The Melody Girls (35 page)

‘We can talk here,' she said stiffly. ‘The girls will all have gone by now. Flo and George didn't come in this morning.'

‘May I sit down?'

‘Of course.' She watched as he pulled up a chair and sank into it. ‘How did you know? Did you read my interview?'

‘What interview?'

‘In
Edinburgh Cross Talk
– a magazine.'

‘I never saw it. Can't have reached America – at least, not Los Angeles. That's where I've been for some time.'

‘So, how did you know about . . . Sam?'

‘Sam,' Rod repeated softly. ‘You called him Sam?'

‘Samuel Cameron. Sam because I liked it, Cameron after my dad. But tell me how you knew, Rod. How did you?'

‘Josh told me.'

‘Josh?' For a moment, Lorna closed her eyes, bowed her head. Josh? She couldn't take it in. Josh, in America, seeking out Rod? It was too much, too much . . .

‘Are you all right?' Rod was asking quickly ‘You're so pale – can I get you anything?'

‘I'm all right, thanks.' She sat up in her chair, straightening her shoulders, putting back her head. ‘It was just . . . a bit of a shock, that's all, to hear about Josh. I'd no idea he was in America.'

‘He came over from Italy. Been given an offer for a screen test in Hollywood. So he said, but I think he really just wanted to find me.' Rod's mouth twisted. ‘When he did, he was in such a rage, I thought he was going to kill me.'

‘He attacked you?' Lorna cried, putting her hand to her mouth. ‘Oh, Rod!'

‘It's all right, he didn't get very far. It was all hot air, as it usually is with Josh.' Rod was silent for a moment. Finally, in a low voice, he went on, ‘Lorna, I knew you'd been seeing him. Bob Milnes, a trumpeter in Jackie Craik's band was over in the States for a bit. He told me about you and Josh. That was another reason why I didn't get in touch. Seemed I'd been right – you wouldn't have wanted to see me.'

‘Everything between Josh and me was over long ago,' Lorna said coldly. ‘I haven't even thought about him for years.'

‘He hasn't stopped thinking about you, then. Or, at least, avenging your honour. In the end, he calmed down and told me about our son. Said he was a fine boy and I shouldn't be skulking over in America, I should be in Scotland with him.' Rod leaped to his feet and began pacing the room. ‘As though I knew anything about Sam! As though I wouldn't have come over on the next boat if you'd told me about him!'

Turning back to Lorna, he stood over her where she sat, still as a statue at her desk. ‘In God's name, why didn't you tell me, Lorna? You know I'd have come straight back from the States. We could have been married—'

‘I didn't want us to be married. It would never have worked out.'

‘Didn't want us to be married? So you let our son be brought up without a father? How could you do that, Lorna? How could you, when he had me?'

A flush rose to her pale cheeks and she looked away from his accusing gaze. ‘I suppose I thought we didn't really love each other.'

‘We did! We did love each other!'

‘Not enough, though. Neither of us would give in.'

‘The truth is, we were too young to see straight. We never gave ourselves a chance.'

Another silence fell, broken again by Rod. ‘What did you tell him, then, about me? You have told him, haven't you? He knows I exist?'

Lorna hesitated, thinking back to the time when Sam had started school. Before that, he'd been quite happy to have just her and his ‘Gramma', but at school he'd discovered that most other children had dads. It hadn't been long before the question came that she'd been dreading.

‘Ma, where's my dad?' Sam had asked one afternoon when she'd collected him at the school gate. ‘Have I got one?'

‘Oh, yes, Sam, you've got one.' Her voice was wonderfully bright. ‘But he's in America.'

‘America?' Sam had been thrilled. ‘Is he a film star?'

‘No, a musician, like me.'

Sam, walking beside her, had looked up at her trustfully. ‘So why have I no' got his name, then?'

‘There are reasons why I can't go into that now, Sam. One day you'll understand.'

‘And one day will my dad come back?'

What to reply to that? Seeing the hope in her son's face, Lorna knew she couldn't crush it.

‘He might, Sam, he might. If he can.'

And to her great relief, Sam had said no more.

