The Mirror of Her Dreams (29 page)

It was also apparent, however, that both of them were constrained, not by Terisa, but by each other. The quick, stark moment of their disagreement had been intense enough to shock them, make them retreat from her as well as from each other. She felt an active relief when Myste at last suggested that Saddith be summoned to conduct Terisa back to the peacock rooms.

In a state of pronounced awkwardness, the three women awaited an answer to their summons. Fortunately, Saddith's arrival was prompt. A few moments later, Terisa had said a stiff farewell to the ladies Myste and Elega and was on her way back to her rooms.

Saddith had kept her eyes lowered in the presence of the King's daughters. Now, however, she studied Terisa frankly. At first, there was uncertainty in her eyes; but it slowly gave way to a look of spice and humour.

When she and Terisa had passed the King's rooms, and were out of earshot of the guards, she said in a cheerful, probing tone, 'Well, my lady. You have met the lady Elega and the lady Myste.

They .are the two highest ladies in Orison. What do you think of them?'

I think, Terisa mused, they're both miserable. But she didn't want to say anything like that to Saddith.

Terisa's silence seemed to confirm the maid in her opinion. To hide a smirk, she glanced down at her unbuttoned blouse, the cloth stretched open by the pressure of her breasts. 'I think,' she said with satisfaction, 'that they have forgotten who they are.'

'What do you mean?' As she walked, Terisa found herself watching the faces of everyone who passed by, looking for some sign of the man who had attacked her. That was preferable to thinking about what she had seen in the mirrors of the laborium.

They are the highest ladies in the land,' explained the maid. They have position and wealth, rich gowns and rare jewels. All the finest men of Mordant are theirs by right. But what use do they make of their opportunities? The lady Elega scorns suitors. She does not wish a man-she wishes to be one. And the lady Myste will not leave behind her a nursery-girl's dreams of romance and adventure.'

Saddith laughed softly. 'They are properly clad and placed to be who they are. But they are too bloodless for it. Neither of them is woman enough to rule the King's court as it should be ruled.

'Someday, my lady,' she added confidently, 'I will stand among them. I will be as high as any of the ladies of Mordant.

The contrast will not be to their advantage.'

The maid's bluntness was strange to Terisa: she wasn't accustomed to servants who spoke so freely. Curiosity impelled her to ask, 'Don't you like what you're doing now?'

At that, Saddith glanced sharply at Terisa as if to gauge the intent of the question. Whatever she saw, however, reaffirmed her faith in Terisa's innocence; she relaxed at once and replied candidly, 'It is well enough for what it is, my lady. Before I became a maid, I was a scullion in the kitchens of Orison. And before that, I served ale in a tavern near where the army of Mordant is encamped. And before
that'
-she grimaced-'I fed chickens and swept floors in the village where I was born-one of the lesser villages of the Demesne. The place of a lady's maid in Orison is well enough, indeed. For what it is. But it is not enough for me.'

Terisa considered this. 'What do you mean?'

Saddith replied with a lubricious grin, and her eyes sparkled. 'My lady, it is in their beds that men put aside their pretences and become the enslaved children which they are in their hearts. When I learned this, the village of my birth could no longer hold me. A soldier of Mordant could not bear to be parted from me, and so he found me a place in the tavern near his camp. A cook of Orison could not bear that my body should suffer the grimy hands of soldiers, and so he found me a place in his kitchens. The dear son of an overseer could not bear to displease me, and so I was given the work of a maid. The beds of men have lifted me this high, and they will lift me higher.

'Do you remember, my lady, that I spent last night with a Master? Already, my position in Orison rises.'

Her complacency made this information sound to Terisa like an announcement in a foreign language. Under no circumstances would she have revealed to anyone that Master Eremis had touched the curve of her bosom.

'He believes,' Saddith continued, 'that he took me to his bed to reward me because he had asked for a service and I had met it well. But that is only his pretence to himself, by which he preserves the illusion of will and power. He bedded me because he could not do otherwise. He has begun to share his confidence with me. Soon he will find that his pretence disappears in public as it does when we are alone. Then he will find some place for me, to raise me closer to himself. But it will be a place of my choosing, not his-and I assure you, my lady,' she concluded with relish, 'that I will choose a place which will open my way to the strong sons of the lords of Mordant.'

They were nearing the tower where the peacock rooms were. For a moment, Terisa said nothing, though she was conscious of Sadditrfs gaze on her, half expectant and half amused. She wanted to ask, Does it really
workl
Can you live like that? Can you be happy? But the words stuck in her throat. Without quite intending to speak aloud, she said, 'I've never met anyone like you before.'

That is plain, my lady.' The maid tried to reply gravely, but she was almost chortling. 'Yet you may rely on me to assist you,' she went on, speaking now more like a kindly sister. 'If you wish it, we will make of you a formidable woman'-she smiled behind her hand-'eventually.'

Terisa ascended the stairs to her rooms with her head full of haze. She had apologized to the King's daughters. For what? For not being a powerful Imager, come to save the world? Or for simply not being substantial enough to deserve their interest in her, their friendship or alliance?

Did she want Saddith to help her become formidable?

'I'll think about it,' she murmured belatedly as she and Saddith approached the guards standing outside her door. This is all so new to me. I need time to think.'

