The Mind Pool (53 page)

“Oh, yes. So sad.” Turning to hide it from Chan, Tatty pressed a tiny bulb against her forearm. “I should have guessed, long ago. She came from nowhere, and she was too good to be true. Poor, poor Godiva. The perfect woman, the perfect partner . . . and one of Fujitsu’s Artefacts. What made you suspect it?”

“I didn’t. About her. But I wondered for a while after the Stimulator treatment if I might be an Artefact
myself.
I was twenty years old, with an undamaged brain. And I had been a moron. I had to wonder if I was really human.”

“Mondrian never told you?” She was frowning at him, suddenly more alert. “He wanted to know where you came from as much as you did yourself. When I came back to Earth he asked me to find out everything I could about you. But I guess he didn’t tell you.”

“Not a word.”

“You’re not a moron, Chan, you never were. And you’re not an Artefact. But you
are
an experiment. One of the Needler labs—not the Margrave’s, he would never have tolerated such incompetence—was trying to make a superman, a physically and mentally perfect person. They failed, but only because they messed up and didn’t provide a final set of neural linkages. They didn’t realize that, and they dumped the result down in the warrens.” Tatty gave Chan a sad but fond smile. “Welcome to the cast-offs’ club. But you’re one hundred percent human. Like me. Isn’t it a rotten group to belong to?”

She leaned back on the hassock and closed her eyes. Her face was lively now, but grey and bony, no more than an aging specter of the woman Chan had known so well on Horus.

“I can’t believe he is gone,” she said at last. “Were you there when it happened?”

“Right to the very end. I saw his mind, in the last few moments. He was never at peace, you know.”

“Better than you ever will.” Tatty turned her head away. “I would have helped him. Once, I would have done
anything
for him. But he would never tell me what it was that gnawed away inside him.”

“He could not tell. But I know.”

Chan paused. He did know, in dreadful detail. And he could not speak of what he had found in Mondrian’s mind. Even at second-hand, the terror was too strong.

He felt the impact of that dark memory taking him again, as it took him every day . . .

The grass was three times as high as his head. It grew all the way around, like the walls of a big circular room, with the blue sky above as a domed ceiling that held in the heat. It was much too hot, and he was sweating.

He bent down, staring curiously at the little bugs running fast and squiggly among the stems of the dusty grey plants.

“Come on. We don’t have time for you to dawdle around.”

He straightened at the shouted words and hurried after the others. Mummy was still walking next to Uncle Darren, holding his hand and not looking back. He came up behind them and impulsively reached out to clutch her around the knees. He could smell her sweat and see the beads of perspiration on her legs.

Was she still mad?

“Mummy, pick me up.” He peered up and around her body, trying to see her face. It had been a long time since she held him without being asked. “Mummy?”

She did not look down. “We’ve no time for that now. Can’t you see we’re in a big hurry?”

The man laughed, but it was not like a real laugh. “Damn right, we’re in a hurry. But maybe this is as good as any place. Let’s get on with it.”

Mummy stopped, and finally glanced down at him. “All right, Essy. Uncle Darren and I are going to be busy for a little while. I want you to sit down right here, and wait quietly until we come back.”

“I want to go with you.” He held her tighter around the legs. “I don’t want to stay here.”

“Sorry, Big-boy, but we can’t do it that way.” Uncle Darren crouched down. He was smiling. “We won’t be long. You just wait here until me and your Mom get back. Look, if you’re good you can have this to play with while we’re gone. See?”

Uncle Darren was holding up the little electric lamp, the one they had used in camp the previous night. It had been a fun time, the three of them all safe and cozy in the tent, and Mummy laughing a lot. She wouldn’t let him crawl in with her, but she sounded all warm and giggly and happy, especially when she was snuggled under a blanket and Uncle Darren was telling a bedtime story.

He reached out his hand for the little lamp.

“Wait a minute, watch me do it.” Uncle Darren worked the control. “See? Switch on—switch off. Switch on—switch off. Think you can do it by yourself?”

He nodded, took the lamp, and set it down on the hard earth. He squatted beside it, and turned it on.

