The Master and Margarita (40 page)

A naked witch, that same Hella who had so embarrassed the respectable barman of the Variety, and – alas – the same who had so fortunately been scared off by the cock on the night of the notorious séance, sat on a rug on the floor by the bed, stirring something in a pot which gave off a sulphurous steam.

Besides these, there was also a huge black tom-cat in the room, sitting on a high tabouret before the chess table, holding a chess knight in his right paw.

Hella rose and bowed to Margarita. The cat, jumping off the tabouret, did likewise. Scraping with his right hind paw, he dropped the knight and crawled under the bed after it.

Margarita, sinking with fear, nevertheless made all this out by the perfidious candlelight. Her eyes were drawn to the bed, on which sat he whom, still quite recently, at the Patriarch’s Ponds, poor Ivan had tried to convince that the devil does not exist. It was this non-existent one who was sitting on the bed.

Two eyes were fixed on Margarita’s face. The right one with a golden spark at its bottom, drilling anyone to the bottom of his soul, and the left one empty and black, like the narrow eye of a needle, like the entrance to the bottomless well of all darkness and shadow. Woland’s face was twisted to one side, the right corner of the mouth drawn down, the high, bald forehead scored by deep wrinkles running parallel to the sharp eyebrows. The skin of Woland’s face was as if burned for all eternity by the sun.

Woland, broadly sprawled on the bed, was wearing nothing but a long nightshirt, dirty and patched on the left shoulder. One bare leg was tucked under him, the other was stretched out on the little bench. It was the knee of this dark leg that Hella was rubbing with some smoking ointment.

Margarita also made out on Woland’s bared, hairless chest a beetle artfully carved[113] from dark stone, on a gold chain and with some inscriptions on its back. Beside Woland, on a heavy stand, stood a strange globe, as if alive, lit on one side by the sun.

The silence lasted a few seconds. “He’s studying me,” thought Margarita, and with an effort of will she tried to control the trembling in her legs.

At last Woland began to speak, smiling, which made his sparkling eye as if to flare up.

“Greetings to you. Queen, and I beg you to excuse my homely attire.”

The voice of Woland was so low that on some syllables it drew out into a wheeze.

Woland took a long sword from the sheets, leaned down, poked it under the bed, and said: “Out with you! The game is cancelled. The guest has arrived.”

“By no means,” Koroviev anxiously piped, prompter-like, at Margarita’s ear.

“By no means ...” began Margarita.

“Messire ...” Koroviev breathed into her ear.

“By no means, Messire,” Margarita replied softly but distinctly, gaining control over herself, and she added with a smile: “I beg you not to interrupt your game. I imagine the chess journals would pay good money for the chance to publish it.”

Azazello gave a low but approving grunt, and Woland, looking intently at Margarita, observed as if to himself: “Yes, Koroviev is right. How whimsically the deck has been shuffled! Blood!”

He reached out and beckoned Margarita to him with his hand. She went up, not feeling the floor under her bare feet. Woland placed his hand, heavy as if made of stone and at the same time hot as fire, on Margarita’s shoulder, pulled her towards him, and sat her on the bed by his side.

“Well,” he said, ‘since you are so charmingly courteous — and I expected nothing else — let us not stand on ceremony.” He again leaned over the side of the bed and cried: “How long will this circus under the bed continue? Come out, you confounded Hans!”[114]

“I can’t find my knight,” the cat responded from under the bed in a muffled and false voice, “it’s ridden off somewhere, and I keep getting some frog instead.”

“You don’t imagine you’re at some fairground, do you?” asked Woland, pretending to be angry. “There’s no frog under the bed! Leave these cheap tricks for the Variety. If you don’t appear at once, we’ll consider that you’ve forfeited, you damned deserter!”

“Not for anything, Messire!” yelled the cat, and he got out from under the bed that same second, holding the knight in his paw.

“Allow me to present...” Woland began and interrupted himself:”No, I simply cannot look at this buffoon. See what he’s turned himself into under the bed!”

Standing on his hind legs, the dust-covered cat was meanwhile making his bows to Margarita. There was now a white bow-tie on the cat’s neck, and a pair of ladies” mother-of-pearl opera glasses hung from a strap on his neck. What’s more, the cat’s whiskers were gilded.

