The Multi-Orgasmic Couple: Sexual Secrets Every Couple Should Know (29 page)
Read The Multi-Orgasmic Couple: Sexual Secrets Every Couple Should Know Online
Authors: Mantak Chia,Maneewan Chia,Douglas Abrams,Rachel Carlton Abrams
Without your sincere love for each other, sex is simply friction. Friction is certainly pleasurable, but it is real love that will bind your bodies together in ecstatic lovemaking for a lifetime.
their
PC
muscle. Make sure you stay present with your partner. The techniques that you learn in this book are simply that—techniques. You need to learn the techniques well enough so that you can forget them. Just as with learning to play a musical instrument, you will first need to learn each of the notes, but eventually you will be able to play from the heart. Learning to make love from the heart is the essence of Healing Love. Without your sincere love for each other, sex is simply friction. Friction is certainly pleasurable, but it is real love that will bind your bodies together in ecstatic lovemaking for a lifetime.In the next chapter, we will discuss how the compassion that you cultivate during Healing Love can deepen your spiritual relationship and your spiritual life as a whole.
CHAPTER 7
- Sexing the Spirit
In this chapter you will discover:
The Importance of Your Sexuality for Your Spiritual Growth and Spiritual Life
Energizing Morning Prayer Lovemaking
Soul-Mating and Soul Orgasms
How to Make Your Sexual Energy Most Powerful and Nourishing
How to Transform Sexual Energy into Spiritual Energy
Cultivating the Highest Form of Life Energy
The Profound Connection Between Your Relationship and the World
165
Sexuality and spirituality are inextricably linked for Taoists.
Sexual energy makes up approximately a quarter of our total life force. People who deny sexual energy lose access to this vital source of energy and vitality for their life
and
their spiritual growth.Sexuality and spirituality are inextricably linked for Taoists. For this reason sexuality is seen as an essential part of the spiritual path. In the West, we have torn ourselves in two: a fleshy, sinful body and an immaterial, saintly soul. For the Taoists this separation is artificial. Indeed, Taoist sexuality allows us to experience an embodied, palpable spirituality. The soul itself is said to reside at the navel in the abdomen, and it is believed that high levels of orgasmic energy allow the soul to emerge. You probably didn’t hear
that
in Sunday school.For Taoists, sexual energy is sacred. Whenever we are aroused, whenever we are having sex, we are in communion with the divine, or universal, energy. But most people do not know how to use this energy to cultivate their spiritual life.
Sadly, most of the world’s religious systems regard sex as negative or even evil and therefore try to suppress it. Even when they do not suppress it, religious traditions generally consider sex as a distraction or a hindrance along the spiritual path. Most people have been taught that they have to deny their sexuality to grow spiritually. According to the Tao, this is misguided. Sexual energy makes up approximately a quarter of our total life force. People who deny sexual energy lose access to this vital source of energy and vitality for their life
and
their spiritual growth.Morning Prayer
The Taoists developed a simple way to cultivate this vital life energy each morning, and they saw it as so essential to their spiritual as well as their physical well-being that they called it “Morning Prayer.”
We tend to think of sex as a nighttime activity and relegate our love life to the moments before we go to bed. The Taoists knew this is often not an ideal time for lovemaking because we are often exhausted from the day and our bodies long for sleep as much as for sex. While Healing Love at night before bed can be very energizing and allow us to sleep more soundly and wake more refreshed, the Taoists thought that morning lovemaking is equally if not more important for starting the day off right.
Even brief lovemaking in the morning was considered to be extremely energizing because it allows us to greet the day and its inevitable frustrations with a lighthearted and joyous spirit. Try it, and you will find that it is better than caffeine. But remember, it is essential that the man avoid ejaculating, or he will lose much of his energy.
Exer cise 25
MORNING PRAYER
Make love however you
fi
nd arousing and satisfying.As you approach orgasm or after you have had one or more orgasms, circulate the energy throughout your body with the Orgasmic Upward Draw.
Circulate the energy down to your navel with the Inner Smile.
Continue lovemaking and circulating the energy until you are sexually satis
fi
ed and physically energized.
