The Next Thing on My List (29 page)

‘ If you were about to get a baby, is that how you’ d feel? Scared?’

‘ Sure. A little.’

‘ But mostly you’ d be thrilled, right?’

‘ Yeah.’

‘ I’ m not. Not at all. I’ m either pretending it’ s not going to happen, or I’ m giving myself a pep talk. Trying to convince myself it’ s going to be all right. That I’ ll be fine once the baby shows up. But then tonight when I heard you talk about everything you’ ve been through to have a baby, I couldn’ t pretend anymore. I’ m not ready to be a mom. At least not on my own. Not this way.’

Ever since I’ d said good night to Bob a few hours before, my mind had been reeling. The growing feeling of unease that had started when I forgot Deedee’ s due date couldn’ t be ignored anymore. This wasn’ t a task that I was crossing off a list. It was a baby-a soon-to-be living, breathing baby. I’ d been preparing to grit my teeth and go through with the adoption. Suddenly I realized how wrong it would be. Sure, I’ d be a better parent than a fourteen-year-old girl, but not much better. Yet I couldn’ t leave Deedee in the lurch with only a month to go. She’ d made plans with her life. Walking into her house on Saturday and saying, ‘ I’ ve changed my mind,’  was unthinkable. But telling her I’ d found a better situation-a couple who I knew for certain would give her baby girl everything she deserved to have-that I could do.

‘ You’ re serious about this,’  Bob said.

‘ As a heart attack.’

A smile crept across his face. ‘ You know, Charlotte might go for this. The thought that there’ s a baby who needs her-one who’ d otherwise be stuck with a mom who’ s only doing it because she said she would, not because she has any real interest.’

‘ I’ m not that bad,’  I said defensively.

‘ Whatever. What I’ m saying is, I couldn’ t come up with any other way to convince Charlotte to adopt, but this might work. She was good and pissed that you were getting a baby. She kept talking about how she would be so much better a mother to that baby than you could ever be. How it deserved two parents, not one who can barely manage to keep a plant alive, much less a child. This would be her chance to prove it.’

I was half about to rescind my offer, insulted as I was, when I realized my brother was already dialing his cell phone.

‘ Sugarplum, it’ s me& . I’ m fine& . Yes, I know I suck for taking off and it’ s the middle of the night, but listen& ‘  And he went on to propose the idea. He’ d been right-it didn’ t take a great deal of arm-twisting to get Charlotte to agree with this new plan. In fact, when he said the baby was due in a month, I could hear her squeal through the phone.

Over the next half hour on the phone, we made arrangements for Bob to go back to San Diego and pick up Charlotte, who was already saying she’ d be willing to relocate to Los Angeles if that’ s what it took. They’ d come up Saturday morning and go to Deedee’ s with me. She’ d have a chance to meet them, and if all went well, we could arrange to switch over the adoption papers right there. I could practically hear Charlotte decorating the nursery as we spoke, and I’ d be willing to bet anything she had names picked out.

Before he hung up, Bob said quietly, ‘ Char, it’ s so incredible. After all the waiting, this could be it.’

FRIDAY AFTERNOON, Martucci came into my office with a box of Matchbox cars left over from a promotion we’ d run last year. ‘ What did you want these for?’

‘ Just in the nick of time! They’ re for my meeting with Bigwood at three o’ clock.’  As I grabbed the box, I looked at him and said, ‘ Hey, there’ s something different about you. What is it?’

‘ That’ s perfect the way you said that. Bigwood will eat it up. Imitation is the sincerest form of flattery, you know.’

‘ I mean it! You look different.’

He shrugged me off. ‘ So tell me why you wanted these cars.’

I showed him the four-by-six-foot 3-D freeway map I’ d spent most of the morning making. I was especially pleased with the way my clay foothills had turned out.

Martucci grimaced. ‘ Your fifth-grade science project?’

‘ It’ s so I can demonstrate the freeway race. See, I’ ll take the cars and go vroom-vroom like this’ -I took two toy cars and set them on my model-’ and the one in the carpool lane will win.’

Martucci was silent, which had me worried. He wasn’ t one to hold back.

‘ What?’

‘ Nothing.’

‘ Tell me.’

‘ All right. That is the stupidest thing I’ ve ever seen.’

Slumping, I groaned, ‘ It’ s the best I could do. Troy Jones was supposed to help me do a live race on real freeways, but he bailed.’

‘ Why didn’ t you ask me to do it?’

Good question. Why hadn’ t I asked? Maybe it was because he didn’ t have a spiffy race outfit like Troy said he’ d wear.

