The MC Sinners Series 2 - Heaven's sinners (9 page)

I laugh nervously. “It’s nothing, Addi. Just the usual Spike and Ciara bullshit.”

“Oh, you are such a liar! Now spill, or I’ll force it out of you using whatever means possible.”

I giggle and roll my eyes at her, and then I lean forward too. “We’ve been talking a little more, and slowly we’ve been hashing some things out. Last night, my car ran out of gas and, well, Spike was the one who stopped for me. We got into this massive fight and he kissed me,” I blurt out quickly.

Addi’s eyes widen, and she grins, big and beautiful. “Spike kissed you?”

“It’s not what you think. I was yelling at him because he never kissed me when he took me that night all those years ago, and so he kissed me to make it even. It meant nothing to him, I can assure you.”

Addi puts her head in her hands and groans, and then she meets my gaze again. “Honey, you can’t see it, can you? Spike is freakin’ head over heels for you.”

I snort. “No, he’s not. Trust me. He might have had feelings in the past, but they’re long gone now.”

“Oh god! You two are so bloody stubborn. Trust me when I say his angry reaction is because he cares so much. Spike isn’t the type of man to react angrily to just anyone. He’s the type who reacts out of emotion and, trust me honey, he feels something when he’s around you. It’s why he’s trying so hard to push you away.”

Is Addison right? Or is she just clutching at straws to find some sort of explanation so he won’t break my heart?

“Either way,” I say, my voice low and croaky. “He’s not about to give in anytime soon. He gave me the bracelet back; that means I hurt him. God, Addi, I said some really mean things last night.”

“What bracelet?” she asks, confusion washing over her pretty features.

“A long time ago, I gave him a bracelet. It was kind of like a promise to always have each other’s backs, to always be there for each other. I spat mean words at him last night and he left, but he left the bracelet on the coffee table.”

“Can I be honest with you, Ciara?” Addi says, her face serious.

“Of course you can.”

“Look, I know a great deal went down between you and Spike, and half of it I’ll probably never know or understand but what I’m seeing here, is two people determined to blame one another for things that went wrong, yet not one of them is willing to say sorry. You’re looking for Spike to take away the hurt he caused you, but what about his hurt?”

I hang my head, because she’s right. Spike deserves my apology, just as much as I deserve his.

“I know you’re right, but every time we get together we just end up blaming each other instead of dealing with what happened and moving on.”

“Are you in love with him, honey?”

I flinch. “How can I love someone who hates me so much?”

“Easily, now answer the question.”

My heart begins to hammer. I hate the question because it rips out so many emotions inside me. I can’t think when she’s asking me to bare my soul to her.

Once upon a time, I adored Spike. I’m fairly sure he was the first man who taught my heart how to love, even though I never admit it to him. Now, though, when I think of him, I am torn. I feel so much for him, yet at the same time my hurt overrides real feelings. I close my eyes, sucking in a rugged breath. If I admit what’s in my heart, deep down behind everything, then I’m changing the way I think about everything, but if I keep it locked down...I continue on this path of denial.

“Yes.”

My voice comes out as a croaky whisper. It’s the best I can muster up. I clench my eyes closed harder, until they hurt. Addison will never realize what admitting that is doing to me inside. She will never realize that now I have said it, I will never walk away from it. I feel her fingers glide over my hand, and she tugs it into her grip. For a long while we just sit like that, me with my head down and eyes closed, and her holding my hand, occasionally running her thumb over it. When I finally look up, I’ve managed to fight the tears and am holding strong. Addison meets my gaze, and she gives me a gentle smile.

“I know how hard it is to admit you have feelings for someone like Spike, but now you’ve done it, you can move forward.”

“There is no forward,” I say in a small, broken voice. “I’ve fucked it all up.”

“No, you haven’t. You can fix this, Ciara. You just have to be willing to admit you were wrong, too.”

“I still don’t know if it’s enough. I don’t know if I can be second best...”

“You’re not second best, you know that. It’s not like you were both presented to him and he picked one. He thought you didn’t want any more than friendship. Eventually he was going to move on and stop waiting honey, it just so happened that he moved onto your sister.”

“I know...”

“Give it a few days, then try and talk to him again. Approach it differently.”

I lift my hand, running it through my hair and letting out a deep sigh. “God, why can’t I just find a normal man?”

