The Maze (ATCOM) (26 page)

Attie’s
heart tripped in her chest at the sight of him.

“Hi,”
she said, not knowing what else to say. She needed to say so much, but the
words lodged in her throat.

She
swallowed when he pushed off the wall and approached her bed. She had never
been so nervous in her life. It wasn’t every day a person had to say they were
sorry for so, so many things.

“Noah,
I—”

He
cut her off with two fingers pressed gently against her lips and a shake of his
head. “I know,” he said softly. “I came to make sure you were going to pull
through.” He leaned down and pressed a gentle kiss to her forehead. “Get some
rest. You’ve earned it.”

Attie
felt the warmth of his lips against her skin and closed her eyes. She had so
much she wanted to tell him, but so much she couldn’t. She looked up with tears
in her eyes, but she didn’t stop them.

“I’m
sorry,” was all she could say.

Noah
smiled and wiped her tears away with his thumbs. He was the only one who had
ever seen her cry. “It’s over. You made it and now it’s time to move on.” He
leaned in close so that his lips brushed her ear when he spoke. “You are the
strongest woman I know, Attie, never doubt that. I never did.”

With
that he rose and let her go just like she had asked him to.

Chapter
25

Noah
propped his feet on the railing of the beachfront house that had a spectacular
view of the clear blue ocean. He loved the ocean, missed it sometimes from his
SEAL days. It was a long way from Montana but he was glad to be visiting his
brother, shredded heart and all. Letting Attie go had been the hardest thing
he’d ever had to do.

Seeing
her in the hospital with a bullet wound in her chest had brought back too many
painful memories and made him break out in a cold sweat every time he thought
about it. The first time had been hard enough. The second was almost his
undoing. When Santiago had pulled that gun, his heart had stopped beating. He
hadn’t reacted fast enough. Hadn’t stopped the bastard from putting a bullet in
Attie’s chest so close to her heart that an inch more would have killed her.

Sweat
trickled between his shoulder blades and had nothing to do with the warm
temperature outside. He wished he had never heard of Carlos Santiago. He wished
he hadn’t promised to walk away from Attie. Every day he thought about her and
what they had gone through inside that mountain and every day the pain remained
the same. The ache inside his heart refused to go away. He didn’t know what to
do about it, and cursed it whenever it started to ache.

Attie
Devayne was trouble.

He’d
known it from the first day she walked into his classroom and he knew it now.
But damn if he didn’t feel lucky to have been the one she’d trusted with her
past.

Feeling
this way was irritating as hell and made him surly toward everyone. He knew she
needed time to heal, but it didn’t make this any easier.

He
wanted her now more than he had before. Longed to feel her legs wrapped around
him and hear her moans as he drove into her. Wanted her, dammit.

He
kept in contact with Brendan, checking up on Attie through him, though it only
made it harder to stay away. She was recovering well and getting stronger and
more boisterous by the day. The thought made him smile. If he knew Attie, he
suspected she was refusing to stay put and raising Cain if anyone dared tell
her she couldn’t do something.

With
any luck she was staying out of the barn and on the road to good health. He
kept his conversations about Attie short, not wanting to make matters worse.
She needed to move on with her life, but he didn’t want her to do it without
him.

Jesus,
he sounded like a sap. Sulking over a woman. Not something he was proud of, and
would never admit to. He was a fool. Attie had made the rules very clear and
he’d accepted her terms. End of story. End of their story.

The
door behind him opened and a full beer was thrust in front of his nose. Noah
tossed his empty bottle in the bucket beside his chair and accepted the new
one. He rarely had more than one, but the way he was feeling he just might
break his own rule and have two. Maybe six. Or a whole twelve-pack. He wouldn’t
feel any pain then.

His
brother dropped down in the chair beside him. He was wearing his usual navy
slacks and button down shirt minus the tie. Not exactly beach attire, but that
was Camron. Always had gone his own way. He stretched out his long legs on the
railing the same as Noah and crossed his ankles.

Noah
had to grin at his brother’s bare feet. They didn’t fit his clean-cut image.
Unlike Noah, Camron liked to shave. He never had stubble and he always wore his
hair neatly trimmed. His clothes were pressed and clean where Noah’s were often
wrinkled and threadbare from too many washes.