When you are not able to practice Morning Prayer, you can always begin your day by circulating your own energy through the Inner Smile and the Orgasmic Upward Draw. Eventually you will be able to feel an energizing, even orgasmic, wave of energy anytime and anywhere. Now
that
could really improve your commute. Once you have learned to circulate energy in your own body, you are ready for soul-mating.Union: Soul-Mating and Soul Orgasms
In Exercise 19: The Orgasmic Upward Draw During Lovemaking, in chapter 5, you learned to circulate energy in your own body during lovemaking. In Soul-Mating you actually exchange energy with your partner. This experience is profoundly intimate and can lead to a feeling of union and oneness that is difficult to describe and profound to experience.
When both partners experience the intense energy exchange of Soul-Mating, they are able to feel orgasmic pleasure for many hours and to feel deeply connected to their partner even when they are apart. This is what the Taoists call a Soul Orgasm.
Because Healing Love teaches couples to circulate energy to each other beyond simple physical touch, they are able to feel this electrical connection even when they are not touching or are not together. When both partners are feeling highly orgasmic, their souls begin to emerge and can join together above their heads. Once joined beyond their physical bodies, they are able to maintain this union long after lovemaking.
Couples are able to feel orgasmic pleasure for many hours and to feel deeply connected to their partners even when they are apart.
Finding the W ay
Helpful Hints for Soul-Mating
FACE-TO-FACE: For this exercise, as in the Orgasmic Upward Draw During Lovemaking, it is best to be in a face-to-face position with most of your bodies in contact. If the woman is much lighter she should be on top; otherwise, it doesn’t matter which partner is on top. The sitting position is one of the best for exchanging sexual energy.
SEND HEALING LOVE WITH YOUR EYES: It is very helpful when you are exchanging energy to look into each other’s eyes. Through your eyes, you can send each other healing and loving energy. Remember to keep your genitals connected and hearts open at all times.
TOUCHING TONGUES TO CLOSE THE CIRCUIT: When you touch tongues, you will be closing the circuit between your bodies.
DRAWING YOUR SOULS OUT: You want to make sure that you have enough sexual energy to circulate and exchange. Wait until both of you are highly aroused but before the man is on the verge of ejaculating. If either or both of you are multi-orgasmic, you can enjoy several orgasms before soul-mating.
Soul-mating allows couples to give and receive sexual energy.
Exer cise 26
SOUL-MATING
EXCHANGING SEXUAL ENERGY AND HAVING SOUL ORGASMS
STOP: When the two of you are highly aroused, draw back slightly so that the tip of the man’s penis remains inside the entrance to the woman’s vagina. This will allow both partners to cool down.
EXHALE AND THEN CONTRACT: Each partner should exhale and then contract your
PC
muscle. Make sure that the woman’s contraction does not push the man over the edge. Often it is helpful for the man to contract first and for the woman to follow.PUMP: Pump the energy back to the sacrum and up the spine to the crown of the head by contracting your
PC
muscle and anus.SMILE: Rest and smile to the sexual organ, and let the energy continue rising up to your head.
SPIRAL: Spiral the energy in your head by rolling your eyes from side to side.
THRUST: Continue to make love, stopping to circulate the energy.
EXCHANGE: When you are ready to exchange energy, the woman should send her partner cool yin energy from her vagina and absorb hot yang energy from his penis. At the same time, the man should send his partner his hot yang energy from his penis and absorb his partner’s cool yin energy from her vagina.
CIRCULATE: Draw your partner’s energy back to your spine and up to the crown of your head (contracting your
PC
muscle if necessary).TOUCH TONGUES: Let the energy descend down the front of your head to your tongue. Touch your tongues together, which will close the circuit and allow the energy to be exchanged through your mouths as well as through your genitals.
LOVE: Bring the energy down to your heart, and exchange the healing love energy directly through your chests.
STORE: Smile as you focus on your navel and bring the energy down to your abdomen.
JOIN: Instead of leaving it in your navel as you did in the Orgasmic Upward Draw, you will keep the energy circulating around your Microcosmic Orbit and exchange it with your partner three, six, or nine times. Finally, imagine this refined, orgasmic, sexual-spiritual energy joining above your head with the energy of your partner. You can pic-ture the image of your partner and you in sexual union above your head. This will allow your soul to unite with your partner’s.
