The MC Sinners Series 2 - Heaven's sinners (20 page)

“Hey, whoa, Ciara...what’s wrong,” Addi says, pulling me into her arms.

“I think I have a massive problem.”

“What happened?”

I tell her what went down between Spike and I, then I step back, swiping my eyes to gauge her reaction.

“Shit,” she says, sighing deeply.

“I don’t know what to do, Addi. I know I could be jumping ahead, but we’ve had a lot of sex and...well...most of it’s been unprotected. I’m such an idiot, at the time I didn’t even think.”

“Hey, it’s not just you who didn’t think, honey.”

“He won’t stick around. If I’m pregnant, he’s going to run.”

“All right, all right, let’s think about this. You two haven’t been together more than a few days, yeah?”

I nod. “Yeah.”

“Well, there is the option of the morning after pill.”

I swallow, and begin crying even harder. “God, Addi, this sucks.”

“You might not even be pregnant, but if it’s something you are really worried about, you might want to consider your options. The morning after stops it before it happens, and right now I think it’s the best choice. You and Spike are rocky, you haven’t been together long enough to deal with something like that, even if there’s only a small chance. You have to think about what you want more.”

“It’s him,” I whisper. “It’s always been him.”

“Then we’ll go for a drive, yeah?”

I nod, swallowing.

“Come here,” she says, pulling me into her arms. We hug for a long moment, before she pulls back and wipes my face with a tissue she pulls from her purse.

“Thank you, Addi.”

“Anytime, honey. Come on, we’ll say we’re hungry. That’ll work.”

It’s already well into the night, so I’m sure that won’t work that well, but it’s worth a shot. I swipe my eyes again, and we walk back out to join the guys. I avoid staring at Spike as Addi speaks, but I can feel his eyes on me.

“Hey, we’re going to get something to eat, let you guys talk.”

“You just ate, babe,” Cade points out.

“Well, Ciara is hungry, so I’ll just get a coffee.”

“You never said you were hungry,” Spike says, his voice hard.

“I...um...I just got hungry.”

“A word, Ciara?” he says, gripping my arm and pulling me out of everyone else’s hearing range.

When we stop, he turns to me. “What the fuck is goin’ on?”

I cross my arms, staring at my shoes. “Nothing, we’re just going to get something to eat.”

“Look at me.”

“Spike, can we not do this now because...”

“Look at me, now,” he growls.

I lift my head, and do as he says. His eyes flash with emotion, and he narrows them, confused. “You’ve been cryin’? Why? Did I hurt you?”

“No, I’m fine.”

“You’re fuckin’ lyin’ to me!” he snarls.

“I am not!” I cry, crossing my arms.

“Is this ‘cause I said I didn’t want kids, ‘cause fuck, Ciara...I was only bein’ honest.”

I spit it, yep, like a great big child. “It’s got nothing to do with that! It’s got everything to do with the fact that I’m not on protection. I lied, Spike. I lied when I said I was. I’m not, and you fucked me without being careful. Then you proceeded to tell me you never want kids. So I’m going to the fuckin’ pharmacy to get a pill to make sure I’m not. Got it?”

I spin around and storm off before he can stop me. He bellows my name, but I don’t stop. I get to Addi, grip her arm and pull her towards the road.

“Ciara!” Spike yells, running after me, his heavy boots pounding on the pavement.

“Come on,” I say, tugging Addi harder.

We get onto the street, and wave down a cab. Luckily for us, one stops. We both climb in and close the doors. The cab just pulls out as Spike steps out of the hotel grounds. He’s cursing loudly; I can see his lips moving, as he drives his fist into a nearby tree. I close my eyes and turn them away. Addi stares at him, confused, and then looks at me. “What happened?”

“He got up me, I lost it and told him what we’re doing.”

Addi turns and looks at him again before we disappear around the street. “He doesn’t look happy about it.”

“He’s just pissed off because I lied to him.”

“Are you sure about that, honey?”

I swallow. God, what if I’m wrong? I shake my head. “God, no...”

“Maybe we should stop...”

“No, it’s okay. It’s for the best, regardless. Like you said, we’re not ready for something like that. It wouldn’t end well.”

“Are you sure?”

I nod, feeling my knees wobble. We round another corner, and Addi turns and stares out the window. “Shit.”

I turn, and see Spike coming up behind us at a rapid speed on his bike. Shit. I turn to Addi, eyes wide. “What is he doing?”

“I guess he doesn’t want you to go and get that pill.”

“Far out, what do I do?”

“I don’t know,” she says, her eyes wide. “Pull over?”