Camron
took a long drag off his bottle and studied his brother thoughtfully.

Noah
scowled and mimicked the action.

“You
could call her.” Camron turned to stare out across the ocean rolling onto the
sandy beach that was his back yard. Noah had spilled his guts when he came here
with his brother for a change of scene and a little R and R. Being in Montana
so close to Attie was more temptation than he could handle.

Camron
was on a mini vacation, courtesy of his boss, who said five years was too long
to go without one. Camron was like Noah in that regard, a workaholic. Work was
always more important than time off.

A
glance at the beach in front of him told exactly what kinds of temptation were
out there. Women of every shape and size walked along the beach in bikinis that
should be declared illegal. They did nothing for Noah. He found fault in every
one of them. They weren’t Attie, that was the problem. He had the perfect
opportunity to indulge in a few nights of no-strings-attached hot sex with a
beach bunny of choice, and he couldn’t find the energy. He wanted a redhead
with an attitude.

“You
don’t know Attie,” Noah said. “She wouldn’t answer my calls.”

“Maybe
she’ll surprise you.”

Noah
tipped his bottle and let the ice-cold liquid slide down his throat, a
voluptuous blonde catching his attention. Beautiful and bountiful, and she was
smiling at him. Noah tipped his bottle to her in mock salute and she waved.

Beside
him Camron chuckled. “I can think of a couple ways to work off some of that
tension,” he said, eyeing a curvy brunette.

So
could Noah. Hop a plane back to Montana and have the woman he wanted.

“What
do you say we charter a boat and do some deep sea fishing?” Camron looked away
from the flirtatious brunette at Noah.

Noah
glanced down at the beeper on his hip, then to the one on Camron’s hip. Their
careers made it hard to plan a vacation, but Noah was on a short LOA and wouldn’t
be called unless an emergency required his attention. It had been a long time
since he’d been in California, only a few times since he’d retired from the
Navy, and he missed the salty air and sound of waves crashing against the
beach.

The
cottage belonged to an old SEAL buddy who was out of the country and didn’t
mind loaning it out. He like seeing it used since he was never around to use
it.

Noah
used to go deep-sea fishing when he was a SEAL. It was one of his favorite
pastimes. He wouldn’t mind going now. Maybe it would take his mind off Attie.
Get out on the open water and cast a line.

“Yeah,
that’s sounds good.” He finished his beer in one long swig.

They
sat in silence for a minute, watching people stroll by and enjoying the lull of
the ocean. The breeze was warm and salty, the day bright and sunny, but Noah
wasn’t in the mood to admire it. He wanted to be back in Montana, at home in
his cabin. He didn’t miss the hustle and bustle of the big city.

At
one time he’d thought he would, but after moving to Montana he’d realized he
didn’t need what the city offered. He liked being able to walk out his back
door and hear nothing but nature. It was a comforting silence, one he would
never trade.

His
brother, on the other hand, enjoyed the city and its creature comforts. He
liked things like the opera and art and Starbucks on every corner. For now.
Noah expected he would tire of it soon, as he had. Camron didn’t belong in the
city any more than he did. The glamour would wear off eventually and he would
see it for what it was. Dirty and dangerous.

“She’s
recovering okay?” Camron asked moments later.

“Yeah,
Brendan said she was completely healed. In Attie’s case that means she can
perform above-normal tasks while her wound is healing.”

Camron
chuckled. “I can’t wait to meet this woman. She sounds more bull-headed than
you.”

“She
is. She could drive a sane man to the nut house.”

“How
was the trip?”

Noah
scowled at his brother, who grinned at him. Camron had always had the ability
to read him like a book and right now it annoyed him. He didn’t want his
brother to read him. Damn it, he wanted to hit something. He wasn’t in the mood
for one of Camron’s big brother talks.

Despite
his foul mood, he found the corner of his mouth tilting upward. “Long and
hard,” he said.

“You
never did like things the easy way, did you, little brother?”