“That’s my Big-boy.” Uncle Darren stood up and began to walk away. “Come on, Lucy, he’s settled. He’ll be fine now.”

He stared after them as they moved into the long grass. They had their heads together, and they were talking quietly again as they had talked the previous night. He bent down to the lamp, wanting to please Mummy by doing whatever would make her happy with him.

The little light flickered on and off as he pressed the switch. It seemed brighter than when Uncle Darren had worked it.

He looked up and all around. The sky was a darker blue, and he could see a few stars. They were creeping out, one by one. They were just like tiny lamps themselves, but they did not give any real light.

He felt the urge to run after Mummy and Uncle Darren. But he must not do that. Mummy would get mad. He would get another beating, from her or from Uncle Darren.

He stared the way that they had gone. Darker now. If only the tent were here, to crawl inside. Last night he had felt so safe and snug, even when the light was turned way low. He could hear them, whispering in the darkness. It made him so warm and contented.

“Are you absolutely sure?” That was Mummy, in the same slurry voice. “I have to be absolutely sure.”

“Course I am. I checked the whole thing with the game authorities. I pretended to be scared.”

“I thought all the animals were controlled.”

“That’s what the advertisements say, but the controls go off when it’s really dark. That’s why they always tell you to keep a light on all night in the tent.”

“What do you think is out there? Right now.”

“Hey, how would I know? Get your mind off that sort of stuff.”

There was a rustle from where Mummy lay, and she giggled. “You! You’re all hands. But what might be out there?”

“Lions, maybe. Leopards. Rhinos.” (That made him listen harder. He had seen pictures of those animals.) “And jackals and hyenas and vultures. That’s why we don’t go outside in the dark. Make a noise out there, or go running around, and there’d be nothing tomorrow to collect and take back. Hey, why the questions all of a sudden? I thought we had it agreed.”

“I just want to be absolutely sure it will work. Otherwise we’d have been better off with a straight sale. There’s good money for a healthy one, down in the warrens.”

“Not a hundredth as much as we’ll get. They’ll pay just to keep us quiet. Here, Miss Fidgety, you need a bit more of this.”

There was a clink of glass, and the gurgling sound of pouring liquid. Uncle Darren laughed. “They’ll pay, of course they will. What sort of publicity would it give the game reserve if we wanted to play it for news? Wandered away for a few minutes, frantic mother, desperate search. Maybe even a mental breakdown afterwards. That would be
news.”

“Sshh. Watch what you’re saying.”

“So what, for Christ’s sake? At his age.”

“He’s very smart. He could be listening, and he remembers everything.”

“Naw, he’s asleep. Very smart, eh? How did he pick you for a mother?”

“Don’t start that again. It was the biggest mistake of my life. Don’t you pretend to be so smart, either. If you’re so clever, how did you get hooked into that idiot marriage contract, you and the bitch?”

“Come off it, Lucy. That’s all over, I don’t even think about her any more. Look, once we get some money there’ll be no more false starts. You and me, right? And . . . you know . . .”

“What are you
doing
! You’re awful.” But Mummy did not sound angry.

“You said I was all hands. I just want to prove that’s not all I am.”

“Again?” Mummy giggled. “You. You’re a monomaniac.”

The light from the lamp in the tent dwindled to an even lower level. There was a rustling, and something like a soft groan from Mummy. Uncle Darren began a soft, regular grunting sound that was not his usual snoring . . .

And now it was nearly night again. Over beyond the top of the high grass he could see the big hill, as far away as ever. It always seemed to be the same distance, and when they walked it moved along with them. When it was close to dark he could see the smoke on top of it. It was there now, with the red sun behind it.

He stepped a little way in that direction, then came back. The grass was too tall, too frightening.

The sun seemed to be dropping down into the top of the grass, melting into it. Suddenly he could not see the grass itself. The sky was almost black, with stars scattered right across it. “Mummy.” He shouted as loud as he could into the swallowing dark, and started to run in the direction in which they had gone. Then he thought of the lamp, left behind him on the ground. He hurried back for it and turned it on. It threw a bright circle all around him, except behind his back. When he turned his head to look he saw a wedge of darkness, a long shadow cast by his own body. He moved backwards with the lamp, and the circle of light moved with him.