“Well, what’s all this now?” exclaimed Woland. “Why have you gilded your whiskers? And what the devil do you need the bow-tie for, when you’re not even wearing trousers?”

“A cat is not supposed to wear trousers, Messire,” the cat replied with great dignity. “You’re not going to tell me to wear boots, too, are you?

Puss-in-Boots exists only in fairy tales, Messire. But have you ever seen anyone at a ball without a bow-tie? I do not intend to put myself in a ridiculous situation and risk being chucked out! Everyone adorns himself with what he can. You may consider what I’ve said as referring to the opera glasses as well, Messire!”

“But the whiskers? ...”

“I don’t understand,” the cat retorted drily. “Why could Azazello and Koroviev put white powder on themselves as they were shaving today, and how is that better than gold? I powdered my whiskers, that’s all! If I’d shaved myself, it would be a different matter! A shaved cat -now, that is indeed an outrage, I’m prepared to admit it a thousand times over. But generally,” here the cat’s voice quavered touchily, “I see I am being made the object of a certain captiousness, and I see that a serious problem stands before me — am I to attend the ball? What have you to say about that, Messire?”

And the cat got so puffed up with offence that it seemed he would burst in another second.

“Ah, the cheat, the cheat,” said Woland, shaking his head. “Each time his game is in a hopeless situation, he starts addling your pate like the crudest mountebank on a street corner. Sit down at once and stop slinging this verbal muck.”

“I shall sit down,” replied the cat, sitting down, “but I shall enter an objection with regard to your last. My speeches in no way resemble verbal muck, as you have been pleased to put it in the presence of a lady, but rather a sequence of tightly packed syllogisms, the merit of which would be appreciated by such connoisseurs as Sextus Empiricus, Martianus Capella,[115] and, for all I know, Aristotle himself “Your king is in check,” said Woland.

Very well, very well,” responded the cat, and he began studying the chessboard through his opera glasses.

“And so, donna,” Woland addressed Margarita, “I present to you my retinue. This one who is playing the fool is the cat Behemoth. Azazello and Koroviev you have already met. I present to you my maidservant, Hella: efficient, quick, and there is no service she cannot render.”

The beautiful Hella was smiling as she turned her green-tinged eyes to Margarita, without ceasing to dip into the ointment and apply it to Woland’s knee.

“Well, that’s the lot,” Woland concluded, wincing as Hella pressed especially hard on his knee. “A small, mixed and guileless company, as you see.” He fell silent and began to spin the globe in front of him, which was so artfully made that the blue oceans moved on it and the cap at the pole lay like a real cap of ice and snow.

On the chessboard, meanwhile, confusion was setting in. A thoroughly upset king in a white mantle was shuffling on his square, desperately raising his arms. Three white pawn-mercenaries with halberds gazed in perplexity at the bishop brandishing his crozier and pointing forward to where, on two adjacent squares, white and black, Woland’s black horsemen could be seen on two fiery chargers pawing the squares with their hoofs.

Margarita was extremely interested and struck by the fact that the chessmen were alive.

The cat, taking the opera glasses from his eyes, prodded his king lightly in the back. The king covered his face with his hands in despair.

“Things aren’t so great, my dear Behemoth,” Koroviev said quietly in a venomous voice.

“The situation is serious but by no means hopeless,” Behemoth responded. “What’s more, I’m quite certain of final victory. Once I’ve analysed the situation properly.”

He set about this analysing in a rather strange manner — namely, by winking and making all sorts of faces at his king. “Nothing helps,” observed Koroviev.

“Aie!” cried Behemoth, “the parrots have flown away, just as I predicted!”

Indeed, from somewhere far away came the noise of many wings. Koroviev and Azazello rushed out of the room.

“Devil take you with your ball amusements!” Woland grunted without tearing his eyes from his globe.

As soon as Koroviev and Azazello disappeared. Behemoth’s winking took on greater dimensions. The white king finally understood what was wanted of him. He suddenly pulled off his mantle, dropped it on the square, and ran off the board. The bishop covered himself with the abandoned royal garb and took the king’s place. Koroviev and Azazello came back.

“Lies, as usual,” grumbled Azazello, with a sidelong glance at Behemoth.

“I thought I heard it,” replied the cat.