Universal Love
The Healing Love practice allows people to circulate their sexual energy and learn to multiply and expand their orgasms and their energy. In the previous chapters, you have learned how pleasurable, how healing, and how emotionally intimate this can be. You have learned how to generate sexual energy and how to transform it into physically and emotionally healing energy.
You may never have thought (or been taught) that so much joy and such profound power lay waiting in your sexual organs. Still, for the Taoists there was more. This sexual energy that you have learned to cultivate can be transformed into spiritual energy that allows you to transform yourself and your relationship—not only with your partner but also with the world.
The passion and compassion that you develop with your partner through Healing Love can profoundly affect your relationship to your partner and to others in your life. According to the Taoists, this love and ecstasy that we feel in our most intimate relationship is simply a taste of the Universal Love and the blissful oneness with the Original Force of the Universe that we can experience as we grow spiritually.
Unlike many spiritual traditions, the Tao does not valorize the spiritual benefits of Healing Love over the sexual, healing, or emotional benefits. Indeed, they are all simultaneous and complementary. We have organized the book with the spiritual practice at the end because in our bodies there is a continuum of energy from the most palpable, which is sexual energy (
ching chi
), to the most subtle, which is spiritual energy (
shen
).There is also a natural progression from our sexual life to our emotional life to our spiritual life. If we are not able to cultivate our sexual life or our emotional life before we embark on a spiritual path, we will find that our spiritual progress is often undermined by our suppressed sexual desires and emotional needs. This is the unfortunate reason that so many spiritual leaders are found to have secret sexual lives that they have forbidden for their followers. They have not yet learned to integrate their sexual and emotional lives. The Tao sees that all of us are human, even our leaders, and that we cannot escape from the fact that we are embodied creatures with physical as well as spiritual needs.
If we are not able to cultivate our sexual life or our emotional life before we embark on a spiritual path, we will
fi
nd that our spiritual progress is often undermined by our suppressed sexual desires and emotional needs.
When sexual energy and loving energy are combined, the energy becomes stable and nourishing.
Transforming Sexual Energy into Spiritual Energy
Sexual energy can be turned into spiritual energy by circulating the energy through your body along the Microcosmic Orbit that you learned about in chapter 3 and that you used to cultivate your sexual energy in prior chapters. Taoists said that circulating sexual energy through the body nine times (their sacred number) transforms it into spiritual energy. In addition, this refines the energy and makes it easier for your body to store and assimilate.
Equally important to creating spiritual energy is love. Remember, for Taoists, love is much more than an ephemeral feeling or mental construct. It is a bodily energy that is centered at the heart. When sexual energy (from your genitals) and loving and compassionate energy (from your heart) are combined, the energy becomes stable and nourishing. This energy will allow you, your relationship to your partner, and your relationship to the world to deepen and grow spiritually.
Compassion and the Virtues of Our Spiritual Life
The quality of our energy (chi) is just as important as the quantity. While the practices in this book will allow you to expand the energy in your life man-ifold, it is essential that this energy be positive rather than negative. The way to expand our positive energy is through cultivating our emotional and spiritual qualities, or what the Taoists called the Virtues. We discussed this briefly in the last chapter, on cultivating the positive emotions in our romantic relationship. In this section, we will expand on this discussion and explain the importance of cultivating these positive qualities in our life and relationships overall.
The Taoists believed that we are all born with the virtues of love, gentleness, kindness, respect, honesty, fairness, justice, and righteousness. These are actually the positive qualities of our emotions, and, characteristically for the embodied perspective of the Taoists, these qualities are all connected with the bodily organs. When we are expressing these virtues our life force energy (chi) flows smoothly and efficiently. If we neglect to cultivate these virtues, however, we run the risk of channeling our additional sexual energy directly into our negative emotions, exacerbating any negative or neurotic tendency we may have. (Keep in mind that we usually exude the emotional energies that are most prevalent within us.)