That lighted circle had become the whole world. Beyond its edge he began to hear the night noises. There were mutterings and growls in the darkness, the chuckling of madmen just out of sight. He struggled to see anything beyond the shadowed perimeter.
(“Lions and leopards and rhinos, jackals and hyenas and vultures . . .”
Uncle Darren’s words were clear in his head.
“Make a noise out there, or go running around, and there’d be nothing tomorrow to collect and take back . . .”)

He shouldn’t have shouted like that. He mustn’t shout. Where could Mummy be? He had never been alone before.

He began to weep, slow, silent tears that trickled down his cheeks and into his mouth. He could taste their salt. He wanted to scream for Mummy, but he knew that he must not. Behind him there was a slithering noise, and the soft rustle of moving grass.
(Lions and leopards and rhinos, jackals and hyenas and vultures.)
He held the lamp tight, and started forward across the clearing away from the noises. The edge of darkness pursued him. He thought that he heard new noises coming from in front.

He stopped and crouched close to the ground. The light from the lamp in his hand seemed to be weakening, the boundary of the safe circle smaller and more poorly defined. He bit on his fingers, and stared out into the night.

Were those
eyes
there, flashing glints of green and yellow? As the lamp faded, they became brighter. Soon the eyes were staring in on him from all sides. He pushed with his hands at the dark boundary, hating it, wishing it farther away.

Suddenly he could not stand it any longer. He did not run, but he dropped to the ground and flattened his body. He scrabbled with his fingers at the hard dirt and glared upward. Far away on the horizon, the top of the big hill was glowing with its own smoky red light. He fixed his eyes on it, afraid to look again at the narrowing circle.

“Mummy, Mummy, Mummy, Mummy.” He said the incantation over and over, beneath his breath. “Mummy, Mummy, Mummy, Mummy . . .” She was the only thing he had to hold onto in the whole world. But he dared not call out to her
(Make a noise out there, or go running around, and there’d be nothing tomorrow to collect and take back . . .).
He dared not even whimper.

He lay on the ground and shivered. He must not cry. He must not cry. He will not cry. She will come back soon . . . she will come back soon . . . she will come back soon . . .

Esro Mondrian does not know it, but dawn and rescue are ten hours away.

The sale to the basement warrens of the Gallimaufries will take place a few days later.

* * *

Tatty was talking to him, gripping him by the shoulders. “Chan. What’s wrong? Why are you crying?”

“I can cry. I
can,
it’s all right.” Chan closed his mouth and snuffled in hard through his nose. “It’s all right.”

She put her arms around him. “What happened?”

“Memories. I know why Esro Mondrian couldn’t trust anything in the world. I know why he needed the Constructs so badly.”

They both became aware that Tatty was holding him to her chest. She released him and went back to the hassock. They were oddly embarrassed. She had been his first-ever lover, even if no more than a surrogate.

“I’ve known for a long time,” she said. “The Constructs were going to be his shield, his safety net out on the Perimeter. That’s why he had them built.”

“And they led to his destruction. Or maybe that was my fault. Or maybe yours.”

“Whoever it was, it was no more than justice.” Tatty did not hide her bitterness. “He was willing to destroy everybody else so he could keep the Constructs. Damn that man.”

“I’m sorry. I was
trained
to hate him—by you—but I didn’t know you were so angry.”

“You don’t know what hate is. If
anyone
has a right to hate Esro Mondrian, I do. He used me over and over—and I jumped at the chance.”

“That settles one thing.” Chan stood up. “I know all I need to know. I’ll go.”

She stared up at him, rubbing her brown eyes with a too-thin hand. “You mean you came to see me, and you didn’t
want
anything from me? My God, that must be a first. I don’t think anybody has ever been down to see me without wanting something, except maybe poor old Kubo. He comes and we take our Paradox shots, and then we sit there grinning at each other like idiots until it wears off.” Her voice broke. “And then Kubo goes, and I think of what I
was.
I was a
Princess,
Chan. And look at me now, what I am—what Esro Mondrian made me.”