Noah
chuckled. There was nothing easy about Attie. Life with her would be difficult
at best. She was stubborn and strong-willed and didn’t back down for anything.
He admired the trait as much as it drove him crazy. He could only imagine what
it would be like being married to a woman who never compromised. They would
butt heads at every turn, because he wasn’t known to back down either. It would
never work.

But
damn if he didn’t miss her attitude. She might be hard to live with but what a
ride it would be. The relationship would never lack for excitement and would
never get boring. Attie was dynamic, she would never be the typical wife.

Wife?
Jesus, what was he thinking? He didn’t want a wife. He had a career that didn’t
allow for a wife or children. An image of Attie carrying his child flashed
through his head and startled him. He had never had these kinds of thoughts
before.

The
image was beautiful. Attie’s belly swollen with his child, her eyes shining
with hope and joy over the life she carried. It hit him like a punch to the
gut.

Camron
stood and clapped a hand on his shoulder. “You always have been a little
stubborn. Need a ride to the airport?”

Noah
swiped a hand over his face. “Yeah, I guess I do. Sorry about the fishing
trip.”

“There’ll
be plenty more. Come on, let’s get you out of here. You have a woman to see.”

* * * *

Attie
sighed and stared at the red and orange sunset stretching across the sky in
front of her. It was a beautiful sight and normally would have soothed her
troubled thoughts but this evening she wasn’t able to see its beauty or feel
its healing powers. Sunsets on the ranch had always been beautiful, but tonight
she was restless and edgy.

She
had been released from the hospital a month ago and was almost completely
healed. This was supposed to be the start of her new life, especially after
that dream she’d had in the hospital.

She
wasn’t willing to write it off as medication-induced, but she had dreamed that
Seth was whispering to her. In her dream she finally understood what he’d been
trying to tell her. With clarity she heard him tell her that it was time to
move on and start living her life. He was where he was supposed to be, but she
wasn’t. He told her she had things to do and it was time to stop pushing away
the people that cared about her. For her daughter’s sake. Then he had told her
he would always be there watching over her. And to live.

Until
that moment she hadn’t realized that the whispers were her link to the past and
that she still heard them in her nightmares because she hadn’t laid the past to
rest. Now, she was ready to do that, and in doing so she released the hold her
past had on her. She was free to start living and healing.

Free
of Santiago.

Attie
sighed again and rubbed a hand over her flat stomach. She’d requested a
pregnancy test before she left the hospital and it had come back positive. Her
gut instinct said she was having a girl. Problem was, the father had honored
her request and walked out of her life. She hadn’t seen Noah since that day in
the hospital.

How
could she expect him to return her love after what she’d done? She’d blamed him
for Seth’s death and ruining her career, when all along it had been her
inability to deal with the past that ruined her. She’d locked herself away from
the world and turned away everyone who cared for her. Then, she hadn’t been
able to see what she was doing, but she did now.

Twice
a week she went to see Laura. In therapy she was working through her PTSD and
walking down the road to good mental health. The nightmares still lingered, but
they weren’t debilitating like they had been before.

And
she hadn’t been in the barn since her release from the hospital. She was proud
of that. The punching bag was still there, but not for reasons it had been. It
was progress and it felt good.

She
owed Noah her life in more ways than one. He had never let her down. Never gave
up on her. And she missed him.

The
baby growing in her belly made it worse. She found herself dreaming about
things she’d never wanted. Like nurseries and a husband. Noah would make a good
father, she knew that. He would be patient and attentive, caring and
protective. Their child would want for nothing.

The
more she thought about him and their child, the more she missed him. Why did he
have to be so damn noble? Didn’t he know she had been under duress when she
forced that promise from him? At the time, she’d believed him to be the reason
her life was ruined. Instead of blaming Santiago and herself like she should
have.

Therein
lay her problem. Noah was innocent and she knew it, but she had no way of
telling him. He wasn’t far away but it seemed like a world apart.

In
truth, she didn’t know if he’d take her back after what she’d done.

Boots
thumped on the porch behind her. Attie glanced up to see Jed carrying a cup of
tea. He handed it to her and eased down beside her on the top step. She didn’t
really like tea, but it was decaffeinated and Jed insisted on taking care of
her so she drank it anyway. She didn’t admit it, but she enjoyed being taken
care of when she was feeling down.