The Morbidly Obese Ninja (10 page)

Then, as if he had more sets of limbs, several rolls of fat launched like fists at Red Hood, punching him in the chest and stomach. The fat rolls pummeled him repeatedly until Basu’s breasts released the blade, wrapped around his throat, and snapped the assassin’s neck.

As Blue Hood came up behind, Basu grabbed him by the mouth just as he was about to spit another glob of the green toxic sludge. With the acid trapped inside of Blue Hood’s mouth, it began eating through his cheeks and tongue. Basu glared at him, squeezed his face harder as the man struggled to break free. When the toxic fluid drained down the back of his mouth, Blue Hood’s throat melted open, releasing a river of blood down his chest. Basu left him writhing on the ground.

The last assassin, Purple Hood, trembled beneath the mighty Basu. He used his secret assassin power. Purple Hood’s body multiplied into twelve different clones of himself that spread out and surrounded Basu. Only one of them was the real Purple Hood. The others were just illusions.

But his illusions could not hide him from Basu. The obese ninja had grown an acute sense of smell ever since his brain became guided by his stomach. He could smell which one was the real purple-hooded assassin. Basu went straight up to him and picked him up in a bear hug.

As Basu crushed the assassin’s ribcage, he smelled something appealing in the man’s sweat. Purple Hood, for some reason, smelled a bit like cheeseburgers to Basu. Realizing he was behind on his calorie intake for the day, Basu decided to indulge himself. He ripped open Purple Hood’s polo shirt and bit into the flesh on his arm.

Purple Hood screamed as Basu began to eat him alive. Large round teeth ripped at the flesh on the assassin’s body, trying to find some delicious high calorie fats among the disgustingly lean meat. Basu had never resorted to cannibalism in the past, but now realized that it was a potential source of calories in an emergency situation.

When the last elite assassin fell dead in the ninja’s arms, Basu retrieved his iKatana and stumbled toward Crow. Bloody sweat poured down his massive frame. A chunk of human fat dangled from his lips.

Although he knew Basu had won the battle, Crow had already lost interest in the fight and had turned his attention to Oki. He had the unlocking mechanism in his hand and was about to put it to the boy’s chest

Crow looked over his shoulder and blinked his beady eyes at his old friend.

“Stop,” Basu told him, while chewing on the chunk of fat.

Crow stood up.

“Or what?” Crow said.

Basu swallowed the meat, then ran forward a few steps and raised his sword.

Crow let out a birdlike chuckle.

“You can’t kill me,” Crow said. “I’m an executive.”

Then Crow went back to the device.

Basu lunged at Crow and sliced his arm off. The severed arm fell to the ground, still holding the unlocking mechanism. Crow shrieked. Bird blood sprayed down his suit and feathers.

“What the hell are you doing?” Crow squawked. “You’ll be executed for this!”

Basu twirled his iKatana at Crow.

“Not if I don’t kill you,” Basu said.

Crow let out a shrill squawk and whipped out his chain sickle. He swung it over his head and then launched it at Basu.

The obese ninja just stood there as the chain sickle wrapped around his body and then hooked into his hip. Crow shrieked a laugh and then tugged on his chain.

Nothing happened. Crow’s laughter came to a halt. He put all of his strength into jerking on the chain, but Basu wouldn’t budge. Crow looked at Basu with confused beady eyes.

Crow had always had the strength to toss around men twice his size after hooking them with his chain, but what Crow hadn’t calculated was that Basu wasn’t twice his size. He was over five times his size.

Basu glanced down at the chain and then grunted at him.

Crow quickly tried to pull the spool of chain out of the sleeve of his suit, but Basu was already wrapping his fingers around it.

There was a loud squawking cry as Basu tugged the chain as hard as he could, reeling the one-armed bird man toward him. Crow landed on the end of Basu’s iKatana. It went through his belly in the same spot that Crow had stabbed Keigo three years ago. He coughed blood out of his black beak as he slid off of the blade.

It was a painful, incapacitating wound, but the bird man would survive it.

As Basu untangled the chain from his flesh, Crow crawled with one arm back to the unlocking mechanism. Basu thought it was just like his old friend to never give up.

Before Crow could get to his severed arm, Basu pried the device out of the fingers and curled it into his armpit.

“Pathetic,” Basu said to Crow.

