyway.’

‘Right. But Caitlin is going, and she wants you there?’

‘Yeah, because she’s trying to persuade Alicia to go and
reckons she might need me to lend a bit of support and tell her that Tom doesn’t hate her for dumping him.’

I nodded, still trying to process it all in my head. ‘Well, what do you want to do?’ I asked.

‘I want to go. I mean, Caitlin’s asked me to but I don’t want to let Mum down either.’

‘Do you know what?’ I said. ‘I think she’d understand. It’s not as if you make a habit of it, is it?’

I looked at Josh. I was trying to avoid saying that Lydia could hardly complain after the number of times she’d let him down.

‘I guess not,’ he said, still not sounding convinced.

‘Why don’t you give your mum a ring? Tell her what’s happened. I’m sure she wouldn’t mind. You could always fix something up for next weekend.’

‘Yeah,’ said Josh, nodding. ‘You’re probably right. It’s just …’

‘Just what?’

‘I don’t want her to, you know, take it the wrong way.’

‘It’s not such a big deal, is it? There’ll be plenty of other times to see her, love. She knows that. It sounds like Caitlin could really do with you being around tonight.’

‘You’re right,’ said Josh. ‘Even if it will just be girly-crisis-in-the-loo stuff.’

I smiled at him. ‘She’ll thank you for it,’ I said. ‘That girly-crisis stuff’s really important when you’re sixteen.’

‘You’d better stand by your phone,’ he said. ‘I’ll give Caitlin your number, if it gets really heavy.’

He walked out of the kitchen, a smile on his face and a newfound air of maturity about him.

* * *

‘So where’s this party he’s gone to?’ asked Chris later, when Matilda was in bed and we were sitting on the sofa.

‘It’s in Warley. I’ve got the address. I said I’d pick them all up and run Caitlin and Alicia home. Josh is going to text me when they’re ready.’

‘I’ll go, if you like, love,’ Chris said. ‘It’ll probably be late.’

‘It’s OK, thanks, I don’t mind. Anyway, I don’t suppose you fancy dealing with teenage girls blubbing in your car.’

Chris looked at me, a slight frown on his face. ‘Why will they be blubbing?’

‘Big crisis. Alicia has dumped Tom. Or rather, her parents made her break it off so she could concentrate on her revision.’

‘Jeez,’ said Chris. ‘Big stuff, indeed. Are we the bad parents, then? For letting Josh carry on seeing Caitlin?’

‘Not from where I’m standing,’ I said.

‘You think they went in too heavy?’

‘She’s not going to be able to concentrate on her exams if she’s as miserable as sin, is she?’

‘No, but it will probably all blow over in a week or two.’

‘Not at that age. It’s a massive deal. He was her first proper boyfriend.’

‘And we’ve got all this to look forward to.’

‘No, we haven’t. Not if Josh behaves himself and we don’t try to meddle where we’re not wanted.’

‘They have been seeing a lot of each other lately.’

I was about to take issue with that. Then I remembered that, as far as Chris was aware, they’d been seeing a whole lot more of each other than they actually had.

‘Good. I think she’s a great influence on him.’

Chris shrugged. ‘You won’t be saying that if she ends up pregnant.’

‘She’s got far too much sense for that.’

‘How do you know?’

‘Josh told me. Said she wanted to wait.’

‘How come he tells you stuff like that?’

‘I had my counsellor face on at the time.’

‘Well, I hope she sticks to her guns, for everyone’s sake.’

‘You just want to avoid having “the talk” with him, don’t you?’

‘Oh no,’ said Chris, smiling. ‘That is firmly your department.’

‘I don’t know what it’s like to be a sixteen-year-old lad, do I?’

‘Imagine raging hormones and a one-track mind and multiply that several times. Then you’ll be about halfway there.’

‘Sounds lovely.’

‘And that’ll be exactly why Alicia’s parents are very relieved tonight.’

‘What, you think they were worried that she’d get into trouble?’

‘I bet that was part of it.’

‘It’s still tough on them both, whatever the reasons.’

‘They’ll get over it.’

‘Still fancy doing the taxi run later, then, do you?’ I asked, a smile nudging the corners of my mouth.

‘Like you said, maybe she’ll need a sympathetic ear. Female solidarity and all that.’

‘Thank you,’ I said. ‘And in return I’ll let you get up with Matilda in the morning.’

* * *

I waited outside the house for what seemed like an age. Fortunately for them, the meter wasn’t running. When they did finally emerge, I could tell by the body language and the lack of noise as they approached the car that it was a rather subdued end to the night.

Josh got in the front passenger seat. Caitlin and Alicia climbed into the back. I could see Alicia’s puffy red eyes in the rear-view mirror. I wanted to give her an enormous hug, though I barely knew the girl.

‘Hi,’ said Josh.

It was pointless asking them if the party was good. I sensed it was more of a case of surviving the night.

‘Everything OK?’ I asked.

He nodded.

‘Thanks for this,’ said Caitlin, as she put her seat belt on. ‘Sorry it’s so late.’

‘No problem at all,’ I said.

I set off for Alicia’s house. I put the radio on, more to hide the awkward silence than anything else. It only took five minutes to get there.

Alicia took her seat belt off. ‘Thanks very much,’ she said, in a voice which vibrated with emotion.

‘You’re very welcome,’ I said, turning round. ‘You take care, OK?’

She nodded. Her bottom lip wobbled, and she got out. Caitlin got out with her and they stood hugging on the pavement for a minute. I could hear the sound of Alicia’s sobs. It wasn’t long before I was wiping my own tears away.

‘Don’t you start as well,’ said Josh. ‘I’m in danger of being waterlogged.’

Caitlin got back in the car after a few minutes. ‘Sorry,’ she said.

