The Navy's Ghost (Bad Boys of Beta Squad) (8 page)

“I need
the Tylenol now.”

“Shit.
” Magic clenched his fists, desperate to do something. Anything.

“What is it, Chief
?” Deli stood at his shoulder, dark brown eyes full of worry.

“Fever’s spiking, blood pressure’s low.”

“Is it bad?”

“It’s bad.”

“What are we gonna do?” Deli asked.

“Nothing. Just wait,”
Killian said, his gaze on the swarm of white around Brickman.

“Wait and pray,” Magic
said. He already was.

Chapter
Six

Jim strode swiftly around the campus of the
Coronado Medical Center, his mind churning as strongly as his legs. Not completely unaware, his mind processed his surroundings and dismissed the details as unimportant as compared to the issue of Ghost and Magic, and intimacy with them both.

I can’t do this! Dad
said it was wrong. I can’t disobey Dad.

The voice continued in an unbroken litany of fear and the need for attention.
The whiney voice of the teenager he’d been while living with his tyrannical father turned his stomach. Always striving for Sgt. Waters’ attention and approval, Jim had banished the boy as soon as he’d joined the Navy.

But the fear of punishment ran deep.

He’d always had needs, dark needs he’d tried to keep hidden. In the early days, it had been difficult. Hard copy photographic evidence couldn’t be kept at home, but with random locker searches at school, he had to become creative and careful. The occurrence of the internet had helped. His father had refused to learn the computer and Jim figured out how to hide his searches, memorizing the URLs rather than writing them down.

Still, his father had found some of the magazines depicting two men taking a woman and his rage had boiled over. Sgt. Waters had called
Jim perverted, demented, depraved and forbidden him to ever look at them again. He’d burned the magazines in the metal garbage can and made Jim watch to be sure they went up in smoke.

James Sr. swore he was a freak, a fag, a rump
jockey and no son of his would ever be interested in fucking with other men. Normal men never shared their women and only weak, sick bastards allowed another man to touch what was theirs. Just because he’d seen a woman in the photos didn’t mean anything. The men were still fucking each other
through
her and he’d be damned if such smut ever became associated with the Waters name.

“Goddammit, shut the fuck up!” Jim growled under his breath, pushing his body faster.

He’d forced his needs away, telling himself he didn’t
really
need to share a woman with anyone despite the satisfaction he’d found in the acceptance of the ménage community. But his father’s approval and regard had been too important, so he locked the desires away and refused to acknowledge the lust each time he saw images of a double-penetration or a man-wich. He’d tried to walk the sexual straight and narrow.

Until now. Until his best friend and the woman he loved dangled this huge,
illicit carrot in front of him.

“Fuck!”

Jim’s lust and desires had roared to the forefront of his mind and he’d started to sweat. What would his father say if he found out? A groan pushed out of his chest. He had to stay away from them. Away from the two closest people in his life because they asked for the forbidden.

Freak!
Fag! Demented, depraved man-whore!

His father’s
roar drove his legs faster until Jim broke into a fast jog, trying to smother the derisive voice in his head with the impacts of his feet against the pavement.

“Shut up!”

His deep snarl startled a couple of joggers running the opposite direction and they veered away from him, taking a side street.

I
have to obey Dad. Dad is right. I’m wrong. I’m demented. These needs are wrong!

The little boy’s voice screamed along with James Sr.

“Shut up! Shut up! Shuddup!” Jim howled as he shot off across the grounds, heading directly for the duck pond. If he had to, he’d drown the voices in the water. He’d only found safety, acceptance, and strength in the water. Where he had a team of men around him, supporting and needing him for his strengths and abilities.

Yeah, I love Dihydrogen Monoxide, too.

Chris’s voice made him skid to a stop just at the edge of the pond. Her voice always took away the recriminations from both his father and the little boy inside. She’d been so small and fragile looking when she’d started BUD/S training, but she’d been full of determination and vigor, outlasting eighty percent of the men who’d tried to become a SEAL.