‘Have you told him?' Sam's father was pressing now. ‘I need to know.'

Lorna raised her eyes. ‘It wasn't easy, Rod.'

‘Not when you'd made it so difficult.'

‘I did what I thought was best.'

‘Never mind, never mind. Just tell me what Sam knows.'

‘He does know about you. I told him you were in America.'

‘And what did he say?'

‘He asked if you'd ever come back. I said you might.'

Rod's eyes lit up. ‘Lorna, you told him that? I might come back?'

‘I never thought you would, but I couldn't disappoint him.'

‘Well, I am back and I want to see him, and he should see me. Where is he, then? With you? How do you take care of him when you're working?'

‘He stays with my mother. Without her, I couldn't have managed. She's taken care of him, and I've been with him whenever possible.'

‘I see.'

‘Don't look so disapproving!' Lorna cried. ‘It's worked out well. Everyone says what a fine boy he is and how happy he is, too. And come September, when he moves to a Merchant Company School, he'll be coming to live with me in a house I've bought. Ma will stay over when I'm away.'

‘I'm not disapproving,' Rod said heavily. ‘I think you've done the best you could, with the help of your mother. You must be very grateful to her.'

‘I am.'

‘So, when can I see him, then?'

‘I don't know. I'll have to prepare him.'

‘OK, prepare him. But make it soon. Ever since Josh told me I had a son, all I've wanted is to see him.' Rod suddenly reached across to touch Lorna's hand. ‘And you, Lorna. Josh told me you two had parted.'

Lorna, moving her hand from his, stood up. ‘Maybe you'd better go now, Rod. I'll talk to Sam and then I'll get in touch. Where are you staying?'

‘At the West City Hotel. You want the number?'

‘It'll be in the book.'

‘You won't leave it too long?'

‘No, I want to get this over as much as you.'

He nodded and after an awkward moment, made as though he would offer to shake hands, then thought better of it.

‘I'll go, then.'

She went with him to the door, where he stood, looking around at her studio.

‘So, the Melody Girls have gone? Got something on tonight, I expect?'

‘Yes, at one of the hotel ballrooms.'

‘You've done well,' he said softly. ‘I congratulate you.'

‘Thank you.'

‘I can't drop you anywhere?'

‘No, I'm all right, thanks all the same.'

‘I'll wait for your call, then.'

‘Goodbye, Rod.'

‘Goodbye, Lorna.'

She watched him open the door of his hire car, glance back at her, smile uncertainly, and drive away. Then she returned to her office and sat at her desk, staring into space, her hands shaking, while her mind remained strangely, completely, blank.

Sixty

Before Sam was due home from school, Lorna went to see her mother. By that time, of course, the numbness that had overtaken her after Rod's visit had vanished, leaving her feeling so dazed, it was as if she were hurtling round – round and round – on some unknown fairground wheel.

Rod back? Rod knowing about Sam? Rod wanting to see Sam? She'd never expected anything like this, yet knew she'd been foolish not to prepare for it. Prepare her defences, make her case for bringing up her child the way she wanted. She had that right, hadn't she? Yet, here Rod was, at the gates of her home, as it were, wanting in, wanting to see Sam, and the truth of the matter was that she had never dreamed that he would care.

‘Well!' Tilly cried, after Lorna had burst into the flat with her news. ‘Well, so he's back! After all these years, here he is, that fellow who never married you, and wanting to see your son! So you tell him what he can do, Lorna! The very idea, thinking he could just stroll in and tell you what he wants. The cheek of it, eh?'

‘Ma, we must be fair. Rod never refused to marry me, I didn't want to marry him. And he never knew about Sam, because I never told him – you know that.'

‘Who did tell him, then?'

Lorna sat down and took a deep breath. ‘It was Josh.'

‘Josh? How did he ever come to see Josh?'

‘Josh is in America now. He's hoping to break into films.'

‘Oh, my.' Tilly sat back, flicking a handkerchief in front of her face. ‘Lorna, this is beyond me. I canna take it in. Josh in America, wanting to be a film star, telling your Rod about our Sam – what next?'

