The Memoir of Johnny Devine (39 page)

Eliza only
made it halfway to the elevator before she could
go no farther, blinded by tears. Millie’s faith in Eliza was a gift
more precious than any other, like a map to a treasure Eliza
thought she’d lost, a glimpse of greater things she had been too
obstinate to see.

Significance wouldn’t come from fighting to
make the world acknowledge her worth. It would come from resting in
the knowledge that she was loved by God and gifted for a
purpose.

Yes, I surrender. Breathe Your life into me.
Change me and make me new. I surrender.

Eliza stood alone in the
corridor. She
would
help free the oppressed. Not just those oppressed by
injustice, but also those bound by chains of their own making, like
discontent. Like shame or shortcomings or a desperate longing for
what they didn’t have.

Closing her eyes, she
offered up a silent prayer.
God, please
help John be free of his past once and for all—

“
Eliza?”

She gasped and looked at him. “John?”

“
Is she …?” John
glanced
down the hall
at the room where Millie lay, his expression
strained.

Eliza collected herself. “She was awake a
moment ago. She … spoke to me. But …” Her voice broke.

John studied her, then looked toward the
room. “Will you please wait for me?” he asked.

“
Yes, I’ll
wait.”

With a terse nod, he disappeared into
Millie’s room.

Eliza found an empty chair and sat down,
suddenly pressed by the weight of too many emotions and the return
of pain in her head. She closed her eyes.

Moments later, the sound of John’s voice
stirred her awake.

She must have drifted off. She started to
rise.

“
No, please, don’t get
up,” he said quickly. “You’re done in. But I’d like to ask you to
hear me out. I won’t keep you long, I promise.”

Tears swam again. “John, I’m not—”

“
Please,
Eliza?”

The pain in his voice crushed her.
“Yes.”

He leaned heavily on his cane. “It was crazy
to hope you wouldn’t be touched by my past, Eliza. And now it’s
happened, just as I feared.” Remorse filled his eyes. “I’m so sorry
for not telling you. Please believe that I never meant to hurt
you.”

Eliza nodded, unable to speak.

He swallowed hard. “I will
talk to the girl’s mother and tell her I can’t keep being part of a
lie. I don’t know what will happen, but … I promise you I’ll do
whatever it takes to make this right. I hope you can forgive me,
but even more, I hope this hasn’t made you unable to trust
God.
I’m
the one
who betrayed you, not—”

“
John.” She stood and
faced him. “You told me that Christ gave Himself in order to be
held accountable for your sins. So do you think He would want you
to keep paying for the same mistake over and over?”

Slowly, he shook his head.

“
And didn’t you tell me
that God forgives and forgets?”

John nodded.

“
It’s not Judy’s fault.”
Her tears streamed freely, washing away the last traces of her old
humiliation. “You’ve already paid. That little girl shouldn’t have
to pay too.”

“
What do you
mean?”

“
I believe you’ve tried
very hard to do what’s right. And that you’re doing the best thing
you can right now, given the circumstances. But there
is
one thing I would ask
of you.”

He searched her face. “I’ll do anything,
Eliza,” he said, deep voice faltering. “Anything. Just say the
word.”

“
Will you forgive
me?”

His brow gathered in
confusion. “Forgive
you
?”

“
I’m sorry, John. I love
you. I’m so sorry—”

He crushed her to him and held her
tight.

“I can’t
believe that lunatic left you bleeding in an
alley.” John shook his head, jaw muscles rippling.

Eliza sighed. The last thing she wanted to
talk about on the way to Christmas Eve dinner at Betty’s was Agent
Robinson. “The police will deal with him, and he’ll get what he
deserves. They’ve been in contact with the HUAC, and he will face
assault charges.”

“
That’s good, but he
hasn’t heard the last from me.”

Eliza slipped her hand
into his. “My,
this
is a side of you I’ve never seen.”

John squeezed her hand, then frowned at it.
“I should have been with you.”

“
I appreciate your
concern,” she said. “Anyway, it’s over now. And because Robinson
harassed me and I brought it to the agency’s attention, they’re
finding I wasn’t the only victim, which has launched a full
investigation of HUAC tactics. I have a feeling there will be
changes soon. Maybe McCarthy and his hounds will be shut down
completely.”

John leaned close and kissed her temple.
“Remind me never to take sides against you.”

Eliza studied him. “Now what makes you say
that? I’m just a meek little typist, minding my own business.”

He lifted a single brow.
“
Meek
?”

She nodded.

John burst out laughing.

The cabbie glanced at them in his
mirror.

John tugged her close to his side, still
laughing.

Betty outdid herself with a delicious
Christmas Eve meal of spareribs and candied yams, a Peterson family
tradition. Then she announced that Odella had baked several pies
before taking time off for the holiday.

Eliza followed her sister to the kitchen to
help serve dessert.

Once they were inside, Betty paused and
turned to her. “It’s because of you that I gave Odella the extra
time off, you know.”

“
Me?”

Betty inclined her chin. “I’m not as
indifferent to the plight of others as you think.”

After dessert, the kids
took turns reading from
The Lion, the
Witch and the Wardrobe
around the
Christmas tree. John politely endured Eddie Jr.’s parade of model
airplanes and Ed’s endless questions about filmmaking, Hollywood
scandals, and what was next for John. Although the deal was still
in negotiation, the talk of a film based on John’s book was likely
to become a reality.