Jim dropped his head and put his hands on his hips, breathing deeply in great gulps, trying
to slow his heartbeat. Christiana Brickman had captured his attention from the beginning, but she’d captured his heart over the four years she’d been in Bravo Squad.
Now Beta Squad because she said we’re mo’betta
. She’d never belittled him and he’d been convinced she’d silence the dark needs forever. If he could be with her alone, he’d never need to share ever again.

Now she
asked him for what he’d learned to hate and fear.

Put out or ring out, Waters.
Are you man enough to handle it?

Jim grit
ted his teeth and shook his head.

“I don’t know, Ghost,” he whispered to the black water before his toes.

Stars appeared in the ruffled surface of the pond, winking uncertainly in the shifting waves. A gentle breeze caressed his head and cheeks, but he barely noticed it through the morass of uncertainty and need.

God, she’d offered everything he’d
desired. Her love, her heart,
and
the opportunity to share her with another man he respected and liked.

Not
that
way.

His skittish mind reassured him he was
not
gay. Yet, being honest, and careful, he could admit to loving Todd “Magic” Hunter like a brother. Jim trusted Todd in almost everything. If he got injured in a mission, he’d trust Magic to patch him up. He’d trust the medic to cover his back, take care of his house when out of town. Hell, even to drive his truck.

Yeah, but can I trust him not to break my faith or turn Chris against me? Can I trust him to share without deceit or
derision?

Todd
seemed okay with it. They’d both been surprised when Ghost stated her need for both of them. He’d watched Todd’s expression carefully to see if any disgust showed at the idea, but the man played poker like an expert and hadn’t shown anything, a hard lesson learned for Jim’s wallet.

He said he wanted to screw Chris with me. He said it turned him on.

Yeah, he’d said it where no one else could hear them talking. Would Magic acknowledge it in public? Would he be able to face family and friends when they found out?

Jim raked his hands through his hair, absently noting he needed to get it cut.

Goddammit all to hell.

Jim could neve
r tell anyone and the idea of hiding the relationship soured his gut. He’d already tried it for years and he couldn’t do it anymore. Not even for Chris.

“I’m sorry, Ghost,” he whispered as he raised his gaze to the well-lit building. “I’m not that man. I c
an’t be what you want me to be.” Fortunately, she had Magic. He loved her as much as Jim did.
More probably, ’cause he’s willing to share her. But I can’t.
“I’m really sorry, sweetheart.”

He’d
have to tell her face-to-face. Jim couldn’t take the coward’s way out and write her a note. Bad enough he couldn’t accept her offer. At least he could decline it in person. His heart ached and sickness curdled his stomach, but he’d do the right thing for all of them. He gathered his composure around him like armor and reached into his pocket for his phone, powering it back on. He’d needed the time alone and shut it off, despite orders to the contrary.

The little silver device trilled its start-up tune as he retraced his
steps toward the Medical Center. He hadn’t gone far when it beeped imperatively, signaling a text message. He flipped it open and recognized Magic’s number.

Where the fuck are you? Get your ass back to
hospital, on the double!

Jim broke into a run, fear ramping up in his guts. What the hell had happened?

His phone beeped again and he found four more text messages and two voice mails. Shit! All of them said the same thing: Get back to Ghost’s room. Something was wrong.

Jim couldn’t wait for the elevator, damn near breaking the door to the stairs in his hurry. He took the steps two at a time and crashed through the doorway to the floor, fear and self-recriminations flagellating his insides.

He dodged nurses and medical equipment as he slowed his pace to a trot, searching for Magic. He found Todd and the rest of Beta Squad overfilling the chairs and couches in the tiny waiting room at the end of the hallway, their faces stern and their shoulders hunched.