‘Don’t be daft,’ I replied. ‘I wanted to give her a hug myself. ‘I’m glad she’s got friends like you around to support her.’

We waited while Alicia walked up her garden path and opened the door. A light flicked on in an upstairs room. I suspected her mum hadn’t even got to sleep. Probably lying there wondering if she’d done the right thing and, even if she had, whether she’d lost her daughter in the process.

‘I can’t believe they’ve done this to her,’ said Caitlin, shaking her head.

‘Maybe she and Tom can survive it,’ I said. ‘Get back together again when the exams are over. Persuade her parents to give them another chance.’

‘It’s not
Romeo and Juliet
, you know,’ said Josh. ‘Tom’s already changed his Facebook status to single.’

I sighed and pulled away, feeling sad that everything moved on so quickly these days. No one seemed to have time to reflect on things, to reconsider. To try to make wrongs right.

‘Thanks again,’ said Caitlin, when I pulled up outside her house.

‘No problem, love. See you soon.’

Josh got out of the car with her. I tried very hard not to glance over my shoulder as they embraced on the pavement. It was a good few minutes before Josh got back in again.

‘Is she OK?’ I asked.

‘Yeah, a bit paranoid that the same thing’s going to happen to us, that’s all.’

‘Her parents aren’t worried about her seeing you, are they?’

‘It’s hard to tell. They haven’t really talked to her much about it.’

‘But she knows how you feel about her?’

‘I haven’t spouted poetry to her while she’s on the balcony, like, but I think she’s got the picture.’

I smiled at him as I pulled away. He reminded me of Chris when he did that. Only he was even worse at hiding his true feelings.

Josh’s phone beeped as we turned off the main road. He got it out of his pocket and read the message.

‘Eejit,’ he said, shaking his head.

‘Who?’

‘Tom. Reckons he’s pulled some fit woman in the bar. Says he’s going back to her place. Sounds like he’s wasted.’

I raised my eyebrows. Trying hard to put the knowledge that Tom was the same age as Josh out of my mind.

‘That’s not exactly going to help the situation, is it?’

‘Nope. So much for star-crossed lovers, eh?’

‘And is this going to get back to Alicia?’

‘Dunno,’ he said. ‘But it won’t be from me, if it does. I don’t want to be the one to push her over the edge.’

I nodded, relieved. There was only so much a girl her age could take.

* * *

Chris did let me sleep in the next morning. When I got downstairs, there was a note on the kitchen table saying he was taking Matilda for a bike ride because she had way too much energy for a Saturday morning. I smiled to myself and flicked the kettle on. Giving thanks that I had a good few years yet before I needed to start worrying about Matilda being more interested in boys than bikes.

I poured some muesli. I only had it at weekends, the rest of the week there never seemed to be time to chew properly. At some point I heard Josh’s mobile beep. It was another ten minutes or so before he emerged in the kitchen. He had a T-shirt, jogging bottoms and a hoody on. He clearly hadn’t been in the shower yet, although the need was obvious.

He sat down. He didn’t look at all with it.

‘You OK?’ I asked.

‘I dunno. I just had a text from Tom. He said he was sorry. Really, really sorry.’

‘What for?’

‘I don’t know. I tried texting and calling him, but his phone’s turned off.’

‘Maybe he means about last night. He’s probably worried you’ll tell Caitlin and it will get back to Alicia.’

‘Yeah. I guess so.’

The banging on the front door made us both jump. I thought for a moment it was Matilda, back from her bike ride. But Chris wouldn’t have let her carry on hammering away, I knew that.

I got up. Hurried through to the hall. Whoever it was clearly wasn’t going to go away until the door was opened. The smell of alcohol hit me first, even before it registered that it was Lydia standing on the step, barely able to hold herself upright.

‘I need to see Josh,’ she said.

‘I don’t think so,’ I replied. ‘Not in that state.’

‘You’re not his fucking mother!’ she screamed at me. ‘So don’t tell me I can’t see my own son.’

Before I could compose myself enough to answer, Josh was at the door.

‘What are you doing here?’ he asked, staring at her dishevelled appearance.

‘I need to talk to you.’

‘I told you not to come here.’

‘I need to talk to you. Alone.’ She looked at me as she said the last bit.

‘Anything you need to say to Josh will have to be said in front of me,’ I said. ‘I’m not going anywhere.’

She snarled at me, took another swig from the bottle in her left hand and turned to face Josh.

‘I’m sorry,’ she said.

‘Why does everyone keep apologising to me?’ asked Josh.

‘Have you spoken to Tom?’ she asked.

‘No. He texted me.’

‘Well, I didn’t know,’ she said. ‘I had no fucking idea, and don’t let him try to tell you otherwise.’

‘I don’t know what you’re on about,’ said Josh. ‘Will you please tell me what’s going on?’

‘I slept with him!’ shouted Lydia. ‘I slept with your best mate. I didn’t mean to but I did, OK?’

Josh stared at her. Disbelief clouding his eyes.

‘Come on,’ I said, taking his arm. ‘Let’s go in. You don’t have to listen to another word of this.’

‘Tom?’ Josh said, not moving an inch. ‘You slept with Tom?’

‘Yeah, I did. We were both pissed. And for what it’s worth, he was a crap shag and I wish to God I hadn’t.’

‘But you knew what he looked like. I’ve shown you a photo of him.’

‘Jesus, Josh, I can hardly remember every person I’ve ever seen a photo of, can I?’

‘So how do you know it was him?’

‘Because he saw your photo on the bedside cabinet afterwards and had a fucking fit on me. Crying like a baby, he was.’

I stared at Lydia, struggling to take it in. ‘He’s sixteen years old,’ I said.

‘Yeah, well, I didn’t know that, did I? He’s a big lad for his age. And he was working in a bar. Anyway, he was still legal.’