Spike pulls up alongside of the cab, and pulls out a gun. The cabbie screeches and skids to an abrupt stop, causing both Addi and I to fall forward in our seats. Thank god for seatbelts.

Spike leaps off his bike, drops it on its stand, opens the door, unbuckles my seat belt and hauls me out and onto the street. People honk their horns and skid around us. I gasp and squirm, but Spike’s grip is unmovable. Addi sits in the back of the cab, eyes wide, and the driver is praying, yes, praying.

“You,” Spike growls to the driver. “Take her back where you came from.”

He nods frantically, and the car surges forward. Addi leans out the window and yells, “Sorry honey!”

Spike shoves me toward his bike and growls, “Fuckin’ get on, now!”

I do. I don’t dare argue.

I get on the back and pull the helmet on quickly. He jumps on the front and takes off so fast I scream. He zips in and out of cars angrily, and I can see the knuckles on his right hand are bleeding. My heart pounds, and I hold on for dear life. He’s riding like a maniac.

He skids to a stop at a small beach, and gets off the bike. I follow, with wobbling legs. He storms down onto the sand, his body rigid. I hesitantly walk down after him, not knowing what sort of reaction he’s going to have. He spins when I stop behind him, and I can see he’s panting.

“You might have my fuckin’ baby inside you, and you were goin’ to fuckin’ kill it?”

I gasp. “What? No!”

“Yes, you fuckin’ were.”

“I...” God what can I say? “I thought, you said you never wanted...”

“I don’t!” he bellows. “I’d never go outta my way to have a baby, but fuck, do you think I’m such a cunt that I wouldn’t be there for someone if I knocked them up? Fuck, Ciara, you give me no credit. I’d never fuckin’ leave you alone, not ever.”

I start to cry. I wrap my arms around my belly, and look at the sand. “You said you didn’t want kids, it’s a pain you couldn’t feel again. I freaked out; I didn’t know what to do. It was the only thing I could think of, that would save us both the pain. I didn’t want to lose you and...”

“You read me wrong,” he interrupts. “I know what I said, and I meant it. If I had a choice, I wouldn’t have kids because it fuckin’ burns to lose them, but this ain’t a choice and therefore it can’t be changed. If you were pregnant by accident, then I would never leave you alone. I’d always be there. I’m not a fuckin’ asshole, Ciara. I might not want it right now, but fuck, I’d make sure it had the best life ever. You have to understand that.”

I look up at him, and hot tears flood my cheeks. “I didn’t want to hurt you.”

“It was my fuckin’ fault, too. I didn’t ask until after I fuckin’ came inside you, numerous times. It wasn’t on you, and it shouldn’t be left on you. I don’t like that you fuckin’ lied to me when I asked, but I know why you did it. There ain’t no pill gettin’ taken. There ain’t no way in shit I am willingly killing a child that may be inside you. Fuck, no, Ciara.”

“I’m sorry.”

He nods, stiffly. “Yeah, I get that.”

“But you’re hurt...”

“Fuck, of course I am. You and the rest of the fuckin’ world keep on thinkin’ that you know me so well.”

“The sad thing is,” I whisper, my voice low, “is that I know you, better than most, and I still jumped to conclusions.”

“Yeah, you fuckin’ did.”

“I’m sorry.”

“I know you are,” he sighs. “When are you goin’ to know?”

I swallow, and look away toward the ocean. “In a few weeks.”

“Right, well, til’ then we’ll use protection.”

“Spike?”

He meets my gaze as I turn back to him.

“I know you don’t want this, so why are you trying to support me?”

“I’m not a cunt, Ciara. I don’t want it right now, but I’ll deal with it and I’ll make the best of it, if that’s what I need to do.”

I nod, and watch him turn and walk toward his bike. He’s hurting; I can see it written all over him.

I hang my head, and I follow him. He’s already on it, the engine grumbling beneath him. I climb on the back, pull my helmet on and wrap my arms around him. He takes off into the night, and I struggle to fight back the tears the entire way back to the hotel.

When we pull up, I get off the bike and he follows. Neither of us speak as we walk in and over to where Cade, Jackson, Granger, Muff and Addison are sitting. They all give us weary expressions.

“Need to talk with you boys. Addison, Ciara, leave,” Spike says, his voice empty and angry.

Addi’s eyes widen, but she stands. I don’t move.

“Spike,” I begin.

“You fuckin’ heard me, Ciara. Ain’t none of your fuckin’ business what I’m about to say, and considerin’ you ain’t my Old Lady, you don’t get a right to argue it. Now fuckin’ leave. I’ll be up later.”