“What’s going on, Hunter?” he barked, wincing at the volume of his voice in the q
uiet room. “Give me the report, Chief.” He retreated into his role as commanding officer to disguise his love for Chris.

“It’s Ghost
.” Todd shot him a disgusted look. “She has a bad infection, a high fever, and low blood pressure. They’ve stabilized her for now, but Dr. Meecham says she’s not fighting it. She’s just letting it kick her ass.”

“Why the hell would Ghost
give up?” Anger overrode Jim’s fear.

“
I have no idea.”

He’d decided
to let Chris go, but he hadn’t meant in this way. Death would
not
win this battle.

“Can we go in to see her?”

“She’s asleep, Retro.” Killian shrugged, his youthful face lined with fatigue.

“Have we been barred from the room?”

“No, sir. Not that we’ve heard.” Bronco rubbed the scar along his cheekbone and worry flashed in his pale blue eyes.

“Where’s the
lieutenant commander? Has he been notified?”

“Yes, sir.
He’s on his way from a strategy session,” Deli said.

“Good. Hunter, you’re with me. Rubenovich and Andrews, stay here and update the
Commander when he arrives. Killian and Stanton, I need you to run interference outside Ghost’s room. I don’t want to be disturbed.”

“What are you going to do, sir?” Killian asked as he shot to his feet.

“I’m gonna drag Brickman out of her pity party and remind her she’s a SEAL.”

They followed him dow
n the hallway silently, but Jim tried to ignore Todd’s eyes burning into his back the whole way. Dammit, why would she give up now? She’d gotten through Hell Week and four years of ungodly missions.
What the hell does she think she’s doing, quitting?
Over his dead body and possibly those of several more terrorists if he had anything to say about it.

Killian and Stanton rested against the wall across from the
door as Jim and Todd went through it, closing it quietly behind them. Before Jim could take another step, Todd grabbed his shoulder and jerked him around, his gray eyes blazing with fury.

“What’s going on, Waters?
What the hell do you think you’re gonna do?”

“Just what I said I’d do.” Jim jerked
his shoulder from the other man’s grip. “I’m gonna remind her SEALs don’t quit or give up.”

“She needs rest.
She has next to no blood pressure and her fever was off the charts.” Todd grabbed Jim’s arm again. “You can’t bully her into better health.”

“Wanna bet?”

He threw Magic off and snagged one of the chairs, dragging it loudly over to the bed. He heard his friend curse behind him, but his attention riveted on Chris. Her face glowed with the fever working through her body, her eyes sunken and bruised. Damn. How had she gotten so bad so quickly? He’d just seen her a couple of hours before and she seemed okay then.

Hadn’t she?

“Ensign,” he called softly, “I need you to focus on my words, ’cause I’m only gonna say this once. You with me, Ensign?”

“
Don’t be stupid, Retro,” Todd said from her other side, but Jim didn’t look up. “She’s not gonna respond and she has to rest.”

“Back me up or get out,
Magic!” Jim wished he could scrub away the sight of Chris’s bruised face. “I’m not gonna give up on her. Why are you so willing to let her go?”

Todd stared back at him with
concern and anger rippling through his expression, but he clamped his lips together and sat down, taking Chris’s other hand. Jim tried to ignore the irony of his question, shoving his answer away in the face of Chris’s fight. Dammit, if she wouldn’t fight for herself, he’d fight for her.

“
Ensign Brickman, I don’t want to hear excuses.” He tried to make his voice compelling. “You telling me you’re tired? You telling me you’re scared? You’re too hot? Well, pull yourself out of it, SEAL. You have to think outside the box to make it through this. There isn’t such a thing as giving up in the SEALs. We get the job done no matter what shit comes up. Do you hear me, Brickman?”

Jim waited a few heartbeats, pushing the panic away from his mind. It wouldn’t help him or Chris. He’d freak out later when
he had time.

“Do you hear me,
Ensign?”

“Waters!”
Magic’s fists tightened.