‘I felt the same, Ma. I couldn't take it in. But, it happened. Josh went seeking Rod in Los Angeles and as soon as he heard about Sam, Rod came home. Seemingly, he's desperate to see the son he never knew he had.'

‘Desperate! I'd give him “desperate”! Should have thought of the consequences before he got you in the family way.' Tilly stood up to do the one thing she could count on in any sudden upheaval, which was to put the kettle on. ‘I'm away to make some tea, Lorna. Then you'd better decide what you plan to do.'

‘What can I do, Ma? I can't stop Rod seeing Sam. Besides, I know Sam will want to see him.'

‘How do you know he wants to see him? Sam's only asked the once about his dad.'

‘We don't know how much he's thought about him.'

Tilly, the teapot in her hand, stood in the doorway, her pale blue eyes filling with tears, her lip trembling. ‘Aye, laddies do want their dads. Never mind what we do, they still want their dads, eh?'

‘Oh, Ma, Sam loves us!' Lorna put her arm round her mother's shoulders. ‘Of course, he'll want to see Rod, but we're the ones he knows. We've brought him up.'

‘I'll make the tea,' Tilly whispered. ‘Be thinking how you'll tell him, then. It'll be a shock, eh, whatever you do?'

Some time later, Sam, now old enough to walk home from school himself, arrived at the flat, calling for something to eat.

‘Any wee buns, Gramma?' he cried, when he'd allowed Lorna to kiss him and his grandmother to give him a hug. ‘Any flapjack?'

‘You and your flapjack,' she said fondly, opening up her cake tins. ‘But before you have it, your ma's got something to tell you.'

‘What?'

As he busied himself opening his satchel and taking out his homework books, Lorna's heart missed a beat. Another Rod, wasn't he? Now that she'd seen Rod again, the likeness between Sam and his father was even more obvious than she'd thought, their only difference being the colour of their hair, fair for Rod, red for Sam. There were the same blue-grey eyes, though, the same short, straight nose, the same cheerful smile. How strange it would be for Rod to see a miniature version of himself! How comforting, to know for the first time that somewhere in the world there was someone of your own who shared your looks, your family's inheritance, and who would always be special!

‘Sam,' she said quietly, ‘come here a minute.'

As he came to stand beside her, she held him close, then let him go. ‘You know I told you once about your dad?'

His face at once alert, he nodded.

‘Well, he's here. He's come back from America on a visit and he'd like to see you.'

‘When? When will he see me?' Rod's eyes in Sam's face were alight. ‘Is he coming here? Is he coming today?'

‘He's no' coming today, we have to arrange a meeting. Maybe at my house, after school tomorrow?'

‘Ah, why no' today? I want to see him today!'

‘Yes, well, I have to telephone him, you see, and fix it up. It'll be better tomorrow, Sam, when you can be all ready—'

‘I can be ready now!'

‘Sam, listen to what your ma says,' Tilly put in. ‘We'll all go to your ma's house after school and then your dad can meet you there. Now, here's your flapjack. Like some milk?'

‘I'd rather have lemonade.' Sam, his brightness fading, sat at the table, working out how long it would be before he could see his father. As Tilly frowned, he added hastily, ‘Please.'

‘All right, just this once.'

Tilly's eyes met Lorna's. The time had been arranged. Now all they had to do was tell Rod and wait for tomorrow.

What was surprising for Lorna was that she wanted it to come; wanted to see Rod again. After so many years of pushing him to the back of her mind, of thinking she could be happy with someone else, how strange it should be that she should find herself wanting, as desperately as Sam, to see him again. It was only because she'd seen him, she told herself. Once he'd gone back to America, she would be sure to forget him again. Only now she was no longer sure that she had ever, truly, forgotten Rod.

Sixty-One

Standing the following afternoon in the hall of 29, Grosvenor Place, everyone was nervous.

There was Lorna, clasping and unclasping her hands together. There was Sam, straight from school but already hustled into a clean white shirt by Tilly and gazing fixedly at the front door. There was Tilly herself, pretending to be unconcerned, but wearing a touch of lipstick, which she scarcely ever did, and glancing too often at the clock in the corner.