Mesmerized, Eliza listened to John’s voice
and the grace with which he answered questions. Perhaps, in time,
Betty would see what kind of man John really was.

As she and Betty rinsed the dishes, Eliza
peeked through the dining room doorway at John and then turned to
Betty. “Looks like you’ll finally get your wish.”

“
And what wish is that?”
Betty wiped her forehead with the back of her wrist.

“
That I’ll settle down and
be a proper housewife.” Eliza handed Betty the last plate for the
dishwasher.

Betty set the dish in the rack and closed
the door. She took a dishtowel and wiped the counter. “I shouldn’t
have pushed you.”

“
What do you
mean?”

Betty folded the towel and laid it on the
counter. “I tried to fill in when Mama died. I thought I was doing
the right thing, steering you into marriage. But—”

“
Oh, Betty. I know it
wasn’t easy filling in for Mama. I appreciate all you’ve done to
look out for me. Really, I do.”

Betty’s eyes glistened.
“Look
out
for
you? Ralph was a bully. And I pushed you into that.” She turned
away.

Eliza took hold of Betty’s shoulders and
turned her back. “It wasn’t your fault. Ralph fooled us all. Some
people are just good at putting on the kind of face everyone wants
to see.”

Betty shook her head. “Not you. You don’t
worry about what anyone thinks. You can be different. And you’re at
peace with that. Sometimes … I wish I had that.”

“
You do?”

Betty nodded.

With a shrug, Eliza said, “Who says you
can’t?”

Betty stared at her, then glanced out the
curtained window which offered a partial view of the bare trees
encircling the backyard. She mimicked Eliza’s shrug. “No one, I
guess.”

Eliza hugged her. “I love you, sis.”

A warm spring
breeze ruffled the hem of Eliza’s dress, tickling
her knees. She laid a bouquet of daisies on the flat stone, then
tucked gloved hands into the crook of her husband’s elbow. The
simple stone contained Millie’s name, the dates that marked her
life, and a single line of inscription:

Blessed are the peacemakers,

for they shall be called the children of
God.

She squeezed his arm and spoke lightly to
keep her voice from breaking. “I wish I’d had more time with her.
Instead, I have to store up everything she said to me like a
treasure.” She read the inscription again. “What do you suppose
she’s doing now?”

“
Dancing,” John said
quietly.

Eliza sighed. “She wanted to be with Jesus,
so I guess I should be glad for her, but …”

“
But what?”

She turned to him. “I loved Millie. She was
like a mother to me. And I still need her. If I am ever to succeed
at the things she believed me capable of, I need her perspective. I
need to better understand oppression from her viewpoint.”

He stroked his thumb across her cheek. “You
still can understand her point of view.”

“
How?”

“
Millie once told me that
anyone—including ourselves—can enslave us, but only if we let them.
And that true freedom and equality are found in the One who created
each and every one of us. In Him, you’ll find neither Jew nor
Greek, neither slave nor free, neither male nor female. In Christ,
we’re all equal.”

The wind carried his words across the grassy
knoll.

“
Equal,” she said, trying
to grasp it. “No one group of people ruling over another, no one
kept down simply because of race or gender or class. Do you really
believe that?”

John nodded. “I do, but it will take time,
prayer, and hard work. You must keep writing, Eliza. Keep making
your voice heard.”

Eliza stared at Millie’s name. “She found a
way to speak the truth with grace and forgiveness in the face of
tyranny. I don’t know how she did it.”

“
I think you
do.”

“
Well, yes, but she had
great faith.”

“
And you
don’t?”

Eliza glanced up at him.
“I don’t know about
great
faith, but … let’s just say that, since I met
you, I’ve seen what trusting God in the face of difficulty can do.
Now, if I could just learn to handle everything as calmly and
gracefully as you do.”

John’s brows rose.
“
I’m
calm?”

She smiled. “Well, graceful, anyway.”

He slipped an arm around Eliza and tugged
her closer. “Millie often said grace takes far more strength than
hate does.”

“
Why is that?”

“
Because grace isn’t given
based on what’s fair or deserved. It’s an undeserved gift, given
deliberately. Maybe that’s why it’s easier for people to dole out
justice than grace. And maybe that’s why some of us find grace so
difficult to accept.”

Eliza looked up.

John’s eyes shone with love and something
else. Gratitude.

She turned and wrapped her arms around him.
“That’s quite profound. I wish I’d said it. Can I use it in my
book?”

He tilted her chin up and studied her. “You
can do anything you want, Mrs. Vincent.” The warmth of his smile
sent a thrill through her.

“
You sure do have a way
with words,
Mr.
Vincent,” she said lightly. “Anyone ever tell you you’re a
charmer?”

John shook his head. “Not this lug. What you
see is what you get.”

She sighed. “Promise?”

He opened his mouth as if to speak, then
hesitated.

“
What? I’m not kidding,”
she said. “Your transparency is one of the many things I love about
you.”

His expression sobered.

“
What’s wrong?”

“
Not a thing.” With a
sigh, John looked deep into her eyes and smiled. “It’s just going
to take some getting used to, that’s all.”