“Spike, you asshole!” Addi snaps.

Spike gives her a look so fierce, she steps back. Cade stands and puts a hand on Spike’s shoulder, giving him a silent warning to slow down. Then he turns to us, giving me a soft expression. “Go up with Addi, yeah? We won’t be long.”

I don’t answer him, or look at Spike. I just turn and walk off with Addi. My heart is throbbing, but I don’t look back.

Addi takes me up to my room, and when we’re inside, she turns to me. “You okay?”

I shrug, but my heart aches. “Yeah, I’m okay.”

“He’s just hurting.”

“He’s angry, because he doesn’t want me to be pregnant, yet he doesn’t want to feel guilty if he asks me to take that pill.”

“He’s probably just reliving some old memories. Give him some space.”

She’s probably right, so I don’t bother to argue. I turn to her, and give her a weak smile. “I’m not trying to be rude, but do you mind if I just go to bed?”

She smiles, and nods. “Of course. Hey, you will call if you need me, yeah?”

“Yeah,” I say.

She hugs me, and then she’s gone. I turn and stare at the room, with its crappy green walls, old brown carpet and curtains that have seen better days, and then, with a sigh I walk into the shower. I stand in the warm water for what seems like hours, and then I get out and dress myself, before crawling into bed. I lay on the soft, thick pillow thinking of Spike’s words, unable to get them out of my head. They hurt, a lot.

You’re not even my Old Lady.

Ouch.

“Y
ou know you’re too fuckin’ angry to deal with this right now,” Cade says, giving me a look.

“No, I’m not,” I growl. “Now tell me what you know.”

“Spike, buddy, have a drink and sit yeah?” Granger says, shoving a beer at me.

I take it and pop the top, before bringing it to my lips and swallowing. It does help, and with each sip, I feel calmer. Fuck, what was I thinking, speaking to Ciara like that? It was fucked up. She didn’t deserve that, not at all. It ain’t her fault she’s in this position, it’s equally mine. I just reacted so badly, givin’ her mixed signals. She got abused for wanting to take that pill, then she got shoved away because she didn’t take it.

Fuck, I’m a cunt. Seriously, a cunt. I swallow more beer, and then I turn to the group. We came to the city to get the final information on our deal with Hogan’s men. We finally got it too, we got some of his contacts. Now all we have to do is send someone in to make a deal, and then we have his location.

“I’m good,” I say. “Tell me what we’ve got.”

“We got his inside sources, now all we gotta do is make the deal,” Granger says.

“Who are we sendin’ in?”

“One of my guys, Junior,” Cade says.

“Can he be trusted?” I ask, pulling out a cigarette and lighting it.

“Yeah, he’s shown his loyalty.”

I nod. “When’s he goin’ in?”

“He’s making contact with the guy tonight. We should know more by morning.”

“What’s our plan of action once we get the location of Hogan?” Jackson asks.

“Are we going in as a stealth attack, or an all-out brawl?” Granger asks.

“He’s got quite a club. We can’t risk just jumpin’ in for the attack. We have to be smart about it,” I say.

Jackson crosses his arms. “If we kill him, we’re going to end up with a fuck load of members after us.”

I nod. “That’s why we’re gonna be discreet. I’m thinkin’ a car bomb.”

“You wanna fuckin’ blow the club?” Cade asks, horrified.

“Yeah, I wanna blow the fuckin’ club. If we can make sure he’s in it, then we can make sure him and a mass of his guys are taken down in one hit.”

“It’s not a bad idea,” Muff says. “It will reduce numbers.”

“And keep us anonymous,” Granger adds.

“You don’t think he’s goin’ to know it was you?” Cade asks.

“He might, but he’ll be dead,” I snort.

Cade laughs. “Yeah, what about the other guys?”

“No, I doubt it.”

“So we go in, plant a car and just blow it?” Jackson says.

“Yeah.”

“What about Old Ladies?” Granger adds.

“What about them?” I growl. “He didn’t care about shootin’ my wife’s brains out. I’m not goin’ to fuckin’ think about his. This is fuckin’ war, it ain’t a walk in the fuckin’ park.”

Granger nods. “No problems, Prez. Cool it.”

“I’m going to see Ciara, you boys keep me updated with the deal tonight.”

I stand and crush out my cigarette.

“On it,” Cade says.

They all nod at me, and I turn and walk toward my room. When I get in Ciara is curled up in bed, out to the world, lookin’ a cute as a fuckin’ kitten. I feel like a jerk.