The McClane Apocalypse Book Three (64 page)

"You're not screwed up. Don't say that…"
John tries to appease her, but she cuts him off.

"Yes, I am. And when you first started
touching me, it freaked me out… a lot. And then you'd touch me
again and then again and each time you did it, it didn't seem as
bad as the last. I didn't realize you were even serious when you
were flirting with me. I'm so stupid. I just don't get people most
of the time. And then you kissed me and I realized that I felt
desire for you and not fear anymore. I miss you touching me,
John."

He was afraid this is where the conversation
was going to end up. She just wants sex again. She came here hoping
for a sex visit. Reagan steps closer to him and he backs up, taking
her by surprise. She only nods and swallows hard on a frown.

"Ok. It's ok, I understand how you feel. I
get it. I didn't before, but I do now. I thought I was just sick so
I kept running my symptoms over and over and I couldn't figure it
out, and you know how it is for me when I can't figure something
out. And then it got worse and I kept crying and couldn't eat, and
then I couldn't breathe. I've been so miserable. The only thing
that made me feel any better was when I thought about you. And
that's when I figured it out," she says quietly and steps
forcefully closer to him.

The proximity of her being so near is
killing John.

"What did you figure out?" John asks her
hesitantly as she toys with the tie strings of her stolen
hoodie.

"I miss you and it hurts me to be away from
you. And… I don't… I don't want you to be away from me anymore. I
didn't know how I felt about you, and I'm sorry. I've just never
had those feelings before, so I just didn't understand them. I was
so scared of feeling like that. I like having sex with you. Sorry.
I mean making love with you. But it's obviously not the only thing
I like about you because I've been thinking about all of this a lot
the last few weeks."

John has no doubts that her big brain has
been puzzling and working through it. She rubs her forehead as if
her nerd brain actually hurts. She's probably overtaxed it. Maybe
he should talk to her grandfather about it. However, he's not going
to interrupt her at this point because she's finally talking to him
for the first time about her feelings, about anything really that
has to do with her feelings.

"I like it when you and I just talk
sometimes. And that's really strange because I don't usually like
to waste time just talking with most people when I could be
studying something. I know you aren't as book smart as I am.
Obviously. Most people aren't so don't feel bad."

She says this in such an unembroidered way
that John has to suppress a smile.

"I don't know anybody smarter than you,
Reagan," he agrees, and she shakes her head at him.

"But you're really smart, too. Just in a
different way. I mean, hell, you know how to make shit blow up. How
cool is that, right? You're better with people than me. That was
kind of obvious. Sorry."

Reagan pauses to kick a pebble away angrily.
When she continues again, she looks directly up at John.

"And the way that you protected me in the
city and then again at the farm from those dicks? That was amazing,
John. I would be dead many times over if it wasn't for you. When
that stupid horse fell on you and I thought you might be killed, it
bothered me so much, but I just refused to think about it.
Sometimes, though, when I did let myself remember it, I felt like I
couldn't breathe and my chest felt tight. But I just figured it was
a minor asthma attack or a slight palpitation or ataxia or…
whatever, sorry. I didn't put it together that it was anxiety
because I was worried about you. And the way you are with Jacob?
It's crazy because he isn't even really your son, but you honored
your promise to that woman. You really love Jake. I've seen how you
look at him because it's how you look at me. And I didn't like it
when you looked at me like that. That's why I would look away from
you all the time. It just made me too uncomfortable. I couldn't
take it. It scared me, you know? But when you left, that's when it
finally dawned on me. I love you," she explains thoroughly and
won't look up at him.

John can't believe his ears. He's waited so
long to hear those words from her that he's praying she really did
just mumble them uncomfortably while still not meeting his eyes.
When she finally raises her head, there are tears streaming down
her lovely face again and she is half smiling, half frowning up at
him.

"You do?" he asks like the idiot she's
always accusing him of being.

Reagan nods, and it's all the encouragement
John needs to walk the last five feet and crush her to him,
bringing his mouth down onto hers in a powerful, searing kiss that
tastes of her salty tears. Her arms extend up around his neck, and
John grasps under her bottom. He lifts her until she wraps her legs
around his waist. She has lost weight, which she didn't need to do,
and it troubles him that she's been so upset over him leaving. When
he pulls back, Reagan is smiling shyly at him.