‘ Oh, it would be wonderful if you could-’

‘ Too late. I didn’ t drive in today, and the motor home’ s off getting washed.’

‘ Then I’ m back to the science project.’  I sighed. ‘ Because I’ m sure not going to stand there and talk about my idea.’

‘ Why not?’

‘ Phyllis told me that I had to wow Bigwood. She said that’ s what he expects-wowing.’

‘ I agree, but a race is a race. You can describe it in a sentence-only a moron wouldn’ t get it. You’ re missing the point. A race isn’ t what you’ re selling Bigwood.’

‘ Oh yeah? What am I selling?’

Martucci crossed his arms and leaned on the edge of my desk. ‘ You.’

‘ Then I’ m doomed.’  When he rolled his eyes at me, I said, ‘ I’ m serious. I already tried that before-I wrote a big proposal with all kinds of ideas saying why I was so great, and he gave my job to Lizbeth.’

‘ I doubt Bigwood ever read your proposal. Even if he did-and don’ t take this the wrong way-I don’ t blame him for skipping you over before.’

‘ Thanks a lot!’

‘ It’ s true. Frankly, you didn’ t seem that excited about anything-like you were just going through the motions. I always got the impression that you were only here because you didn’ t have anywhere else to go.’

‘ Well, that’ s not how I felt. You didn’ t know me.’

‘ Except for Susan, I don’ t think anybody knew you.’

It was hard to have a comeback for that.

‘ So what you need to do,’  he continued, ‘ is make Bigwood aware that June Parker is a force to be reckoned with. That you’ ve got a track record. You’ ve got ideas. You’ ve got balls.’

‘ I don’ t know if I can do that.’

He slapped my arm. ‘ Sure you can. Take him out for drinks-he’ s a bourbon man, by the way. Show him the clips of your interviews from the gas giveaway.’

‘ You want me to remind him about that fiasco?’

‘ I want you to show him that you’ re cool under pressure.’

‘ Well,’  I hedged, ‘ I guess I could get the interview files from Brie. And she has a portable DVD player. I could pack it up and take Bigwood to the Brass Monkey.’

‘ That’ s the spirit. And whatever you do, don’ t let him pick up the check, however hard he tries. Wrestle him to the floor if you have to. Paying is a sign of dominance.’

‘ Got it.’

‘ Good. But out of curiosity, why is this promotion such a big deal to you now? I’ d figure with you about to be on the mommy track, you’ d be laying low.’

‘ For one thing, you’ re being sexist,’  I admonished. ‘ A woman can have both a career and a family. Secondly’ -I picked an imaginary piece of lint off my shirt so I didn’ t have to meet his eyes-’ I’ m not going to adopt the baby after all.’

‘ Sorry, I didn’ t realize. Something go wrong?’

‘ Only that I changed my mind.’

‘ Then it’ s a good thing, right? You can go back to your wild single ways.’

‘ Yeah, well, as far as that goes, the rumor that I was going to be a mom scared off my major prospect,’  I said glumly. When Martucci looked at me confused, I said, ‘ Troy. As soon as I told him that I was going to adopt a baby, he took off.’

‘ Ah. I see.’

‘ It’ s so frustrating. I felt as if the list were helping me figure out my life. I thought, Aha! It’ s a relationship and kids that have been missing. But it must not be those things-otherwise I wouldn’ t have let my chance for them get away.’

‘ Come on. There are plenty more chances.’

‘ I suppose, but I’ m still bummed. Deep down, I’ d hoped the list would have a bigger impact& that it would help me identify what I truly wanted.’

‘ At least maybe you’ ll realize what you deserve.’

‘ Such as& ?’

‘ Sure as hell more than a guy who’ d bolt the second you brought up the idea of a baby.’

‘ Yeah, Susan said pretty much the same thing.’

‘ She’ s right. You deserve better& somebody who gets you for who you are-whether you have a kid or not. Or a dozen kids, for that matter. Believe me, some men would find it very sexy all that you’ ve been taking on.’

‘ Aw, garsh, Martucci,’  I said. Laughing, I grabbed him in a hug. As his arms closed around me, I glanced over his shoulder, and-knock me over with a feather-who should be standing in the opening of my cubicle but Troy.

‘ Hey, June,’  he said, holding up his hand hesitantly in a wave. He was dressed in a racing jacket over a shirt and tie.

I pulled away from Martucci, flummoxed. What was Troy doing here?

‘ I-I thought you couldn’ t make it,’  I sputtered.

‘ You didn’ t get my message?’

He and Martucci shook hands hello while I tried to dredge up the memory of Troy’ s phone call. I’ d been listening to it when my brother showed up at the door. It had seemed so obvious that Troy was canceling, I’ d never bothered to play the whole thing.

