The Merchant Adventurer (21 page)

You know those “About the Author” blurbs that begin with poignant details from the writer’s childhood? The ones that quickly move through a series of credentials and accomplishments so impressive that they make you feel that if you don’t buy a book, everyone will recognize you for the uncultured Phillistine
¹
that you are? Yeah, this is not that kind of author blurb. This is the other kind.

This is an About the Author blurb that actually tells you about the author. If you stick with this blurb it will tell you that Patrick has been shot, has fallen off a mountain, was once framed for a crime he did not commit — that he has gambled with his rent money and knows how to replace the water pump in a 1966 Chrysler. It will also explain to you that, much like a lost boy raised by wolves, he was brought up by economists and can interpret the strange dances and guttural utterances of their dismal tribe.
But most of all this blurb wants you to know that Patrick can write. That he puts words and concepts and characters together in a way that will make your synapses light up like an accident in an unlicensed fireworks factory. Yes, a substance that powerful should be made illegal. But before that happens, you’ve got a chance to go to www.patrickemclean.com to get more of his writing.

If you don’t use this chance, Patrick won’t hold it against you. After all, he’s a nice, easy-going kind of guy. But this Blurb will know. And believe me, this is one “About the Author” blurb you don’t want to cross.