"Say it again?" John asks, wanting to hear
it once more and up close.

"I love you… and I love Jacob, too. I want
us to raise him like real parents," she says but won't meet his
eyes.

It's fine with John because it's a start.
This is hard for her and he's not going to push her more than what
she can take. At least not by making her say the words that make
her so uncomfortable. She has finally admitted it, and they can be
together.

She exclaims, "I have something for
you."

"You do?" John asks with a smile of pure joy
as he sets her to her feet again. She fishes in her jeans pocket
and pulls something out.

"Hold out your hand," she tells him.

When he does, Reagan places something in it
and closes his fingers around it. John is seriously hoping that
it's not something disgusting like a frog leg or some other
dissected animal part.

"Look."

John unfolds his fist and finds a tiny red
Skittle in his palm. When he looks at her, she shrugs and smiles.
He throws back his head and laughs and then eats the candy. It's
more than a start. It's the perfect beginning.

"Where have you been keeping that stashed
'cuz I know you ate that whole bag of these?" John teases her
through another kiss.

"I hid it in my shoe at the back of my
closet," she confesses. "And I didn't eat the whole bag. I shared
some with the kids when we got back from the city."

"You just let me eat a piece of six month
old candy that you had hidden in one of your disgusting, dirty
shoes?" he asks with slightly feigned outrage, and she giggles and
shrugs. The fact that she had it hidden away, had given it thought
all the way back then and was thinking about it all this time gives
John hope. They both laugh and then kiss again as he picks her
up.

When they finally break apart, though, he
doesn't put her down as Reagan says, "Our kid's chewing on a
stick."

John looks over his shoulder and sure enough
Jacob has found a small stick on the porch floor and is indeed
chewing on it. John sets her to her feet again.

"Oh, yeah. He's not chewing on it, though.
He's fetching it. It's just this trick we've been workin' on," John
jokes, and Reagan laughs and pulls his hair.

"He's not a damn dog," she growls feistily
and pulls him close for another quick kiss.

John retrieves Jacob from the porch floor.
Reagan immediately takes him, kissing his chubby cheeks, his bald
head and his tiny fingers.

She speaks quietly to Jacob, softly cooing,
whispering gently. "I missed you so much."

"It's a good thing you came back to us when
you did. I was gonna teach him to roll over next," John jokes. He
places both of his hands on either side of her lovely face, pulling
her close so he can talk more seriously again. "I love you. I'm
sorry that I caused you pain, Reagan. And it hurt me to be away
from you, too. I don't ever want that again, ok?"

John digs in his own pocket for something
he's also been hiding and goes down on his right knee. He holds up
the small ring in front of her. She's still cuddling Jacob who
seems delighted to have her back, as well. His chubby little fists
are already tugging at her messy curls.

"I don't care how weird you are or how many
gross things you want to dissect or how screwed up you think you
are. I just love you, Reagan. I think I loved you since that first
day when you wanted to blow out my brains and then you saved Derek.
I even still loved you after the black socks and the white dress
fashion tragedy. You were so… different than anyone I'd ever known
before. You were way different than any women I'd known before. And
you're way smarter than anyone I've
ever
known. But you are
also so innocent and naïve. It's almost comical sometimes. I don't
want you to change, sweetie. I just want you to let me in and
Jacob, too. I want to marry you. I love you. I'll always love you.
I'm loyal to a fault, and I'll never stray or leave you or the
farm. If you want to stay there, then that's where we'll live. If
you want to dissect stuff, I'll go hunt it down and you can cut it
up. And you don't have to rush healing yourself. I think you're
fine just the way you are. We'll work all of that out together,
babe. You don't ever have to deal with it on your own again. Will
you marry me, Reagan?" John asks. He realizes that it is probably
the strangest marriage proposal in the history of marriage
proposals but so is their relationship. Reagan frowns. It's not the
expected reaction.

"Really?" she asks with a pissy attitude and
a huge grimace.

She even wrinkles her nose as she bounces
Jacob on her hip.

"Yep," he gives it right back. "It's all or
nothing, boss. I want to be with you, and I can't be with you at
the farm the way we were. It's wrong, and I know your grandparents
wouldn't approve."