Addi giggles. “They’re never normal honey.”

“Ciara?”

I hear Jackson’s voice, and turn to see him striding into the bar. I came to apologize to him for being so rude the other night. I turn and flash Addi a quick smile, before standing and walking towards Jackson.

When we reach each other, we both stop. He gives me a smile, like my angry mood the other evening didn’t bother him at all. Jackson is such a sweet man. I really don’t know how he manages to run a club full of bikers.

“Hey Jackson, I just wanted to come in and apologize for the other night. It was wrong of me to snap at you like that.”

He offers me his arm. “Walk with me.”

I hook mine through his, and as we pass Addi, he leans down and kisses her head. She flashes him a grin and then returns to the bar.

Jackson and I walk through the halls until we reach the front door. He leads me out and we sit on a couple of old chairs beside the front door.

“You know I ain’t pissed at you, Ciara?” he says, turning to face me. He rests his big hands on his knees and his green eyes meet mine.

“I know, but it was still wrong of me to behave like that all the same. I shouldn’t have spoken to you like that just because I was pissed off at Spike.”

He shrugs his shoulders. “You were hurtin’, I can’t be angry at you for that.”

“I was hurt he came to you to get rid of me, like I was just a massive pain in his side, but in the end that was on him, it wasn’t on you.”

“Spike’s in a bad place right now. He was doin’ it to protect you.”

“How so?” I ask, crossing my legs.

“Can’t give you that kind of information, but I can tell you it wasn’t out of hate that he did it.”

What is Spike up to? Jackson might not be willing to tell me, but my interest is sparked.

“Either way, I’m sorry for speaking to you the way I did.”

Jackson nods. “It’s all good, you know we’ve always got your back, Ciara.”

I smile. “Yeah, I know.”

“Anyway,” he says, standing, “I gotta run. You take care, Ciara.”

I beam up at him, and he flashes me that award-winning smile before disappearing.

I sit on the chair for a long while, thinking about Jackson’s words. What could Spike be up to, that would make him feel the need to keep me away so I’m protected? I would like to think Spike wouldn’t put himself in danger after what happened with Cheyenne, but I wouldn’t put it past him. My guess is he’s seeking revenge, and, knowing Spike the way I know him.

He’ll get it.

And it won’t be pretty.

T
hings are going south fast, and I can’t find a way to pick it all back up again. Ciara is growing cold towards me, and her sister is throwing herself at me. I know it’s causing big problems between them, but fucks me if I can stop it. Ciara has had a chance, and she won’t take it. Fuck, if she can’t see how much I fuckin’ adore her, then it’s because she doesn’t want to see it. If she doesn’t want to see it, then what’s the point in fighting to try and change it? I can’t keep fighting. I’m tired of fuckin’ fighting. Then Cheyenne comes along, and the girl is all over me, wanting me the way I wish her sister wanted me. I guess the selfish part of me is grateful to get a tiny piece of Ciara, even if it is through Cheyenne.

“You know,” Cheyenne says as I wait out front to take Ciara to work one morning. “I’d love a ride on your bike.”

“Didn’t take you as the motorbike kind of girl,” I say, lighting up a smoke.

“I didn’t either, but if it’s you I’m holding onto, I wouldn’t mind.”

I raise my brows, and she grins at me. Damn girl is attractive, I’ll give her that much.

“Yeah, well, might have to take you for a spin.”

Fuck what am I doing? I should be fuckin’ walking away. I know this. Yet here I am, angry that Ciara can’t see how I feel, and taking it out on her by chatting up her sister.

“How about now?”

“Can’t babe, got to take Ciara to work.”

“Well, how about after?” she says, stepping closer.

Fuck.

“Yeah, all right.”

She beams, and it’s getting to me. It’s getting to me, because she’s a beautiful girl and that’s what happens when beautiful girls decide they want something. Ciara comes down the front stairs, and fuck, she looks good. Tight black pants, a tiny singlet, and them smokin’ black boots she loves so much. Her hair is up on top of her head, in that messy thing girls do, and a pair of sunglasses covers her eyes. She’s fuckin’ smokin’. I don’t know how she doesn’t have a trail of men behind her at all times. She sees Cheyenne next to my bike, and I notice that her body stiffens. She pulls on a smile though, and walks over to me.