'Certainly, my lady.' Saddith spoke as a proper servant; but the looks with which the guards regarded Terisa conveyed the impression that Saddith had winked at them. 'Let me help you undress, and then you will be alone as long as you wish.'

One of the guards made a sound in his throat as though he were choking. Helpless to do otherwise, Terisa blushed again as Saddith ushered her into her rooms. As soon as the door was closed, she turned to see if Castellan Lebbick had kept his word.

He had: the bolt was fixed.

The rooms had also been cleaned and tidied. The strewn peacock feathers of the previous night were gone. A decanter of wine and a few goblets had been set on a table near one wall.

She was relieved when Saddith unfastened the hooks at the back of the gown, and the pressure around her chest was released. Her lungs felt tight, as though she hadn't taken a decent breath for hours. Gladly, she dressed herself in her flannel shirt, corduroy pants, and moccasins. Then she waited as patiently as she could until Saddith had built up the fires, replenished the lamps, and made her departure.

At once, Terisa bolted the door. Then she went to the wardrobe with the concealed door and made sure her chair was still propped securely against that entrance. It was impossible that she would ever be
formidable.
She didn't want any man to look at her as Master Eremis did.

Unless Eremis himself did it again. Just once. So that she might have a chance to learn what it meant.

But when she went to one of her windows to gaze out over the winterscape of Orison and try to make some sense of her emotions, the face which she remembered most vividly was Geraden's-his expression flat and neutral, held rigidly blank because she had hurt him and he didn't intend to show it.

During the afternoon, as the sun westered towards the cold white hills, she was watching a squad of guards exercise their mounts in the courtyard when she chanced to see a figure that looked like the Perdon stride out into the wet snow and mud. Men on horseback were waiting for him, their shoulders wrapped in heavy cloaks against the weather. He sprang onto a beast they held ready for him. With as much speed as the horses could manage on that footing, they rode out of Orison.

To her, he looked like a man who had made up his mind.

After breakfast the next morning, she gave herself a bath, put on her own clothes, and tried to decide what she was going to do. For some reason, she hadn't been troubled by the sensation that she was fading-even though she had spent the evening alone with her fears and the strangeness of her situation; even though her existence seemed to be more doubtful than ever; even though there were no mirrors anywhere, no kinds of glass in which she could see herself reflected. Nevertheless her problem remained. The mirror which had brought her here was false. She wasn't an Imager-and Mordant needed help at least as powerful as an Imager's. A man in black had tried to kill her. She had seen men torn apart like raw meat by creatures out of nowhere, People who counted on her were going to get hurt.

She had to do something about it.

Well,
what,
exactly?

She still had no idea.

For that reason, she jumped up and ran to answer it when she heard a knock at her door. It sounded like an offer of rescue.

Unbolting the door she pulled it open.

Master Eremis stood outside.

He had Geraden with him.

'Good morning, my lady,' the Master said cheerfully. 'I see that you have slept well. Your eyes are altogether brighter this morning-which I had not thought possible. I must confess, however'-he leered at her-'that I prefer yesterday's apparel. But no matter. I have come to escort you to the meeting of the Congery.'

This was too sudden. Her heart was still pounding in reply to his unexpected presence. 'The Congery?' she asked as if she were deaf or stupid. 'Am I invited?'

Instinctively, she turned to Geraden for an answer.

The Apt's face was deliberately blank. He looked like a man who had taken an oath to stifle his emotions. Apparently, he still felt hurt, but didn't want to show it. Or was he just trying to keep his reactions to Master Eremis under control? She couldn't tell.

Nevertheless he was the one she trusted to tell her what was happening.

He didn't quite meet her gaze. 'Actually, neither of us is invited,' he said neutrally. 'But Master Eremis wants us to go with him anyway.'

'I do, indeed,' said the Master. 'I have told you that I mean to show my friendship towards you. And today the Congery will attempt to decide what action the lady Terisa's presence and Mordant's need require. Surely that discussion will be of some interest to you, my lady?'

Because she had hurt him-and because she had no idea where she stood with Master Eremis or the Congery-she tried to find some way to ask Geraden what she should do. But the words wouldn't come: Eremis' smile seemed to stop them in her throat.

Geraden scanned the room. Still neutrally, he said, 'It may not be pleasant. At least half the Imagers are going to be offended when we show up without being invited. But Master Eremis doesn't seem to care about that. And the opportunity is too important. I don't think we should miss it.'

Listening to him gave Terisa the odd impression that he had aged since the previous day.

In an effort to show him how much she appreciated his reply, she said, 'All right,' without a glance at Eremis. 'I'll go.' Then she stood still under the Master's quick frown of vexation, although it made her heart quake.

Unfortunately, Geraden's gaze didn't rise above her knees; he didn't see that she was trying to apologize.

Master Eremis got even with her by giving her an exaggerated bow in the direction of the door and saying, 'If you will so graciously condescend, my lady?' His mockery was plain; but his quick smile took the sting out of it. The way he looked at her reminded her of his finger's touch on the curve of her breast. Before she was altogether sure of what she was doing, she returned a shy smile of her own. Somehow, she accepted his arm, and he escorted her out of the room.

Geraden followed without expression.

At once, one of the guards stepped forward to call attention to himself. 'Master Eremis.'

Eremis paused, cocked an eyebrow. 'Yes?'