Then he took Oki by the hand and walked him away from the wounded animal.

“Pathetic?” Crow shrieked. “Look at you.”

Basu kept walking.

“All you can do is eat and destroy.” Crow’s beak leaned into a puddle of his blood as he yelled. “You’re the worst kind of human being there is. You act like you care. You pretend that you have honor. But the only thing you are good at is consuming and destroying everything around you.”

The morbidly obese ninja grunted as he walked away.

Then Basu was surrounded by two dozen ninjas. They stood silently like grim reapers, wearing all black clothing. They were from the Oekai Corporation. Oki looked up at Basu and the obese ninja took his hand, held it tight.

They stepped toward the lead ninja of the unit. The ninja stepped forward and unfolded a document. He held it up so that Basu could read it. The document was clearance to execute the Gomen executive, Crow. Basu looked down at the ninja and nodded his head, then he shoved him out of his way.

The Oekai ninjas turned their attentions toward Crow, who squawked a whimper and tried to crawl to his feet with his single arm. They drew swords from their scabbards and closed in on him.

Basu took Oki away from the scene. He held him close to his greasy flesh, and led him down a hill of garbage. They got far enough away that they didn’t hear Crow’s final screams.

At the bottom of the hill, there was a patch of dirt twenty feet long. Basu let go of the boy’s hand so he could wander. He knew how much the boy wanted to see what the ground looked like.

Oki stepped cautiously across the soil, the smiling holo-frog hopping casually behind him. Then he looked back at Basu.

“This is it?” Oki said. “This is the ground?”

Basu grunted.

“It’s so boring,” Oki said.

Basu approached the boy and knelt down to him.

“I told you there was nothing special about it,” Basu said.

Oki scanned the dirt, shaking his head. He was so unimpressed that he didn’t know what else to say about it. He looked up at the Oekai company ships hovering in the air above them and looked back at the ninjas coming down the hill from behind.

“They are here to open you up,” said Basu.

Oki nodded.

“Are you going to allow them to do their duty?” Basu asked. “Will you die with dignity?”

Oki nodded.

Basu wiped a tear from the boy’s eye and grunted at him. Then he said, “I’m proud of you.”

Oki nodded and took the unlocking mechanism from Basu. Then he grunted up at him.

Basu took the boy by the hand and led him up the garbage hill to a group of executives heading toward them. The head executive, an old man with a tall wrinkled forehead, waved at his men to take the boy. Then he went to Basu.

“Excellent work, Basu,” his boss said.

Basu grunted, paying more attention to Oki than his employer. The boy’s eyes were locked on Basu as the ninjas took him away.

“With this information we will finally get ahead of the Gomen Corporation,” said the boss. “We owe it all to you.”

A technician knelt down to Oki and put the unlocking mechanism to his chest. Oki tried to act as courageous as possible while the device was attached to his iron torso.

“What is the information, anyway?” Basu asked.

The executive frowned at Basu. “It’s not like you to ask such questions.”

“Just curious.”

“Well, since you did such a good job I’ll tell you this one time.” The executive looked over at Oki and smiled. “Inside of that piggy bank are designs for a program that will be the hot new iPalm app of the year.”

“What kind of app?”

The executive’s voice became giddy. “It allows the iPalm customer to instantly change the color of their fingernails. There are over 2,000 colors and patterns to choose from.”

“That’s it?”

“What do you mean
that’s it
? Do you know how popular that’s going to be with teenage girls? We are going to make a fortune!”

Basu’s face was turning red. That was what he had been risking his life for? That was what the two companies were at war over? That was why so many ninjas had to die? That was the information Oki must die for? It was too absurd for Basu to accept.

As the technician hovering over Oki fidgeted with the unlocking mechanism, the boy looked up at Basu with tears in his eyes. Basu could tell he didn’t want to die for the sake of duty and honor. Oki was only doing it for Basu, because it was what Basu wanted him to do. But Basu realized that he was wrong. It was not honorable to accept your fate. If Basu accepted his fate he never would have continued as a ninja after being infected with the nano-poison. He would have given up and died.

Just before the technician found the right combination, Basu flew through the crowd of Oekai employees and sliced the unlocking mechanism in half. The technician fell backward in shock. Then he shoved the ninjas away from the boy, threatening them with his iKatana.

Oki looked up at Basu with a big smile. Basu looked down at him and grunted.