“Well, is this going to continue for long?” asked Woland. “Your king is in check.”

“I must have heard wrong, my master,” replied the cat. “My king is not and cannot be in check.” “I repeat, your king is in check!”

“Messire,” the cat responded in a falsely alarmed voice, “you are overtired. My king is not in check.”

The king is on square G-z,” said Woland, without looking at the board.

“Messire, I’m horrified!” howled the cat, showing horror on his mug.

There is no king on that square!”

“What’s that?” Woland asked in perplexity and began looking at the board, where the bishop standing on the king’s square kept turning away and hiding behind his hand.

“Ah, you scoundrel,” Woland said pensively.

“Messire! Again I appeal to logic!” the cat began, pressing his paws to his chest. “If a player announces that the king is in check, and meanwhile there’s no trace of the king on the board, the check must be recognized as invalid!”

“Do you give up or not?” Woland cried in a terrible voice.

“Let me think it over,” the cat replied humbly, resting his elbows on the table, putting his paws over his ears, and beginning to think. He thought for a long time and finally said: “I give up.”

The obstinate beast should be killed,” whispered Azazello.

“Yes, I give up,” said the cat, “but I do so only because I am unable to play in an atmosphere of persecution on the part of the envious!” He stood up and the chessmen climbed into their box.

“Hella, it’s time,” said Woland, and Hella disappeared from the room.

“My leg hurts, and now this ball...” he continued.

“Allow me,” Margarita quietly asked.

Woland looked at her intently and moved his knee towards her.

The liquid, hot as lava, burned her hands, but Margarita, without wincing, and trying not to cause any pain, rubbed it into his knee.

“My attendants insist it’s rheumatism,” Woland was saying, not taking his eyes off Margarita, “but I strongly suspect that this pain in my knee was left me as a souvenir by a charming witch with whom I was closely acquainted in the year 1571, on Mount Brocken,[116] on the Devil’s Podium.”

“Ah, can that be so!” said Margarita.

“Nonsense! In another three hundred years it will all go away! I’ve been recommended a host of medications, but I keep to my granny’s old ways. Amazing herbs she left me, my grandma, that vile old thing! Incidentally, tell me, are you suffering from anything? Perhaps you have some sort of sorrow or soul-poisoning anguish?”

“No, Messire, none of that,” replied the clever Margarita, “and now that I’m here with you, I feel myself quite well.”

“Blood is a great thing ...” Woland said gaily, with no obvious point, and added: “I see you’re interested in my globe.”

“Oh, yes, I’ve never seen anything like it.”

“It’s a nice little object. Frankly speaking, I don’t enjoy listening to the news on the radio. It’s always reported by some girls who pronounce the names of places inarticulately. Besides, every third one has some slight speech defect, as if they’re chosen on purpose. My globe is much more convenient, especially since I need a precise knowledge of events. For instance, do you see this chunk of land, washed on one side by the ocean?

Look, it’s filling with fire. A war has started there. If you look closer, you’ll see the details.”

Margarita leaned towards the globe and saw the little square of land spread out, get painted in many colours, and turn as it were into a relief map. And then she saw the little ribbon of a river, and some village near it. A little house the size of a pea grew and became the size of a matchbox.

Suddenly and noiselessly the roof of this house flew up along with a cloud of black smoke, and the walls collapsed, so that nothing was left of the little two-storey box except a small heap with black smoke pouring from it.

Bringing her eye still closer, Margarita made out a small female figure lying on the ground, and next to her, in a pool of blood, a little child with outstretched arms.

“That’s it,” Woland said, smiling, “he had no time to sin.

Abaddon’s[117]
work is impeccable.”

“I wouldn’t want to be on the side that this Abaddon is against,” said Margarita. “Whose side is he on?”

The longer I talk with you,” Woland responded amiably, “the more I’m convinced that you are very intelligent. I’ll set you at ease. He is of a rare impartiality and sympathizes equally with both sides of the fight.

Owing to that, the results are always the same for both sides. Abaddon!”

Woland called in a low voice, and here there emerged from the wall the figure of some gaunt man in dark glasses. These glasses produced such a strong impression on Margarita that she cried out softly and hid her face in Woland’s leg. “Ah, stop it!” cried Woland. “Modern people are so nervous!”