“Hey Danny.”

“Hey Tomcat, ready?”

“I am.”

She takes the helmet I hand her, and she lifts it, bringing it down over her head. Cheyenne leans in close, and fuck, she smells like some sort of sweet flower.

“I’ll be here when you’re done. I’m going to be waiting, don’t you stand me up, Spike.”

“Yeah, I’ll be here.”

Ciara flinches a little, but she says nothing. I pull the throttle and the bike lunges forward. Ciara wraps her tiny arms around my waist, and we ride to work. Sometimes I’m thankful that we can’t speak on the bike, because I have no doubt she would have a great deal to say if she had a chance. When we pull up at the bar she’s working at, she gets off the bike and pulls the helmet off. She hands it to me, and I take it, wanting to say something, but not knowing how.

“You and Cheyenne going to be seeing each other?” she asks, her voice small.

“No, I just told her I’d give her a turn on the bike, Tom Cat.”

She shrugs, and that fuckin’ hurts more than she’ll ever know.

“It’s fine, you can do whatever you want. If you want to see her, that’s cool with me. I don’t care.”

Jesus. Could she fuckin’ rip my heart out anymore?

“That what’s wrong with you lately?” I ask.

“No,” she says, softly. “I’m fine.”

She’s lying. Fuck. I want to reach out and shake her, tell her that I fuckin’ want her, but there ain’t no point. If she wanted to tell me she had feelings, she would have done it by now.

“You want me to pick you up?”

She nods. “Yeah, if you’re not busy with Cheyenne.”

“Tom Cat, I’m never goin’ to leave you alone for anyone.”

She forces that fake smile again. “Later then, Danny.”

“Later, babe.”

Then she’s gone.

Fuck.

Why do I get the feeling I’m losing her?

“H
ey friend!”

I roll my eyes as I hear Addison’s voice. I just stepped into the bar and there she is, dark hair waving about as she bounds over to me like an excited puppy. I swear to god, this girl would get under anyone’s skin - she’s kind of addictive. I don’t smile at her, though on the inside I do. She stops in front of me, flashing me a beaming smile as she looks up, swiping a piece of stray hair from her face.

“You know you’re somewhat like an annoying dog, precious?”

I don’t call anyone precious, yet it seems to fit her well. She chuckles, and hooks her arm through mine.

“In a happy mood again I see?”

“Aren’t I always?”

“You here to see Ciara?”

I stiffen and she stops, turning to look up at me. Devious little shit. She wanted that reaction.

“Hit a nerve?” she smirks.

I lean in close, gripping her shoulders. “Remember what I said about dancin’ with wolves girl?”

“Yeah, I know, they bite and all that bullshit.”

Fuckin’ smart ass.

“Don’t put your friend in my world, precious. You know it ain’t for her.”

“What I know,” she says, spinning and waving down the bar attendant, “is that you aren’t being very nice to her, and if you don’t want her in your world, you’re going the wrong way about it. Don’t you know us women love a challenge?”

I grunt. “Fuckin’ know it all right. Where’s your old man? I’m surprised he let you out.”

She laughs loudly, throwing her head back. “Yeah, well, he doesn’t own me you know?”

“Does fuckin’ so.”

She spins around, glaring at me. “What is with you over-possessive bikers?”

“What is with you stubborn ass women?”

She narrows her eyes and turns again, ordering two beers. When she’s got them in her hands, she nods towards the booth.

Well fuck, I’m not escaping her anytime soon. Funny, ‘cause part of me kind of doesn’t want to. Fuck, I’m turning into a pussy.

We sit down, and she slides a beer across the table at me. I grip it, take a big sip, and then put it down, staring right into her eyes.

“What’s with you tryin’ to push Ciara onto me?”

“What’s with you being such a fucking jerk-off about it?”

I feel my lips twitch. “You need to let it go, yeah?”

“Why? Because you’re being a jerk due to the fact that you care about her, or because you don’t care about her?”

Fuckin’ women.

“My answer to that doesn’t change the fact that she’s no good for me.”

“Why, because of what happened with Cheyenne?”

I flinch. She continues.

“Because I imagine you don’t plan on spending the rest of your life alone. If you do, that’s a sad and long life you’re going to have.”