"Yeah, but I don't know about marriage.
Jesus, John. I just gave you the Skittle," Reagan complains and
rolls her beautiful green eyes.

"That was… something," John says
sarcastically as she screws up her face at him. "You gave me an old
piece of candy, and I still want to marry you. I'd say you better
jump at the chance, woman."

"Damn it!" she curses and then reluctantly
holds out her hand. "Oh, all right."

"Wow, such flattery, such prose. It's a good
thing you went into medicine and not poetry writing," he teases and
slides the diamond ring onto her finger. Instead of rising, John
snatches her and Jacob down onto his lap where she straddles over
him. "I love you."

"I… love you, too," Reagan says and stares
at his chest before she leans up hesitantly for a kiss. "Don't
leave me again."

This is not a request, and she isn't asking
kindly. Plus, she has a handful of his hair in her right hand.

"I won't. I promise," John swears with a
grin, and she smiles and comes in for another kiss.

"Oh crap!" she says.

She breaks away, hands him the baby and
sprints toward the truck.

"I have to radio Grandpa to let him know I
got here ok."

He just comes to his feet and chuckles.
She's definitely right about one thing. Her brain doesn't work like
anybody else's, and he's glad for it. Because with her innumerable
strange quirks, her bad temper and her feisty attitude John can
easily say that she'll be the only woman that he ever truly loves.
Lord help him.

After she has made contact with her family,
she comes back to John and together they collect Jacob's toys and
go inside where they make lunch and talk about what's been going on
at the farm. They take Jacob for a long walk at sunset and then
make dinner, and John is glad to see her eat. Another week of
separation and she may have emaciated away to nothing. That night
after they put Jacob to bed in the room next to the master bedroom,
John makes love to her, and it is more poignant and life affirming
than anything he's ever experienced before. And later while they
lay in each other's arms, John tells her what he did to earn his
Medal of Honor.

"We were pinned down tight in this small
village in Syria. We were way outnumbered and outgunned," his
throat constricts because he's never discussed this with anyone
outside of the military, and it's more painful saying it out loud.
"Our intel had been wrong on this mission. The enemy was
anticipating us, and they'd called in enough of their own men to
get the job done. Kelly and his team were trapped on the other side
of this crappy town we were in, and some of my men were stuck
between their Hummer which was blown to crap and an abandoned car.
I went out and started dragging some of the wounded back to my
position with the rest of my men. We had better cover behind a
building. I couldn't call in an airstrike on the enemy because my
guys would've been hit, too. I knew we were screwed. I didn't want
to get anyone else killed."

The oil lamp on the old pine dresser in the
corner of the room flickers, bouncing eerie shadows onto the pale
blue walls. Normally John would've extinguished it, but tonight
he'd wanted to look at Reagan. He hadn't realized how much he'd
missed looking at her.

He swallows hard before continuing, "So, one
by one, I dragged or carried four guys back where they'd be safer.
They were pretty beat up. One was…"

This is simply too hard to finish. His
friend had taken mortar fire and been killed by the blast.

"Then I heard Kelly in my earpiece. He was
knee deep in it, too. I told my men to stay put, use short bursts
to keep the enemy back, and I took off for the other part of the
town which was two streets over. I didn't tell Kelly my plan
because he would've tried to come out of his secure location. I
knew he'd be killed, and I couldn't let that happen. I came around
behind the enemy there and took them out. When I ran out of ammo, I
went hand to hand and used my knife. Kelly called the airstrike. It
was finished pretty quickly after that. I'd been shot twice, but I
didn't even know it till Kelly came for me. My men told me that I
had been shot the first time while carrying one of them out on my
side of town. They said they tried to tell me, but I don't remember
that part. That's the scar down low on my stomach that I showed
you. The other one is up here on my left shoulder. I don't remember
getting shot at all. That's the weird thing. I guess the adrenaline
didn't allow me to register it, which was probably good. You were
right. My commanding officer at the time and Kelly and the men in
my unit put in for me to get that medal. I didn't want it, though.
I didn't feel right about it 'cuz six of my men were killed despite
me making it out. They told me that I saved twenty-nine lives that
day, but all I remember are the guys I lost."