While we are born virtuous, emotions such as fear, anger, cruelty, impatience, worry, sadness, and grief are inevitable as we grow up. These emotions, if left to fester, can damage our health and weaken our immune system. Modern medicine now acknowledges that the presence of negative emotions like anger and fear can wear down the body’s immune system before any clinical evidence of disease appears. These emotions can also pollute our individual relationships and our overall relationship with the world.
Some spiritual traditions urge us to get rid of these negative emotions and negative energy. Just as the Taoist practice does not suppress sexuality and sexual energy, it does not try to suppress these negative emotions and this negative energy. Negative emotions are a natural and inevitable part of being human, like day and night, hot and cold, or black and white. We can no more escape this emotional garbage than we can escape creating actual garbage. For Taoists, it is all energy. Their solution was to recycle these negative emotions and this negative energy into positive emotions and positive or virtuous energy. There is valuable energy in our negative emotions, just as there is great energy in our recycled garbage. For Taoists, nothing is wasted.
In the last chapter, you learned how to recycle and cultivate your negative emotions and negative energy into positive emotions and positive energy. By transforming hate into love, sadness and depression into courage, worry into openness, fear into gentleness, and anger into kindness, we literally detoxify our body, our emotions, and our spirit.
Cultivating Compassion
For the Taoists, compassion is the highest expression of human emotion and virtuous energy. Compassion is not a single virtue but the culmination of all virtues, expressed at any given moment as a blend of fairness, kindness, gentleness, honesty, respect, courage, and love. When a person is compassionate he or she has the power to express any or all of these virtues at the appropriate moment.
It should be pointed out that compassion is often misunderstood to be based on sympathy. According to the Tao, sympathy is a weakness individuals show when they are easily affected by the emotions of others. Compassion is more closely related to empathy, which is a superior state that can acknowledge the emotional outpourings of others without being thrown off balance by them. The difference between empathy and compassion, however, is that compassion is not seen as an emotion or a feeling but as a higher state of consciousness that naturally radiates the best human qualities. In short, the Taoists regarded compassion as the finest form of life energy.
By transforming hate into love, sadness and depression into courage, worry into openness, fear into gentleness, and anger into kindness, we literally detoxify our body, our emotions, and our spirit.
With compassion, one can love unconditionally and thereby accept the
world on its own terms without suffering.
Before we can truly open our heart and the rest of ourselves to our partner and to others in our life, we must make sure that we transform the negative emotions that we carry and cultivate compassion for ourselves, our partner, and others in our life. As you cultivate self-love and love for your partner, you can also take this love into the rest of your life. With compassion, one can love unconditionally and thereby accept the world on its own terms without suffering.
As you do “The Compassion Cycle” exercise below, remember to relax and breathe. Relaxing and breathing deeply will allow your body to open and make it easier for you to circulate and join the energies in your body. (For the location of your organs,
see illustration on p. 162
.)Exer cise 27
THE COMPASSION CYCLE
YOUR HEART: Start by focusing on your heart. Smile to your heart, and let it feel soft and loving. With your mind, spiral this energy of love in your heart.
YOUR KIDNEYS: Now move your awareness to your kidneys (on your back opposite your navel on both sides of the spine). Smile to them, and let a feeling of gentleness rise up to your heart. Spiral this energy in your heart so that it blends with the energy of love already there.
YOUR LIVER: Now move your awareness to your liver (on your right-hand side under your rib cage). Smile to it, and let the feeling of kindness rise up to your heart. Spiral this energy in your heart so that it blends with the rest of the energy there.
YOUR HEART AGAIN: Now become aware of your heart again. Smile to it, and this time feel love, joy, and happiness. Spiral this energy in your heart so that it blends with the rest of the energy there.
YOUR SPLEEN: Now move your awareness to your spleen (on your left-hand side under your rib cage). Smile to it and let the feeling of openness and fairness rise up to your heart. Spiral this energy in your heart so that it blends with the rest of the energy.
YOUR LUNGS: Finally, move your awareness to your lungs. Smile to them, and let the feelings of courage and righteousness flow to your heart. Spiral this energy in your heart so that it blends with the rest of the energy and together becomes compassion energy.
- Sexing the Spirit