‘ It got cut off,’  I said, aiming as close to the truth as I dared to get. ‘ So& what did it say?’

‘ That I’ d be here today unless you called to let me know you didn’ t want me to come. And also’ -he glanced self-consciously at Martucci-’ I tried to explain why I left Vegas so fast.’

‘ Oh.’

Did Troy just say there was an explanation for his hasty retreat-or was that the sound of the two sides of my brain opening and clapping shut?

Martucci, hands in his pockets, ambled away toward the hallway, pausing by my cubicle opening. ‘ Well, Parker, guess you’ re back to plan A. Good luck.’

I glanced at my watch. Fifteen minutes to go until my meeting. The race would certainly be flashy-especially with Troy looking every bit the pro-but Martucci’ s words rang in my mind. What was I going for? Did I want to sell Bigwood on the idea of a race& or did I have the guts to pitch myself?

Turning to Troy, I said, ‘ I feel bad making you come all this way, but I’ ve decided on a different plan.’

‘ No race, then?’

I shook my head.

‘ Oh& okay. Not a problem. But‘  Again I saw his eyes shift toward Martucci. ‘ If you’ ve got a second, I’ d like to talk about& a few things& .’

I wanted to hear what he had to say, but not with minutes to go before my presentation. I needed to find Brie and burn the files of my interviews onto a disc. I needed to eat something bready if I was going to be drinking bourbon. After that, without anyone watching, I could scurry home and play the message to find out what Troy’ s reason was for letting me down. Maybe it was a valid one-and if it was, well, then who knew?

‘ I wish I could,’  I said, ‘ but right now I’ ve got to run.’

‘ I’ ll let you go, then,’  Troy said, and it seemed he wasn’ t surprised by my reaction. Even though he was standing there in his race regalia, he looked as though he’ d expected it. He added worriedly, ‘ You still coming to the party on Tuesday?’

‘ Wouldn’ t miss it,’  I assured him. ‘ Martucci’ s coming, too& and Brie& and a few other friends who’ ve been helping me with the list. Your mom said for me to invite as many people as I wanted, so I invited.’

He laughed then and said, ‘ Sounds good. She keeps calling it a little get-together, but it gets bigger every time I turn around. Pretty soon we’ re going to have to rent the Convention Center.’

After Troy left, I handed Martucci his box of cars back. ‘ Okay, I’ m facing Bigwood on my own,’  I said. ‘ You’ d better be right about this.’

‘ When are you going to accept the fact that I’ m always right?’

TWO HOURS AND three bourbons later, I tottered back into the office. Most everyone had left for the weekend. I stopped by Susan’ s office, getting there as she was about to switch off her lights and leave. ‘ I was worried I was going to miss you!’  she exclaimed. ‘ Sooooooo? How’ d it go?’

‘ Let’ s just say that I astounded even myself.’

I must have slurred, because she smiled. ‘ He talked you into the third drink, huh?’

‘ Yes, not that it matters. I already had him eating out of my hand by that point.’

‘ I’ ll bet you did. Is the job yours?’

‘ He says he’ s restructuring, so the job as it was doesn’ t exist anymore, but he’ s definitely promoting me. He loved the race idea& although’ -I reminded myself to give Martucci a piece of my mind later-’ it took him a while to get what I was talking about. He said he wished he had a visual.’  Fifth-grade science project indeed.

‘ Well, congratulations! I’ d offer to take you out for a celebratory drink, but I’ ve got to pick the kids up-I’ m already running late. You rode the bus in today, didn’ t you? You want a ride home?’

‘ No, thanks.’

‘ You sure? We could do dinner at my house if you don’ t mind Burger King-I promised the boys.’

‘ I’ m sure. All I want to do is go home and veg out. This past week has been insane, and Bob and Charlotte are going to be at my place at nine o’ clock tomorrow to go over a few last-minute things before we see Deedee.’

‘ That’ s right. Oh, June, it’ s so incredible that things are working out this way.’

‘ It’ s not a done deal yet,’  I reminded her. ‘ Deedee still has to say yes.’

‘ She will.’

After promising Susan that I’ d call if I needed anything, I went straight to Martucci’ s office. I was barely in the door when he said, ‘ Hmm, I forgot to warn you that he’ d try to talk you into a third drink.’

Okay, I hadn’ t even spoken yet, so I figured I must really reek of alcohol. ‘ Aren’ t you going to ask how it went?’

‘ With that kittenish smile you’ re giving me? I’ m afraid you’ re about to tell me he made you my boss.’